UNREQUITED LOVE...
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PREVIOUSLY
Tyson
"Dragoon!... Attack!... Go, Dragoon...!"--
"...Tyson...?"
I was cut off from my really good dream.
Suddenly, since I was back to reality, I started to shiver.
I guess it was too cold since it's nighttime, for who knows how long I've been sleeping here?
"Is it breakfast already?" I yawned.
Hilary
It really is Tyson who is sleeping under this bridge.
But what was he doing here?
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"What are you doing here, Tyson?"
I stared at the girl that sat far away beside me.
She was sitting in between the darkness' shadow and the moonlight's shine.
Another ironic and strange way her position is always been.
Chuckle
Day and night, isn't it now?
I stare at the moon that was cut off by the bridge's roof on the right.
I was still cold and I'm even shivering but I can't seem to stand up and go home.
I guess my bones became numb and something was keeping me from getting up.
Again, the girl asked the same question over and over until I answer the truth.
What am I doing here?
What the hell is SHE doing here?
maybe I should be the one asking that question!
But although she asked me that question over again, her back was faced towards my side.
I stared at her next.
Her diagonal body at least.
I could see her right cheek and her face was tilted up like the first time I saw her change into a new life.
I sighed and slowly slid down the grass to lie on my back, hands behind my head.
My hat slid off my head and fell on my face.
I sighed again, relief that there's at least heat in my hat.
I closed my eyes.
It was midnight right now so I decided to get my nap in here.
I was too tired, my muscle tense from sleeping sitting up and my bones ached from that position.
My knee still bent up, I finally found the most comfortable position all night.
"Tyson, aren't you going to..."
Hilary trailed off.
I guess she wasn't expecting me to be in this position all of a sudden.
"Tyson what do you think you're doing?"
I groan in exasperation.
"Sleeping," I told her. "Can't you see?"
There was a slight hesitation.
Then a sigh from Hilary.
It seemed like moments for us to say anything.
For me, all I want is to sleep.
I don't know about Hilary but I do know that she should go home or else she'll get a cold.
When I open my eyes, all I could see was the inside of my hat and smell of the heat that came from my hair.
I yawned loudly and sighed.
Time to get me some sleep!
I try to get back that dream this girl interrupted so I could see myself winning once more.
But again, Hilary interrupts my thoughts.
"Tyson?"
I groaned silently with annoyance.
I know I shouldn't start a fight with her since I wouldn't have any reasons why I would be suddenly arguing with her.
Hmm...
I don't know...
It still doesn't make sense to me how her and me suddenly became friends the moment she found out what the Biovolt had been trying to do to us.
All I remember is that we also argue and she always tells me to stop eating, stop complaining, and stop talking while training with the others.
All I remember from her is yelling, screeching, shouting--for god's sake!--boss us around!
But, still, there was a strange combination with this things that made her and me friends.
Hmm...
Come to think of it, how DID we really became friends?
Or...
Are we REALLY friends?
Or just some two people that likes to hang around each other?
Sarcastically widens eyes with a sympathetic gasp
Likes to hang around each other?
Laugh out loud!
Psh, I can't even stand getting near her!
Sometimes I try to imagine Hilary to be at least quiet and nice for a change so we can really hang out together.
But, you know what?
That NEVER EVER happened!
Every time we go somewhere together, she starts complaining and I have to sigh and walk away from her.
What IS wrong with this girl?
I just don't understand these feeling she feels.
But then there's this something you--I--feel.
This...
Weird feeling you get sometimes for a reason you can't work out.
And I try to know what this feeling is but somehow I can't.
It's like this pace I try to use to solve things works but...
It just won't work with problems against girls--
No.
THIS girl I know.
—It's like I need someone's help to help me aid my problem into solving it.
And guess who's the first person I thought of that should help me figure these problems out.
Probably the ONLY person.—
Yeah...
Hilary.
HILARY!
And WHY does it HAVE to be HILARY!
True she and I were the only one arguing rather than me or one of my
teams and it should be fair that she should help figure things problem
out since she's part of it.
But how IS she going to be any help?
by yelling?
No, I've had enough of her yelling at me and tired of me trying to think quickly of something to spit back at her.
But, with this so-called... NEW Hilary, maybe I can get just one tiny chance of her aiding me.
MAYBE.
"Tyson?"
I open my eyes and snap back to reality.
My hat starts to slide off my face and down to my left ear.
