Chapter 10
"Severus, lets just be honest. If we are going to put on a show for these people, we HAVE to touch each other. What, am I covered in boils? Just hold my hand and smile, dammit.."
We had been at this for an hour. A solid freaking hour and we were hung up on the physical contact thing. At least HE was hung up on the physical contact thing. I was having much bigger problems, which of course Severus knew and that amused him to no end.
"Nymphadora, I have no problem what so ever holding your hand. I will have a much larger problem having my feet flattened on the dance floor. Do you honestly think that you are going to be able to pull off the moves that we have seen in THOSE shoes? Between the shoes and your ever expanding posterior (what a git!) I'm amazed that you will be able to make it out the door. Plus the fact that I'm sure the costume that you will be wearing will leave VERY little to the imagination. So lets just have a look at the tally sheet, shall we? Shoes that would make Fitwick get a fear of heights, massive 'junk in the trunk' to quote that Ridiculous video that we had to watch and basically well placed patches that YOU are going to have to keep in place while gyrating on a packed dance floor. Never mind the fact that you are going to have to be consuming alcohol to keep up appearances. And you EXPECT me to 'hold your hand'? Let me let you in on a little secret. We are going to have to do much more than hold hands for these cameras. From our little crash course in muggle celebrity, we are going to have to fawn all over each other…."
I was getting angrier by the second, which was not improving my balance.
"OK, so you have established that I am going to be mostly naked, drunk and unable to walk more than 10 ft without falling on my large ass. Unless you are not interested in women, I can't see where this situation would be bad for you in any way. You get to see a former student, an AUROR no less, act like a buffoon. You can't lose! This is just what you enjoy, right? Too see people in uncomfortable situations so you can tear them down? Well, my man, today is your lucky day! Keep on with the sarcasm, jokes and general mean comments, I'm truly not interested. I just want us to GET THIS RIGHT..."
I supposed he didn't get the hint that I was unhappy with his attitude.
"Oh, don't you worry about me, Nymphadora. I believe that I HAVE my moves down…"
I was looking for a blunt object to hurl when Albus joined us holding our outfits.
"Well, I'm glad to see that you two have been making progress…"
I'm pretty sure that we both rolled our eyes
"…So here are your outfits and we need to get Severus made up for his 'big entrance' (for some reason, Albus thought this was extremely funny and chuckled throughout). If I may see you for a moment outside, Nymphadora."
I followed Albus outside while Snape started to remove his jacket for his primping. I was just about to ask Albus who on earth would be brave enough to attempt to "assist" Snape in his personal hygiene, but then I noticed several house elves (imported from Hogwarts, specifically for the job) beginning to circle him with various towels and hair shears. I had to giggle at the sight. If Hermione saw the "torture" that these poor house elves had to endure by cleaning up the old snot, I'm sure that she would begin a campaign that would bring most of Hogwarts to its knees (with laughter that is). I know the girl means well, and if the elves were unhappy, I would completely agree. Fact is, they ENJOY their jobs. Sometimes, I wish I enjoyed my job on a daily basis half as much as they did.
Getting back to the hallway.
"Now Tonks" Albus began "You both have come quite a long way in a very short time with your study of muggle celebrity (how on earth did he know what we had been doing? The door was shut.). Here is your...ahem…costume. I don't know how muggles can go out in public in some of these outfits, but I know that you will make the best of it. I have added several charms to the top and the skirt (or large belt, take your pick). The sequins are small portkeys in case of an anti-appiration charm. I've hidden some dung bombs (ala Fred and George probably) with a smoke charm added to them. This should clear any area without have to resort to more extroverted forms of magic. I'm not expecting much of a problem tonight, but fore warned AND fore armed seems the best way to go in these times."
I was starting to feel better, then Albus's demeanor changed.
"I'm afraid that your biggest problem is going to be Severus. We need him lose and enjoying himself, and I'm afraid without a little shove in the right direction, he'll scowl and stick out like a sore thumb. Once you have arrived at the club and have settled yourselves into your areas (Areas? Were we getting VIP service? O Merlin, I hope so), I want you to buy him a drink. I think a rum and coke with lots of lime is his favorite (humph, leave it to him to pick my favorite muggle drink too). Once you have secured the drinks, I want you to add the contents of this vial to his drink. Make sure you add the lime before hand, or he will be able to sense the presence of the potion…."
Woah. Woah. WOAH!
"Albus, I'm surprised, shocked and appalled!" I scolded "Its my job to keep wizards FROM being drugged against their will, and you want me to drug Snape? How can I? It goes against everything I've been taught as an auror! I won't do it! I CAN'T do it!"
Albus sighed
" Tonks, if Severus sticks out then he WILL be found out and killed, I'm almost sure of it. You have a great advantage in this situation. Severus has to not only look like Mr. Brody, but he has to try to act like him as well. No, perhaps that isn't right. All Severus has to do is to NOT act like himself. If he can do that, then this whole thing will be a smashing success. I don't think there will be any trouble tonight, but I believe that there will be spies in the crowd. Please, Tonks, we must be certain on this. I don't want to take any chances"
Dammit, the old wizard was right.
" Alright, Albus, I'll do it, but I'm doing this under protest. If I can see ANY adverse side affects from the potion, I'm taking him straight back here and YOU are going to oversee his recovery personally. I won't have time to baby-sit a cranky potions professor that thinks he is a pink fluffy bunny."
Albus laughed
"Nymphadora, don't worry. The potion is really not that strong, it will just give him a nudge in the right direction. It works in combination with the alcohol and will produce an effect that causes a subdued euphoria without the more inconvenient side effects of drunkenness. As I said, I'm not really worried about any real confrontation tonight. I just want you to keep your eyes and your ears open. If anyone approaches you and engages you in any "strange" conversations, try to get yourself out of the situation as quickly as possible. Severus will be there to help you. I want you two to be careful, but I also want you to have a good time. I especially want Severus to have some fun. I'm afraid for him. A person can't be stressed out all the time; it's not good for the body. Now if you will excuse me, I need to give Severus his instructions. Why don't you go ahead and get changed. He'll be ready soon."
With that Albus went back into the room, where I glimpsed several house elves leaning over a reclining Snape.
"O well, Nymphie" I said to myself " this is going to be an interesting night, regardless. Time to put on your 'clothes'."
