Sorry bout the long wait. You see… I was just sitting down to write this the split second I posted the first part… and, then, well…. It's a really, really funny story, actually. Seriously, I just crack up every time I hear it. Or think about it. Ha. See, there's the laughter! What? No, I am not stalling because I don't have a legitimate excuse for my absence!

I don't understand myself! I'm back to the weird-noise-making while reading reviews. What is WRONG with me? That is, like, soooo last fic.

Swiss Baby: Wouldn't it be cooler if you were from Switzerland so I could call you Swiss cheese and I would seem SO clever? Anyway, I can't BELIEVE I forgot that cheese and cake are the best combination! I don't know where I was that day. Probably... somewhere else. Can't think of a witty response there. Hey, I ate cremebrulee cheesecake yesterday! I'd like to say "...and I thought of you the whole time..." but the truth is, I didn't. It was too good to focus on anything else. Sorry. Those Poes were uber creepy. Please do tell me when I begin to become crap, because no one else I know has offered. I'd appreciate it. No drinking and driving? Damn, guess I'll have to change my plans tonight. I love the way you never seem to mention my story while reviewing for more than a line.

live2tivo: I read both of those books! I thought only the Pyes did the "I" check thing. Oh wait, I didn't read the Moffats. Oh wait, I did read one of the Moffats' books. Now I'm confused. I love that you love my a/n's because they are like my precious children, even more so than the fic almost. You're a novelist, ey? Well, you can use my line. I'm generous that way.

Rusty Bedsprings: I know you are- in fact, I am following it eagerly. You haven't updated in, like, 40 years, give or take. UPDATE dammit because yours is SOOOOO good! It's more dirty than mine, I'm too much of a good girl to write dirty.

L/L r Lobsters: I reviewed your fic, so keep reviewing mine. This is a give-take relationship, mkay? And OMG I despiiiise the short reviews! I mean, sure, I would rather get short reviews from people than none at all, but how is "great story!" "Lol love it!" going to help me? But hey, they boost my ego. Write the poes fic you were talking about, because I love this episode. I mean, that's why I'm writing about it. I write my fics based on what EYE think the masses would want to read, aka ME. I get confused whenever I think of this...is the lobster thing from Friends? Right right? Or not? When Phoebe was talking about lobsters holding claws and whatnot...

Oywiththepoodlesalready: See, I even took the time to write the exact same number of exclamation points you did. Sorry you're slowly losing life every second I have a social life. I love writing about the moments that SHOULD have happened, it's always been my favorite thing. I hate the way completely stupid things stall them and their relationship could have started if only the stupid bird could have stayed hidden or Dean could have solved his own problem without whining to Lorelai mid-picnic. Please, I am updating, so refrain from involving Joe and Timmy.

Hmmm…: You reviewed on Safety Dance but as I had no chance to counter your review there I decided to do so here. The cyber-back-rub was nice but a little awkward, as you said. Lovin' the word ramblacious! And my heart is a-flutter with the breathtaking ASP praise because that woman is a total goddess. Hopefully you are reading this because that means you're reading this fic which means I have one more reader which means I have one more rice grain of self respect for myself.

Lorelaielizabeth halliwell: Me appreciates your reviews because me is like that. Me finds Jess being your daddy slightly disturbing.

Waaaaaa! No one else leaves me long reviews. Sorry, guys, no pain, no gain.

Oh yeah… I don't own Gilmore Girls. Or Silly Putty. But I wish I owned Gilmore Girls. And Silly Putty.


Thank the Cavemen

Chapter Deux: The Serious Chapter. Serious Face.

Lorelai and Luke were sitting at the table each drinking their respective beverages, coffee and tea. You can guess who was drinking which.

Lorelai sighed. "I can't actually believe that my inn caught fire! It's, like, so freaky. Something that happens to someone else. Stuff like this isn't ever supposed to happen to YOU, it happens to other people."

"Yeah, well, it happens to someone, and to someone, it's happening to themselves."

"What?"

"You know, if it happens to someone else, to them, it's happening to them, and then they'd be all, this should happen to someone else, not me."

"Exactly! It should be happening to that person, not me," explained Lorelai.

