NOTE: Sorry you guys, it's not the end. Like I mentioned, the last updation will be on Nov 14, later or sooner. I've just been trying out something that would help me remember what to write. And I think if I divide one chapter into half, I'll get the idea back in my head.
Criticism can be told in reviews if you want to or not. Please reconsider and don't flame me for doing this. I'm simply trying to remember.
UNREQUITED LOVE
I realize my mouth had worked, instead of my thoughts.
I quickly shut them, and glared at the pebbled ground.
I was not supposed to say that out loud.
I was supposed to think that, not say that.
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
But what I say, what I did, when I heaved a weary large sigh, did not affect Tyson.
He simply did not reply.
And when I stole a peek at him with the corners of my eyes, he is staring out what seems to be nothing.
He is staring at a distance, something I likely have rarely seen him do.
Usually, when he does that, it means his brain is actually working and he's thinking hard.
It makes me wonder why he can't keep it working in what you call 24/7.
But when I look at him through the angles of my eyes, he is still crossing his arms, which I still think is quite adorable.
I motioned to the sky.
How long will this silence last?
How long will it stay until it's damaged by pain?
How long do we—I have to keep pretending?
I am not perfect.
I am not kind.
I am not anything.
I'm like a robot, doing anything to please people.
I try to be the best person I can.
I try to be the better human I am as now but...
It still led me nowhere.
Being a better character I attempt to be is... useless.
Hopeless.
I am hopeless, still.
I try to look hopeful to those I want to respect so much.
But they just push me away, and it hurts so much to have someone hate you for something you try so hard to accomplish.
And I am close...
To living into nothing.
"Why were you here, really?"
"To give you your jacket."
Duh.
But he wasn't fooled.
"Sure it is. No, really. What made you do that?"
I fiddled on the hems of my skirt, unsure of what to say, of what to answer.
What made me do that?
I don't know.
I really don't know.
I thought I did.
But not I'm not so sure anymore, again.
A part of me wants to tell him real bad.
A part of me doesn't.
When I look at him, both of those feelings come to me.
And I can't decide what to do, what to choose.
I keep staring at my white skirt, now looking silvery at the moonlight.
"Aren't you gonna answer me?"
I bit my lip.
I fiddle don the hem of my skirts, pinching it and brushing my fingers on it.
If I didn't notice, I could have seen Tyson stare at what I'm doing.
If I'd've notice, I think my fiddling was getting a bit faster.
Blushing, I stopped and intertwined my fingers together on my lap instead.
"Well, you did gave it to me," I mumbled.
"I thought you dropped it so I came by to give to you."
There was no other remark.
He didn't say a thing for the last couple of momentum.
When I looked at him, he was staring at the crescent moon above us.
Slowly, I turned to stare at the pebbled ground.
Maybe I shouldn't have came here.
Nothing good ever happens when I'm around Tyson.
Or when we're left alone.
Maybe I shouldn't have came here.
I should have just given the jacket to Rei and left then.
But, no.
I had to play stupid and stay here to tell him.
"That's not what I meant," Tyson broke the silence with his suddenly monotonous voice.
I didn't look at him.
If I do, I might know what he really meant.
"O—Oh... then what is it?"
I didn't want to find out.
"I'm asking you what happened."
I didn't want to find out.
"I wanna know why the hell you're acting like this."
I shut my eyes.
"We all wanna know what happened to you, Hilary."
I didn't want to hear.
No, I don't want to hear it.
"Tell me. I'm not forcing you. I just wanna... know."
The last word was spoken so softly.
But I was suddenly blinded with frustration.
Gripping my hands together, slightly firm, I kept my eyes shut.
I was unexpectedly unseeing.
When I opened my eyes to look at him, he had been staring at me.
But what he saw in my face made him cringe.
I don't want to hear it!
I was sightless with tears.
I couldn't help it.
It just came out.
All I could do now was to keep what I want to really say to him inside.
Unfortunately, I couldn't.
"Do you really want to now?"
My voice was solid.
I don't know why, but now I'm angry.
Tyson scowled and grabbed me by my shoulders, shaking me a little hard.
"Yeah I wanna know," he growled.
"You've been bitchy ever since I met you and maybe even more bitchier. Now, all you are... are nothing!"
It's an impact.
It's a pretty hard thud to the ground.
It's an impact.
I see something, I see someone.
But now I don't.
