When Ramen Attacks

HEY! I've been updating like crazy on four of my stories all the while balancing other things too! Sorry… lol!

Caution: Don't read this… I mean seriously DO NOT READ THIS STORY! It may cause: blindness, hyperactivity, holes in your walls and other numerous types of severe convulsion like attacks! This story is not recommended for people over the age of 400 and under the age of… GOD! As my previous warnings read… ((I still don't see how you got this far)) We are not responsible I any way shape or form for the following: Gluttony letting one rip next to you in a small confined space, Edo-bozu attacking you by scratching your eyes out, Roy-taisa running at you naked, Riza-dono humming the mission impossible theme song next to you bedroom window while hanging from a fishing rod, the Statue of Liberty falling on your head, a giant tsunami crashing down and wiping out the face of the planet or severe bodily harm caused by attempting to find a sure way to relieve oneself of the hiccups.

Thank You,

Ropponmatsu VI and Co.

Health Warning: This story contains severe allergic reactions, singing monkeys, dancing naked people, the Macarena, Scarlett O-Hara, Edward Elric and Alphonse Elric. It also contains numerous dangerous diseases such as laughing until you piss your pants, laughing until you throw up or just plain laughing until you choke and die… Ramen noodles are demanding their rights! The packages are storming out onto the streets! THEY WANT THEIR RIGHTS! It also contains these delightful doodoos: Roy Mustang, a large rubber duck, the Trojan bunny, a man-eating caterpillar, a haggis, a sheep looking for its stomach, a sick and twisted woman, appearing in chapter 4! And of course the usual assortment of dodo's who reside in my realm…

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

EARLIER:

"Baka-taisa…" The cat said, in Edo-kun's voice.

"Edo-bozu?" The man asked and suddenly the cat became extremely upset, fussing and hissing.

"THIS ISSS YOUR FAULT!" Ed meowled. Roy looked at him and smiled.

"It is? Really? I didn't know that you could change into a cat Ed…" Roy-taisa told him and Ed growled…

Edo-kun crossed his new fuzzy arms. He was standing on Roy's desk. Roy was trying to hold in tears of laughter, his gloved hand over his mouth.

"Sir, what is goin---" Riza opened the door then saw the kitty-bozu. "On?" She raised an eyebrow and both Al and Roy burst into laughter.

"That baka-taisa turned me into a cat." Edo-kun growled, his long yellow tail curling.

"Ba-baka-taisa…" Riza chuckled. Suddenly the entire room was filled with the lieutenants and the warrant officer. Breda, Hughes, Fury, Ross, Bloch, Havoc, Falman and Armstrong forced themselves into the room (Armstrong with much difficulty).

"LOOK AT IT!" Fury eyed the cat curiously as Ross hugged it.

"PUT ME DOWN!" Ed meowed.

"HUH?" Everyone leaned in to look at the cat as Maria put it down.

"Edward?" Al looked at him.

"I DON'T WANT TO BE TOUCHED! IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT THIS BAKA-TAISA CHANGED ME INTO A CAT IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

ELSEWHERE, IN THE CITY OF F

"MuSt HaVe FoOd!" Eh-Chan looked around the apartment for something to eat, she was foaming at the mouth.

"Eh-Chan? Are you alright?" El-Chan asked.

"Ha-ChAn Is MiSsInG!" Eh-Chan said and dragged herself to the fridge. A huge 'ZAP' sound came from the living room and 12 people fell through the ceiling into the room where El-Chan was sitting. She screamed and Roy looked up her skirt.

"Who're you guys?" El-Chan shouted. Ed sat up and looked at his hands… erm paws.

"I'M STILL A CAT!"

'CHOMP!' Eh-Chan chomped down on Breda's arm. "WhAt ArE tHeY? cAn We EaTs It?" Excel asked.

"AAAHHH!" Breda screamed like a little girl and climbed up on top of the cabinet. Pulling his gun out he warded off the hungry Excel by poking her with it… until she bit the barrel off.

"Where in the hell are we?" Riza groaned and looked up, Roy was on top of her. Her face turned red and she shoved him off.

"I believe that we are not in Central anymore." Maria looked around the room.

"Wha-what is that? WHERE ARE MY CIGARETTES?" Havoc began to search his pockets then reached into Roy's pockets. Roy felt this and made a face, his left eye twitching.

"HAVOC WILL YOU PLEASE STOP MOLESTING ME!" Roy pulled his glove out of his pocket and snapped his fingers, blasting flames at the lieutenant.

"'pheh' Yes…. Sir" The now crusty and roasted lieutenant saluted. It was then that everyone noticed that his back was still untouched.

"StEaK!" Excel crawled over to Havoc and began knawing on his leg.

Everyone in the room was silent until there was a strangled cry from Fury. He was in the kitchen and had opened the fridge. There was not a single piece of food in the house.

Suddenly there was a Tarzan sound from inside the cabinet. Ed's head suddenly hung out of the cabinet, in his paw was a single package of Ramen.

"RaMeN…" Everyone turned towards him.

"RUN!" Ed took off through the cabinets and then launched himself out the door. He bunched himself up and kicked off his shoes running down the street. Suddenly he hit the bottom of the stairs to the second floor, the entire street was flooded… the cat-boy turned around to face the 12 starving people… Roy snarled like a wild dog and jumped on Ed, starting a huge fight. That continued on.

Elsewhere

A girl –cough-Jordan-cough- is being kidnapped, the man shoots her but she keeps talking until her brain explodes…

Back in F City

Ed sits down in the hallway, the Ramen is safe… for now…

"Now… C'mere Ramen…" Ed's claws slash through the package and suddenly a glazed faced Excel swings by on a rope, shouting something about rubber duckies. And snatches the package out of his paws.

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