A/N: Okay, so I only got 2 reviews on that chapter..But more than anything, I write because it's fun, not just for the reviews (although they are cool).Anyway, thanks to Jade Cade for the suggestion (Sarah126, I'll probably do Soda next)This one is less depressing, but still a bit sad.


Johnny's POV

"Darry...I'm going out," said Ponyboy, standing up,off the couch in the middle of the smoke-filled living room, where the rest of the gang was.

Two-Bit, Soda, and Steve barely looked up. Everyone had been in a pretty bad state since the rumble...the night me and Dally died. Sure, they carried on doing the same as before, but they were hollow now. It was as if their souls had been stolen. I wanted so badly to give it back to them, even if that meant they forgot about me, but I was powerless.

"Where?" asked Darry. Ponyboy acted like he didn't hear Darry, put on his leather jacket that Dally had given him, and walked out of the flat.

He looked crushed, still mourning over Dally and me, I reckon. 'Glory Pony, that ain't no reason to be all upset,'I thought. I wished I could tell him that I was happy, that I was fine. But I couldn't. I was dead, and there wasn't any cure for that. It was a gift and a curse to be able to see my friends again. I could see them, watch their lives until they died and joined me, but I couldn't speak to them. I could scream the loudest I possibly could, and they would keep walking, because they couldn't hear me.

I looked down at Ponyboy, slamming the door and flipping up the collar of his leather jacket. He lit a cancer stick, puffed away, walking towards...Where was he walking? I didn't know, but I let myself fall back into my thoughts.


That night, I remember it was cold. For some reason, I knew I was going to die, but it didn't bother me anymore. Shoot, if I was going to die, I might as well die with my friends around. Those kids had more to live for than me. They had big things ahead, some would go on to become big-shot business men, I later found out. Me, what did I have to look forward to? Beatings?Getting jumped?

I choked out my last words to Ponyboy. I knew he didn't understand right then, but I hoped, for Dally's sake, that he would open the book I gave him before either of them did something stupid. If he didn't...Well, it would be up to Ponyboy to pick up the pieces.

When people describe blacking out, they say blackness eats away at the corners of their vision...It was like that, except that it was a white light. I was scared, so I kept running back. But then a calmness fell over me, and slowly, I walked towards it.I felt sleepy, stiffened, and then gave in to what I thought was sleep...Next thing I knew, I was looking at myself on the hospital bed, Dally walking towards me. Huh? What in the hell was this? I was-on the bed...I was dead. No, this couldn't be. I still had so much life to live. God, I was only sixteen! Sixteen years of what? Pain, abuse, fright? Those sixteen years had been wasted. I hadn't even been out of town once in my whole goddamned life! I had so much to do, so much to see...

I was confused, and I don't know for how long I wandered about the hospital, staring at my own dead body for a while. It was creepy to look at myself and being stared at right back with wide eyes. And then I wondered: why hadn't it hurt to die? If dying didn't hurt, then why were people so scared?

Then I remembered: Dally. Damn it. How could I have died? I knew that I kept him grounded at times that he felt like doing something incredibly illogical and he...well, he...I admit it, just being around him kept me happy. He was my hero, my protector..and I loved him.

I remembered the time when I had gotten jumped by four Socs. Glory, was my head reeling. But I did see Dally look sick. Why was he looking like he was about to hurl his guts onto the pavement, when he himself had been involved in many a mugging since his wild days in New York? Surely this wasn't unusual to him. He had seen friends cut up and killed, right before his eyes, why was this bothering him so much? And then it struck me that he might actually care about me. Dally, whose uncaring was infamous throughout Greaser territory, might actually care what happened to another human being. 'No that can't be, Dallas Winston loves no one, cares for no one, and most definitely does not care what happens to Johnny Cade' I reprimanded myself. How could I be so stupid to think thatDallywould even flinch. He probably was just getting over a hangover, or so I thought.So I pushed the thought out of my mind for a while, at least.

In the months that followed, we became even closer. It was never a best friends type of situation like Soda and Steve had at the DX station, just that we understood each other. We both knew what it was like to have rough breaks, to fight for life. Nobody else in the gang had any of these experiences, so we just fit in together, like two puzzles pieces in a jigsaw puzzle.

I slipped deeper and deeper into thoughts of Dally. I though of the time we had kissed that one time at the lot. I couldn't believe it. It was as if I was dreaming. I lusted for a taste of his lips for so long, and then...we kissed. It was glorious, and now that my life was over, I could truly say it was my favorite memory of Dally. His hardness and coldness had all but disappeared in those brief seconds. I saw in his eyes a vulnerability that I, nor anyone else, would ever see again. Still in disbelief, I blushed and said goodbye, leaving him sitting in the lot. Before turning the corner, I couldn't resist turning around and giving him a wink, somehow emboldened by the ecstatic feeling in the pit of my stomach.

