Wow, I've been getting pretty lucky with homework. Another fairly short chapter, this one with lots of very short sections, but this seemed like a pretty good place to stop, and I have to get working on my calculus. Enjoy! And please review if you're reading, I'd like to know what you think :)

Chapter Fifteen

Alicia

"Remus, I'm sorry, I'm just worried about you—"

"And I told you not to be!"

"I know, I'm sorry—"

"Look, if you're sorry just leave me the fuck alone!"

Jesse froze, looking as though she'd been slapped in the face. She stared at Remus, uncomprehending. Instead of softening at the hurt look on her face, Remus seemed to get even angrier. Rather than stay and fight with her, and possibly say something he'd regret, he quietly left the common room, shoving the Fat Lady portrait out of his way.

"Watch it!" the lady in pink screeched as her portrait slammed against the wall. "You kids are so inconsiderate…"

"Put a sock in it," Remus muttered, but the woman didn't seem to hear. The sound of her ranting followed him all the way down the corridor, and he ducked upstairs to escape it.

The owlery was hardly the place to go for relaxation: the stench of owl droppings and half-eaten rodent corpses was hardly a soothing aroma. But for this same reason it was likely to be empty of students who had nothing to send out. Here was a place Remus could be alone (unless he counted the hundreds of amber-eyed owls), and that was all he wanted at the moment.

He hadn't meant to snap at Jesse, but she'd been getting on his nerves a lot lately. He didn't need her mothering and her sympathetic looks, and her constant worrying about his shoulder was nothing short of maddening. It didn't help that he'd been reopening the wound every night, hidden safely behind the drapes of his bed, and he didn't want Jesse or any of the others to know that. They simply wouldn't understand…

Remus leaned through one of the many openings in the stone wall, stared down what seemed to be hundreds of feet to the moonlit grass below. His monthly transformation was fast approaching…in two days' time, he'd be a monster once more. At least he could blame his open wound on the transformation, so Madame Pomfrey wouldn't question him about it.

The owlery door opened slowly behind him. Remus scowled at the disturbance but ignored the crunching footsteps over tiny skeletons and loose hay.

"Remus?"

He turned quickly, recognizing the voice but not understanding why it was here.

"Alicia? What are you doing here?" He was almost relieved to see her: at least she wasn't the mothering type. She had graduated from Hogwarts as a Ravenclaw the year before, but was studying to get her medical degree in London. She worked at the races as a volunteer, but couldn't get official work experience credit because the event was illegal. When Madame Pomfrey had offered to let her help with Remus' stitches, Alicia had jumped at the chance and had ended up doing most of the work.

"I came to talk to Poppy," she explained, waving her hand indifferently. "I saw you coming up here and wanted to see how my stitches healed." She smiled and joined Remus at the window, which was barely wide enough for the two of them. Her shoulder pressed against his and he shivered slightly.

"It's fine," he lied, feeling bad for having ruined her handiwork.

"It's been almost a week—Poppy says you should be well on your way to healing, but there will be no physical exertion in your near future." Alicia grinned, turning to look at him. "That means she doesn't want you racing, I guess. She's a funny lady; she knows a lot more than she lets on."

"I guess," Remus said blandly.

"Why the long face?" Alicia teased. "The next race isn't for a couple weeks at least. You might be strong enough to do one or two by then, as long as you take it easy."

"Give it a rest, Alicia," Remus snapped. "If you think they'll still let me race now—"

"Now that they know the truth?" she interrupted rather angrily. "Now they know you're a werewolf? Big whoop. There's worse than you at these races. That's why they're illegal. Stop feeling sorry for yourself—the only thing holding you back was Silverbolt, and he's out of the running now."

"That little shit had nothing on me," Remus hissed, remembering the boy with hate.

"Just cause he's an asshole doesn't mean he can't race. Geoffrey is an amazing racer. You didn't see the half of it at these races—he needs a much stiffer competition to really shine."

"Are you sticking up for him?!"

"Not for him—for his racing skills. His bigotry doesn't make him any less of a racer, just less of a person. He still deserves credit for his talent." Remus studied Alicia's lovely face, surprised at her words. She remained perfectly calm, and spoke as though she were merely pointing out the truth. Which, perhaps, she was.

"You really don't think they'll kick me out?" Remus asked finally, dropping the subject of Geoffrey. Alicia shrugged.

"I guess it's possible. There are some pretty prejudiced people out there, and that could include the FL guys I suppose. But I doubt it."

"I always thought—"

"That the whole world hates you?"

