UNREQUITED LOVE...
Every single second of this event that occurred...
Real.
Because, what good is it to allow tears streak through your cheek while you're walking towards home?
What good is it if what I'm bawling over about is nothing more but a so-called dream I had wanted to come true?
And when it really did came true.
I shivered and hugged my arms.
It's a cold early morning, maybe two in the early.
I could see the bright light of the sun's tails far to my left where I walked up the riverbanks.
I sighed.
Maybe I can still wait.
Maybe I shouldn't let Tyson figure things out so quick.
Even if it's been years since I've ever had feelings for Tyson.
Even if I know two years is so long, it's like two minutes of seeing Tyson and falling in love with him so quickly.
And making him know what you feel three minutes later.
Chuckle
Stupid, huh?
Yeah, sometimes that's me.
Anything that just wants to get out of me just gets out.
Even if it hurts them.
Oh well.
Life is harsh, life is unfair, life has its payment.
It's like love, actually.
Maybe even like hate.
They are given, showed, and cared...
But they can also be unreturned, unrequited, and not known...
But hate has its payment.
Like hate, love, too.
When you feel the power, the strong strong power...
You will have to pay it price.
It's funny.
If 'Love' is what EVERYone wants...
If 'Love' was what all the people, living things crave like never...
If 'Love' was the only thing they long...
Then why do they still want it when they know they will ALWAYS get hurt?
Be heart broken...
Be torn apart?
Why won't they see that inside them, they know they'll get severely hurt but still sticks on to 'Love'?
Why must everyone be so obsessive?
So desperate?
So... wanting of this 'Love'?
Shakes head
I just don't know anymore.
Can't think anymore.
Could Tyson be feeling the same thing, as I was since his heart beat like crazier than mine had...?
No...
Chuckle
What a stupid idea...
Of COURSE he doesn't like me.
With that yelling, spitting back at me, how can I miss it?
But he didn't push me away when I lunge onto his chest.
I had desperately needed someone to cheer me, make me feel better.
And it was only HIM that could make me feel any better.
The thought made me want to cry again.
...Only him.
Why only him?
Why not someone else like--like Kai or Max or Rei?
I shook my head slowly.
No, they just don't do it.
They're not the Right One.
HE is.
I hugged myself harder and lowered my eyes.
"No fair," I mutter. "No fair..."
I thought back to what happened few moments ago.
Yes, he didn't push me away.
I was expecting him to.
Who'll care anyways?
I'm already filled with sorrow.
It's good enough that the one I love just fills it even more...
But, he didn't push me away...
Why?
Instead, he laid his hand on my head...
Bizarre...
Even I know that Tyson—TYSON—would never do that to me.
But I felt it.
Felt the fingers of his touch my hair.
Felt as if he was about to stroke my own hair with his...
I could still feel the tingling of the back of my head, even the hand I had touched him in the cheek.
They both tingled.
In happiness and fear.
Sigh
What would YOU do if you love someone MORE than anything in the world...
And you could never (ever EVER) have them?
What would you do if every time you wanted someone—wanted him—
They would never be there?
And what would I do if he left me...
Left me forever, and I never got a chance to tell him how I felt?
I can't bare it.
I have never realized it but...
I love Tyson.
Laugh...
Heehee...
LOVE Tyson—LOVE him!
AAAARRGH!
I stopped and closed my eyes, fighting tears yet once again.
"Oh, god," I whispered. "What have I done...?"
I went over to a large tree right beside the riverbank and sat, leaning against it.
I hugged my knees and buried my face on them.
I just thought I liked Tyson a lot and I mean a LOT.
I just thought that Tyson was okay and maybe I should have a secret huge crush on him...
But, now...
I have done something that I'll be sorry someday.
I have done something that I can never regret or take back.
I have fallen in love with Tyson.
...
But not just this night.
But after I had seen Tyson battle against a Psychic beyblader member from the Biovolt where we were once stranded.
Ever since I have seen his courage, his bravery, and his loyalty, I had fallen.
Fallen for him.
Yes...
Head over heels.
And I never knew how much it hurts.
Sigh
Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying SOMETHING and wishing you hadn't...
Or saying NOTHING AT ALL and...
Wishing you had?...
I can't stop my feelings now like I had before.
It's like my heart's suddenly being automatically drawn towards something about Tyson.
Like Tyson's the Right One.
Yes, if you ask me, Tyson is okay looking.
Okay-looking?
No, good-looking.
His eyes are blue and deep and goes along with his navy hair.
I guess the hat fits him very much.
But you can't argue with his attitude.
That lazy, dense, low, pig...
Why can't he figure it out quickly?
"Tyson, you dumbass!" I whisper angrily. "Why do I even like a stupid jerk like you!"
