"Evening!" Eli nodded as Grace stepped inside the motel room, throwing her handbag onto the bed and peeling her jacket off.
"Hey" she murmured dully, looking at him suspiciously and carefully as he flicked through some sheets of paper that were scattered on the only table in the small room.
"What's that!" Grace asked, sitting on the edge of her bed, studying him carefully still….he didn't look away from the papers as he answered her…
"I asked my assistant to fax me down some statistics and paper work for me to go over…." He murmured in concentration, and then looked to Grace with a half smile, "I may aswell make myself useful while I'm here…." He added.
Grace nodded, "you never stop, do you?" she asked, still wary of her words.
Eli looked at her again, thinking for a long minute, and then shrugged; "Yes….I guess so…." He answered.
Grace nodded and looked at the clock on the wall; it was 6:30, her stomach was growling…
"That's how I got to where I am, I guess," Eli mumbled.
"Pardon?" Grace asked, looking back at him again.
"Nothing" he said quickly, folding some papers.
GRACE well he hasn't mentioned it so far…. I wonder why…. I bet he's just waiting for the perfect opportunity to bring it up! Well… I'm not going to say anything until he does!
"We're going out tonight, right?" he asked, shoving the papers to the side of the desk and looking at her.
Grace nodded.
Eli thought Grace seemed a bit….lacking….tired….less-enthused? And he guessed it was because her mundane evenings were getting to her…..he thought he knew for certain that Grace usually went out every night and 'partied'….but he dare not ask her!
"Well….lets get dressed then?" he offered, and Grace stood up and walked into the bathroom, without saying anything.
GRACE not until he brings it up!
Grace broke her bread in half, but didn't eat either piece; just let both sit on her plate as she looked out at the half full restaurant.
Eli sipped his water, and then set it down, concentrating on Grace.
"So….penny for you're thoughts?" he asked, after a moment.
Grace quickly looked to him, unaware that he had been staring at her. And then she got the craziest feeling that he'd once asked her that before….penny for you're thoughts?…and she'd laughed at him…..but it must have been a long time ago…when they were….together.
Grace didn't say anything, just looked at her bread.
"If you're not hungry…." Eli started.
Grace looked to him and shook her head, "No, I am! I'm sorry….I'm just….tired and worn out" she murmured, knowing it was a lame answer.
Eli nodded, thinking what a broad answer that was.
"Who was that woman, last night?" Grace suddenly asked, and Eli stopped nodding.
She liked to do that, he thought….just spring questions on him out of nowhere…it caught him off guard, and he thought that he would have to learn to stay on his toes around her….he liked that.
He shrugged, "an associate out for my position".
Grace nodded, "you told her…" she said, and Eli didn't understand.
"Told her?…." he asked.
"That I was you're ex…"
Eli blinked and lifted his drink to his lips again, "I did" he said, and then drank.
"Why!" Grace asked.
Eli put his glass down, "I'm sorry…" he began, but Grace cut in, "don't be….I don't mind…. I just want to know if there was any specific reason…." She asked him.
Eli paused for a long moment, and then plunged in; "I slept with her once….it was a mistake…but I think she's hoping that something is there….she was jealous of who she thought you were…so I agitated her suspicions…."
"Why was it a mistake?"
ELI there are those questions again! Catching me off guard!
Eli shrugged and looked away, at a waiter taking a table's order…he didn't want to answer this.
But Grace didn't push him, she let the silence hang until a waiter came over and asked for their order. When he left, Eli looked to Grace, "It was after a….hard break-up….I was drunk….she was drunk….it was wrong and stupid of me…." He explained, simply.
Grace nodded.
GRACE after….Isabelle?
He could tell what she was thinking as she lazily looked out to the restaurant….and for some reason….he wanted to put her mind at ease.
"After Isabelle…" he answered, and Grace looked back, trying to hide her surprise.
"Oh" was all she said.
