Title: No Sense In Running
Disclaimer: Purely for entertainment. No infringement intended.
Pairings: Possible Faith/Jess, possible Faith/Buffy.
Rating: R for language, themes.


Chapter 6

Don't know what you expected of me
Put under the pressure, of walking
In your shoes…Numb/Encore, Linkin Park

There was just a handful or two of us. Ready to give Caleb what we had.

The First Evil's strongest living vessel, Giles said.

What strikes me as odd is how the strongest living vessel of good can't beat this fucker. There was B, me, Xander, the potentials. There were enough of us. But we couldn't even wound him. Instead he wounded all but two of us. The two of being me, and B.

I'm sitting at some girl's bedside, and I can see she isn't gonna make it. Comatose, broken bones, internal bleeding, whatever other damage he did her. I just felt B walk past me and the cold atmosphere as the wounded turned from her, or shot her a menacing look. As if she was the big bad.

I scanned the room with my eyes. ER was full of us. OUR cavalry. Some of them had broken bones and that was it. Some, like this girl here, weren't so lucky. Two had died already. I hadn't even known their names.

It wasn't until then that I realised just how hard this was gonna be. It was a tough room. Crying. Silence. Anxiety; panic. And this was just the first round. No doubt B had some strong emotion runnin' through her, she really wanted us to go tonight. She wanted us all to go. I just thank fuck we all didn't.

I glanced around the room once again. Still a tough room. A tough room, minus B.

The worn floorboards creaked beneath my boot and a constant drip of water echoed through the black hallway as I traipsed it. I barely knew where I was going. But for some strange reason, knew where I would end up.

I stepped into the open room, the lack of light meaning I had to try my utmost to find my way around without my eyes. The pastel blue of the moonlight shone in through the large broken window, yet that only painted silhouettes around the room. And there she was. Just standing, so still, at that fractured window, right on the edge. The moonlight painting her a void of colour.

Something told me she wouldn't appreciate my company, so I assumed the position I'd taken; just inside the doorframe. I folded my arms across my chest, the extreme cold starting to get to me.

It wasn't me who started talking, which made it easier to speak.

'You know, you can sleep for a whole day and not feel rested,' she started. 'And you can dream, but all the images running through your head are of war and death.'

I didn't know what to say. I had no idea what she was talking about. Did she know it was me standing behind her?

'It must've been a hell of a lot easier to sleep inside, huh?'

So she did know. I took a careful step forward and opened my mouth to speak. 'Em…not…really.'

'Come on, it must've been. No wars to fight, no vamps to dust. No apocalypses to worry about.'

'Just because you aren't in the centre of them it doesn't mean you don't worry about them.'

Silence. She took a step back, and turned, glanced at me, then looked across at whatever it was that caught her eye across the room.

'Angel would tell me about all his dealings, all the time. I always knew that he could handle it, though. No problem. He always did,' I said, strongly at first, but drifted off when my eyes rested upon her still form once again. This time she was standing, not far from me, and looking into my eyes.

'Yeah.'

I broke my gaze from her first, and soon found myself strolling towards that same broken window that she had been standing before.

'Why does it always have to be this hard, Faith…' she said quietly, her words practically swallowed by her own throat.

I turned to see her, passing her hand over her face, as if she was wiping away tears, and I gotta say, it hurt to see her this way. As much as I wanted to hate her right now. I couldn't do that. Look at her.

'Life's just that, B. Hard. What fun would it be if it weren't?'

She remained silent and I took a step towards her, my forehead creasing a little from watching her distressed state.

'Those potentials know as much as you and me just how hard it is,' I began to explain. Lord knows where I was goin' with it. 'I mean look at us…'

She looked up at me, her eyes welled with tears, her cheeks already tear-stained.

She released a sigh and shook her head, passed her hand over her face again. 'Yeah…you hate me. I tried to kill you.'

'Ah, that's old news,' I said. Dude. Good of me to let go so fast. 'What I meant was…we're standing here. Right now. Still alive. Still Slayers. As much as we can't or…aren't supposed to exist together, we're still doin' it. Man, you might want to rip my throat out or worse kill me, but-'

'I don't wanna do that,' she said solemnly, taking a step towards me.

I looked into those large green pools, once again, just absorbing those words. Hell. She didn't wanna kill me.

'You must at least wanna beat on me some…' I quipped, taking a step towards her.

What was to follow was of total bewilderment to me. Closing in on the space between us, she moved in towards me, and slowly, rested her head upon my chest. Her arms folded around me and she breathed against me.

What was she even doing?

I stood there for a moment, not knowing whether to back up or return the…gesture.

'Em, B?' I finally said, my words lost by my own anxiety. I think she was starting to lose it, if nothin' else. I mean, B, hugging me? There had to be something wrong with this equation.

'Thank you,' she whispered, still holding me.

I opened my mouth to speak, but instead, I furrowed my eyebrows.

'For…coming here.'

The pastel blue of the moonlight shone in through the open curtains and rendered the atmosphere a cold steel. There were many in slumber around me, those who had not gone with us tonight. Thank god they could get some rest. They might have to fight sooner than they realise.

Those words. Her words. I couldn't get them out of my mind. She was thanking me. Hours before I'd believed she hated my guts.

I was torn from my own thoughts as I heard footsteps traipsing down the stairs one at a time. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw a slender body, moving towards the door. I turned my focus to the body, pulling the door to, then disappearing out of the house.

I listened to my own footsteps as I disappeared out of the house, and onto the cold porch. Again, there she was. Alone. Just sitting. No doubt thoughts flooding her mind, keeping her from sleep.

