16. Grasp Tightly in Your Hand

(A/N: In this story, the text in italics takes place in a dream.)

"How is he?"

Gisela closed the doors to the royal quarters quietly behind her. "I fear for the worst, Your Excellence," she murmured, turning to look up at the tall Mazoku man before her. She shook her head wearily. "I've done everything I can for him. That blow to the head would have probably killed most people. As it is, even Sir Wolfram will have a very difficult road to recovery." She squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed the bridge of her nose, feeling all her years in the aches in her shoulders and back. Expending as much maryoku as she had had taken a heavy toll on her, and that was just to keep the poor boy alive. "...If he ever wakes up," she added softly.

Outwardly, Gwendel hardly reacted. He simply inclined his head slightly, but in that small gesture Gisela knew he too feared for the worst. "Is Yuuri with him?" he asked, after a moment of silence.

"Yes. I told him to get some rest, but he insisted on staying. I think he feels... responsible somehow." She frowned. "I hope he isn't punishing himself for what happened."

Gwendel shook his head. "Wolfram was... is a trained soldier. He was prepared to give his life for his king. I'm sure His Majesty understands that." He bowed slightly to Gisela. "Thank you for your hard work." With that, he turned and retreated down the hall, long hair and coattails trailing behind him. Gisela watched him go before heading to her own quarters, limping ever so slightly as she walked.


Yuuri was exhausted. After Gisela left, he'd spent the better part of an hour struggling with a giant wing chair that had been collecting dust in the corner of their room for as long as he could remember. Now that he actually needed the damn thing, he could barely get it out of the deep ruts it left in the rug, and he probably ruined at least three priceless objects in the process of dragging it awkwardly across the room.

"Gah," he panted, finally getting the plush oak and velvet monster into position beside the bed. He plopped into it with a labored sigh. "That was more of an ordeal than I expected," he said to Wolfram's sleeping form. "I'm sure you'll call me all sorts of things when you wake up, right? But I'll just make you move the chair back." He tried to laugh, but it died in his throat and came out sounding more like a choked cough.

He curled up in the chair, hugging his knees to his chest. It really wasn't so bad. Sure, he'd been kicked out of his bed for the night, but he was used to that. He'd just sleep in the chair, and in the morning Wolfram would wake him up with a cross expression and demand to know why he hadn't come to bed.

He rested his chin on his knees and watched the boy's chest rise and fall evenly, his face dimly illuminated and peaceful in the gentle moonlight. Eventually, his eyelids grew heavy and his head nodded to one side, pulling him down into a heavy, dreamless sleep.



Wolfram found himself alone on a small island. He got to his feet and looked out over a deep blue sea, the surface of which was dotted with countless multicolored flowers. They waved and bobbed gently with the water, illuminated by an ocean of stars that spanned the sky overhead. He inhaled sharply, surprised at once by the beauty and serenity of the scene, and at the same time how utterly impossible and ridiculous it was.

"Where am I?" he thought, and realized a moment later that he had said it out loud. "What?" he heard himself say, just as the thought passed through his head. The ocean stirred anxiously around him. "Why can I hear my thoughts out loud...? What is this place?"

He shook his head from side to side. "I must be dreaming. That's what this is." A salty breeze stirred and tousled his long bangs. "Why am I sleeping? Wasn't I with someone...? I remember... it was important..."

Wolfram furrowed his brow and sat down heavily in the white sand. "There was something I was supposed to be doing..."

He sat and thought for a long while, trying desperately to remember, but with each moment that passed the feeling of urgency grew more distant, leeched away by the gentle ebb and flow of the tide.


Yuuri awoke with a painful crick in his neck and the feeling that he had been set upon by a large group of burly thugs. He moaned and unfolded his limbs stiffly, figuring in his half-asleep haze that he'd been kicked off the bed by Wolfram again. He got to his feet and was about to say something cross when he realized that the boy was still asleep.

He placed his hands tentatively on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb the blankets that Gisela had arranged around Wolfram. He should be comfortable, she had said, with a curiously sad expression. Yuuri leaned forward a little to peer into Wolfram's serene face. "Wolf," he said experimentally. When that drew no reaction, he poked the boy firmly in the shoulder. "Hey, Wolf, get up." Still nothing. "Come on, get up or I'm going to go take a bath with Yozak and his 'delicate' friends."

