Malfoy Code of Conduct

Ethan couldn't help but smile at the Foreward. There was no doubt that his father had written that. According to everyone that he knew, Draco Malfoy had been a smug bastard when he was younger and sarcasm was a dangerous weapon in his hands. What made Ethan proudest was that Headmaster Dumbledore had said on many occasions that he was very much like his father.

His mother, however, was quick to always mention that "smug bastard" was not a good thing to be known as.

The young Malfoy didn't mind, though. It took a lot of effort to make his father very angry. Mother had told him that when he was at Hogwarts he had a very short temper. Why that had changed, no one really knew.

His father was fairly patient with people these days. People who had known him since school couldn't help but be surprised at his turnaround.

Granted, there were still many people, even now after the defeat of Voldemort, that were weary about trusting the Malfoys. Those people, however, weren't very important individuals and their opinions mattered little, as the government hadn't changed much and still didn't much see why it was necessary to deal directly with it's people. It was a bad idea on their part, but the system still worked.

The boy looked at his broomstick and then at the window longingly, but reluctantly transferred his gaze onto the book.

"Okay...section one," he muttered.


Section 1: of Birth and Death

i. Requirements of Birth

Rule No. 1. Every Malfoy must have a suitably complicated and obscure name, preferably of Latin or Greek origin

Names from history of mythology are acceptable only if they have suitably sinister and intimidating connotations. Or, at least make it sounds cool. Every Malfoy is exactly unique by birthright, therefore it is important to remind the world of this fact. And what better way to do it than by giving the newborn Malfoy a unique, high-class name?

Rule No. 2. No Malfoy may be named 'Joy' or 'Grace' or something similarly nauseating.

This, essentially, is an extension of rule #1, but it is so important that special attention must be given to it.

Rule No. 3. Malfoys have a first and last name. No more.

Each Malfoy is already unique from the second he is born. There is no need to give six or seven different names. No one named Vincent Christophe Jerome William Cesar Karat le Morset III ever got anywhere in life. (Fun fact: he was actually bitten by a vampire at the age of 24 and was found dead in an alleyway the next morning.)

Rule No. 4. At three months, the new Malfoy child must have a ceremony held in the Malfoy Ancestral Home, introducing him into society.

All acquaintances of the parents should have an invitation to this event. Regardless if you enjoy the other's company or not, they should receive an invitation. Perhaps if luck in on your side, they will not come.

Rule No. 5. Malfoys must only be born within the months of October through March.

If at all possible, this would be appreciated. It is much easier to remember birthdays if they are closer to each other within the year. Although, to be quite honest, not a thing will happen if the child isn't.

Rule No. 6. Heirlooms and money are your friends.

The ills that may befall a wealthy, high-profiled member of society! Bathing in luxuries everyday isn't all fun and games. There is no reason not to start training the Malfoy children in handling money at a young age – it can only be beneficial. Hence, each Malfoy should, at birth, be given a) a ridiculous amount of money with which to serve his every whim and b) a wealth of 'family heirlooms.' Ideally, the child should own nothing that isn't a 'highly valuable heirloom' – not even a nappy. After all, what indicates an old, prestigious, mysterious family more than a hoard of valuables?

Should the occasion arise that there rests no more objects to be given as heirlooms, do not hesitate to Apparate to the nearest high-end boutique and buy some. We suggest Regent Hall Inc., 128 Witchverly Hills, Hogsmeade – quality and sophistication for all the family! A few more heirlooms never hurt anyone.

ii. Acceptable circumstances of death

Rule No. 1. Malfoys do not die for honour; we die to spite honour. Should misfortune befall the unlucky Malfoy, you must keep in mind that we do not die 'on accident.' Our death always means something.

Hence, no Malfoy may die in the following manners:

Valiantly in war
-To avenge the death of the righteous
-In aid of another, a non-Malfoy
-From an astray curse
-In the crossfire
-In an explosion
-Keeling over for unknown reasons

It is much better to be poisoned, than 'accidentally' hexed. At least poison is directed at you. Should someone be attempting to murder you, be proud. You are important enough to be wanted dead!

See section 5, article i. For further information on conduct of this form.

Rule No. 2. A Malfoy that renounces his family name shall die immediately.

Rather self-explanatory, really.

Rule No. 3. Death wishes are not well looked upon, however, they seem to draw attention. So, if put on the spot, make it worthy.

Something that could possibly help your family of the time, or the future Malfoy generations would be considered a smart choice. Another smart choice is to get out of the sticky situation you are in. Amazing how no one seems to thing of that.

Rule No. 4. Committing suicide will result in a lovely trip down to visit our favorite relative, Hades.

That, and Malfoys for generations to come will consider you a great pansy. Not to mention- you will not get the honour ofhaving a portrait made of you and hung in the Ancestral Malfoy home. Besides, if you kill yourself, chances are you're going to be missing out on some really great sex— er, you'll be missing out on your inheritance! Then again, it will be more for whoever is next in line, but you should be thinking of yourself, not the lucky bastard after you.

iii. Procreating

Rule No. 1. Malfoys are made, not born

Because Malfoys are such an important part of society, the continuity of the Malfoy line is vital. Furthermore, the calibre of the Malfoy line must be maintained– we wouldn't want to rob society of its best and influential members, after all.

But it is important to note that every Malfoy child is a product of his father's making (not in that way, cretin.)

Rule No. 2. A suitable mother is preferable

Note the following characteristics when seeking a woman to further the Malfoy line:

Blonde
-Tall
-Aristocratic
-Beautiful
-Pureblood

Everything else is perfectly optional. See section 5, article ii. For further requirements of the (recognised) Malfoy female.

Rule No. 3. The quality of the Malfoy line must be kept pure

Therefore, practising safe and innocuous methods of disposing of...er...burdens is quite acceptable. Not that a Malfoy would ever use them, of course. And do attempt to keep a leash on it, if only for the sake of family name and purity. However, if you can avoid being discovered...


"Father," Ethan muttered as he got up from the bed. "This is utter rubbish. I love it."

He was almost disappointed that he wasn't the generation in charge of rewriting the Code. It seemed to him that his father spent the whole time writing drunk.


Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews! I'm glad you're enjoying it. Sorry this hasn't been up sooner, but I've had some importantfamily issues come up. It was a fairly unpleasant Spring Break here. The next chapter should be out sooner. More likely then not, it will be this upcoming weekend considering I have class only Monday and Tuesday. (Yay for random five-day weekends!) All the best!