I'm going to try and cover as many fandoms as I can, but I'm not an expert in any of them and will no doubt make some mistakes (which other badfics may or may not have already humiliatingly done). If ever that happens, feel free to hurl objects at my head. Or, if that isn't possible, single it out in a review. Now, on to the second chapter.
Date Uploaded: 06 May 2005
Chapter 02: He's New
The woods of Lothlórien were always eerily serene. Joshua St. Louis stayed in the shadows of a huge tree, confident that no Elves who could be hiding up away in the boughs could see him as long as he remained still and quiet. He kept himself from glancing at his watch again, although he knew that it was eight-oh-five. She was late.
The leaves rustled overhead and Joshua instinctively looked up. At once something clamped over his mouth and in a flash he was dragged into some bushes. His ears caught a faint whizzing sound and he realized that it was an arrow slicing through the air.
Not a word.
The command rang from within his head and he obeyed it at once. His eyes, thankfully uncovered, caught sight of movement between the leaves of the bush. An Elf, tall, blonde and graceful, bent over and picked up the arrow that had imbedded itself in the ground where Joshua had been standing on mere nanoseconds ago. The Elf looked around suspiciously, a bit confused; he was sure that he had noticed something here. A low whistle from his comrades kept him from investigating any further, however, and he turned and bounded off.
After a few moments, when it seemed that the coast was clear, Joshua's captor released him. He slowly backed and away and stood up, turning around to face his brusque savior.
"Glad to see our Matrix-like telepathy is working," she said, dusting herself off. "It's a wonder that Elf didn't see us. Somebody up there must really like you."
"Agent Riviera, I assume," Joshua said. "I'm glad you showed up when you did, but you're late."
"Right. And just think, if I had been one split second later you'd have an arrow as head decoration," Alexis said, looking none too pleased at having been chided by her new partner.
Joshua flashed her a smile. He was a charmer; wide, easy-going grin, fairish skin, blue eyes, very dark hair and boyishly good-looking. He carried himself in an assured manner and towered almost a foot taller than her. Alexis wondered briefly if Erin had set her up or not. Either way, she was sure her supervisor was getting a kick out of it. Now he extended his hand. "Joshua St. Louis, your new partner."
"Wonderful," Alexis responded with complete indifference, although she did shake his hand. She was a sharp contrast to his open features. She had face that would have been pretty had it not been so severe, darkish skin and deep brown eyes. She was a plain Jane and preferred to be as inconspicuous as possible. She could tell from the get go that they were polar opposites.
"Well, considering we're headlong into a mission off the bat and you're the senior partner, any quick knowledge you'd like to impart to me?" he asked her.
"Yeah. Don't get exterminated yourself," Alexis said wryly, spinning on her heel and moving off, beckoning him along almost impatiently.
Joshua frowned a little, honestly expecting more of a pleasant welcome. With a shrug and tolerant sigh he followed.
As they walked Alexis gradually slipped into her disguise. Her short, black hair elongated and grew to a fine flaxen gold, tresses falling about her shoulders. Her skin color lightened and her distinctly Southeast Asian features shifted to make her look more Caucasian. Elven robes of rich earth tones replaced her black and white business suit. Now, as she strolled along, she looked like any other member of the Fair Folk.
"Well?" she asked impatiently, looking at Joshua. "Aren't you going to change too? The sooner we get this over with the sooner we can leave."
"Is there really such a need for a disguise?" he asked.
"Well in the event we're seen, which is highly possible considering Elves are the most perceptive bastards on Middle-Earth, it would help if we weren't so suspicious-looking."
Joshua sighed, knowing she was right, and then his appearance began to morph as well. His hair remained dark but flowed out in long locks, tucked behind pointed ears. His outfit shifted into a green tunic that was common among the archers of Lórien and a bow of fine craft appeared on his back. His blue eyes became more vivid and his look more intense.
"We're a fucking Sue and Stu," he said with a sigh, noting her amused half-grin upon seeing his completed disguise.