The fairer boy simply continued to dream, his breath coming and going in shallow, even draws, like the steady back and forth motion of the sea. Something sick bubbled up inside Yuuri and sent chills across the back of his neck. "I should get Gisela," he said vaguely, backing away from the bed. "She'll help you get better."

He didn't believe the things he was saying, but somehow it helped to say them anyway.



There didn't seem to be time in the place Wolfram now existed.

He had noticed this after watching the moon carefully for what felt like a very long interval, and coming to the conclusion that it was neither moving nor changing. It was simply a great white smile cut into the sky that continued to leer at him oppressively.

He shivered and rubbed his arms. He was getting colder. At first the weather had been temperate, but as time passed, or didn't pass - rather, as he got more bored - it had grown slowly but steadily colder, until he felt possessed by a damp and unpleasant chill.

The sea stirred and lapped at the edges of his little island. Tiny eddies of irritation appeared as Wolfram shifted restlessly. He stretched his legs as much as he could, but he was loathe to even go near the water's edge. Flowers may dance across the surface of the shining sea, but a lurking fear nagged at the edges of his perception, and kept him far away from those shadowed depths.


Several days had passed.

Yuuri sat in the plush wing chair that he now spent more time in than out of. He was sitting cross-legged and had a leather-bound book open in his lap. With one finger on the page and his brow furrowed in concentration, he made his way slowly through the simple Mazokuese that comprised Anissina's latest children's book. Even with all the pictures, he was having a hard time of it.

"And then... the great monster... ummm..." he trailed off. "Well, actually, I can't read this next bit either, but if you just look at the picture here..." He held up the book hopefully. "It's really cool, it looks like some kind of griffon, you know? Do you guys have those here?" Wolfram didn't turn his head to look, or respond with some glib comment about how Yuuri really ought to be able to read by now, or do anything different than he had done since the night of the accident.

Still, Yuuri stubbornly held the book open until his arms grew tired and he had to pull it back to his lap.

"Well," he said quietly, his eyes falling. "I think the next thing that happens is..."



He'd started to hear voices. Not just his own thoughts echoing around the domed sky, but those of other people. Sometimes he tried to talk to them, but they never talked back. Whoever was out there, they didn't seem interested in Wolfram at all, only in carrying out their own disembodied conversations with invisible partners.

Well, with one exception.

He was busy ignoring a deep baritone voice droning about politics and strategy when the Voice first addressed him directly. While the others would drift around him, sometimes coming from several different directions at once, this one hovered behind him and spoke directly into his ear.

"Morning, Wolfram," it said, causing him to jerk his head up in alarm. He normally didn't move much - didn't really feel the need to, but the nearness of the Voice was disconcerting.

"Who's there?" he thought, the waves of the surrounding sea stirring restlessly.

"Can you hear me?"

"Of course I can," he huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "You're right behind me."

"Greta wanted me to tell you good morning."

"Greta...?" The word seemed to hang in the air. Wolfram shook his head. "I know that name. I do, I know that name. Is that someone you know too?" He got to his knees, the pale white sand of the beach whispering with his movement.

The Voice sighed and a warm breeze feathered across his face. "She misses you, Wolf."

"Greta does? Wait... tell me about Greta..."

"...I miss you too."

Then, as suddenly as it had come, the presence faded. Wolfram reached out for it, swiping fruitlessly at empty air. "No," he sobbed. "Come back, I want to talk to someone! Come back..." He sank back into the sand. "Please..."


Yuuri wouldn't let her see him.

He kept telling his adopted daughter that Wolfram would wake up soon, and then he'd read her all the stories she wanted, even the hard ones that she didn't quite understand yet. Sometimes he heard her pacing back and forth in the corridor outside of their room, her little feet shuffling restlessly on the stone floor. But he wouldn't let her in. He didn't want her to see Wolfram like this.

He didn't want her to see himself like this, either.

