UNREQUITED LOVE...
After I had come back home, my mother was furious at me.
She asked me where I had been.
I told her—or at least lied—that I was at Tyson's place.
"We wouldn't have been so worried if you'd just tell us you're at your boyfriend's place," my mother told me.
I flushed with a tiny anger but I never showed my temper.
" Okaasan," I mumbled. "He's not my boyfriend."
I rolled my eyes in case she acted suspicious.
She fell for it.
Everyone always does.
They've known me as what I am right now.
Outside, they've seen, known, and talked to me as self-satisfied, benevolent, and the type who burst out when no one expects it to happen.
Yeah, I guess I'm the typical girl they think I am.
But I couldn't help remembering that I'm still the dust in the air.
Being carried by the wind's armless body.
And I'm falling.
And inside, it hurts me to have them think I'm what they think I am.
Maybe that's why I'm a new me now.
Maybe that's why I'm making Tyson and his friends worry.
Worry...
Chuckles
Why would Tyson worry?
Especially when it's me we're talking about?
Shakes head
He'd never worry about me.
Never.
My mother shakes her head.
"Well, at least you've got some fine boys as your friends," she told me. "I hardly hear you going there anymore. What's wrong, Hiromi-san?"
I shook my head.
"Nothing's wrong, okaasan," I persisted. "They're just busy with their stupid beyblading game."
Again, my mother shook her head.
"Maybe you should try those games," she smiled. "I hear they're really good."
I laugh at that.
No really, I did.
I laughed so loud that I know my mother heard that high-pitched tone somewhere in the midst of my laughter.
She frowned.
I stopped quickly and looked at my feet, blushing.
"What's wrong with playing those games?" my mother asked. "I'd love to buy you those blayblade thinga mobobbers."
I laughed softly.
"Beyblade, mom," I corrected her. "It's beyblade. And besides, why would I want to learn those stupid child's toys anyways?"
"Child's toy?" my mother looked at me curiously. "I think you're good enough to start learning them. Why how old is Tyson? Sixteen? You're the same age, Hiromi-san."
I sighed inside my heart.
"And you could asked that good boy Tyson to teach you, too," my mother added with a smile.
I looked at her.
Inside, I gazed at her like she was a crazy woman.
But her eyes were telling the truth.
She really DOES want me to play that stupid game.
I wanted to answer her correctly.
But instead, the wrong thing came out.
"Now, what idiotic moron would want to play those game?" I blurted. "I, a girl, don't play those kinda things, okaasan. A girl?"
But my mother looked like she was expecting me to say this.
"Well, I've seen girls play it," she answered. "Even older than you."
I blushed and stared at my feet again.
"Whatever, mom," I murmured.
"I even heard that Tyson and his friends are the world's championship?"
I nodded.
"I even heard them telling me that you're their some kind of training coach?"
I nodded timidly.
Had I forgotten to tell her that?
I should swear I've told her last year...
"Why don't you go ask Tyson to teach you how to play?" my mother told me. "He IS a good blayblader."
"Beyblader," I corrected once more. "And no. Tyson wouldn't want to teach me..."
My mother looked at me, eyebrows rising.
"Why not?"
"Because," I tried to think of a good lie. "Because he'll think I'm too old to start learning those idiotic games, being sixteen as I am. You know."
My mother rubbed her chin.
"I never thought about that," she said.
Inside, I smiled.
Oh, okaasan, you're so gullible.
"Besides," I continued. "I don't like those games."
Even if I DO ask Tyson, he'd say no.
I can imagine the look of his face inside my head right now when I ask him that.
A big giant beaming smirk.
He would cross his arms and laugh hideously.
"Teach you?" he'd sneer. "Isn't it a bit late to teach you how to play the game?"
And I'd be there, standing, just staring at him.
Dumbfounded and hurt.
"I just want to know how to play it," I would've mumbled but he would interrupt by laughing even louder.
"Whatever, Hilary!" he'd chuckle. "Teach you? You're not the type of girl that should be playing this game."
And I would just stare at him, while he keeps on laughing like a jackass maniac.
"Hilary? Hilary Tatibana? Play Beyblade? That's a laugh, Hilary. That's the best joke you've ever told me!"
Inside, I would be broken.
Shattered.
Even right now, standing in front of my mother, my heart seem to be pushed down by a heavy weight of tears.
My eyes glistened and watered.
I squint them away but I couldn't.
Could Tyson really say that to me?
Could Tyson be that cruel to me?
Could Tyson really hate me that much?
The thought was too unbearable to me that I run passed my mother and headed up the stairs.
"Hiromi-san! Where are you going?"
"Up my room!" I tried to sound formal but my voice shook a bit. "I'm tired! I need to sleep!"