"Right. It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it," Alexis said, continuing on the way. "Now come on, we should run into our target soon. If we're lucky she hasn't made much of a move yet."
They walked along, Joshua having grown quiet due to his delight at trying out his current Elven ears. He turned his head this way and that, amused at being able to hear even the lightest sound, like the falling of a leaf or the soft footfalls of Alexis in front of him. Presently the greenish color of the trees began to lighten, and after crossing one of the rope-thin bridges with ease, they found themselves headed towards the golden wood.
"You ever stop to sightsee when you're on a mission?" Joshua suddenly asked, admiring their surroundings.
"Not if I want to fail," was Alexis' sharp reply. She drew him behind a tree and pointed at something quite a ways away. "There's our target."
Joshua, equally as impressed with his heightened sense of sight, spotted the blonde head of a curly-haired female about a hundred yards away. She was seated underneath a tree, apparently trying to decide how to look as cute as possible for when the Fellowship arrived, as she constantly fidgeted with her outfit and her position.
"Pretty little thing," he commented. "I'll bet she's got a suitably pretty Elf name picked out, mixed with another pretty Hobbit name. Something highly unpronounceable."
"To hell with that, she's Sue000347195 on our records," Alexis said dryly.
"Funny, I thought there would be more," Joshua commented.
"Oh there has to be millions. But the MSEA's only been around for a year or so, once it was realized that the amount of original characters gone Mary Sue had gotten out of hand. But considering the number of these hell spawns and the agents in the organization, I'd say we've been doing a pretty good job so far."
By this time Joshua had fitted an arrow into his bow and was taking aim. "Done? Because we have just about two more minutes to successfully complete our mission."
"Oh shut up and take the shot."
And he did. The arrow flew straight and true… and sank into the tree bark mere inches from Sue000347195's head.
Alexis slapped a palm to her forehead in exasperation as Joshua blinked and colored. "Shit. I could have sworn I had her."
Instead of replying, Alexis quickly swung into action. She dashed forward, pulling a knife from her robes as she did so. Within seconds she bore upon the startled Sue000347195 and brought her weapon down, only to be halted as the Sue brought up her ridiculously lavish-looking sword and stopped it.
"Who the hell are you?" she demanded.
"Agent Alexis Riviera, CPI, MSEA division," Alexis said. "You are in violation of canon and therefore must be eliminated."
"You're the idiot who fired that arrow at me?"
"No, that was my partner," Alexis jerked a thumb in the direction of where Joshua was still trying to fathom how he missed that shot. "He's new."
"Wait, you're planning to kill me?" Sue000347195 shrieked, suddenly realizing what she meant.
Not answering, Alexis lunged again. Sue000347195 tried to once more stop her with her sword, but Alexis had only faked the forward thrust in order to throw her off. Swiveling around she lashed out and planted the knife cleanly into Sue000347195's side, all the way up to the hilt.
In mere seconds Sue000347195's body had evaporated into a fine mist. She left no trace, not even a stain on Alexis' blade. Alexis sheathed her weapon and then heard noises moving in her direction. A loud voice was protesting something. Gimli, probably. Looking around in panic, she finally leapt upwards and swung herself onto one of the high, golden boughs above. There she crouched and waited, hoping that neither she nor Joshua would be seen.
Sure enough the company of eight appeared, along with Haldir and a few more escort Elves. The eight were blindfolded and being led along, Gimli placated now but still muttering to himself. They passed underneath the tree Alexis was in and then continued deeper into the golden wood.
Even when they were out of sight Alexis waited for a few more minutes. When she was sure it was safe she turned and began to move quickly from one tree to another, finally dropping down into her former position beside Joshua, who had stayed in his spot.
He jumped a little when she reappeared. "You know, you've got to teach me how to move like that."
"Sure, right after I teach you how to aim properly," she grumbled at him, turning to leave.
"Hey, the bow pulls to the left," Joshua defended, following her. They took a few more steps and then vanished cleanly together.
»»» continued