He kept going over the incident in his head. The expedition. The sudden shaking. The rockslide. They all thought it was some kind of magical attack, but Gwendel had reported today that after further investigation they had concluded it was simply a geological phenomenon. Just a plain old run-of-the-mill earthquake.

Yuuri ran one hand through his hair. "Why couldn't you have just let the rocks hit me?" he demanded, a harsh edge in his voice. "I could have taken it. I would have been fine." He stood up and placed his hands firmly on the bed, leaning over Wolfram's sleeping form. "I wouldn't be lying in that bed like some... vegetable! Since when are you such a wimp, Wolfram!" Angry tears streamed down his face and dotted the coverlet with tiny wet circles. "Why are you... such a wimp..."



"I am not a wimp!" Wolfram cried out. "Stop saying that!"

The wind howled around him and the sea was wild with foamy waves and eddies. Dark clouds had blotted out the stars and heavy rain poured down around him. His hair whipped back and forth across his face, and he had to narrow his eyes to see anything at all. It was the first time his tranquil seascape had been anything but that, and he huddled down as close to the ground as he could get, terrified by the disturbance.

When the Voice did not reply, he wrapped his arms around his knees and rocked back and forth slowly. "I'm scared..." he thought timidly. "Why are you doing this to me...?"

The tempest around him slowed ever so slightly and the Voice murmured softly in his ear. "Why won't you wake up?" it said in a wavering tone, before receding again.

Wolfram just looked up at the stormy sky, his face a mask of confusion and loss.


There was a knock at the door. Yuuri looked up from his paperwork, which he had been tending to on a lapboard in his now-familiar wing chair. "Come in," he called out.

The door opened and Conrad stepped in. "Your Majesty," he said, inclining his head slightly.

Yuuri waved him over. "I'm glad you're here. I wanted to ask you about this sentence here -"

Conrad shook his head. "I came here to talk," he said gently. He approached Yuuri and sat on the edge of the bed, turning his head to gaze down at Wolfram. The boy had grown thinner, his skin pale and his hair limp around his face. He frowned.

"I know what you're going to say," Yuuri said. "You want me to leave him, right?"

"...You don't have to do that. But I am starting to worry about you. Almost as much as I'm worried about him."

Yuuri smiled weakly. "It's not that bad. I can do most of my work in here. And sure, I'm not adventuring, but maybe I shouldn't... anymore..." He bit his lip. "I don't want to put anyone in danger. I don't want to do that ever again."

Conrad sighed. "What happened was not your fault, Yuuri... it was just bad luck."

"Bad luck seems to follow me everywhere, doesn't it?"

He smiled slightly. "Maybe so. But doesn't it always work out in the end?"

Yuuri looked up at him, his dark eyes shimmering. "Yeah... but that's why I have to stay here with Wolfram. If I leave him..." He shook his head. "I don't know what he's dreaming about, or if he's even dreaming at all, but someone has to stay with him. Help him keep it together. Until he's ready to come home."

Conrad looked at the boy for a long time before leaning forward to place a hand gently on his knee. "Yuuri..." he said softly. "Thank you."

Yuuri smiled and nodded his head. "I'll bring your little brother back, Conrad. I promise."



There was no doubt about it. The island was getting smaller.

Wolfram had first noticed when he felt the cold seawater licking at his toes. He drew his feet in sharply, assuming he'd simply gotten too close to the edge, but a quick survey revealed that the water had drawn closer on all sides. He could now only sit upright without getting wet. He shivered and wrapped his arms around himself, trying to will away the dire cold that seemed to permeate his entire body.

He gazed out at the horizon, watching thousands of tiny colored flowers bobbing up and down in a steady, even motion. It was hard for him to feel alarmed in this place. He had begun to accept what was happening to him - that the water would overtake him, and that he would become just another one of those flowers, to join the multitudes that drifted endlessly on the deep blue sea. It wouldn't be so bad. At least it was a peaceful existence, and he was starting to feel very, very tired.

He closed his eyes and waited patiently for oblivion.


"Wolfram? Wolfram!"

Yuuri's eyes widened in alarm. His fiancé's slow, even breathing had hitched suddenly, and was now far more irregular. He crawled forward onto the bed and pressed a hand against Wolfram's face. "You're so cold," he whispered. "Come on Wolf, hang in there!"

