Chapter V

'If you believe absurdities, you will commit atrocities.'
Voltaire

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Sloane answered his phone, "Yeah," he said in his usual bored fashion.

"Hi there! Is this Mr. Sloane?" asked a bright chirpy female voice.

"Who is this? You've got five seconds to explain yourself or face serious consequences." Sloane pushed another button on his phone to get Security Section's attention.

"My name's Harmony? And I understand you've got a thing, a thing for this Rambo guy? And you'll pay a million dollars for this rusty iron box? Is that right? Are you the right guy?"

Sloane was startled. After a moment he answered, "Is it possible that you are referring to Milo Rambaldi? And that you have, in your possession, a Rambaldi artifact?"

"Why yes Mr. Sloane, I'm holding this chime-y clock thingy, it's pretty heavy cuz' it's made out of old metal, you know, the kind that's heavy. Anyway, I'll be glad to sell it to you because then I'll finally have enough money to go to Paris, I've always wanted to go to Paris but my honey-bunny-Spikey wouldn't take me! Can you believe that? I would've done anything …"

Sloane cut her off impatiently, "Yes Miss Harmony, I will buy it from you. Would you like to come to my office? I'll have a check waiting for you."

The ditzy high school Harmony wouldn't have noticed Sloane's Spider to the Fly tone of voice, but her demon side was harder to fool. "I don't THINK so! You will meet me at an underpass, at the stroke of midnight…"

"Midnight meetings Miss Harmony, isn't that a bit melodramatic?"

"All right, make it eight PM, I'll fax you directions. And it's Ms. Kendall, Ms. Harmony Kendall, but most people just call me Harmony."

-- --

'I know something you don't!'
--Anon.

'Man, was I ever wrong!'
-- Anon.

-- --

A black limousine glided to a smooth stop by a well-lit phone booth out in the middle of nowhere. Sloane got out and waited patiently, thinking dark thoughts about how good a target he was standing under the only light in miles on a dark night – until the phone rang. He picked it up and said, "Yeah, what now?"

Harmony chirped, "Oh goody, you got there just in time! Isn't this fun? I can't wait to meet you! Now you need to drive back toward LA, and when you pass the third overpass slow down and look for a manhole, or should I say personhole? What do you think?"

"I think you may call it whatever you like," Sloane said with nearly infinite patience.

"OK! Anyway, it'll be on your right. There's one with the cover already removed. You must climb down to a large pipe, and then go about fifty feet to the left, and that's where I'll be! And you can give me my million dollars and I'll give you this metal thingy!"

Sloane acknowledged his directions and hung up the pay phone. He said into his cell phone, "Did you get that Marshall?"

"Yes sir," replied Marshall, "I've pulled up the storm drain plans and there are quite a few very large tunnels there. It's a junction. You'll be there in about twelve minutes, Security Team Five is only ten minutes from the meeting place, and I'll guide them in by an alternate route. You won't have any trouble catching this perp!"

-- --

'A petty enemy is more dangerous than a great one!'
--S. Andrew Swann

-- --

Sloane tramped down the surprisingly well-lit and spacious storm drain, getting his sixteen hundred dollar custom made Italian shoes wet and muddy. He was quite pissed about this and was looking forward to capturing Harmony and perhaps causing her a great deal of pain. He didn't usually take pleasure in that sort of thing, but Harmony had really pushed his buttons the wrong way.

He frowned as he saw that his quarry was on the other side of a set of metal bars. Very stout metal bars, set solidly across the concrete tunnel. But if Marshall had done his job right, Security Team Five was coming up behind that cheap blond gold digger.

"Hi Mr. Sloane," Harmony waved cheerily at him, "here's your Rambo metal thingy! I hope this is what you wanted! Do you have my money with you?"

"Yes, Miss Kendall, I have one million dollars in used, one hundred dollar, non-consecutive bills, packed in a valise, as per your direction." He opened the case and displayed the money.

"Is it a Louis Vuitton like I asked? I mean really, nothing else will do!"

"Yes Miss Harmony," said Sloane, with a sigh, "it is a Louis Vuitton valise." Sloane's precise pronunciation contrasted with Harmony's fractured efforts.

"Oh goody, goody!" she squealed, bouncing excitedly on her a feet, "here's your old clock! Reach in with the case in your right hand and I'll do the same with the clock in my right hand." They carefully put their respective cases through the bars. When they were both satisfied that each had the other case they slowly withdrew their hands. Harmony opened her case and looked at the money. Her eyes glistened with tears of joy, "Oh, this is simply wonderful!" she gushed, "You've no idea how happy this makes me!"

Sloane's reaction to the Rambaldi clock was nearly the same, just subtler. Until he spoke into his sleeve, "Move in."

Harmony looked up in surprise when three tough looking men walked up behind her. They were so confident they didn't even bother to smirk. She closed the case, put it behind her (making sure it was out of Sloane's reach) and then it was her turn to surprise everyone. She leaped to her feet and vamped out. It was really no fight at all, in seconds she took out the throats of all three, using both claws and fangs, while growling ferociously. She ended up standing in a pool of blood among three corpses, blood dripped off her fangs and smeared her chin while she wore an expression guaranteed to strike fear in the heart of almost anyone.

But Sloane looked no more than mildly upset, standing straight, gazing at Harmony with only a slight frown from the other side of the bars.

"Now look what you made me do!" wailed Harmony, "look at my nails! I'll have to get them done again! You have no idea how hard it is to find a first class nail salon that's open after dark. Ooooh! And you made me get blood all over my nice clothes!"

With snake-like speed, Sloane whipped a silenced pistol from his jacket and without pause or warning shot Harmony three times in the chest.

She shouted, "Ow! Ow! Ow! Hey, stop that!" and picked up the money case and turned to leave, and said over her shoulder, "If you'd rather I didn't snap your scrawny neck, don't try to find me. And as for this money, I suggest that you forget about it." And she flounced off, leaving Sloane staring grimly at Harmony's flexing buttocks.

Oh well, he thought, still shaken by what he had seen, I've got the clock, and the rest of this affair shall remain forever unknown to anyone but me.

-- --

'You're kidding me!'
--Anon.

-- --

Sydney's cell phone rang, she answered it. The others stood around and stared at her as she talked. "Yes Mr. Sloane, what … no, that's not … really? Oh, OK, we'll head back."

"I can't believe it!" Sydney said to the others, "Harmony somehow got a hold of Sloane directly and sold him the box for a million bucks!

"Seriously?" asked Buffy, "I wouldn't have thought Harmony could do it. Still, it's probably what's she always wanted more than anything else in the world. I wonder if she can corner the market on cheap ceramic unicorns?" she said, with a sideways glance at Xander and Dawn.

Dixon frowned thoughtfully, "But how did she know to contact Sloane? I would have thought that impossible."

"Well," said Syd, "remember that telephone transcript? At the end that must have been Harmony who picked up Montague's cell phone, Sloane was probably on speed dial."

"You mean the phone that's in your pocket?"

Sydney looked through her pockets but couldn't find the phone. She shrugged and said, "Well, I must have lost it and she must have found it. Oh well."

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