My right eye was the only thing that can see the bridge's dark top.
My right eye wanders to the top of my head.
I could see Hilary.
And, not surprise at all, she was hugging her knees and her chin was on those pale naked knees of hers, with closed eyes.
I close my own eyes...
Eyes...
I have never actually thought of looking at those eyes of hers since they were filled with, probably, anger.
I don't even know what color they are...
Chuckle
Oh well, darn me.
"Tyson!"
Although she tried to make that voice forceful, the tone of her expression was soft, calm, and quiet.
"What now!"
I place my hat back onto my face and sighed.
"What is it now?"
Sometimes I wish that this--NEW--Hilary would say things faster than be so... hesitant every time.
"...Never mind..." Hilary sighed softly.
Was ALL she could say!
I rolled my eyes.
"You called my name just to say THAT!"
Hilary hesitated.
Then she said, "no..."
She didn't say anything else.
"Hilary," I said. "Sometimes I don't understand you, you know that?"
Hilary tried not to look at me.
"No," Hilary exclaimed, quietly. "YOU'RE the one that's too hard to understand, don't YOU know that?"
I try to look shock.
"Me? What do you mean? You're the one who yells, screams, boss us—ME—around telling us what to do!"
Hilary still tried not to look offended.
"Yeah but..."
She trailed off.
I took my hat off and placed it on the ground beside my head.
God, I'm tired of having this talks with Hilary.
This New Hilary.
Even if this is just the second time.
"But what? WHAT?"
Hilary exhaled loudly and shook her head slowly.
"Never mind," she held. "You won't understand anyways..."
Underneath her breath, I could hear her whisper something.
With this quiet place we are, it's like Hilary's yelling those words out loud.
"You don't understand me anyway..."
I try not to let my temper in.
For the sake of a 'good' conversation.
Well, at least this is turning out better than I'd imagine, no screaming or arguing or telling each other what we should do.
But I have a feeling it might not be what I'll expect.
"Look," I told her without thinking. "It doesn't really matter if I understand you or not, okay? All I don't understand is why in the hell are you acting like this!"
Hilary buried her face on her knees.
I frowned.
God, I hope she's not crying because that really make things difficult and scary.
Seeing Hilary—you know, HILARY—cry and do sappy stuff I've never seen her do.
To my relief, she didn't cry.
All I heard her say is a really big sigh.
REALLY big.
As if she just ran a three-mile stairs.
I frowned.
For the hundredth times: what the hell is wrong with this—this GIRL?
I don't even know how she found me here or what the hell she's doing
here but I do know that this isn't a good time for me to make another
argument with her.
I don't even think this is a good time for me to talk to her right now.
Sure she's taking someTHING seriously right now.
And I know it bothers her.
A LOT.
But I don't think I have time to know why she's bitching someTHING about.
Hmm...
Well, YEAH, I wanna know what it is.
But...
This is a NEW Hilary I'm talking about.
The girl who tries not to talk to you a lot.
The girl whose got strange feelings inside her.
Chuckle
Like me...
Laugh quietly
Yeah, maybe she feels these weird things inside me, too.
But I'm not sure.
Maybe I'm right...
Then maybe I'm wrong.
But I HAVE to find out sooner, still not later.
"...Do you really want to know...?"
I was surprise by how she said that.
It was how she had talked to me when I saw her at the entrance of the school days ago.
But more...
Depressed and doubtful.
Strange.
No, not strange.
SURPRISINGLY BIZZARE.
I sat up and turn my head to look at her.
She doesn't know that I'm staring at her because she was still crouching.
Another ironic thing in life since I've seen her this way before.
I for sure know that Hilary should go home quick.
With that frail, thin reddish pink sweater that barely reached her waist, that short white skirt, and that slip-on white shoes with no socks...
Laugh
It's hard not to miss.
I quickly turn around so that I'm facing her, legs crossed, arms crossed, and a good six feet away from her. I let silence in so that Hilary would wonder what in the hell I'm doing until she moves that browned-haired head of hers up.
She place her head up lowly, so that only half of her face showed from behind her knees.
I smiled.
"Finally," I tell her. "Took you LONG enough to get your own attention!"
She didn't react.
But her face was confused.
She's probably thinking, 'what do you want now, Tyson? Everything?'
I look at her.
"You know what, Hilary?"
She stared at me real long.
"What," she finally asks, skeptically.
I try not to smile but it's just too hard not to keep a smile in when you want to know something.