I see something, I feel something.
But I didn't care.
All I did was let this strange substance flow out of my eyes.
These damned things that you do when you feel so sad.
When you feel angry.
When you feel alone.
When you feel betrayed.
"You wanna know?" I muttered loudly. "You wanna know?"
His face does not change.
I see merely this smirking, suddenly angry face.
But I don't see the shine.
I don't see the shimmer in his eyes.
For if I do, I'll break down even more and this anger will fade away quickly.
"Because. Because..."
It's an impact.
My voice is trembling.
It's a huge impact.
I must get the words out.
It's a hard fall from the black sky.
I have no support, no parachute.
I just keep falling.
Nobody is on the ground to catch me.
Nobody...
But I don't care.
"Stop caring then," I uttered, changing the subject.
"Stop fucking caring then."
His facial expression changed.
His brows borrowed even more.
His lips turned straight.
But I feel confusion.
"What are you talking about?"
I laugh.
"Of course you don't," I mumbled.
You're stupid, that's what.
"Just stop caring about me! STOP IT!"
Tears streamed down my cheeks, falling on my cheeks.
I HATE YOU!
His grip on my shoulder loosens but he kept it there, as if for support.
"I—I cared."
I couldn't keep it in anymore.
It just needed to come out.
I just needed him to know what I had felt.
What I had once felt now.
"I—I cared."
The smile on my lips shot him like a gun that he quickly removed his hands on my shoulders, as if I was poison.
"For you. You."
He was confused, I can tell.
The brows, the eyes, and the lips tells it all.
I don't think he was expecting this.
An impact.
This time, it was he that felt it.
"W—What are you talking about?"
A smile couldn't help but creep up my face.
This guy...
This guy is...
Stupid!
"You never did understand do you?"
This time, he let go of me.
He stood on his feet and walked in front of me.
With a gaze like that, it was hard for me to not stare right back.
What happened?
His eyes...
They were so intense.
No...
They are intense.
He was confused a moment before.
I could see the confusion glinting off his eyes.
Like he's got no clue what the hell I'm going to do to him soon.
- chuckle -
What am I going to do?
Even I don't know.
But when I look at his eyes right, I feel so weak.
The intensity, the hesitation.
They all made me weak.
And that's when I broke down.
That's when I just broke down...
And cried.
What can I do?
He was right.
He was so right.
"You—you're right... I am a fool."
I lifted my knees up to my chest and buried my face on them, sobbing.
"I—I'm sorry! I acted like a fool! I was so stupid that—that I just thought that I—that you..."
My shoulders shook.
My hair flew.
My body quivered.
My heart ached.
I don't want Tyson to see me like this.
I don't want him to see me so weak.
Even I'm used to having him see me as this tough bitch.
And now that I've finally broken down and wept in front of him, all courage wore off.
All powers faded away.
And I'm left with sympathy, with eyes that would stare at me with empathy.
Those are the emotions I hated seeing.
Those are the emotions I didn't want Tyson to use to me.
I hate having anyone see me cry.
Crying alone helps me conceal myself from others.
Crying alone helps me think things over.
And I wouldn't want to be seen crying in public, especially if it's Tyson that sees me.
I just want to be normal, like all people are.
That's why I act perfect in school.
That's why sometimes you have to be mean to others when it happens.
That's why you shouldn't be yourself too much because, to me, it makes things worse.
If you want to know the real me, I'll tell you.
I'm not perfect.
I'm not mean to everyone except those I should be hating.
I'm not trying to be myself sometimes.
Well, every time.
I never try to be myself.
It brings too much out of me.
I was halfway to falling down from my impact...
When suddenly...
I saw him.
I had my eyes closed, waiting to fall face down on the black ground.
But when I opened them, he was there.
As if he was waiting for me.
Why?
He was standing there... with arms stretched out above him.
Like...
He wants to catch me.
And in reality, I feel something warm touching my shoulder.
Warm I had never felt before.
But...
It wasn't enough.
"Hilary... don't..."
Gasping, I move my head up to gaze at him in shock.
What is this emotions I'm feeling?
What is this human emotions that's filling my heart so fast?
And why is my heart beating so quickly that it had before?
Am I feeling it again?
Am I feeling what I had felt for him again?
If I am...
Why?
My vision is blurred, fogged.
But I can see his figure, illuminated by the moonlight.