"Well, I wouldn't put it quite that strongly," Remus mumbled, slightly put off that she seemed to think him so silly. Most of the world did hate him; he wasn't exaggerating by much.

"Yeah, well, you're still young. Eventually you'll realize that it doesn't always matter what other people think. Obviously if they're coming after you with torches and silver bullets, you'd better run. Otherwise…don't give them a second thought. They're not worth it."

Remus tried to take her words to heart, but he couldn't help thinking that she didn't know what she was talking about. She didn't have to live with the curse, with the disappointment of knowing there were certain things he'd never be able to do… After all, it was only through the kindness of one man that he was able to study magic at Hogwarts.

"Easier said than done," he shrugged, though her confidence had made him feel slightly better about his situation.

"Doesn't mean you have to dwell on it." Alicia smiled, sighed, and leaned out the window into a chilly breeze. "It's such lovely weather lately," she breathed happily, stretching her arms out as if to receive the wind. "But I do miss summer. Maybe someday I'll move to Greece…"

Remus watched her face change as she reminisced about her one visit to the Mediterranean, years ago. He wasn't really listening to her words, but her expression spoke books.

"Remus?"

"Huh?"

"I asked you a question. Weren't you listening?"

"Oh…must not have been…sorry."

Alicia laughed and jumped up to sit in the window, her back to the sky. "I asked why you're up here. It stinks to high heaven." An owl nearby ruffled its wings, affronted, and Alicia laughed again. "Sorry buddy, not your fault," she directed at the bird.

"It's quiet," Remus shrugged. "Usually," he added, staring pointedly at her.

"Oh, excuse me, am I disturbing your moping time?" Alicia said sarcastically. "If you're upset why don't you get out and do something, instead of sitting around in owl shit and gazing at the moon? As if that's going to get anything accomplished…"

"What would you suggest, then?" Despite himself, Remus knew she had a point. He only made himself feel worse when he did this.

"Grab your broom, let's go flying," Alicia whispered excitedly. "It's never a bad time to take a ride, come on…"

"Do you have your broom?" Remus reminded her, but to his surprise she didn't seem concerned.

"Nah, but you can grab one of your friends' brooms. They don't need them right now."

"Are you kidding? Steal Sirius' broom? He'd beat you to death if you even tried—and James would do worse than that."

"Not steal, silly. Borrow. Come on, hurry up. You're not going to make me pinch a school broom, are you? Those pieces of junk are hardly worth the risk…"

Alicia pulled Remus down the stairs as she spoke, and in no time they were outside the Gryffindor common room.

"Well?" she prompted when Remus hadn't spoken for a while.

"How did—?"

"I lived here for seven years. You telling me you haven't found the other common rooms yet?"

"Of course we have…" he muttered, blushing slightly. In fact they still hadn't discovered Hufflepuff's, but then they'd never needed to. "Disgruntled gargoyle," he directed at the Fat Lady, who had been glaring at them impatiently.

"She had better stay outside," the painting warned, but Alicia paid her no heed and followed Remus into the common room. It was at least an hour to midnight, and there were still students up finishing homework.

"Remus, I—who's that?" Jesse stood slowly from her own homework, a slight frown on her face as she looked Alicia up and down.

"Medi-witch from the races," Remus said quickly. "Alicia, Jesse, meet each other." He disappeared upstairs before Jesse could say another word, and slipped into his dorm to grab his broom from its usual spot in the boys' shared closet.

James and Sirius were nowhere to be seen—probably raiding the kitchens or something—but Peter was stretched out on his bed reading. He glanced at Remus and smiled, then went back to his book.

The other boys' brooms were in the closet next to Remus', just leaning up against the wall… If only he could sneak one out past Peter, surely no one would know the difference?

Remus quietly drew his wand and whispered the masking spell they used to smuggle their brooms out of the school for the races. Sirius' broom shimmered and disappeared. Remus took it with his own, and carried them both slung over his shoulder. Peter didn't say a word, didn't even look up.

Jesse had returned to her homework, which looked to be the History of Magic essay Remus hadn't started on yet, but she looked up when he came back downstairs.

"You're going out?" she said immediately, eyeing his broom. "What about your homework? This essay is really hard, Remus, have you even looked at it?"

"Yeah, it's fine," he said tersely, nodding at Alicia, who led the way out the portrait hole.

"That was very sweet," she commented when the Fat Lady had swung shut behind them. "Do you always talk to your friends that way?"

"What do you think?" Remus snapped uncertainly. Alicia was right, of course, but he didn't want to admit that. Besides, she didn't know how Jesse had been lately—always on his case…

"How are we going to get out of here without getting caught?" he asked quickly, hoping Alicia would let his little outburst slide. He handed her the invisible broom.

