A/N: This is my first Outsiders fic, and its only my 4th fic..So be nice..lol..What is going through Dally's mind when Johnny dies, and he goes to rob the grocery store? Johnny/Dally slash. This is Dally's POV
"Stay gold, Ponyboy...Stay gold" Those had been Johnny's last words. And then had "died gallant" as he himself used to say. Yes, he had died gallantly, riding off into the sunset to face his death. Just to save those kids. If it were me, I would sure as hell have stayed out. Not because I've been hardened beyond all caring, like the gang thinks but because I'm a coward. Johnny is everything-he was everything I'm not. Strong, brave, caring, all the virtues I had been stripped of by a life as a hood. And I loved him for it. I, Dallas Winston, who appeared to love nothing in this entire world, loved Johnny Cade.
Yes, I cared about the rest of the gang,but it was mostly because Greasers stuck with Greasers, and the Socs stuck with the Socs, you dig? That's just the way things are around here. But it was as if there was some invisible barrier between them and me; I was a hardened hood and they were scared of me; respected me out of fear. Except for Johnny. There had always been a quiet mutual love and respect. I understood him, he understood me. And it was my fault he was dead. I could have gone in after him. I could have stopped him at the car. But why didn't I? Again, back to the same answer; I was a coward. And right now, all I could say is, "That's what you get for trying to help people, you little punk." I felt like I was going to break up and just cry in a corner, but Pony was there, and even in my madness, I didn't want to scare him.
But I couldn't help it. Suddenly, all the numb pain I had been feeling burst its barriers, like a deluge of memories and thoughts. It was too much to bear at once. I whirled about, teeth clenched, and pounding the wall. Outwardly, I said, "Dammit, Johnny, please don't die." What was I doing, thinking that maybe if I believed he was alive for long enough, he would get up and walk out of the hospital, joking and laughing like the old days.
Inside, I was thinking, 'He can't go...Not like this..It's too early..I never got a chance to say 'I love you'' I knew it sounded like a line out of a movie, but it was all that could describe my feelings. I wanted to collapse, to break down, to scream myself hoarse. But Dallas Winston never cries...At least, he shouldn't. No, even though I knew I was dangerously close to the edge of reason, I still couldn't let my guard down. I would never let anyone see me cry, to see my pain.My reason to live was gone, what was my purpose? To live as an empty shell? I didn't think so.
I left the hospital at a run, knocking over several nurses, but I didn't care, it was all a blur. I shoved the keys to my car into the ignition, not thinking that I was leaving Pony to get home by himself. In a short second of calmness, I remembered the day that we had kissed.
It was last summer, and we were both sitting in the empty lot, full of broken pop bottles and discarded trash. But to the guys in the gang, it was like heaven. It was a place to get away from what happened at home, even if that meant sitting and sweltering in the sun, or freezing in the snow.
Johnny and I were talking about some broad, who we had seen at the movie theaters. I had noticed she was incredibly pretty, but I couldn't make a move for once. I was frozen.There was a pause, and neither of us spoke, as the sun beat down on us, we were just sitting there, contemplating each other.
"You know, Dally, I ain't never kissed a girl before," remarked Johnny, just staring at the sky, blushing slightly.
I stood silent. I didn't want to say anything to scare him away.Didn't want to let him know that I loved him. What if I was misinterpreting what he was saying?I just wanted him to stay, even if that meant I could only stare at him.
"I was wondering if maybe I could...you know...nobody else will know...Just for practic-" said Johnny. He was blushing beet red by now, and I knew what he meant.
I silenced the last words coming out of his mouth with a kiss. Oh glory, there were fireworks going on in my stomach. My mind was full of euphoric bliss, like I was high on some type of drug. Only this was better than any drug I had ever taken. This...This was Johnny.I had always wanted to taste his lips, just once. Just once would make me happy, for the rest of my life. I did it without thinking, even though I knew he could push me away. But he didn't.
Slowly, I pulled away. What were you thinking, Dallas? It was broad daylight and any one of the guys in gang could come and see us. There was another awkward moment.
"Umm...Well, bye then, Dally...See you later at the rumble, okay?" saidJohnny in a quiet voice, still blushing profusely. As he turned the corner, Johnny turned around, smiled at me, and gave me a small wink. It was then that I knew that I truly loved him.
