Title: Just someone
Author: thousandmiles
Rating: K
Summary: post-ep fic for Till Death do us part. She wanted to understand and help the boy, probably because she could understand him. He shook his head, Stella was always the compassionate one. She was his closest friend and always looked out for him.
A/N: My second CSI:NY fic. I loved the moment between Stella and Mac in Till Death do us part. Mac couldn't get a word in when she got all mad. Also, I saw how compassionate Stella was and I think the case got to her. And Mac, I think even though they're not on the same case, he still checks on her. I thought they needed to talk…at least Stella sure did. Of course, Stella's history, it's all speculation on my part. A bit of a fluffy friendship piece. Reviews are appreciated...
Just someone
Watching her walk out of the lab, he saw how tired she was. This case had been personal for her. When Flack had told him about their argument, he'd been surprised. That was until he'd read the case file. Then he'd understood. She wanted to understand and help the boy, probably because she could understand him. He shook his head, Stella was always the compassionate one. She was his closest friend and always looked out for him. This time he knew he had to look out for her. She needed a friend. Quickly walking after her he caught up with her at the parking lot.
"Stella, hang on a sec." He called out to her before he stopped next to her.
"Hey, Mac." She hoped Mac didn't have a new case. All she wanted to do was get home, have a nice warm bath and forget about her case.
"You okay?" He tilted his head to look her in the eyes.
"Fine, just tired, that's all."
She was giving him a clear signal she didn't want to talk. However he wasn't going to listen. She always ignored his own refusal to talk so why should he accept hers? And he knew Stella, she needed to talk things through before she could leave it alone. With a slight tilt of his head, he asked her to follow him. Knowing refusing him would only keep her here longer, she followed him. They walked towards a small park that wasn't far from the CSI lab. Sometimes they would come there for their lunch break. Since they hardly had time to eat anything during their cases those times could be counted on one hand. Quietly they sat down on a wooden bench. Both used to having their bodies in close contact they sat closely together.
"I saw you talking to Connor." Mac started, hoping this would ease her into the conversation.
Stella ran a hand through her thick curls. Her time in the orphanage was something she rather forget, but once in a while it would come back to haunt her. And when it did, she always needed a few days to regroup. Leaning forward, with her elbows on her knees and head in her hands, her face was hidden by her long curls.
"Stella." He tried again, placing his hand on her back.
"I really don't want to talk about it, Mac."
"I know you, you need to talk about things."
He was right about that. She usually wanted to talk when stuff had gotten to her. This, however, was different. She needed to work things through for herself first. The memories of her time at Saint Basil's were too fresh, too fresh to talk about. "Not right now. Like I said, I'm tired. I just want to go home and relax." Sitting up, she looked at Mac, hoping he would accept her decision. She saw him nod. Thanking him she briefly covered his hand with hers, she stood up and left him alone in the park.
The following day Mac gave their one case to Danny and Aiden. It gave Stella and him some time to catch up on their paperwork. At lunchtime Stella appeared at his door. "Let's get some lunch."
With their sandwiches in their hands, they sat down on the same bench as the evening before. She'd been able to work through the memories yesterday's case had brought. She was grateful Mac had accepted her decision yesterday. She hadn't been ready then. She knew he was hoping she would still talk to him about it. She felt like she could do that today, and frankly she wanted to talk about it. And who better than Mac, he was a dear friend and good listener. He could read her like no one else.
"The case brought back memories I try not to remember." Stella started. "In a way I could understand him. I never knew my parents, at least he did. But I could understand his need to cross those lines. He got placed in foster care and I can imagine how difficult that was for him. I always wondered what my life would have been like if they'd decided to put me in foster care."
Mac was surprised. Stella almost never talked about her past. When she did she was always brief. He always wondered what it must have been like for her. It couldn't have been an easy time.
"I told him he had to make it work, try his best to put the past behind him, however difficult that might be. He deserves more and he needed to hear that." Her voice turned soft as she continued. "I wish someone would have told me that. I struggled so much at the orphanage. All I wanted was someone to care. Was that too much to ask?" Taking a deep breath Stella continued. "I wish someone would have been there for me back then. Wish I had someone to count on. Just somebody who I could turn to, no matter what. Sometimes I feel like I'm still searching for that person."
"You can count on me. I'll always be here for you." In a way it hurt him that she didn't think she could count on him.
Laying her hand on his knee, Stella gave him a small smile. In her whole life she'd only known one true friend, Mac. Even though she wished there could be more with him, she cherished their friendship and did not want to go through life without it. That's why she would never tell him about her feelings for him. "I know, Mac and it means the world to me." Leaving her hand on his knee, she wondered if he'd want her to move it. "What I meant is, that I missed someone who would have said: I'm proud of you. Someone who would have stood up for me when things got tough. Just someone in general to fall back on. I remember with my graduation that I looked out into the crowd, seeing all those proud parents looking at their children, and there I was… alone again."
Gently covering her hand with his bigger one, he squeezed it. "You're not alone anymore, Stella. You never will be."
"I know and thank you."
What she did next shouldn't have surprised him, she'd always been a touchy-feely type of person. She put her arms around him and hugged him. And all he could do was wrap his arms around her and hold her close. He closed his eyes to focus on the feel of her in his arms. Taking a deep breath he could smell her shampoo.
"Thank you." She whispered again into his neck, making him shiver.
All he could do was nod and smile, as if all speech had left him when she'd hugged him. It was at that moment that both their pagers went off.
"Work." They said simultaneously and smiled.
The End