I pulled the door to, and took a couple of steps towards her, folding my arms over my chest to keep myself warm. 'Can't sleep either, huh,' she piped up, her voice raspy and tired.

'Too much goin' through my mind,' I told her gently. I joined her at the railing, thinking perhaps I could discuss what was on my mind; what had been on my mind ever since it had happened.

It seemed that lack of eye contact was more comfortable for us right now. In my case, I believed. Looking out across the drive was easier for me, and I was glad she'd decided to take that approach also. I caught her glancing briefly at me as I took hold of the railing before me and released a long sigh.

'Is that so…' I heard her say ever so quietly, before leaning her arms upon the railing.

It seemed she had too much going on her mind to start a conversation. Her flat tone suggested she wanted to be left alone. So I backed up out of her space once again. Headed back inside, but she stopped me with that solemn tone of hers.

'I'm sorry…'

Heaven knows why. I saw her look over her shoulder at me. Her eyes were filled with that same sadness from before. And hurt. She hurt a lot, I could see that from just hearing the way she walked. But now, her eyes were exhausted, her body worse.

My voice employed a perplexed tone. 'What for?' I turned and headed towards her once again, and this time she let me know she wanted to talk.

'Before. I was…I don't know what was…'

I raised a hand to her to silence her and shook my head. 'No. Don't apologise.'

She nodded a little, surprised I think at my response. She looked back out across the drive.

All I could think about was before. What she'd said was going over and over in my mind. I thought she hated me.

'I don't hate you,' she said, as if she knew what was on my mind.

I raised my eyebrows and shrugged. 'And I don't hate you.'

There was more silence as I contemplated the situation we had ahead of us. Caleb. The First. Seemed a lot easier when I didn't have a clue who he was. But now that I'd seen what he could do, I was more interested in where there hell I could go, how quickly I could get there. The other side of the world. Hell yes.

'What do we do now?' I muttered, assuming the same position as her, leaning upon the railing, looking out ahead at nothing in particular.

I heard her inhale and awaited her reply. 'About all of this?'

I nodded, keeping my eyes upon the tree a few feet ahead of me. Perhaps she did have a little more sense than me. I had to ask her what we were gonna do, even though she herself seemed a state. I really have no clue.

'What we can, I guess.'

'How? We have Caleb sending all his guys to come and chop our heads off, hell knows one of them tried to off Jesse and could've succeeded.' I took a long breath and sighed it out as I spoke. 'Why don't we just…leave…'

'I can't do that,' she stated, her words sticking in my head immediately.

'Why not?'

'Because everything I ever learnt, all I know, my life is here. Leaving is like…turning my back on slaying…'

I shrugged. 'So…'

She looked at me and raised her eyebrows. 'So?'

I looked at her and nodded. 'Yeah.'

She chuckled and looked away from me. 'It's that easy for you, huh.'

I shook my head and frowned a moment. 'Hell, no it's not easy. It's just the right decision.'

'You really believe that?'

'I have to. I'm not the slayer I used to be. It was easier for me to be the hard, tough, emotionless cruel bitch I was before. I didn't have to think about other people's feelings, people dying, whatever. But then…then I grew up. Stupid as it sounds, I grew UP. I realised that I wasn't a fucking piece of steel. Realised I was a person. Just like everybody else. Difference is…I chose to ignore that. So I paid a price.'

'You changed.'

'I tried to. And I realised…being a slayer…its no good for me.'

'Seriously?' Gee honey, don't sound too surprised.

'B, please. I have a violent past; I staked a human being, stabbed a professor and tortured my watcher,' I said, beginning to count out on my fingers all of the bad things I'd done.

She chuckled lightly and straightened out. 'That is true.' She climbed upon the railing to sit, now looking in my direction.

'I kept thinking to myself, "maybe it's best if I just quit slayin' and just face up to my life sentence."'

Look at me. Beginning to pour my guts to the girl who wanted them less than four years ago.

She sighed loudly and ran her fingers back through her hair. 'So you're not gonna fight with us-'

'But then I realised…I was given this power for a reason.' I took a breath. 'It's because I can handle it. God, or, the powers that be, whatever. They gave me this power because they wanted me to have it. And they knew that I would have to use it to protect and to save people.'

'Like a warrior.'

'Yeah, totally,' I agreed.

There was some silence between us for a while and I started to think about our past, and how different things could've been. What if I'd never staked that man? What if I'd stayed here all of these years?

'What about Jesse?' Buffy said after quite some time.

I thought about this for a moment. First of all, what was it to B? Sure she could care if she wanted to, but why would she? She knew her about as much as she knew each of the other potentials. 'Jesse's…she's my friend,' I told her calmly, intending to leave it there. But for some reason I had a pressing question I had to ask her. 'Am I your friend?' Nah. It's a stupid question. I shouldn't have asked her.

She looked into my eyes, just watching. There was no reply and I decided to speak more.

'Do you want me to be?'

Again, she watched me, her features softening slowly, then finally after a careful nod and an indolent blink, she replied. 'I do.' She paused. 'Sometimes.'

I released a small laugh and straightened out. 'Okay. I'll be your "sometimes" friend.'

She released a laugh also, and for a moment it was good to see her smile. Reminded me how pretty it was. 'No, don't be stupid.' She calmed down a little, until her face was serious. 'Be my "always" friend.'

Did she mean that? Apparently so, because next thing I knew she was reaching a hand out to me, and I knew no better than to take it. So perhaps reconciliation was a possibility for us.


TBC