"It was less that I wanted you and more that I needed you. Sometimes I was so desperate that I was sure I would die unless I found you, and you always came to me. I couldn't handle it by myself, you know – at least that was what I thought. I didn't need to, because you were with me and you were sweet and perfect, and you still wanted me. That was the difference – you wanted me.
"I didn't know what to do when you left. I broke in a way I never thought possible. I felt my soul pour out of me until I was gone completely, only a shadow of the person I was before. The person I was with you. I couldn't stand the thought of you – of you wasting away, in there…I didn't have anyone left. James, Peter, Lily, they were dead. I was alone, Sirius, I was so alone.
"My transformations became the thing I looked forward to and dreaded, all at once. They became the one thing I lived for. I needed them to remind me that I was still alive, that I hadn't died with the rest of you…because you were as good as dead, Sirius. You were. You were gone and never coming back. The energy I felt as a wolf – the power, the need, the ferocity coursing through my veins – that reminded me what I was. A werewolf – but alive. Alone – but alive.
"I waited, Sirius. Not for you, but for something, something to come and help me back – back into life. Dumbledore insisted I teach at Hogwarts. It was…better, I suppose…I met Harry, that was the best part. It felt like I had a part of all of us back, part of James back – Harry was so much like him…like you, too, Sirius – so bright and eager to please, talented and intelligent – I felt something. A bit of life. Coming back. I almost didn't recognize it, after all those years of darkness.
"And then you, Sirius, oh Christ, you. You came back and fucked everything up – I was so full of hope – we were together, again…we were…we stayed together, lived together, and I loved you as much as I ever had. I thought…I thought I was over it. The dark, the bleak, the melancholy. The emptiness. Because even after those years in Azkaban, you were so full of life, and I needed you again – you lifted me up again – I felt warm again, Sirius. With you – only ever with you.
"And then…then, just like before, you broke me. Your stupid stubborn head ended up killing you, Sirius, and in the process, you killed me too. The day after the night you whispered forever to me and I let myself go. I thought it was forever this time. I thought…
"Forever turned out to be a lot shorter for you, didn't it? And now you're – gone – and I'm here alone, again, truly alone, because the only one who can bring me back is you. I can't believe you left me here again – I can't believe you let this happen to me again – I can't believe I'm still here needing you…
"You're never coming back this time, Sirius, and neither am I."
Remus sits by the archway, the veil fluttering in the non-existent wind. He stares blankly at it, as though he can see nothing. He closes his eyes and waits – for life, for death – for something, for nothing –
He waits in desperation for that which will never come – Sirius, his intensity, his life, his love –
Remus stands and slowly walks away.
