AN: This will probably the longest chapter in the story...and I really don't want any reviews saying that Kagome's never like this... well, it's her friggin' diary, things are under different circumstances, and well... gah! nevermind...remember... alternate universe...

Entry Five

February 8th

Dear Diary,

I have not felt this depressed since I found out that my father had accused me of abusing Souta. That was when I was fourteen. Souta and I were playing in the backyard, and he fell over onto the stone waterfall. He got a bunch of bruises on him arms and one on my cheeck. My father, when he came home that night, saw those bruises and began to rant and rave at me.

My mother tried to correct him and tell him that Souta had tripped and fallen on the stones, but he was then accusing me of pushing Souta onto the rocks. I was so hurt. I would never do anything to hurt my baby brother! I knew enough sense to try and ignore my father's words, sensing that he really resented having a daughter.

I went upstairs that night and was still very very depressed. I wished so bad to kill myself. But then... I would think of what I cost my family. This was by no means because I loved them or anythhing like that. My father had deserted me and my mom and returned every couple months. I later learned, at the age of seven, that my parents had never truly divorced, only had a temporary separation. They still slept together on occasion even though, and this was proved later that year when Souta was born. My dad lived 24/7 with us after that. I never felt any real family love or obligation towards that man. So the obligation to repay my parents the cost of raising me has kept me going for so long. That obligation has been paid to the fullest...

I never expected to become so successful with what I thought was a temporary job. I enver expected to live past the age of eighteen really... But last night, when I was talking to Kagura, it really hit me. Inuyasha was really going to choose.

He was going to have to pick who he liked better. If it were me in that situation, I would have had a breakdown a long time before, and not even a diary could have helped relieve my stress.

I feel so guilty. I know he would have had to chose sooner or later, I mean, he couldn't just keep seeing the both of us now could he?!

But Kagura was suprisingly encouraging to me. It was strange. I mean, everyone around me, even Sesshoumaru, says that I should leave Inuyasha.

But Kagura's words really just hit me in the heart. They were so truthful, and there were no sympathic looks or anything.

"Just stick with it. Being with Inuyasha sure as hell won't be easy. Damn, if he's at all like his brother, and they are more alike than people give them credit for, then it's going to be really tough. But... you love him. And he loves you. Love with find its way for you two. I can feel it. There might be lots and lots of obstacles - " and there she coughed and said the word 'claypot bitch'. That's a little inside joke. The first time Kagura met Kikyou, she told me she thought that that woman was made of clay! She was so pale... " - but it will be worth it in the end. It always is."

Her words are the only thing really keeping me going on now... but there's something at the back of my mind. I just can't go and kill myself now. I feel as if I have another obligation to fulfill. But I have a problem. I don't know what that is.