He looked about frantically. He could run and get Gisela, but he was loathe to leave Wolfram like this - and besides that, she had been very clear about the fact that magic couldn't help him anymore. The battle was in his own head now. He has to want to come back, she had said.

Yuuri blinked back tears. He was losing Wolfram. After all this time, the boy was finally giving up. He gave a sharp, strangled cry of frustration. "Don't you want to come back?" he demanded, his voice thick in his throat. He leaned down and gathered the frail boy into his arms, stretching out to lay alongside of him. "I know it's cold where you are, but... I can keep you warm... Wolf..." He started to cry then, deep, soul-wracking sobs muffled against Wolfram's shoulder. "Don't leave me here alone..."

He found one of Wolfram's limp hands with his own, and threaded his fingers through the other boy's tightly. "Do you know why I let you follow me everywhere?" he whispered. "Think about that before you leave me..."


It was almost over.

The sea had surged around him and was now almost up to his neck, his limbs so numb he could hardly even tread water. He gasped and gurgled, struggling to keep his head above the surface, but he knew it was only a matter of time.

Then the Voice returned.

He shouted out to it, sometimes unable to hear it clearly over the roar of the waves. He flailed frantically with the last bit of his energy to lift up his head enough to hear what it had to say.

"Don't leave me here alone..."

"But -" Wolfram sputtered. "I'm the one who's alone -!" A particularly large wave broke and splashed over his head, and suddenly he was completely immersed in the water. His eyes burned as he searched frantically for the surface, but he couldn't tell which direction he should swim in, as they all looked the same.

Reality sunk in. It was over. His eyes closed slowly, and he let himself go, drawn down, or in, or out, by the insistent currents of the sea.

Just then, something impossible happened.

His body wrenched as something caught his hand and pulled him up out of the water. He gasped desperately as his head broke the surface, salty tears blinking out of his reddened eyes. He continued to lift out of the water, supported by some invisible force clinging to his hand. "Who... what..." he murmured numbly, squinting in the sudden light.

The light.

His eyes widened when he realized that far away on the horizon, the sun was rising. Long beams of light skipped across the surface of the water and raced towards him. In their wake, the sea transformed before his eyes to a brilliant green meadow, covered in blooming flowers of every color. "Impossible..." he breathed, as the roaring sea, the stars, and the moon disappeared, leaving him dangling a few feet over a blissfully solid surface. He was lowered gently onto his feet, which sank ever so slightly into the soft grass and spongy earth. The sun's rays beat down on him, and he turned his face up to the clear blue sky, the beginnings of a smile touching his lips.

He felt warm again. And now he knew which direction was home.

He bent down and picked up a flower, a tiny daisy with pink and yellow petals. He clutched it in his hand and started to walk, one foot in front of the other, towards the sun.


At some point, Yuuri had fallen asleep. It was a faint stirring beneath his head that woke him.

"...Wolf?" he murmured, blinking slowly and pulling himself into a sitting position. "Is that you?"

Wolfram turned to face Yuuri, his emerald eyes fluttering open. "Yuuri...?" he whispered, his voice cracking in his dry throat. His gaze darted down to his hand, which the other boy was still clutching tightly in his own.

"Wolfram!" Yuuri exclaimed, his heart overflowing with joy. "You're awake!"

Wolfram smiled faintly before a look of confusion passed over his face. "I feel like hell," he rasped. "What happened?"

"You slept..." Yuuri murmured, pushing an errant lock of hair back out of Wolfram's eyes. "I thought you would never wake up."

"Oh." Wolfram tried to sit up, but just groaned and felt back onto the bed. "Wimp. You could have just woken me up, you know."

Yuuri smiled, tears of joy glistening in his eyes. "I did," he said softly, squeezing Wolfram's captive hand for emphasis.

Wolfram sighed, his eyes fluttering closed. "You know, I had the strangest dream..."

"Really?" Yuuri arranged some pillows and settled in next to Wolfram, leaning his head on the other boy's shoulder as though it were a lazy morning after a sleepover. "Tell me all about it."