"You think fifty guards is enough, Unco? What if they get here?"
"We did the best we could, let's just hope it worked."
Zelda turned around.
"What would Lych do with us?"
Unco laid his sword down.
"You are a beautiful young virgin, you do the math. The rest of us are going to die a public death."
"Oh. Fuck."
Link stood up. Zelda was now sweating heavily. Her hands were shaking. Link looked over on the table at the Deku Bong.
"What the hell...Hey, Zelda."
Zelda turned around, her face turning pale.
"Yeah?"
"Come sit down. Everyone."
Link had a bad feeling about this. Maybe getting high while Hyrule was under red alert invasion was a bad idea. But in any case, Link knew Zelda was going to worry herself to death way before Lych ever got to the castle. The lesser of two evils was the one right in front of him. Link packed up the top of the tree as Unco and Impa just looked at him.
"What in the hell are you doing?"
"It's cool, Impa...all right. Zelda will you please breathe in from this when I tell you?"
Zelda took the mouthpiece (a tree branch) to her lips. Link grabbed some very crude matches from one of the many pouches on his belt. He lit up the top.
"Okay...now."
Zelda did as she was told, and the smoke hit her hard enough to nearly knock her off the seat.
"Damn, that must be some good shit." Unco took the bong and hit it himself. Impa's eyes were wide open in shock. She had heard of this stuff but had never seen it in action. Link was now taking a hit.
"Holy shit..."
Link finished his hit. "You up?"
"I guess so..."
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Two men were holding Tryeon up. The bleeding had stopped, and he was no longer in danger of dying. His army was right behind him. They were at the foot of Death Mountain right below Kakariko Village.
"General, can we get you anything?"
"I'm fine. Just a few flesh wounds."
Tryeon looked at his wounds. The arrow had been pulled from his arm. That didn't really hurt as bad as the slashes in his chest. Those were slowly starting to heal. He pulled the bandages back where they went.
"Sir! News from the Western front!"
Dux and Nabooru, along with those few suvivors, were staggering up towards them.
"WATER! YES!" Nabooru dove right into the stream. Dux knelt down a ways away and got a few handfuls to drink and a couple for his face. Dux looked up at Tryeon, who was holding onto the rail of the stone bridge for support.
"What's up?"
"Jesus, Tryeon, you look like hell." Nabooru popped up from the water and crawled onto shore.
"Damn, man!"
"It's been a rough day." Tryeon sat on the rail.
"Wait until you hear our story!" Nabooru stood beside Dux. "The Gerudo lands are destroyed, my people are dead, and Lych is coming this way to tear the rest of Hyrule to pieces. He was about three hours behind us."
"So we got three hours to fortify that castle?" Tryeon stood up quickly, and regretted it.
"No, we do. You need to rest. You're hurt."
"Fuck that! We got some fightin' to do. EVERYONE, MOVE OUT! CASTLE! DOUBLE TIME!"
Dux and Nabooru shook their head, then turned to their very small band of troops. "Castle." Dux and Nabooru walked behind them, turning to see Tryeon be helped out by two of his men.
"Can he still make it?"
"I've known him for years. Bastard won't quit until he's dead. You know he's only twenty-one."
"Really? Fuck, I'm twenty-eight. Been running the Gerudos since I was twenty."
"I'm twenty-six."
"You're kidding! I could have sworn you were older!"
"I don't know to take that good or bad."
"I like older men, so you do the math."
"Like I said, I don't know."
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Link was laying on the floor. Unco and Impa were sipping on small drinks of water playing cards. Zelda was curled up in a ball giggling uncontrollably.
"Heeeeheeeeeheeeeee...so, Leek...uh...lemme get this straight."
Link sighed. "You're going to get your brains fucked out while we get tortured and beheaded."
"Okay, just wanted to get it straight...would I get to be on top?"
"Probably."
Meanwhile, Unco and Impa are talking while playing.
"Two pair."
"Full house."
"You bastard, where'd you get so good?"
"While you spent your working years in a palace, I spent mine in a mountain range full of theives, murderers, rapists, and other dickheads. I learned a few tricks in my day."
"How long have you been a ruler?"
"Fuck...I started when I was nineteen, and I'm fourty-three now...so about twenty-four years."
"That's a long time to be running a country."
"Throw in the fact we fight these kind of wars. You see, I like to think of my country as a prison of sorts. Outcasts who avoid execution or mutilation for their crimes exile to our land, where we take then in, and slowly rework them into decent human beings. You'd be suprised how many so-called criminals really aren't criminals. Does the name Ingo Fatu ring a bell?"
"He's the ranch worker up at Lon Lon."
"Right. Ingo was accused of rape a while back. He avoided the chopping block. We took him in. He said he wanted to go home and prove his innocence. Sure enough, he did just that. However, even though he proved he didn't rape that girl the reputation of being a criminal and a bad man still stood. Talon knew Ingo was innocent, and gave him a chance on the ranch."