Eli nodded and waved a waiter over, ordering a Heineken. When the same waiter left to fetch Eli's beer, Grace gave a small nod and looked down at her hands, Eli studied her. She looked very pretty tonight. Long, wavy hair was out, framing her angelic, creamy face, her big brown eyes and perfect lips….he tried not to notice….but she looked….beautiful.
There was a single candle on their table, which illuminated her fine featured face….he didn't want to notice how beautiful she looked….
"You called me Isabelle last night" Grace suddenly said, and looked up at him, his embarrassed face as he averted his gaze.
"I did?" he asked, and Grace nodded; "when I tried to wake you up…you murmured her name…."
He didn't remember, he felt embarrassed…and vaguely scared?
"Sorry…" he mumbled.
Grace didn't say anything, just looked away.
The waiter bought Eli a beer, which he took a large swig of, wanting to numb his emotions tonight seemed like the smart thing to do….
ELI oh Christ!…(holds head in hands)
"Don't worry about it…" Grace murmured, sipping her water, wanting to relieve his embarrassment and the silence.
Eli set his beer down, it wasn't chilled the way he liked it….and looked at Grace, really studied her face, her averted eyes, full lips…..he tried not to….but she was there, sitting across from him, looking so tempting….and he couldn't believe he was thinking these things.
"Was there anyone else?" he suddenly asked…and straight away he wanted to take it back….hoping Grace hadn't heard him.
"Hmmm?" she murmured, looking back at him.
Eli shifted in his seat, looked away for a moment, and then clumsily back at Grace's waiting eyes; "Well…I had Isabelle…." He started "did you….did you meet anyone else?"
She blinked and gave a reassuring smile, "Sure I did…." She started, and Eli didn't like the feeling that answer bought to him.
"…I met some really great guys….I had one or two boyfriends….but…."
ELI but, what!
"….but none of them were anything like you…." She said so simply, as though it was an everyday thing to say to someone.
"Like me?" Eli repeated, thinking this situation they were suddenly in…this conversation…was bound to lead somewhere tonight….maybe somewhere neither of them should go?
Grace nodded, "…..you were the benchmark, Eli….every guy I met I compared to you….for a while…."
He raised his eyebrows, and Grace continued, her smile gone now.
"….until I realized that you were thousands of miles away….and we were both leading very different lives and that maybe…that was a good thing…."
"Its what you wanted!" Eli reminded her, painfully.
She nodded, "I know…."
GRACE maybe…. I wish I hadn't asked that of you now?
She opened her mouth, about to say more, when their food came, and the moment for questions was gone. They ate their meals in subdued silence. Occasionally making flimsy comments about the food, or the band that had started playing…..but, Eli still felt as though this evening was leading somewhere.
He was already in bed when Grace came out of the bathroom in her pyjamas. She gave him a quick smile and got into bed, rolling away from him; she felt uneasiness now….she could feel words on the tip of her tongue that she wanted to keep to herself…didn't want to say to him….
"Night!" he said.
"Goodnight" came her soft reply.
Eli switched his lamp off, and the only light I the room came from the blue and pink neon 'surf and turf' sign.
Eli looked up at the ceiling, and the blue and pink patterns the lights made….thinking….thinking about how much he suddenly wanted to know what Grace had become during those 5 yeas….thinking that he didn't want to go back to Philadelphia being 'none the wiser' about her.
And Grace lay awake thinking how much she wanted to tell him that she was wrong 5 years ago when she told him to stay away from her….forget her…and them. She wanted to tell him that she loved him for the longest time after he left….and he really was the 'benchmark' for every other boyfriend…..
He looked over to her turned away, sleeping body; and so quietly, whispered what he was thinking; "I want to know you!"
But Grace was awake, and in the stillness of the room, she heard his whisper and rolled over, seeing his shocked face. "Why?" she asked, not knowing where that response had emerged from.
He stammered for a moment, getting over his shock, and then answered her; "err…because….I err…." He cleared his throat, and rolled over onto his side, facing her, their beds not so far apart.
"Because I see you now….after so long….and you have changed into this amazing person…and I hate the idea of leaving this place in two days time, not having a clue about who you have become….."