"Yeah, but to that person, they're me."

"They're you?" questioned the perplexed Lorelai.

"What?"

"Your inn didn't catch fire!

"Of course my inn didn't catch fire! I don't even own an inn!" said Luke, exasperated.

"Exactly, so it can't catch fire! Man, that would be weird, if both of our inns caught fire, wouldn't it?"

"Lorelai, I don't OWN an inn!"

"Well, you brought it up.

"I did not!"

"I'm confused now," sighed Lorelai. Just then the phone rang; Luke groaned and got up, and Lorelai wandered over to the couch and sat down.

"Hello? Oh, hey, Nicole."

Lorelai shifted her eyes down awkwardly and took a sip of her coffee. That's a little weird. She wondered how Nicole would react to the news of her sleepover with Luke.

"Not much. The local inn caught fire, it was a whole to-do…Yeah, that's the one she works at."

Lorelai's eyebrows rose. Was the first thing Nicole mentioned at the news of a fire Lorelai? Why did she care?

"Nope, everyone's okay, no injuries. How was your meeting?... Yeah, tomorrow's good, tell me then. But it's good news?... Very good news, even better… Well, you'll have to wait till tomorrow to tell me. But it sounds exciting…Will do…Goodnight."

Lorelai turned to Luke with surprise as he hung up. "Was that Nicole?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Why didn't you tell her I was here?"

Luke shrugged. "Dunno. It didn't come up."

"Oh, so she forgot to ask "Is Lorelai sleeping over?" like she usually does every night? Very odd of her."

"It's not a big deal. It's not like she needs to know or anything."

"Well, this is completely innocent," reminded Lorelai. "You're just helping me out. Do you think it'd make a difference if you told her?"

"No, it's just…" He sighed and came over to her, sitting on the couch. "Nicole is a little… touchy when it comes to you."

That surprised Lorelai a lot. Nicole jealous of her? If anything, it would be the other way around. "What? Why?"

"Well… on our first date, I was kinda nervous, not having dated much recently." He shifted his mug of tea around in his hands. "I wasn't sure what to talk about, so I was just babbling, you know, and then Nicole ordered extra fries, which reminded me of you. So I told her a story about you and French fries, you know, the one where you got the entire diner to stick fries up their noses and sing "I am the Walrus"…"

"Ah, a classic anecdote…" grinned Lorelai, remembering.

"And she laughed, so I thought that seemed okay. And then later, she ordered a third cup of coffee…"

"Ugh, Luke, you didn't…"

"So I told her about you and your coffee addiction…"

"You did!" she moaned.

"…and Nicole seemed to kind of react to that. Ever since then, she's been a little weird about our friendship."

She sighed. "Luke, you cannot, under ANY circumstances, talk about another woman on a first date."

"But what if they're just a friend?"

"Women friends don't exist, bucko."

"So you don't exist?" asked Luke, a little perturbed by her comment. "What is this, When Harry Met Sally?"

"Aside from the fact that I need to mock you later for having seen that movie, I'm talking about first dates. I don't exist on a first date. No women do."

"Not even my mother?"

"If you're talking about your mother, the date is probably going to end there."

"Good point. So, I can't talk about women friends on first dates?" confirmed Luke.

"Right, because then the girl will get jealous, like Nicole is of me."

"I still don't get it, though. Why does she care if I have women friends? Why does she just assume...?"

"She probably thinks something along the lines of, 'Cute girl, cute guy, friends- must be in love.' It's crazy yet true." Awkward conversation. Awkward, awkward, awkward.

"It's kind of annoying," Luke said. "I mean, don't they find it at all possible that two people of the opposite sex can be friends and nothing more?" I'm sure it is possible, for some people. Somewhere. On Mars, maybe.

"The whole town is crazy too, they think the same kind of things."

"Yeah," said Luke. "They think we're in love or something."

"Crazy people."

"Yeah," agreed Luke.

Long, extremely awkward pause.

Little bit longer.

"Hey, can you set the alarm clock? I have to wake up uber early tomorrow," said Lorelai suddenly. Thank God for my professional subject-changing skills.