"We'll fly, of course," she grinned, removing the masking spell from Sirius' broom and admiring it briefly in the torchlight before getting on and flying away. Shocked, Remus hopped onto his own broom and took off after her down the corridor.

>>

"Remus. It is two o'clock in the morning."

"You can tell time. I'm proud of you."

"Where have you been?"

"Three guesses." He pushed past Jesse and headed upstairs, but she grabbed him tightly by the arm and held him back. He looked down at her angry face, keeping his own carefully blank.

"Jesus Christ, what's gotten into you lately Remus?"

Truthfully, he would have liked to know that himself. Something was happening that he couldn't explain: all his friends were getting on his nerves, he couldn't even stand to be near James or Sirius anymore, and there was something masochistic and almost pleasurable about his cutting now. It wasn't the angsty, bordering on suicidal depression he'd felt before; now he just did it almost out of habit, the same way he used to fall asleep with Beryd's knife.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he replied blandly.

"The hell you don't. Why won't you talk to me anymore? I want to help."

"And I don't want your help! Can't you understand that?"

"Fine, don't tell me! But can't you at least be civil? I feel like you hate me or something…" Remus muttered a curse and wrenched his arm from Jesse's grasp.

"I don't hate you," he grumbled, glowering at her. She stared back at him curiously, then moved to stand level with him on the stairs. Her face was inches from his, her whole body closer than he'd allowed her to be in days, and he felt a familiar shiver pass through his skin. The anger left him and he placed a gentle hand on her face. She leaned in and kissed him softly, then stepped back just enough to take in his reaction.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Just tell me what you want me to do," Jesse pleaded quietly, and he pulled her into a hug.

"Snap me out of this."

>>

Remus peeled off his undershirt and tossed it to the foot of his bed. The curtains around his bed made it too dark to see, so he drew them back on one side to allow moonlight from the window to illuminate the space. He leaned against the wall and tilted his left shoulder toward the light, then ran his fingers over the broken skin. Even the feather-light touch sent a stab of pain through the wound.

He slid open the ivory pocketknife and pondered it for a moment, then flipped it shut again. All these years he'd kept it, the lone memento from his dead brother. It had started out as just that: a memory, something to help him think back fondly on Beryd. Then it had lost its meaning…he knew Beryd had nothing to do with his keeping it now. Remus clenched his fist around the knife and got to his feet.

Bad habits had to be broken. Will power alone wasn't enough to stop Remus from cutting, and he knew that. He unlocked the window and pushed it open; freezing air rushed into the room, chilling him immediately as it blew against his bare chest. He shivered and picked up his wand from the bedside table.

A whispered charm left the pocketknife feather-light in his palm. Remus leaned out the window and held his hand flat out in front of him, the knife balanced on his fingers. Softly, he blew on the charmed object. It lifted off his hand, caught in the wind, and disappeared.

He quietly shut and locked the window, then crawled under his blankets, shivering. Light from the nearly full moon shone harshly against his eyelids, but he fell asleep easily.

>>

A particularly painless change. The snow gave the wolf something new to play around in, and tired him out more quickly. Remus woke the next morning feeling almost peaceful; the only part of him that hurt was his shoulder, where the wound had torn open again. Even that pain was rather far away… Remus touched the area and found it to be mostly numb.

He sat up and craned his neck around to see his shoulder. It had been stitched up again, neat black threads pulling the broken skin together.

"Even better than last time," Alicia said by way of greeting, appearing out of nowhere next to his bed. "If you keep this up, I'll be an expert in a few months."

"Thanks."

"My job. How are you feeling?"

"Good. Surprisingly good, actually. I've never felt less horrible after a full moon."

"That's good…I suppose it's nice to get some exercise."

"Yeah, I—er, what?"

"I saw your footprints," Alicia laughed, leaning against the foot of his bed. "Poppy sent me out to get you this morning, and there were paw prints leading out from under the Whomping Willow."

"Oh."

"Lots of prints, actually," she added casually.

"Huh."

Alicia laughed again and dropped the subject. "Next race is in two weeks. A little sooner than we expected—think you're up for it?"

"Why wouldn't I be? As long as you're sure I'm not disqualified…"

"You're not. I talked to Aaron—he's the wizard I was working with when you got hurt—and he says he didn't tell anyone. You'll have to forgive him…he's usually got his head pretty far up his ass. Plus, he doesn't like werewolves."

"No surprises there."

"Alicia! If he's up, Mr. Lupin needs to get to class," Pomfrey yelled from across the ward.