"Who I've become?" Grace repeated, "Who says I'm still not the same person…. the girl you knew 5 years ago….?"
"You can't be," he answered, quietly.
Grace let out a whispered laugh, "who says?"
"No-one" he answered, "no-one needs to….I can see it for myself…."
"You can see that I've changed?" Grace asked, raising an eyebrow.
Eli smiled and gave a small nod, "the way you and feminine…..you never used to walk like that….."
"How did I used to walk?" Grace asked, with a laugh.
"One foot infront of the other…." He answered, and they both laughed for a moment, and then he answered her. "As though it wasn't completely clear where you were going….like you were just seeing where you're feet carried you…"
Grace bit her bottom lip, and listened as he went on.
"And the way you talk has changed aswell…..you used to just say you're opinion, firmly, wanting to change other people's minds….but now…it seems as though you understand what everyone else is saying and you take that into consideration when you speak…and you're words seem….softer…" he didn't know if it was the three bottles of Heineken that were making him speak so…poetically and truthfully…or if it was just being so close to Grace.
"You say it as though you studied my every move,…" she murmured.
"I did….I loved you….I wanted to know you…so I watched you…in awe!" he answered, and part of him wanted to take it back, straight away.
"A lot more has changed about me than just my voice and walk…."she mumbled.
"So you admit it…you have changed?"
Grace laughed, "well….of course I have….University does that to you….you grow up, experience things….and you change…."
"Well, I've changed aswell…."
"I know" Grace replied, a little sadly.
ELI stick in the mud now, huh?
"I'm sorry…." She suddenly added, and found herself apologizing before he'd even said anything.
"For what!" he asked
"What Carol said…"
ELI oh
"She was just being….Carol…you're not really a stick-in-the-mud!"
She heard him release a small sigh, and then ruffle his blankets slightly. He was wearing boxers and a white, loose t-shirt to bed. Grace could remember when she would rest beside him after making her fingers along his bare chest….and with that thought, came a deep longing that caught her by surprise.
"She was right though…." He suddenly announced, in a whisper, and Grace blinked, concentrating again.
"No…you're not….I'm sorry she said that…." Grace began again.
"Stop, Grace!" he snapped, his tone a little harsh; "I am…I know it….don't apologize for me…."
There was an eerie silence between them; the blue and pink neon light streaming into their room, illuminating Grace's face, who lay facing the window, and darkening Eli's face who was turned away from the window.
"So you told her about us…." He asked, slowly and uncomfortably.
Grace nodded, but wasn't sure if he could see her head movement, so she whispered; "yes…"
"Oh….and….what did she say?"
Grace shrugged and bit her bottom lip, "she thought it was all very romantic…."
Eli let out a small laugh, "not strange?" he asked.
Grace shook her head, "no…."
ELI I wonder what her lips would be like to kiss…..still the same as I remember?
Another long silence followed, and for a moment, Eli thought Grace had tired and drifted into sleep….but then she spoke again, and he was glad.
"I so badly want to know what happened between you and Isabelle…" she murmured, sounding slightly sleepy, "…..I've wanted to know, ever since my mum and Jessie first told me about you're engagement…."
He rolled onto his back, tucking one arm behind his head and staring up at the ceiling; feeling exhausted from this same topic of Isabelle; "what was it you wanted to know?" he asked.
"How you met….what she was like….what you're relationship was like…why it ended….how you proposed….everything!"
"You want to know about all that?" he asked, knowing he wouldn't answer any of those questions….
"Yes…"
ELI I wonder if she would let me kiss her….just to see….just to see what it's like…and then let it mean nothing….would that ever be possible between us? An innocent kiss?
"I think I'm a bit drunk…." Eli murmured, more to himself than the room.
"I do want to know…." Grace repeated herself.
"I don't want to talk about it…."
GRACE does he have to constantly avoid this subject? It only makes me want to know even more….and every time he refuses to discuss it….another questions pops into my head, that I'm just dying to ask!