"Yeah," I told her. "I want to know."
I could tell that she tried to keep that frown in but I could see her eyebrows furrowed down a little.
She must've forgotten.
"Know what?"
"I want to know why you're suddenly this—NEW Hilary Tatibana."
With an "oh", Hilary rested her chin on her knees and didn't say anything else.
I grimaced at her and waited.
AGAIN, the whole world seem to slow down and we're, like, GROWING OLD here.
Rolls eyes
I looked closely at the Hilary Tatibana I once knew.
Her eyes were blanked and she was thinking hard.
I guess she doesn't know what to tell me.
Or, rather—HOW to tell me whatever it is.
But somehow, I have a feeling that I shouldn't know what it is she's going to say to me.
But then, I DO want to know so that this problem inside me is finally solved.
I hate mixed thoughts, mixed minds, mixed feelings.
They're too complicated and it gets in the way of what you are right now.
"...Do you really want to know?"
I could tell that she doesn't want to tell me because I know that even she wouldn't like what she'd say.
"Well, yeah, I guess," I answered.
I pause to add, "Uh, I'm guessing you don't wanna tell me?"
Half-closed eyes, she surprised me by smiling.
The night around us lighten up a bit, just a bit.
The moon passed midnight and it was now really early morning.
The wind was still cold and Hilary and I were shivering a little.
Well, Hilary was shivering more and I hardly am since I have more layers of clothing than hers.
The grass underneath us was dry but really icy cold, which made our shivering more uncontrollable.
I heard a couple of vehicles from far away.
Hilary smiled to me for like two seconds until she was back to whatever emotions she had earlier.
"It's stupid," she finally said something. "I—I don't think I can tell you, Tyson..."
I look at her.
"Why not?"
She looked away, unable to say anything else.
"Like I said," she whispered. "It's stupid..."
I decided that she might need a little minute or two of silence again.
So I let her.
Maybe I'm giving her a hard time even when I don't know yet.
What can I say?
We've been sitting here under this bridge for who knows how long, probably ten minutes?
Maybe more or less?
I don't know.
But sitting here with Hilary makes me feel like two hours with this New Hilary I'm now trying to understand.
I try to understand this girl right now but it's too hard.
She's trying to run away from me now when she was always stuck in front of me before this new being happened.
It was always her loud voice and loud complaints about me before.
Now, all I hear is her soft whispers and her glued lips unable to open forever.
I don't know but it's like I've gotten use to her yelling at me.
I don't even care what she sometimes say.
Now that the desert silence came, my ears were ringing with annoyance of peace.
Yeah, you can pretty much say that I miss the old Hilary now.
I can't complain.
I need to yell at SOMEONE.
"What would be so stupid about a little explanation?" I interrupted the stillness.
Hilary didn't turn to look at me.
She pretty much ignored what I asked her.
But I had to guess.
Even if the first thing was the right one...
"Was it about our fight last time?"
I could tell I was right because she kinda recoiled a bit.
"Well, is it?"
She turn her head to look at the ground in front of her.
"Not just that."
I look at her.
"What do you mean?"
Then, Hilary looked (GLARED, probably) at me in a way that made me uneasy.
Her eyes were angry, for sure, and her lips pursed tightly together.
The wind gently danced with her brown shadowed hair.
And for sure, Hilary is pretty pissed off.
From whatever that just happened...
To my complete surprise, she stands up and stares at me.
And her eyes were watery.
"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND, YOU SLOW-BRAINED DENSE BAKA!"
I was quickly taken back by her coming attitude.
Her voice was shaky and her cheeks were wet with her clear tears.
Clear huge tears.
I look back up her.
She looked at me like I was some incredulously stupid idiot.
Maybe she was right.
Her mind is thinking that I've already been a stupid idiotic moron ever since...
And her shaky angry voice made me feel something I haven't felt for a long time.
And I've forgotten how much it had hurt.
And now, I'm feeling it for not the first time, I can predict.
She clenches her fist hard, keeping that hard sob inside her.
And I just stared back...
Don't I understand what?
Without hesitation, she walked towards me and does something I have never imagine her doing...
And—
WHAAAAPP!
A hard slap clobbered in my right cheek, giving me a red mark in that cheek.
A red mark that looked as if it will never go away.
But soon it'll disappear anyways.
The only thing that will stay in that mark is the pain...
The pain that seared slowly through my veins, my head, my eyes, my heart.