And where was Dally now? I knew that Dally had been overcome with-overcome with something and had gone and gotten himself killed by the fuzz. I had hope that I might find him here, in this state of being called heaven. I can hear him call my name, but nothing more. I always turn around,searching, hoping to see him again.We are separated by the endless abyss called hell by the living. I see him sometimes, through the endless space that separates us. I want to throw myself from heaven and fling myself down to Dally...It seemed so unfair that I, who died because I was stupid enough to go into a burning house, was allowed to enter heaven, while Dally, who although not a perfect person, had risked himself and put himself on the line whenever he needed to protect his friends, had been condemned to hell. At times, I feel like cursing God, asking him why I have been allowed to suffer this bittersweet ending for eternity. Of course, I never get an answer.


Looking at Ponyboy again, I still didn't know where he was going. He was looking at the sky now, still puffing away at his cigarette. Where the hell was Ponyboy going? If he ended up at one of Buck Merril's parties, I would skin him alive...somehow! Even after death,I still was overprotective with Pony. Sure, we always managed to get into trouble together, but hey,Pony was still younger than me, and I always would look out forhim

Then I saw the gates open. The gates of the cemetary. "Oh no. Please don't let him go in, please," I thought. I didn't want Pony to see my grave again. Last time he had went, he had ended up staring blankly at the world around him for weeks. I knew it hurt him to remember me or Dally, but goddamnit, Pony had to learn to let us go, to get on with his life. It sounded harsh, and I knew Pony was my best friend, but I didn't want him to brood over two dead guys, one of which wasn't much of a person in life (me) anyway. Brooding would do nothing but make him miserable.

I saw Pony walk over to my gravestone. It was as small and as insignificant as I had been while living. It read:

Johnathan Cade
June 25, 1950-October 15, 1966
Beloved friend and son, we will never forget

I scoffed at my inscription. I knew for a fact that my mother had chosen that. Jocelyn Cade. Always trying to make a good impression on everyone. At first, it broke my heart to see her put makeup on the bruises my father had given her. Then she began to ignore me, to the point where I was lucky if she grunted at me once during the course of a week. And then she would yell at me occasionally, never once saying a word as my father beat me in a drunken rage almost every night. She always wanted people to think she was the ideal mother and spouse, but she wasn't fooling anyone. I don't even think she fooled herself.

Pony just sat at my gravestone for a while as he always did, contemplating the sunset. The same sunset I knew Cherry Valance, Dally, and even my mother were watching, if only for a second. Then the tears came. First a trickle, and then, before I knew it, he was half-sobbing, half-talking to me. "Why Johnny? Why damn it! Why wasn't that me underneath that beam instead of you? You deserved to live longer, you deserved to experience the beautiful things in life," said Ponyboy, quietly to the stone in front of him. He continued,"You know you took Dally with you, right? I always did think he had a thing for you...The way you looked at each other. Did you see his face when you died in the hospital?"

"Ponyboy... I just wanted to say.. I-I'm sorry. For the pain I caused everyone. I know I could have fought it, I know I could have, but it just seemed right to give in to death... Tell everyone I'm sorry. Two-Bit, Darry, Soda, Steve-even Randy and Cherry. Who am I kidding? You can't hear me, can you, kid?" I said, resting on a tombstone near Ponyboy.

Suddenly he looked up. "W-Who's there? J-Johnny?" he said. So he had heard me!

"Pony! You can hear me? It's Johnny! Tell everyone I love them...and that heaven ain't all it's cracked up to be," I shouted, hoping that he could still hear me.

Oddly, Pony just looked at my gravestone, his fingers tracing the inscription on my tombstone. So he hadn't heard me the second time..."Thanks, Johnny," Pony whispered as he got up, "Thanks for everything. I mean it." He brushed off his jacket, still blackened from the fire, and walked out of the cemetary, closing the gates behind him with a clang.


A/N: What did you think? It just seemed so sad for Johnny to be separated from Dally, but then I realized that if they both were in heaven, it wouldn't make sense, as they were radically different in their actions during life..Ehh, pay me no mind, I'm confusing myself...Anyway, just found this really cool site called www dot wrongsideofthetracksawards dot cjb dot net it's Outsiders fanfiction awards...Go there if you want to read great stories and nominate some great ones too(no this is not a plug for my own stories,it's just a plug for the site...although if you wanted to nominate me, it would be cool) Read and review please! Still asking for suggestions as to who's POV to do next..