"How early?" asked Luke, grabbing the clock.

"Six."

"Luxury. I get up at quarter to five."

"Why on earth would you do that?"

"Maybe to do this think I call 'running my business.'"

"Get a new business," advised Lorelai.

"Then where would you get the coffee?"

"Good point," said Lorelai, who was just about to get up to go to the bed. "Woah, déjà vu," she said, sitting back down.

"What?"

"I just had this dream once that you set, like, 18 alarm clock to wake me up, which, though torturous, is not a bad method."

"Where were we?" asked Luke, and all of a sudden the two feet of air between the two became very strange. Lorelai had dreamed about Luke.

"Um… at my house. I came downstairs, and you were making breakfast, and you hid the real coffee and replaced it with decaf, but I found the hard stuff anyhow, and you talked to my stomach…" Her mouth twitched at the memory.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because I was pregnant." Pause. "With twins." Pause. "You called them Sid and Nancy, but then I told you I wanted Leopold and Loeb."

"You were pregnant with my twins?" It took a second for this to sink in. Plus he was thinking about the process he and Lorelai would have to endure to get her in such a situation.

"Yeah, I'm not a dream tramp."

"We were married?" His mind was now officially Silly Putty.

"Um, yes. Didn't I say that?"

"No." The corner of his mouth rose slightly.

"Well, we were."

They both gazed at each other for a few long moments, for some reason not looking away.

"You really shouldn't drink coffee while you're pregnant."

Lorelai smiled. Typical Luke. "I know."

"Probably why Rory's a caffeine aficionada."

"Big word, and yeah, you're probably right."

"What else happened in the dream?" he asked, still staring into her eyes.

"Well…"

Both heads turned as the door opened with a squeak.

"Luke, I've got champagne…" Nicole stopped short as she saw Lorelai and Luke sitting close on the couch.

"Nicole…" stuttered Luke. "You're- you're back."

"I was going to surprise you with my news," she said faintly.

"Nicole-" Luke stood up.

"So I was right. You were cheating on me with her."

"Nicole, that's not true…"

"I knew it. You've been too in love with her to ever really care about me. I shouldn't have listened to you telling me how you were 'just friends.' That's bull." Nicole's voice rose with every word."

"Nicole, I just…" cut in Lorelai.

"Shut up. Luke, how could you do this?"

"I am not cheating on you! Lorelai has no place to stay tonight so she's staying here."

"However true that may or may not be, that doesn't change the fact that you're in love with her. I was just talking to you. I was in the car on the way here. And I don't recall you ever mentioning your little slumber party."

"Because I knew you'd react like this!" yelled Luke.

"Like you were in love with her? You are, Luke! That's why I'm reacting like this! You've never been invested in our relationship. You're always watching Lorelai, or talking about her, or thinking about her, or fixing her porch, or giving her chocolate chips in her pancakes. I mean, hell, did you think I didn't hear you when you called me Lorelai during sex last night?"

Luke cringed and covered his beet red face with his hands. "I was just-"

"Wow, this is the kind of conversation you'd usually have when I wasn't here, don't you think?" asked Lorelai in a complete fluster. What had Nicole just said?

"I came here tonight to talk to you. To see if we could fix this. I was going to tell you that I got a job in Los Angeles and I wanted you to come with me."

"Nicole, you know I can't do that-"

"I don't even want you to anymore, Luke. I was in denial; I thought this would just go away. But I know it wont. You love her so much more than you could ever love me."

"I don't know where any of this is coming from," said Luke, frazzled. "We were doing just fine."

"I don't hear you denying it, Luke," said Nicole quietly and coldly.

The ticking of the clock was the only sound that filled the room.

"That's what I thought." Nicole walked towards the door.

"Nicole-" Luke made one final, desperate plea.

"I hope you two are very happy together" was the last thing Nicole spat out before she closed the door, walking out of the diner and out of their lives.


Awkward's an awkward word, isn't it? I noticed that while writing it repeatedly. Awkward awkward awkward awkward awkard awkward awkward awkward. Doesn't even seem like a word anymore, does it? Awkward awkward awkward awkward awkward. Okay, I'm done.