Remus sat in the library, surrounded by books on the Romani and on pureblood families. His friends were starting to worry about him, but he was too absorbed to care. James was busy trying to figure out how to propose to Lily, Sirius was worried that he would graduate without having bedded every single eligible student and at least one teacher, and who knew what Peter was doing these days, though Padfoot had said that he hoped it was that Hufflepuff. They were all doing very nicely on their own, and could leave Remus to his . . .his what, exactly? His new obsession with Severus Snape?
Sighing, he looked at the five books he was reading about the Snape family and supposed that was exactly what it was. Now if only these books were proving more helpful, he could stop feeling guilty about giving Silvia Dubois a sneezing fit. Apparently no one bothered to clean off the wizarding genealogy section of the library, or to check out any of the old tomes. He read the entry yet again on the Snape family – there was little to no information on Snape's mother's side, not even a mention of her maiden name – but all it said was that the Snapes were a long and distinguished line of wizards. It then went on to list the accomplishments of Snape's ancestors, and while Remus would have ordinarily been fascinated to know that Severus' great-grandfather had bound an elemental this was not the information he was looking for.
Rubbing the bridge of his nose in an attempt to stave off the beginnings of a headache, Remus had to admit he didn't really know what he was looking for. It wasn't like any of these books were going to explain Severus to him. Lifting his head from where he'd considered banging it against the table, Remus happened to glance at the darkened window. His eyes widened and he growled a few choice words under his breath that made the librarian glare and hush him as he hurriedly returned the books to their shelves and covered himself in dust. It was already dark and he was late and what if Severus had already been out to the Willow and left because Remus wasn't there – he stopped rambling to himself as he ran out of the castle, trying not to think about why it mattered to him that he be there if Severus came. Trying not to think of why he had come out every night for almost a month, disregarding his friends and the school rules to wait for a volatile Slytherin who did not even pretend to be civil.
When he reached the Willow there was someone sitting in his usual spot, and for a moment he was angry at whoever had dared to take this solitude, this watch from him. Then the tree stilled and the smell of cardamom reached him in blue tinged air and the anger left. Panting, he dropped down beside Severus and it was almost companionable, almost like they were friends. Almost like he hadn't tried to kill Severus a year ago, or spent the six years before that standing by while his friends sunk claws of a different make into the awkward boy.
Severus gave Remus the cigarette he had been smoking and did not bother to roll himself another, but all Remus could taste when he brought it to his mouth were paper and spices. He wondered why that disappointed him. He smoked slowly, taking long drags and letting it relax him. It took the edge off his nerves, always oversensitive the week before a full moon. The pull on his skin – under his skin – grew stronger, and made him twitchy even during the day. No one else seemed to notice; though he felt the energy radiating from himself in waves, like something he could touch. "I've added henbane," Severus told him, looking into the distance at the cloud-covered sky, and Remus stared questioningly at him. He had stopped taking Potions after fifth year, and both he and the professor had been grateful. "It's a mild sedative," explained the young expert, "It will help with the muscle irritation." Remus' eyebrows rose in surprise: someone had noticed, after all.
They fell silent again, and Remus felt his eyes grow heavier as he finished off the cigarette. Yawning, he leaned back against the thick tree trunk and resigned himself to another night sleeping under the Willow. It was nice to sleep at all, he thought hazily. Normally he was too tense before a full moon to even lay down, but now he found himself pleasantly dozing off to the sound of branches singing through the air and Severus' breathing. He woke hours later to see the moon nearing the far horizon and feel the crick in his neck from resting on . . .something very bony. Something bony that was at about head level and was covered by black cloth that smelled of bergamot. If his neck hadn't been stiff, Remus' head would've shot up and away from what could only be Severus' shoulder. As it was, all that happened was a rather ungainly jerk and a pained groan.
"Idiot," Severus mumbled, and then nimble fingers were detachedly working the kinks out of Remus' uncooperative neck until he could lift his head without feeling like it might come off. He turned to thank Severus, and immediately felt guilty when he saw the purple smudges under black eyes and realized the other boy had not slept at all.
"I'm sorry," he murmured, voice thick with sleep.
"Don't be. It has nothing to do with you." Coming from most people, Remus knew, that would be a slight, but Severus spoke bluntly and without rancor. Remus could feel the moon setting, fought the desire to run after it, to forget himself and his humanity and chase it blindly into the horizon.
"Will you tell me?" he asked instead, and shadowed black eyes did not bother to pry into his mind to see his motives. Remus worried that perhaps his motives were obvious to everyone but himself, and wondered what they were.
For a long time there was silence, and the moon went down and Remus' skin itched with the call and it must have shown because Severus rolled him another cigarette, another few minutes respite from his own treacherous skin. He smoked and they watched the sky lighten and streak orange with the coming dawn. "Yes," Severus finally said, as the orange blended with pink and the sun rose in the east. "Someday." Remus nodded, and watched Severus through the smoke rings. Watching Severus was a hard habit to break.
