Disclaimer: I do not own Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. But you knew that already, didn't you?
A/N: Well then, new chapter. Hopefully longer. Sorry, can't tell you yet if the Ultimate Insult is mutually exclusive with the Ultimate Compliment. It'd spoil the plot, and we wouldn't want that to happen, would we? On to the story!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
It had been over a month since Wowbagger had set off on his journey to find who had ordered the destruction of Earth. It was not long compared to his lifespan, but to him, it felt like an eternity. Most of this time was spent cursing at his computer, which would still not uninstall Windows. Oddly enough, cursing at it made it work slightly faster.
He had narrowed his search to a few groups: the philosopher mice, for they might want to stop the Question from being discovered (oh yes, he knew about the Earth's raison d'etre; it would have been hard to have lived as long as he had without knowing about it); the Vogons, because of the (now unnecessary) hyperspace bypass, or perhaps because they just liked destroying things; and a few assorted other individuals.
Wowbagger decided to start with the mice. They have the highest chance of having ordered it… he thought.
"Computer! Plot a course for the mice homeworld!" he said.
"Sure thing, cap'n! I'm just getting happier and happier serving you, and just want to hug you and be loved!" said the computer, spewing out ticker tape reading Sure thing, cap'n! I'm just getting happier and happier serving you, and just want to hug you and be loved! Wowbagger hated it even more with its newly installed Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Genuine People Personality.
Barely maintaining his calm, Wowbagger said, "Computer, just do what I tell you to without speaking unless absolutely necessary."
"Yessir!" it said with another ticker tape barrage. Then silence.
The next day, the computer had a question for its master.
"Sir, should we stop at planets to insult those on the surface?"
Wowbagger pondered this query seriously. It was a very good question. Would he go down to planets, and, in his anger over the Earth, accidentally unleash the Ultimate Insult before its time had come? Or would he not stop and risk people on his list dying before he could insult them? In the end, he replied, "Go to the mice homeworld. Don't stop."
"Yessir! I just love being used! I love it I love it I love it!"
"COMPUTER! SHUT! UP!"
"Yessir cap'n sir!"
Wowbagger brandished a large axe taken from the last insulted person.
"Shutting up!" said the computer.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
A/N: That's all I can think of right now. Sorry for the shortness again. Hope you liked it, but review all the same!
