Malfoy Code of Conduct

It wasn't his fault he hadn't picked up the Code in over three days. Ethan had been busy. His parents had whisked him off to Aruba for a few days and he had forgotten to bring the book along. Ethan was confidant his father would understand that, really, it was his fault that he hadn't been able to read more about their exciting family rules.

Draco was less than amused with his son's excuse, "You should have taken it with you."

"I know, but I completely forgot," Ethan tried to continue but his father held up a hand to stop him.

"Fine, then a quick test on the Table of Contents, the Foreward, and Section One."

"Father! You expect me to memorize the Table of Contents?"

In reply, Draco simply smirked.

A few minutes later, Ethan was out of his father's office holding a piece of parchment that had "Test!" written at the top in very intricate lettering, then no less than fourteen questions."

"How utterly ridiculous," Ethan muttered, shooting a dark glare at the parchment.

As if it had heard, question number fifteen magically appeared below the last question.

"Rubbish!" the boy exclaimed and watched in horror as another question started to write itself out. "I'm sorry!"

The question paused, as if in thought, and then disappeared.

Ethan let out a quiet sigh of relief and entered his room, setting the parchment on his desk and staring down morosely at it. He then turned around and threw himself onto his bed. This was not his day, though. Landing on the Malfoy Code of Conduct can be rather painful, he learned that day.


Section 2: of Food, Appearance, Behavior, and Shelter

i. Acceptable food and drink

Rule No. 1. Malfoys may only drink water from well protected underground springs.

A Malfoy should only ever drink the cleanest and crispest water. Well-protected meaning no possibilities for the water to be contaminated. It does not matter how you go about assuring this, as long as it is done.

Rule No. 2. None of this butterbeer nonsense.

This applies to all Malfoys the age of sixteen and over. Butterbeer is a drink for those that either cannot afford a truly fine wine, or for small children who wish to feel important.

Rule No. 3. The wine cellar must always be full.

Restocking is, and has been for centuries, always on the 21st day of every month. This is a Malfoy tradition. Always take more, depending on your own drinking habits, and keeping in mind that your wife may pop a surprise dinner at any time.

Rule No. 4. Absolutely no Marmite!

Where this insane rage for this food is unknown. It is strangely appealing, but much too messy. Do not eat it, or in any way come into contact with it, and the mess afterwards should not be a problem.

Rule No. 5. To maintain the traditional luscious locks of the Malfoy name, protein-high foods are to be part of a Malfoy's daily diet.

These foods include, but are not limited to: cheese, fish, eggs, seeds, and nuts. You must keep your hair looking shiny and vibrant-looking.

Rule No. 6. Do not play with your food.

If you don't want to eat it– don't. How difficult is this concept that people forget about it? No one is forcing you to eat anything.

Rule No. 7. Malfoys over the age of 25 must maintain an alcohol level ranging from 0.01 to 0.05 during weekends.

No reason for this one. Julius Malfoy just found life more interesting when utterly pissed.


ii. Acceptable appearance

Rule No.1. A Malfoy's hair must always be a shocking blonde – and luminous.

It has been said that all Malfoys, with a simple tilt of their heads, could easily blind an opponent if the sunlight struck their hair in the precise angle.

Rule No. 2. No hair should be out of place– ever.

Rule No. 3. Hair dye is unacceptable.

Why you would want to change your hair color in the first place is beyond anyone.

Rule No. 4. Malfoys must be attractive and devilishly good looking at all times.

This includes four o'clock in the morning after being attacked viciously by a manticore.

Rule No. 5. A Malfoy must never be seen –in or out of public– wearing the following colors: yellow, orange, or pink.

Female Malfoys, however, may wear fuschia on alternate Mondays and Thursdays.

Rule No. 6. Dark colors for your clothing is preferred.

It looks strikingly beautiful against your hair.

Rule No. 7. Donning muggle clothing within any and all Malfoy estates is out of the question.

Think about what people would say!

Rule No. 8. Gold or silver

Preferably silver to match the Malfoy crest.


iii. Acceptable behavior

Rule No. 1. You smile because your devious plan is moving along as planned.

No puppies.

Rule No. 2. Smirking at every opportunity for no reason is not only permitted, but greatly encouraged.

Go ahead and abuse this privilege.

Rule No. 3. An unamused expression is your best friend.

This makes people nervous around you. They're too busy worrying that a Malfoy has found them unworthy while you go about what needs to be done.

Rule No. 4. Arrogance!

This cannot be stressed enough! You are a Malfoy! You are better than everyone else– and not only do you know it, but they do too. Strut!

Rule No. 5. Panicked looks will not be tolerated.

Calm and collected. Always. Panic makes us look as if we aren't sure what is happening. No one must come to that conclusion.

Rule No. 6. Malfoys do not sulk.

However, you are free to brood in a dark corner as long as you remain unseen.

Rule No. 7. Malfoys do not pout.

Instead, you may take on the expression of 'highly displeased.' Pouting is most unbecoming.

Rule No. 8. Malfoys do not bite/chew their nails.

