UNREQUITED LOVE...


I don't even know why I'm feeling like this.

It was only a small ruthless argument I had with Tyson and it's influenced me so much.

I didn't go to their training for days and this is probably my sixth or something absence.

Nor visited him when the day turned to night.

Not because I'm scared or felt like an idiot.

I just chose not to.

I'm just taking a walk that nights from the days after I finally went to school and my absence of their training.

I'm staying out of their way now.

But not forever.

There IS still some part of the old Hilary inside me.

And that one is the sometimes-bossy-and-annoying.

And I'm glad to have kept that in me.

If I wouldn't, how would the new Hilary exist if she can't be bossy sometimes?

Okay.

Old Hilary talk; why am I being such a bitch now?

What am I suppose to tell people why I'm acting like this:

"Oh, I'm sorry, me and this dumbass had a small fight and I think it hurt me so much I think I've got that rights to be a New Me because of that stubborn fool!"?

Laughs uncomfortably

Yeah.

Riight...

Wipes tears of laughter/stupidity/take-a-pick away from cheeks

Maybe I should go back to being the old me now.

But then, I've spent so many days being like this I don't think I can go back to being just me now.

A measly piece of damned dust I am.

And this damn wind is carrying every bits of my hopes.

And if it stops and let me fall onto that ground of fallen hopes and love, I'll go crazy and really let loose of myself from who knows what.

Siigh...

School wasn't much.

I could tell that people are starting to get worried about me.

Psh, like I would care.

It's too late to go back anyways.

This is me now, the New Hilary.

Out with the Old, in with the New, they say.

And that's true.

I look at my watch: 10:27 pm.

I exhaled softly and continued walking.

I decided to go back to the riverside, where I always go when I'm in a down mood.

This night is going to be windy.

Well, DUH.

The wind is almost so strong that it carried all of my flowing now-grown shoulder length brown hair hard forwards.

For a spring night, it sure is cold.

I hugged my arms and walked a little faster.

It would be just a little farther ahead, I could see the lone bridge that connected to the other side of the river and the downhill that reaches to the riverside.

When I reached the edge of the ground that would go downhill near the riverside, I hesitate to look at the river a bit.

It is beautiful!

So, too beautiful!

It reflected my watery eyes, the part he had never yet noticed all these years and I don't think he'll ever notice them...

I sigh and continue my gazing of the beautiful mystical view of the night.

With the glistening touch of the moon and stars and the navy blue colored darkness, the river looks like a portal-like that could go into a dimension along with the calm ripples.

A dimension I would hope would lead through a dream.

A dream where I will never go back.

Never go back...

And I want to go there.

Badly and longingly...

The grass were like demonic green lushes of soft tiny strings.

It looked dark and evil with the moon shining on it, making it look more silver than green.

It was also perfect along with the beautiful wide long stretched river.

Sometimes, I think I fitted well with nighttime.

I don't know why.

I'm bossy, what they say, and I'm me.

And nighttime...

I don't know, it's mysterious and cold in a way I can describe it.

Well, maybe I don't fit nighttime, maybe I never will.

It's mysterious and it can keep itself from others.

I wish I was like that but I'm different.

I like to be with others.

And they would love to be with be.

Nighttime is darker and I like to be bright.

Nighttime and me are completely different.

Yes...

But before long, I was sitting close beside the riverside that I could even smell the musty nothingness of it.

I sigh and smile.

I love the riverside.

Especially at night.

It's very serene and quiet...

It worked a little.

My mind cleared a bit and I was able to think of something else rather than him or beyblade for a change.

This time, I thought about tomorrow.

I wonder what tomorrow would be.

I hope it won't be as bad as the past...

Or yet, I hope it won't be so much of the future...

What WILL come tomorrow?...

But...

Chuckle

Who should know?

If you have known what would happen tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and maybe the day after that day of tomorrow and etc., life would be boring.

Really boring.

So I don't even think of knowing what tomorrow would bring.

No, that isn't me.

I want things to go as life want it to be.

But I have a feeling.

And I know that I wouldn't expect it...

Even the small sound of snoring that came somewhere in the darkness in my right side.

I turn to look at the extreme darkness and realize that the snoring was coming from somewhere in the blackness under the bridge.

It was a low sound, almost growling but in a different way.

But suddenly, I'm scared.

My heart pounded.