But that was last summer. Now, Johnny was dead and there was nothing in this world that could bring him back. I could cry a thousand tears, kill a thousand Socs, and nothing would ever bring him back.
As I came back to reality, I lit a cigarette and turned on the radio. I didn't care which station it was on, I was just trying to act like nothing had happened. But I put my foot down on the pedal, and drove to the first grocery store I could find. I wasn't sure what I was going to do, I was just going to do it.
I pulled up the grocery store, tires screeching. Checked my waistband for my unloaded heater, it was always useful for a bluff, as I had once told Johnny and Pony. I walked inside, and stuffed five bottles of beer into my bag sloppily.
"Excuse me, is there something I can help you with?" asked the cashier in a bubbly voice, a blonde girl of about 18, Two-Bit's kind of girl. She was oblivious to the fact that I was commiting a robbery, so I took it a step further.
"Give me the money," I said in a calm, even tone, but there was a knot in my throat so huge, I thought my throat would shatter. I whipped out my heater, and pointed it straight at her head. At this, the blonde began to shake, but was frozen.
"GIVE ME THE FUCKING MONEY, YOU BITCH!" I roared, still with a knot in my throat.
I was getting nervous, the heater was shaking in my hands. Why was this happening now? I had killed more than a few people, held up more than a few grocery stores in my day, and now I was shaking, white dots popping in front of my eyes, obscuring my vision. As I raised a hand to rub my eyes, the cashier pressed a button underneath her desk, and I knew the fuzz were coming. Perfect.
I ran to the nearest phonebooth, and called Darry's house. If I was going to die, the least I could do, was totell Darry. I respected him so much, even though I never acted upon it. I mean, raising two kids has got to be hard at twenty, when you know that the only thing that keeps you from being rich and famous, are those damned kids. It must be even harder to still manage to love them with your heart and soul and all your being.
The phone rang a couple of times. Pick up, pick up.."GODDAMNIT, PICK UP THE DAMNED PHONE! " I didn't notice I had screamed the last bit, but finally, Darry picked up the phone, "Hell-"
"I'm in trouble, Darry...I robbed a grocery store and the fuzz are after me. Meet me at the lot by your house..I'm sorry," I said in a whispered, rushed voice. I apologized because I very well knew these would be the last words I would speak to any of them.
I heard sirens and saw lights. What did it matter if they caught up with me? That's what I had wanted right? Right? I got myself here, and I was going to finish it.
Hell, I wouldn't go down without a fight, wouldn't go down without a blaze of glory. It's not like it mattered anymore. Johnny was gone, and in17 years of living on the streets, he was the only person that had truly mattered to me. And he was gone, so nothing was of any importance anymore. Except seeing him again.
I ran, not really trying to get to the lot by the Curtis' house. If I was going to die, I wanted to get one last look at the men(and boys) who had accompanied mefor the past years. They had never truly cared for me, but still, they were like family. The fuzz were catching up. Then I knew I couldn't delay it any longer. So I skidded to a halt beneath the lone streetlight on the block, and it flickered, faltered, as if it doubted I could do this. I knew this was insane. But then again, wasn't my entire life insane? Hadn't I gotten arrested when I was 10? Hadn't I jumped little kids? I knew I deserved this, I knew I was going to rot in hell. But I wanted it. Wanted it desperately, with all my life, although I knew there wasn't much more of my life left to live.
Then the fuzz pulled up, sirens wailing and almost at the same instant, they came out of their cars,guns raised and yelled 'Freeze!' At that moment, I think time slowed down. The scene took on an almost surreal, hazy quality. It was now or never. I whipped out my heater, looked back at the gang, standing on the porch, watching in horror. I saw Ponyboy, looking confused and horrified at the same time. I saw Steve, the angry one, sink to his knees and sob. Sodapop, comforting Steve. Two-Bit and Darry, just standing there with faces full of disbelief and sadness.
Maybe they did care, maybe they did love me. But it was too late now, I felt the bullet rain pelt me, and strangely, I felt little pain. All good things came too late.They were too late. Too late to save Johnny. Too late to realize that Johnny was the one that held us together. Too late to save me from my fate...
A/N: I think I might do the gang's reactions to Dally and Johnny's deaths, so stay tuned, I promise I'll update if I decide not to. Read and review, please!