Grace suddenly sat up in bed, looking across at Eli's body, a scowl on her face that she didn't think Eli could see too well, because of the bad light.
"Why cant you just trust me enough to tell me?" she exclaimed, her angry voice scratching at the silence of the room.
Eli rolled his head to the side and looked at her, wearing a tank top that exposed her lean, smooth shoulders, her full lips pursed and her big, dark eyes still clear in the darkness.
"Because I don't want to…." He said, simply.
ELI but I do want to…..(closes his eyes)
Grace sighed angrily, "so what do you want to do, Eli? Huh? Tell me!" she sighed again, "because I am sick of talking…you say you want to know me….but I get the distinct feeling that if I tell you anything….I wont get anything back in return! So….what do you want to do?" she asked again.
Eli sat up, slowly; tossing the blankets off himself…his eyes on Grace the whole time as he brought his legs to the side of the bed, and stood up. She said nothing, though she wanted to, she didn't, she just kept his eyes as he stared at her.
"I want to…" he murmured, taking a step towards her bed, looking down at her, into her eyes; and in the darkness, Grace blushed (she hoped he couldn't tell). "I want to…." He murmured again, standing so close to her, so close…so unbearably close… "I want to…" he said, for the third time, and then he did the simplest, and most dangerous thing in the world….he bent down, cupped her face in his hands, and kissed her lips….
ELI (opens his eyes)
GRACE (closes her eyes)
He was scared and gentle to begin with, holding her head loosely, kissing her softly, barely. But when he didn't feel her pull away, when he felt her hands reach up and caress his bare arms, he kissed her a little harder, a little more sure of himself….a little more certain of what he was doing….and the strange thing was….it felt natural….kissing Grace felt like….home? It didn't feel wrong, and when he slipped his tongue into her mouth, it felt even better….a sweet sensation he'd forgotten about.
And even stranger….was that Grace was thinking the same thing….
She pulled away for a moment, Eli still holding her head carefully, delicately in his hands, they connected eyes, and seemed at ask each other the same question; "are you sure?", they asked without speaking. They were both panting, looking into each other, their lips tingling with longing, and it all felt so surreal….as though they were both stepping into an unusual dream that felt strangely grounded….
Grace's hands rested against his arms, and then slipped down, tugging at the hem of his white t-shirt, she pulled it up, and Eli stepped away, pulling the rest up and over his head, tossing it to the ground, his bare chest revealed. She was surprised and revealed to see his chest was still firm and tempting, smooth and tanned.
Straight away he stepped back to Grace, connecting with her lips again; she fell back onto the bed, and Eli's body followed, landing ontop of her, still kissing her bone…back to her lips…all of it so wonderful.
She wrapped her legs around his middle, gently, and groaned as he kissed her collar bon again, his lips running across the sensitive skin.
ELI (blinks, looks bewildered)
But then, his lips became clumsy and short, kissing her neck quickly, and then pulling away, suspending himself above her, looking down into her eyes, her eyes that begged him to go on…but….he couldn't.
GRACE (eyes open abruptly)
"We cant,…" he murmured, lifting himself off of her body.
"We really can't…" he said again, struggling to stand.
Grace looked up at where Eli's body had just been, now gone, standing beside her bed, a look of remorse so deep in his face; "oh my god…" she murmured, so softly.
"I am…." He mumbled, reaching down and picking up his shirt, slipping it back on, "I am so sorry, Grace…." He said, looking down at her.
"I should have never…." He started again, "it was all my fault…I am so, sorry…"
She said nothing, only blinked, trying to remember what his lips felt like; it was only a second ago they had been kissing her…but she already forgot.
"I….I'm going for a walk….I'll leave you…I am so sorry!" he said again, picking up his pants that were draped over a chair, quickly slipping on some shoes, and heading for the door. His movements all so quick, that he was gone in a few seconds, leaving Grace in the room, alone.
"Oh…my….god" she whispered again, laying perfectly still…mortified, regretful, sad, angry…an entire thesaurus of emotions!