Manicures, my dear Malfoys. Schedule appointments at least one week in advance so that you do not have to threaten anyone later on. Threatening takes up quite a bit of time. This time could be spent getting your nails to look their best. Merlin's Pulchritudinous Nail Salon has served the family since 1865. (Located at 19 Venus Edge, Ireland. )

Rule No. 9. A Malfoy must maintain a pale skin tone.

This really shouldn't be a problem as, genetically, Malfoys all seem to burn, on average, a nice fiery lobsterred within an hour of getting outside on an especially sunny summer day. Try to keep the redness to a minimum, too. It gets messy because your skin will start to peel and you do not want to have your nose striped. The Sun has no pity for our family, which is good, in a sense. We need no one's pity!

Rule No. 10. A Malfoy's demeanor should always look intimidating when dealing with non-Malfoys.

This is to keep everyone in their places. With one menacing look a Malfoy should be able to have the person in front of them cowering.

Rule No. 11. No squeezing juice of any kind.

Really, this is common sense. How strange do you think you would look squeezing a pumpkin? This is the reasonwe keephouse elves!

Rule No. 12. No Malfoy should be caught eavesdropping.

This is not to say that they cannot do such a thing. Simply do not get caught in the act. And anyway, a Malfoy should not have to eavesdrop in the first place. With a carefully thought out question and one threatening look you should be able to know the answer.

Rule No. 13. Confidenceis key.

Arrogance and confidence go hand in hand, so this should be a given. However, just to make sure... Once in a while, there may be something you are not er– fully informed about. This gives you the right to ask any questions regardless if they are obvious. You may ask these casually because you are confidant. No question is a stupid question if it is asked by a Malfoy. You are the one that makes sure of that.

Rule No. 14. Patience...

...is not something Malfoys seem to have much of. However, it is important. Therefore- you must learn to be patient. Adonis Malfoy got nowhere with his rushed suicide. Had he planned it out, and possibly waited two more days, he could have invited plenty of people and had a spectacular suicide.

Rule No. 15. Do not give up or fail.

Both are looked down upon. Malfoys get what they want. Therefore- giving up is not something they would do. Common sense coming into play here, really. As the latest in the prestigious Malfoy line, you do not fail in anything and everything should go your way in everything. Top marks in classes, and always winning any and all games is expected.

Rule No. 16. No cross-dressing.

Nothing against it, but this will just not be tolerated by the Malfoys. I suppose a non-Malfoy would call this a drawback, but anyone that cross-dresses, in our eyes, will be lumped into the 'weirdo' grouping. Many apologies for that one.

Rule No. 17. Do not lie.

Lying is a form of weakness. However, the truth may be omitted. If you are clever enough to do that. Our favorite tactic, though, is brutal honesty with a hint of sarcasm.

Rule No. 18. No drooling.

It's grotesque and utterly revolting.

Rule No. 19. Fear is weakness.

Therefore, it would be a brilliant idea to conquer any and all fears before going anywhere in life.

iv. Concerning the Malfoy's Word

Rule No. 1. Every Malfoy keeps his Word.

Rather vague, isn't this? Use that.

Rule No. 2. A Malfoy's Word is the closest thing to making a deal with the Devil.

Keep in mind, everything exchanged is non-refundable and we do not accept souls as a form of payment. Money or something else of great value is preferred. If not possible, then consider the other to maybe employ the other or make them a serf at one of the Manors.

Rule No. 3. Do not make promises you know you cannot keep

...unless there's something in it for you and you are sure that the person can be manipulated and/or easily gotten rid of so you don't end up having to go through with the promise, anyway.

v. Acceptable living standards

Rule No. 1. Malfoy Manor, located in Malfoy Park, Wiltshire, Great Britain, United Kingdom, must remain how it is.

Feel free to add a gargoyle here or there, but the basic architecture must remain the same. There is no other home, today, that can rival the elegance and calibre of Malfoy Manor. It is important to make sure this is the case always.

Rule No. 2 At the least, three house elves must be er– employed within every Malfoy home.

Rule No. 3. Apart from Malfoy Manor, at least one other estate must be owned.

This other home should be out of the country in case you, for some reason, are banned from Britain. Of course, due to the outrageous amount of money that we are in possession of...there is no reason for you to be banned. Still, purely of paranoia, get another place for yourself. It may come in handy some day.

Rule No. 4. Malfoys are to only live amongst other wizards.

To live with muggles or anywhere near them would be an atrocious crime against the family.

Rule No. 5. On Malfoy grounds, there must either be a lake, or a Quidditch Pitch installed.

You must keep your guests happy, after all. If at all possible, install a Quidditch Pitch over a lake– it is more fun watching someone fall into a lake in freezing temperatures than someone falling to the ground and killing themselves instantly.


With that thought in his head, he lifted himself off of the bed and made his way across the room to his desk, where the test awaited him. To his relief, no more questions had been added, so he sat himself down and shot a glance out the window.

"I wonder how many people have actually died on our Quidditch Pitch," he thought aloud before going back to his work.

He received an answer instantly, although via test question:

Sixteen. Did you know we have pictures in the library?


Author's Note: Thank you all for the reviews! I'm glad that you are enjoying my story, and I apologize for the inconsistency in updating. I have finished school, though, so hopefully that will give me more free time to write and update. Thank you for staying with this, and I hope this chapter proved just as entertaining as the others.