I keep my voice down a bit because I am beside the same riverbank where Tyson is and I'm not that too far away from him.
I turn my head to look at that far away bridge and turn to look at the ground in front of me again.
I shivered.
Why can't I go home?
Why can't I stop thinking that I know Tyson doesn't feel the same way as me?
Why am I so stupid!
I know that he'll think that slap I gave him was a sign that I hated him.
Really hated him.
But it isn't suppose to be.
It was suppose to be a sign to tell him that I love him.
That I have fallen in love with his stubborn heart.
But I had showed it wrong.
You don't slap someone to tell them that you love them, do you?
You don't yell at him calling him names then slapping him.
That's not 'Love'.
I grip my fists and shut my eyes.
"Oh god," I whisper. "I'm sorry, Tyson."
But it's useless saying sorry to a thin air whereas I am a lone dust.
It's useless to talk to nothingness when you know it won't answer back.
The only answer it'll give you is a silent promise of whispers.
Whispers that said nothing.
I brush the hair that fell over my eyes and bowed my head, face in shadows.
I hug my knees tighter.
Is there no place for humiliations?
I sighed and brushed that stupid hair that fell over my cheeks again.
I wanted to go home.
I wanted to leave this place and sleep on my comfortable bed.
But my body was numb like ice and I could hardly feel myself shiver with iciness.
I released the hair that tucked behind my ears and let them fly loose over the side of my cheek.
Warmth.
It reminded me of him.
I looked up at the night sky.
'You were warm, Tyson...
I thought I'd never leave that chest of yours...'
A single tear flowed down my right cheek.
They felt like a frozen dagger's blade, stroking my cheek.
I wanted warmth.
I wanted defeat.
I wanted nothing but soak my frozen body over his arms.
Would he embrace me back if I did so?
Chuckle
No, no of course not.
I was too foolish to thinking that he likes me.
Too foolish to lunge myself into his chest.
Into his warm chest.
But that was defeat.
That was sympathy.
For ever hurting him so much.
For ever engraving that pain inside him.
And he will never forget it.
But he had almost held me back as much as I wanted to envelope my arms around him.
No, he couldn't.
Tyson would never even think of touching anyone with devotion, especially me.
The girl whom he had loved to argue with.
Tyson knows me as a bossy bitch.
He knows me as the loud mouth bitch.
He hates me.
No doubt.
"If you hate me, Tyson, why didn't you just push me away?...
Why didn't you just tell me to leave you alone and go bother someone else who cares?..."
I lean my head against the tree's body.
"Why don't you just tell that me that you hate me, loathe me."
I cried silently.
"Just tell me that you hate me... just tell me..."
I'm walking down a road. A road that led nowhere. Surrounding the road was nothing but desert. I don't know how long I've been walking in this road but my legs are tired. Really tired. I blinked away dusts that entered my eyes and continued on to my destination.
This is a dream, yes. But I really hope it isn't. Somehow, this strange silent made me feel comfortable and I am able to think freely. It's strange because the silence in reality is so disturbing yet this dream silence is so calming. I'm looking down the ground, hands clasping together behind me. I look really innocent. But I'm not.
Where am I going I don't know. But I do know that I should be reaching the ends of this road. I scanned around me and watched the blurry sandy wind pass by.
When I looked ahead, my stroll was over.
There are two doors that planted the end of the road. One was white and one was black. I walked on ahead and chose the black one.
I have no choice.
Goodness, happiness, cheerfulness does not fit me anymore in that white door and this black door just sucked me in. I opened the door and stepped inside.
A bottomless pit.
I stepped inside a bottomless pit of darkness. I plummeted hard down the pit, unknown where I was going to fall or land. I wasn't yelling, or screaming. Instead, my face was calm and normal.
I know this was going to happen, so why waste your breath?
I waited until I stopped falling. Waited for my fate. Waited for me to end. What am I thinking, you asked? Well, I'm thinking what my mind is thinking. Either what it thinks in this dream or what it thinks in reality. Either way, it doesn't matter. Nothing matters when you are down, broken, and gloomed.
Nothing...
"...There's no reason in doing this, Hilary..."
A familiar voice echoed around the bottomless fall I crash down on. My blanked eyes snapped and I looked around.
"...Everyone lives in lies and false..."
I bit my lips.
"...There's no point in hiding things you want to get out..."
Tyson. It was Tyson's voice.
"...There's no reason in doing this, Hilary..."
I tried not to cry. I gave strength to hug my arms and shut my eyes. Oh god, please don't let me wake up.
"...Come back to me, Hilary..."
I try not to tremble.
"... Open your eyes and come back to me..."
With those last words, my heart pounded hard and I stopped falling. I opened my eyes and looked ahead of me. I have made my decision. A decision I wasn't sure if I can take. I blink slowly.