I ran towards my bedroom and fell on my bed, weeping.
It was bright enough so I didn't turn the lights on.
But to me, it seemed like the whole world had gotten dark forever.
Like a dark large cloud had embedded itself, replacing my ceiling.
Like the floor had turned into fiery hell and everything seemed so icy cold.
I buried my face on my arms and buried my face deeper and hard onto the mattress.
Again, I tried not to scream.
But I did.
Only, I didn't scream with my mouth.
I screamed with my heart.
The scream came in my heart.
It burst like a door swung drastically open, letting it bang against the wall.
The harsh noise of the banging sound of the door against the wall was similar to the scream that burst out of my heart.
I gasped with air and let the spot where my face was deeply buried moistened with unbearable tears.
I imagined Tyson laughing at me again, like I'm the filthy dust he had stepped on.
The dust that dissolved by that step of hatred and humiliation.
I hate Tyson.
I hate Tyson.
I hate Tyson.
I don't like Tyson.
I never liked Tyson before.
I loathe Tyson.
I detest Tyson so, so much...
I...
I still love Tyson.
Oh, God, the thought made my heart pound like hammers against a hard steel.
The sound so excruciating, I don't think I could bear listening to it.
I clutched my chest and turn to my back.
I was hoping I'd see the thunderous black clouds that had replaced my ceiling.
I was hoping I'd see the black thunder streak its way down towards me, electrifying me with hurt.
But, no.
I saw nothing but a creamy white ceiling.
I saw nothing so dark and dreary but a bright looking ceiling that blinded my red puffy eyes.
I hate it.
I hate it when my mood was the opposite of everything else.
Outside my window, the sun had came and shone brightly in my room.
So brightly that it compared nothing to the brightness of the light bulb up the ceiling.
The color of everything in my room was too cheery for me.
My bed so bright, the carpet so bright, and the stuff animals so bright...
Even my clothing.
Even my...
I stopped thinking and looked at the thing that was hung over my reddish sweat top.
It was a red jacket, buttons opened and sleeves so large that my hands were unseen.
The hood was annoyingly bothering the back of my head and the bottom end reached all the way down below my hips.
"What the?"
I don't remember wearing anything like this large jacket before.
I don't even think I remember buying a jacket like this.
The only person I knew who wears this jacket was...
I gasped and quickly sat up, forgetting everything that had happened minutes ago.
Tyson!
Why did I have his jacket?
How in the heck did I have it?
And what am I doing with it?
I would never in a million years would I ask Tyson to borrow this.
Unless...
FLASHBACK
I had fallen asleep.
I don't know how long but I know it wasn't that long or short since the cold stabs of the wind woke me now and then.
I blinked and opened my eyes.
I groaned when a slight twinge of pain came from my back.
I looked around and groaned again.
"Shit," I muttered and lay still.
I had been lying down sleeping.
But not in a comfortable.
And to think I slept with this position the whole night!
Oh crap, how the hell am I suppose to get up now when I have morning cramps?
I sighed and closed my eyes.
God, the grass was cold.
God, the air was icy.
But it was morning.
I yawned and stretched my arms.
Was I back to reality?
I try to sit up but failed again.
I gave up and waited until I could get my strength back.
For some weird reason, that cold wind seem to not mind me at all.
For some reason, I wasn't shivering.
I looked at my chest.
Something was covering my body.
With a sudden feel of strength, I sat up and looked at myself.
A sweater was placed over me.
END OF FLASHBACK
And I remembered now.
I was sleeping under a tree.
Having the weirdest—yet the most remarkable—dream ever.
I have to admit, that was the only time I had ever dreamt about Tyson, I swear.
And it moved me for some reason.
I don't how quickly I fell asleep but when I woke up, I found this sweater over me.
When I decided to go back home, I wore it to keep me warm.
To my surprise, it was really cozy and secure.
I place my hands—hidden inside the large sleeves—and pressed them gently against my right cheek.
I closed my eyes.
I couldn't go back to sleep and continue that dream.
Maybe the ending was enough to make me stronger.
Maybe the ending was enough to give me strength to fight my own emotions.
Because, I decided to give this jacket back to Tyson today.
I walked along the pathway that lead to the dojo.
I was almost there since I could see the place just the size of a dollhouse.
I kept the jacket huddled close to my chest.
I didn't have the courage to even wear it.
What if Tyson sees me with it?
I can't go yelling at him again.
It would hurt my heart and the New Hilary I've become.
I watched my shoes kick each pebble they came across with.
I sighed, my shoulders quickly rising up and down.
What am I suppose to say to Tyson?
"Oh, hi, Tyson. I was just passing by 'cause I thought you dropped your jacket and it tumbled on me while I was sleeping on the ground last night. I'm sure you want it back--duh, of course you do. Here you go, BYE!" ?