My eyes squinted to see what the darkness that under of the bridge hid.

And I know...

I wasn't alone...

Without thinking, I stood up and walk towards the darkness that led towards the sound.

Who could be up out in this late at night, rather than me?

Who want to sleep under a bridge in this cold spring night?

That idiot.

Maybe it's a homeless man, or some kid who ran away...

Ran away...

What could be the possibilities for me, a girl who really wanted to be back to herself again but can't, meet up with a person who, in fact, just want to get away and have a time by him/herself for a while?

Maybe I need that, too...

Run away...

Away...

I slowly sauntered at the first step of the darkness.

My heart is still pounding, slowly then quickly as soon as darkness engulfs me.

Face first, then the rest.

Chuckle

I AM stupid.

Why am I suddenly wanting to know who or what would be here in the darkness under the bridge?

What if it's a bad guy who wants to beyblade the Bladebreakers to capture their bit-beast again?

By hanging around with them, I realize that they were mostly being battled at just to get their bit-beasts.

I mean, why would you want to steal some creature stuck in a stupid toy?

I stepped sluggishly.

I guess the new Hilary would've done this.

Likewise, the old one would scream her ass off and run away.

But that isn't me anymore.

I should be strong.

This is the new Hilary.

Lone, isolated, new Hilary...

Suddenly, I feel kind of sad for myself.

Since I have vowed of this, I guess I would appreciate it then.

Hilary is cautious at everything.

Cautious at everything, known or unknown.

But I wasn't expecting what was going to happen next...

This person is snoring lowly and mumbling, too.

Suddenly, I hear the person's voice, mumbling.

I could tell he or she was dreaming.

"Go... Dragoon..."

I stop to my tracks.

Who is this person?

"Dragoon... attack... go, Dragoon..."

Dragoon?

I've heard that name so many times that it's in the tip of my tongue.

But, then again, I already do...

Even if I couldn't only see him in the dark, I would've known even from far away by that voice.

And now that he had said those words, I can now understand who I am dealing with.

I have so many questions in my head I can't think.

But my heart is still pounding, even more so because I know now who this person is.

I am scared to face him, scared to talk to him.

I want to apologize for telling him to shut up because I was in no mood to talk to the teacher.

And I know he wanted to take another argument with me.

Laughs

If that happens, and I know now, he will win that argument...

I continue walking towards him, wherever he is, until I bump into something soft (which would be his shoes).

I bend down and move my hands into the air.

I feel his one of his knees, bent up.

One hand was on the ground.

I didn't know how close I was so I tried to move closer so that he would hear me.

My voice is trembling and my heart pounded like hell.

I wanna faint.

I want to puke.

Especially, I wanna get out of here right away.

But I can't.

My mind tells me to go and leave him alone because I know I'm still mad at him.

But my body's still frozen in its place, unsure what was going on.

And it wanted me to go on and talk to him and maybe as for forgiveness, too, if necessary.

I sigh.

I haven't spoken to him for days now.

I don't think I'll be able to stand talking to him right now.

Especially after my reaction after our fight...

Right after he'd said those last cruel words to me, I felt like slapping him hard on the face.

Real hard.

Until it left a mark that will go away in days.

Until it left a mark that will leave a stinging pain that would rack through his whole body and soul.

Until it left a mark of my anger, my pain, my hurt.

To show that I really cared.

To show him that I never meant all those things I've told him all along.

But a slap he wouldn't even recognize as a seal of explanation.

He would consider it as my hatred towards him.

He would think I'd slap him because I really hate him, loathe him.

He'd think all those pain I would whack him in would leave a trace of unbearable hatred that he thinks I feel about him.

So I don't slap him.

But he doesn't know.

A stubborn idiotic dumbass like him wouldn't know.

He wouldn't even know me.

He wouldn't even know that that slap I would've given to him means that I...

I...

(No, it can't...)

I...

(It's shouldn't happen!)

I--

I try to shut my careless thoughts, not bearing to continue on.

I know that as soon as I say those words, even in my mind, I will never regret it for my whole entire life.

I gazed at the darkness in front of me.

My throat is caught in a midway halt.

But I said it anyways.

Said that word that I have never let my mouth physically say.

Said it...

Said his name...

I gulped.

My voice I hoarse and tense.

But I still said it.

"...T--Tyson...?"

God, don't let it be him!