"Tyson," I murmured quietly.
Suddenly I smiled.
I give up.
There's no use hiding anymore.
There's no use pretending when it really hurts to feeling something you don't wanna feel.
"You know... I really like you."
And I said like...
Not 'liked'
Smiling, I close my eyes tediously.
I will wait.
I will wait for his rejection.
It don't matter, at least he knows.
Even if it's all hatred towards this girl...
At least someone knows that I like him.
I will wait.
Because I have given up.
I have given in to this hungry feeling that needed more emotions.
But I know it won't be full when it knows the emotions it needed accept it to be swallowed.
Why me?
Why does it always have to be me?
And when I opened my eyes to look at him, I pursed my lips.
flashback -
In this world, there's no such thing as losing.
In this world, you can only win.
If not win, be humiliated.
Just so that the world can see how truly degrading you have become.
Don't you want to win?
'Hai.'
Don't you want to beat me?
''Course.'
Then what are you waiting for?
Defeat me, will you?
See how powerful you are to me.
Let me see just how mighty this Tyson Granger is to the eyes of mine.
Defeat me.
Defeat me.
All she could see was blackness. As that she felt was nothing. All she did was blink and then it was as if she was transported into another place, yet still clutching unto Tyson's arms angrily. Looking to her left and right, she could detect the echoing voice coming alive once more. She could hear the sound of the one whom Tyson appeared to be sinking into.
Why can't you defeat me?
Why?
Hilary let Tyson go and turned around to face what lay ahead of her. Nothing. As if she was blind, hidden in the darkness, silver gray luminescence shooting down on her and Tyson's stance.
"Of course he'll defeat you," the angry threat came out as a gentle whisper. "Why wouldn't he? Why wouldn't he!"
You again.
Why do you manage to always hinder my way when it comes to my prevail?
Hilary managed to laugh.
"You!" she questioned, tone still so low and hoarse. "Who said that you're winning!"
I do.
"So you plan to win against cheating then?" Hilary glowered.
Whoever said I was cheating?
"Sure you are," Hilary pointed out. "You're trying to control Tyson's mind just to get Tyson to fall under your trap. Eh?"
There was a slight chuckle, then a sarcastic huff.
So you're smart.
I must admit... you are a fairly good trainer.
Hilary didn't say a thing. Instead, she placed her hands on her hips.
"So? What of it? Got a problem with that?"
Hmm...
With an attitude like yours, no wonder your friends think you're a stupid bitch.
Narrowing her eyes, Hilary curled her lips and scowled.
"Damare!" she yelled. "Stop playing cheat and let this game be fair, you coward!"
Coward?
Me?
A coward?
Hilary waited until the reverberating echo of laughter stopped, which seemed forever.
I could tell you the same, fool.
'Cause I feel your fear.
"Me scared?" she asked incredulously. "You gotta be kidding me!"
Sure you are.
It doesn't take that many wise guys to hear that loud thud in your heart.
It doesn't take a foolish old man to realize that you can't protect the one you love.
"L—Love!" Hilary felt warm, not daring to find out if it was of the crimson tint of her face or that her surrounding seemed humid lately. Either way, she would rather die than know. "W—Wha—I—I—I don't—don't... love him! What sick mind would give you that idea!"
It radiates all around you.
It's so obvious.
You love this fool.
Do you not?
She couldn't hide the deepening flush creeping up her cheeks. Whether this is a lie or truth, she couldn't answer any of it. Such question was so out of her mind. Questions that tried to reveal what she thought she never felt.
Groaning angrily, Hilary crossed her arms, looking away to what was suppose to be a ground. Behind her, she felt Tyson's presence, still standing in a figurine state.
"How would you know?" she muttered. "How would a low-life baka like you know about that kind of feeling when all you do is deceive?"
Many reasons, I may say so.
"Right," Hilary rolled her eyes. "Like you know a lot."
There was a slight chuckle.
You are interesting.
Then, from the blackness in front of her, a shadow appeared.
- end of flashback -
He...
He didn't accept it.
He—he didn't want it!
I feel it.
A knife darted through my heart, slicing what's still left.
But with all those pain and shattered heart, I still smiled.
And he cringes, moving his hand away again, like I'm still that venom he doesn't like.
"I'm sorry," I smiled, tears striding down my cheeks.
"I'm really sorry for saying that, Tyson."
(A/N: err... please review?)