I don't know but this is an easy explanation that Hilary had hurt me...
Not just physically.
But also emotionally...
I sealed the pain by covering it with my hand.
I was half surprise and half-confused.
What did I do now?
I just stared at her.
With a stare that asked the only question I wanted to know:
'..W—what did I do to you...?'
With that confused/shocked face of mine, I still stared at her with hard eyes.
I should be mad at her.
I should yell at her for doing this.
I should just walk away...
Leaving her alone...
Maybe
forever.
But I couldn't, I can't seem to do so.
It's like this isn't over yet.
Something should happen more.
And I can't seem to express any anger.
Strange...
But I still looked at her.
With that unanswered question in my eyes.
Suddenly, Hilary's angry eyes softened and kneeled down close in front of me.
I watched her, now really confused, as she just stares back me with that soft eyes.
Her face looked of pity.
And I don't like pity.
It only shows weakness.
But her pity wasn't the pity I hated.
We were about half a foot close to each other, staring at each other.
Hilary felt sorry now, I could tell.
She felt sorry for ever slapping me so hard that the pain concealed inside me.
My heart, especially.
And now, I'm wishing that that slap would've told me that she hates me...
Loathes me.
A tear trickled down her left cheek, lips trembling slowly.
"Don't worry, Tyson," she whispered to me.
She pushed her right hand hard on the cold grass.
But she just stares at me, while I stare back at her.
And before long, she brushes that hand of mine away from the pain I try to seal away...
And placed that right hand of hers over my cheek.
I just stared at her, confused and with the unanswered question in my eyes.
But I quickly shut my eyes for ten seconds, as that iciness that Hilary sucked through from the ground and unto her hand released through my aching cheek.
"Are you okay now, Tyson?" she asks me softly.
I didn't nod, or smile, or gave her any answer.
I just stared at her with glimmering eyes of confusion.
In my mind, I wanted to say "Hai, genki desu (yes, I'm fine)..."
But then I wanted to say "Kega shite shimaimashita (I'm hurt)..."
But then I might blurt out, "What the hell are you doing, Hilary? You know I can take care of myself so why don't you just back off?"
But I said nothing.
Hilary was healing the pain away.
She was easing that hot searing pain with her cold hand.
I try to shut my eyes again because the pain that tried to heal away throbbed.
I opened my eyes and continued to gaze at her.
What is she doing?
Why is she trying to heal something she had wanted to hurt so badly? She blinked away her watery teary eyes.
And I was surprise by what color of eyes I saw...
Ruby…
Her eyes were clear crystal ruby.
And it fitted her.
...
Her face was so gloomy I don't even think I could say anything to her.
"I'm sorry, Tyson," she whispered to me and smiled.
I didn't react.
I don't want to.
Because if I do, who knows what feelings I might start to feel...
Her hand was soft against my cheek.
For some weird reason, I tried not to look upset when she took her hand away from there.
My cheek was still red but I know it'll be gone tomorrow.
And...
As if the world will stop soon and no hope will come between us,
Hilary delicately placed her head against my chest, eyes closed.
And without warning, she started to sob.
Loudly but sounded so painful that I had forgotten to push her away.
I sat rigid and frozen, unable to think of anything to do.
It felt weird having Hilary's head against my chest.
I know I should hate it but I can't.
I can't seem to hate Hilary anymore...
Chuckle
And all I could do was rest my hand on her head and felt her soft brown hair.
My heart was beating like a crazed homicidal maniac running away from its enemy.
And I tried not to tremble.
And I know she could feel them.
I have never felt so scared in my whole life.
Before long, she took her head off my chest and stood up.
And I was looking up at her again.
"I'm sorry, Tyson," she told me.
She smiled at me, hopefully, a real one.
"You'll just have to figure it out yourself now..."
"Wakarimasen (I don't understand)..."
She smiled again.
"That," she answered softly. "If you take time to think you'll know... But since you aren't that kind of guy, you'll just have to wait..."
I still look at her.
But I know it's too late to find it out.
I also know that she would be right soon.
"Gomen nasai," she said, her final. "Sayounara, Tyson... you slow baka..."
With her final words, Hilary turned around and left.
I watched her... hand finding its way back to the cheek she had engraved her sadness upon on.
And left me sitting there...
Confused.
I shook my head.
No...
She can't like me...
Hilary can't like me.
Or love me...
She just CAN'T.
...
And I refuse to even try and...
And love her.