Yes, Tyson. I will come back.
"I'll come back to you..."
A door appeared in front of me. A white door. I hesitated a bit and opened it.
I stepped inside.
"...Tyson..."
Everything was black but it wasn't any match to the figure that stood motionless in front of me. I was crying but he wasn't. Why was I crying? This dream is too fast for me. And I'm too slow for it.
Tyson's face was calm but his blue eyes were glimmering. And it made me cry more. Without thinking, I started running. Running towards him. Running towards Tyson. He just stands there, motionless with those strange eyes. I ran faster and stopped right close in front of him. Where was I? What is this place?
And all I know is that I am dreaming. Still dreaming. All my dreams usually is all black. I stopped right in front of Tyson and stared at him. I was waiting for something but what was it? A sudden wind came through us, making my hair lunge forward whilst Tyson's flew backwards. But it's still hid his eyes, though. I stared at him with sad eyes.
"T--Tyson...? I--I--I..."
I stopped and turn my gaze away from him. My right hand clutched my left elbow and my shoulder rose. And I know I was going to cry next.
"I--I--..."
I gave up.
"I'm hurt."
I'm hurt because of you. Because of me. Because of everything that's happened between us. I wanted to say that but I just said those two simple but difficult words. I turn my eyes to look at him, head still turned away.
To my surprise, Tyson smiled. I tilted my head to gaze at him with apprehension. Tyson was smiling. A smile that tells me it showed kindness. My eyes widens a bit with this strange thing he has never given me for a long time. Worse of all my heart felt as if it would blow from beating so hard. I'm so hurt because of what happened in the past, Tyson. I'm so hurt because of the past...
To my extreme surprise, Tyson lifted my chin by a finger and smiled. I'm blushing like mad but I let him do whatever he wanted. I came back, Tyson. I came back. I closed my eyes. All I could do was let him whatever he wanted. He was the only boy I would ever let do whatever he wanted to me. He is the only boy I have surrendered to...
And his words echoed through my very rising heart.
"Let me heal you then..."
Without any hesitation, the boy I loved for years moved forward and found my lips with his.
He kissed me.
I kissed him back.
I had fallen asleep.
I don't know how long but I know it wasn't that long or short since the cold stabs of the wind woke me now and then.
I blinked and opened my eyes.
I groaned when a slight twinge of pain came from my back.
I looked around and groaned again.
"Shit," I muttered and lay still.
I had been lying down sleeping.
But not in a comfortable.
And to think I slept with this position the whole night!
Oh crap, how the hell am I suppose to get up now when I have morning cramps?
I sighed and closed my eyes.
God, the grass was cold.
God, the air was icy.
But it was morning.
I yawned and stretched my arms.
Was I back to reality?
I try to sit up but failed again.
I gave up and waited until I could get my strength back.
For some weird reason, that cold wind seem to not mind me at all.
For some reason, I wasn't shivering.
I looked at my chest.
Something was covering my body.
With a sudden feel of strength, I sat up and looked at myself.
A sweater was placed over me.
"What...?"
I grabbed the sweater and stared at it.
"How did this..."
I gasped.
FLASBACK
..."DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND, YOU SLOW-BRAINED DENSE BAKA!"...
...WHAAPP!!.
...'..W--what did I do to you...?'...
..."You'll just have to figure it out yourself now..."...
..."Gomen nasai," I said, my final. "Sayounara, Tyson... you slow baka..."...
END OF FLASHBACK
What was this sweater doing here?
How did this get in...
I stopped thinking and closed my eyes.
Oh, god, I'm going to cry again.
Tears stroke my cheeks and I hugged the sweater.
Why did you do this, I asked him silently although he is not around.
Why did you let me live rather than let me die...?
How could you!
How could that stubborn bastard have the thoughts of doing something nice to me!
No.
I love him and he doesn't love me back.
An unrequited love, I feel.
A love never returned.
No.
I don't take pity from you, I said silently.
I don't want any worrying from you when I know you don't mean it.
or feel sorry for me but I don't want your sorry.
I never want any of your sympathy.
All I want is...
Your love.
A love maybe you'll return.
I opened my eyes.
Oh god, I wish I was living in a dream.
That dream...
It looked so real, felt so real.
His kiss was soft and warm.
A strange feeling for a dream.
Yet... I wanted more.
I crave to kiss Tyson.
To let him know how much I really love him.
To let him know that every bad things I've done to him were all false to distract myself.
To let him know that I never hated him.
Dislike him, no.
Hate him, never...
God, I wish I was just a girl in a dream.
I stared at the horizon.
The sun was already set and it was morning already.
But I was too preoccupied thinking about someone else rather than this pretty sunup.
I closed my eyes and hugged the sweater tightly against my heart.
"...Tyson..."