"That's my cue," Remus sighed, pushing back his blankets and stepping out of bed. "Thanks for doing this again."

"My pleasure," Alicia murmured, looking him over. He felt slightly uncomfortable under her gaze, and grabbed his clothes to change in the bathroom.

"You're looking well this morning," James commented when Remus joined his friends in Transfiguration.

"Yeah, I had a real easy night," Remus said.

"Quiet down, class, please," McGonagall said loudly over the general murmur. "We'll be having a practical class today, so you can put your books away…" She pointed her wand at the board, where diagrams of the day's assignment had already been drawn.

"You will each receive a different animal, and will transform it into an exact replica of your neighbor's beast. When everyone is finished, we will rotate and repeat the process. Transfiguring something which has already been altered can be considerably harder than changing something from its natural state, and you could all certainly use the practice. Please keep track of what animal you were given and where it has gone…I'd like to be able to return them all to their original states, if you please…"

The students formed a line and received their assignments. Remus accepted a rather nervous cockatoo which flapped its wings continually, spraying loose feathers everywhere.

"This should be interesting," Lily commented when she saw his bird. "I've got a cat. Wonder how they'll like being each other?"

Class passed quickly, and Remus' bird changed from cat to crow and gerbil, before the bell rang and McGonagall began turning the animals back to their natural forms.

"Excellent job everyone!" she called out as the class filtered through the door. "Full marks for all of you!"

"Hey, Moony, did you see James' cat? By the time he was done with it the thing had whiskers and feathers."

"Nice. Good thing McGonagall knows what she's doing."

"Shut it, Sirius. We're headed for potions next; lets see how you do there."

"Why don't you work with me and see for yourself?"

"Not on your life," James scoffed.

"You take up his offer, it'll be your life on the line," Peter pointed out, laughing.

"Et tu, Pierre?" Sirius sighed dramatically.

"Latin or French, buddy," James said. "You can't have both."

"I'll take the challenge, Padfoot," Remus offered. "I have faith in your potions skills, if not your talent for languages." Sirius grinned and punched him in the arm.

"That's the spirit! I promise I'll spill it towards James if I mess up."

"Comforting," Remus laughed as they entered the potions dungeon. Lily and Jesse were already set up at a table, studying the directions written up on the blackboard and gathering their ingredients.

"What's our assignment for today?" Sirius wondered out loud, rubbing his hands together and peering at the board. "Something exciting, I hope…"

"A cure for itching, peeling skin," Remus read off the board. "Ooh, can't wait."

They got their ingredients together and began preparing the potion while the water-filled cauldron heated up over a small fire.

"Padfoot, pay attention!" Remus scolded, stopping his friend from dumping all their beetle eyes to the boiling water. "We need half of those for later."

The rest of the potion-making went smoothly, until they began stirring the concoction halfway through with a standard issue wooden spoon. A student walking past their table tripped on Sirius' stool and bumped into him.

"Oh! Sorry!" the Slytherin said, her hand over her mouth. Sirius had fallen forward into the cauldron, and he straightened up with his hand covered in a gloppy, flesh-colored ointment. "Oh, dear…" she winced when she saw his hand and the look on his face.

"That wasn't finished yet, Sirius," Remus said, glancing up at the directions on the board. "We still had to add a few things and cook it more…"

"It kind of burns," Sirius sighed. "I'd better not get itching, peeling skin from this." He went to wash his hand in the basin sink, but when the potion was off, his skin was bright red and starting to peel.

"Damn. I'm going up to see Pomfrey before this gets any worse…" Sirius hailed the professor and told him what had happened, then disappeared up toward the hospital wing. Remus finished adding ingredients to their potion and stirred exactly as the directions instructed. When he was ready to pour it into a flask, Sirius returned looking perfectly fine.

"Easy job," he announced happily. "That girl who's been in there did it for me." He frowned slightly and edged closer to Remus. "She gave me a note," he said in a low voice. "Wanted me to give it to you." He handed Remus a piece of parchment, folded into fourths.

"What does it say?"

"I didn't read it, idiot." Sirius rolled his eyes. "Hot chick gives me a note for you…you think I'm going to want to read it? I prefer to think of my Moony as innocent and pure, thank you very much."

"It's not going to be anything bad, Sirius," Remus said quickly. "Probably about the races or something."

"Sure, that's why she had to tell you in a note instead of just asking me to relay a message."

"Sirius—" Remus sighed and gave up, instead unfolding the note to see what it actually was.

Meet me outside the common room, midnight.

He turned the paper over, but there was nothing else.