That was all my stupid brain could think of.
My second option was to stutter like an idiot.
Laughs
I'd rather go with the first one.
Yeah.
I think I'll do the first one.
Besides, Tyson has never seen me make up shit or even stutter right in front of him.
He'll find out that I like him!
"First one, the first one, the first one," I reminded my brain over and over.
I reached the entrance and found Rei and Max practicing their beyblade.
As soon as I stepped inside the dojo entrance, Rei's head snapped up and saw me.
Sometimes I wonder how Rei could sense people's arrival, even as quiet as they are.
But I guess those weird gold eyes would be a reason.
Maybe those fangs too.
I always thought Rei was either a cat or a tiger.
I've seen his bit-beast thingy and it looked like a tiger to me.
I tried my best smile and came towards them.
"Hi, Rei," I turn to Max, "Hi, Max."
Before I had entered the dojo entrance, I quickly held the jacket behind me.
But, being forgetful, I forgot to fold it into a small square.
Rei grinned his toothy smile.
Max beamed and greeted me back.
"Where have you been, Hilary?" Max asked.
I blushed faintly.
I didn't want to tell them why I haven't gone to the dojo for weeks.
Maybe they'll find it out themselves someday.
Someday, though.
Someday.
I chuckled nervously.
"You know," I answered. "Just... here and there. How are you guys?"
Rei shrugged.
"The same," he answered. "Practicing and stuff."
"And Kai?" I asked.
No one answered.
I frowned.
"And Kai?" I repeated. "Did anything happen to Kai?"
Max place a hand behind his head and stared up the sky.
"He left the city," he answered.
I raised my brows.
"Why? People-problem?"
"Kinda," Rei answered. "I'm not really sure but he left pretty quickly and he sure was good at making us all clueless."
"But I doubt he'll be in danger," Max added. "At least, he still didn't retire as our leader."
"He loves being the leader," I said. "didn't he?"
"No doubt," Max said.
Then he turned to look at me.
He noticed something behind me and then looked at me.
My heart pounded.
"U—um," I began, hoping that I wasn't sweating. "Have you seen Tyson?"
To my surprise, Rei chortled.
"Tyson?" he smiled. "He's been asleep ever since he came to the dojo."
"What happened to him?"
"You should see him," Max laughed. "He was groaning in pain when he slept beside us last night. He kept me and Rei up the whole night."
"Was Tyson hurt?" I asked, trying not to sound worried.
Too much anxiety can lead to revealing secrets.
I have to remind myself that often.
"Yeah," Max said. "He kept mumbling about back pains and cold nights. I don't really know why he would forget his jacket wherever he was last night."
I flushed but quickly hid it by staring at my feet.
"A—actually," I stammered. "I—I found it."
"How? Was Tyson stripping off somewhere Max and Rei laughed.
I laughed with them.
You gotta admit.
Rei and Max were great to be friends with.
"No," I smiled. "I found it on... the ground. You know. I was taking my midnight strolls when I found a red jacket lying beside a tree near the riverside."
"Well, it isn't likely for Tyson to forget to leave his jacket when it's like fifty below zero out there at night," Rei frowned.
I tried not to blush furiously.
"Anyways," I began. "Is Tyson here?"
"Sleeping," Rei answered. "Tyson's not a morning person."
I nodded with agreement.
It usually takes me twenty minutes to get the slug off the bed.
"No kidding," I agreed.
"We'll go wake him up for you," Rei told me.
I shook my head.
"No, no," I exclaimed. "Th—that's okay. I can go back some other times—"
"No, no," Max interrupted with a grin. "I think the sleepyhead needs to wake up right now. He's had enough sleep for today."
"Don't worry," Rei winked. "He won't scream in tantrum. Unless you kick him in the sides. Never ever do that, I advise you."
I saw him rub the back of his head, as if he had just been punched in there.
I smiled.
"Okay," I answered. "Got it."
Rei and Max grabbed their beyblade and headed straight towards the dojo.
Until I interrupted them.
I don't know what I was thinking but it just came out of my mouth.
"Can you tell him that I have something really important that he has to know?" I shouted.
They turn their heads and smiled at me.
Oh, God.
What the hell do you think you're doing Hilary!
Do you want to die and go to Hell or something!
I clutched the jacket to my chest.
I hear Max tell me something.
"Wait by the pond!"
"Okay," I screamed back.
I left the dojo entrance and headed straight to the pond, hoping I wouldn't wreck what the plan I never had planned would do.
"Remember the first choice, remember the first choice, remember the first choice," I repeated over and over as I turned left, heading straight by the pond.
Hilary, what have you done!