"So he got to rebuild his life thanks to you."
"Everyone deserves a second chance."
"What about Lych?"
"Lych had his third, fourth, and fifth chances and he shoved them all right up his mother and father's asses. Lych alledgedly had his own mother killed along with his younger brother because he was afraid that little brother would be the heir to Lachia. Lych and his father fought many times, with swords. Neither could kill the other. Lych's father, King Carlton, could have physically done it but could never live with himself if he had. Finally, Lych came up with a plan. He was the one who forged his father's signature and royal seal in order to declare war on Hyrule and our lands. Lych's plan was that we would defeat Lachia and discard it, and then he would become king. It went perfect: Hyrule did not annex Lachia to its kingdom. So, Lych came out of hiding and pronounced himself king. And now, he's going to tke Hyrule."
"I have one question. Why is he so powerful?"
"You know, I have no idea...the guy's got magic powers that scare me to death. He has some of the powers down: fire, ice, forest, and shadow. Light and spirit are two he cannot master. Still, four out of six without the medallions, that's unbelievable."
"You're not lying."
Link was looking down at his sword. Zelda was somewhat up now.
"Hey Link, let's talk for a while."
"Talk?"
"Yeah, since you know, you'll be headless this time tomorrow."
"I shouldn't have done this."
"Well, it's too late now. Tell me about Malon."
"Malon? You mean the fact tomorrow's her birthday?"
"It is?"
"I was going to...well...but it doesn't matter. I'm here and I have a job to do. I don't want to take my mind off of that and fuck up."
"You were going to propose, weren't you?"
Link was shocked. Saria hadn't even known until Link talked to her via ocarina.
"Yeah, Leek. I can tell you like her big time. Just get it over with, marry her, and then bring the kids for me to see time. Well..."
"What?"
"I'll have kids of my own by then...can't be Lych's sex toy without getting knocked up for long."
Link sighed and leaned back against the window. "I wish you'd knock that shit off."
Commotion was heard. Impa and Lych slid out their swords, as did Link. Zelda, in her stonerific state, went back to the corner and curled up into a ball.
"UNCO! IMPA! LINK! Hide the princess! Get in the dungeon NOW!"
"WHAT?"
Dux and Nabooru ran up the stairs into the room. Tryeon was hobbling up the best he could, stumbling into the room and falling onto his knees.
"He's hurt. Look, Lych is coming in two hours. He's got us outnumbered by about two to one, not to mention we're in Hyrule's largest city. What the hell we gonna do, Unco?"
"I have no clue. Someone's going to have to kilL Lych."
Link got an idea. "I got an idea."
"Huh?"
"I got an idea. I know how to beat Lych."
"No, kid." Unco turned to face Link. "This guy has power. Real power. Power you'll never be able to beat."
"Try me."
"You're only seventeen, what can you do?"
Link turned to Zelda. "Zelda...ZELDA!"
"Huh? Sorry..fell asleep."
"God damn it...she's high, someone get her down."
"I'll get some milk."
"Thanks, Impa. Zelda, I need that Ocarina. And the Spiritual Stones."
"What the hell...oh...OH...AWW! I get it now. They're right over there in that lockbox. The one I threw away the key to."
"HUH?"
Dux grabbed a small dagger. "Don't need the key." Nabooru walked over beside him. She stopped him, and then picked the lock in less than five seconds. "Nope. We don't."
Dux looked over at her. "Thanks." He opened the box. Sure enough, there were all three Spiritual Stones and the Ocarina of Time. "Link, you know what you're doing?"
"Yep."
Zelda stood up, her buzz now wearing off thanks to the milk Impa had got her. "Link, why do I have a bad feeling about this?"
"I got to."
"Yeah, but..."
Then it hit both of them. If Link opened the Door of Time and grabbed the Master Sword, Ganondorf would have a wide-open shot at coming back to Hyrule.
"It's a chance we gotta take, Zelda."
Nobody else had a damn clue what they were talking about.
"Okay. Go."
LInk left the room with the Stones and Ocarina in posession.
"I hope to God he knows what he's doing."
Tryeon fell down again. "Fuck..."
Zelda ran over to him. "You okay? Jesus...you're half-dead...come on, I'm taking you down to a medical room." She put his arm over her, and helped him down the stairs.
"We gotta fortify this castle."
"No, the town."
Unco, Impa, Dux, and Nabooru all stood quiet, thinking."
"He's coming from the east, right?"
"I think so...but still...damnit...all right, fortify the outside walls, seal the gate."
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The Lachians were tired as they marched towards the castle.
"Commander, the men are exhausted..."
Lych silently continued. "Stop."
The army stopped.
"They might have something of use..."
Lych and his army were right in front of Lon Lon Ranch.
