Disclaimer: Don't own FFVII, Yuffie, Vincent, status afflictions… *drones on and on and on*
A/N: Well, thankyou to everyone who reviewed. ^^ I will be continuing this for all of the status afflictions – well, all of the appropriate ones, anyway. Which is most of them. So I guess this'll be going on for a while.
Anyway, this chapter. Frog. Because I'm lame, and well… Demeter, it's all your fault. *laughs*
The Frog Demon-Vampire-Thing
Vincent looked down in silence. He had been looking down for some time. Finally, he crouched and gave the bright green amphibian before him a look.
"Yuffie." He said softly. "I thought you could finish it off in one hit by yourself."
The frog that had once been Yuffie gave him a look. It was hard to believe that a frog could have a look, but Yuffie seemed to manage it without any trouble. Vincent sighed.
"I don't have a Maiden's Kiss, or a Remedy. The Heal materia still has not acquired Esuna." He said, stating the obvious out loud as he tried to think of a way out of their current dilemma. "Have you tried Frog Punching yourself?"
Yuffie twitched, a murderous gleam appearing in her beady eyes. Before he could blink, she jumped as high as she possibly could and socked him in the arm.
Vincent suddenly found the frog that was Yuffie much larger and right in his face. She looked triumphant, for a frog. "Ribbit. Ribbit." She said loudly.
"Ribbit."
"Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit."
"Ribbit. Ribbit."
"Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit."
"Ribbit. Ribbit. GRAAAAAAAARK."
The Yuffie-frog and the Vincent-frog each drew back their respective froggy limbs and punched each other as hard as they could, simultaneously. The Yuffie-frog made a croak that could have been translated into a human yelp of pain. The Vincent-frog sagged slightly to one side as he took his weight off the now injured limb. He hopped forward in a manner that would have reminded an onlooker distinctly of hobbling, and punched the Yuffie-frog lightly on her unhurt arm.
Yuffie in her human form immediately reappeared in the clearing. She looked down at her arm, where a large purplish bruise was already appearing, and pouted. "Oh great, Vinnie. Good job. Well, your big idea sure worked well. Simultaneous punching doesn't work. It just hurts more."
Vincent punched her again, and once she had hit him back once in retaliation he moved out of her reach quickly. "Yuffie, I don't think this is going to work. I can walk faster; I will carry you to the next village."
Punch. Punch.
"Oh no way, Vinnie. I don't wanna be a frog for all that time. And they'll laugh at me when we get there."
Punch. Punch.
"Yuffie, I am certain that they will not laugh at you."
Punch. Punch.
"Oh yes they will. We need to think up some other cure, or you need to accept that I will be the one carrying you."
Punch. Punch.
"…what sort of cure are you suggesting, Yuffie?"
The punching ceased briefly as the Yuffie-frog thought about it. She bounced a few times in deliberation, and then with an embarrassed look… Punch. Punch.
"Um. Vinnie. You think a regular maiden's kiss will work? And, uh, not the item? I'm… well, that is…" Gulp. "Well, I am sorta the princess of Wutai. You think it'll work?"
Vincent-frog blinked and let out a disbelieving gargling sound. Then, in true Vincent fashion, he was silent for a long period of time. Thinking. Rationalising. Yuffie bit her lip and tried not to look as embarrassed as she felt, asking something like that. It was ridiculous, really. A fairy tale. But what else did they have here but a hope in hell? It wasn't Vincent who was going to be humiliated if it didn't work. Or even if it did. Yuffie wondered briefly why she was doing this if all it was going to end with was trouble for her.
She decided to ignore that question.
Vincent-frog hopped a little closer, and crawled carefully onto her palm. He looked just about as wretched as she felt. She looked down at the creature unwillingly. She wasn't getting girly because it was a frog.
Which meant she was getting girly because he was Vincent.
"And we're not going to talk about this when we meet up with the others. Because that would be bad. And you're not going to tell them about the Wutai thing."
She lifted him up to her face and kissed the top of his head lightly.
And suddenly, her lips were not on the back of a frog, but on the lips of a man. A man whose hands were still curled around her wrist just as the frog's had been. A man who did not seem to be moving, even though he was entirely human. A man whose eyes were closed.
And then Vincent opened his eyes. He moved back hastily and she let out a slight shocked sound as the tips of his claw grazed her flesh, leaving raised red welts. Vincent looked away from her, apparently embarrassed or ashamed.
"…it worked." He said as lightly as he could manage.
"Yeah. It did." Yuffie agreed, slightly dazed. "We, uh, shouldn't mention this. Because, uh, you know Cloud. He'll, like, turn himself into a frog and then pair himself up with Aeris or Tifa or something."
"…neither Aeris nor Tifa are princesses." A question in his eyes. Yuffie bit her lip and looked away pointedly.
"Yeah, about that… you won't tell anyone, will you?" Because that would really, really destroy my plans! You'd all know where I was going…
Vincent stared at her for a few moments, and then cocked his head at her with the slightest of tiny half-smiles. "Tell them what?" He asked with cluelessness so Cloud-like it made her burst into laughter.
"Aw, nothing. Let's get a move on, outta this damn frog-infested forest!"
~*~
A/N: *cough* Not lame and fluffy, not lame and fluffy at all. Please review! :)
