PART II: SPEAK OF EVIL, AND IT ALREADY CAME
"Hey, Meiru-chan. When did Netto say he'd be here?"
"One o'clock, Enzan-sama."
"I see. And what time is it now, Yaito-chan?"
"Four-thirty in the afternoon, Enzan."
"Wow. We're patient."
Enzan, Meiru, and Yaito were becoming quite bored waiting in Enzan's office suite at IPC World Headquarters. The only missing member of their social circle, Netto Hikari, was AWOL. One hour late was his usual pace. Two hours was borderline unacceptable. As for three and a half hours, Netto was asking for a war of nuclear proportions.
Finally, this war was unleashed as Netto came entered the office in the form of a flaming human comet, with anime veins pulsating all over his body. Meiru and Yaito ran for dear life, but Enzan remained in one place, knowing with certainty that the flaming Netto Demon Comet would not hit him. Then he remembered how clumsy Netto was, and he whispered for his mother.
After getting up from Enzan's steaming heap on the ground, Netto screamed at the top of his lungs, "That was completely uncalled for, Enzan! Why did you send 500,000 yen worth of Giga Class processor chips to my home? Granted, I did want one, but not that much worth!"
"I don't know, Netto," said Rockman, smiling and running around on Netto's PET. "I like this new processor chip! Look at how fast I can run now! And look at this! ROCK BUSTER!"
Rockman's buster annihilated a chunk of Internet nearly 50 feet wide.
"Wow, Rockman, that RULED!" Netto cried. "But ENZAN! Why would you do such a thing?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, Netto." Enzan knew the situation would get ugly, so he resorted to the method he always used to win an argument against Netto: he changed the subject.
"Say, Netto, how did that recent double date go for you?"
Netto's icy glare turned into a smile from ear to ear that was so stupid-looking it made Meiru want to slap him. "Gee, Enzan, it was SWELL! After the date, we went back to my house and…"
"NETTO!" Meiru screamed, blushing madly.
"…KISSED!" Netto held up one of those two-fingered peace signs that anime characters will do for no reason in particular, and Meiru breathed a sigh of relief. "How about you, Enzan? How was your date with ?"
"You know, Netto, I really don't remember. I mean, I know I was there, but I can't recall anything I did with ."
"We don't remember anything either!" said Meiru and Yaito. "We don't even remember who it was!"
"Maybe it was ME!" said Yaito, after which Enzan appeared as though he would throw up messily.
"Do you think maybe it was another of his fangirls? Maybe a fan character?" Blues suddenly asked, tilting his head. "He has so many groupies, it's hard to keep track of them all. I should know. Most of them come for me first. Some of them even draw pictures!"
"In some of them, Blues is even naked!" shouted Roll, after which Blues went into hiding for the rest of the conversation.
"Yeah, it's fun drawing pictures of…HEY! ENZAN!" Netto had finally caught on to Enzan's distraction, although the concept of Enzan dating was an interesting discussion indeed. "You did it again! You know I hate that!"
Roll suddenly popped onto Netto's PET screen, an appearance so sudden it caused Rockman to scream. "Netto," she said, "it is your own will to become distracted by Enzan when he does that. You should stay focused. Never let go of your main point. Like THIS!"
Roll latched onto Rockman's arm, and Rockman blushed madly, as did Meiru. Yaito seemed to be enjoying all this; she was having Glyde capture video footage of it on her PET's integrated camera.
"Anyway," Enzan said, "Netto, now that you're here, I have a few questions for you."
"Yah, what are they?" Netto perked up, again falling for Enzan's distraction.
"Did you receive this transaction notice from a Navi named Adver Man?"
Netto's face became grim and serious, as did everyone else's. Yaito muttered, "Way to ruin the party, Enzan. I waited three and a half hours for this and you ruined it just when it was getting fun."
"Yes, why?" Netto replied. "Does he work for you, Enzan? If he does, may I beat you up now?"
"Later, Netto. For now, you should know that he DOES work for me, and…WAIT! Don't beat me up yet! He actually belongs to an employee of mine. His name is Kenishiro. He's been selling a lot recently, and I suspect from all the Web traffic I've monitored at his office that he's been sending out unusual quantities of telemarketing…"
"HOLD IT!" Yaito screamed. "Let me get this straight. You actually TRACK your employee's Internet activities? Geez! When MY employees slack off, I just force them to switch to one-ply toilet paper for a week!"
"So that is why GABCOM is, to put it appropriately, full of crap!" Enzan replied smugly.
Yaito looked like she was about to cry. "You COULDN'T have been my date a few weeks ago," Enzan muttered. "Anyway, Netto, how many ads did you receive from this Adver Man?"
"Five hundred. Each and every day for the past week and a half."
Meiru, Yaito, and Enzan gasped and became serious, as if the world's most despicable evil had just been mentioned. In all honesty, it had.
"It's certain in my mind now. It must be Kenishiro," Enzan muttered. "Ever since he was given that Adver Man of his…"
"Given?" Meiru asked. "Any idea who it was?"
"Yes. There is no doubt it was Slur. It must have been an Asteroid Navi."
"A telemarketing Asteroid Navi! I knew it! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Netto screamed as tears flowed from his eyes.
Enzan closed his eyes and raised an eyebrow. "Netto, this is hardly THAT serious."
"It is!" cried Netto, as his nose ran with snot and his eyes flowed with tears. At this point, Netto looked so ridiculous that Enzan couldn't help but laugh, and had to keep coughing to hide it. Netto continued, "Now we're going to have to wear out our fingers clicking Delete to get rid of all those IPC spam messages! And we'll all get carpal tunnel syndrome and DIE!"
Enzan experienced a flash of sudden panic, realizing that Netto was right, perhaps for the first time in his life. "All right, everyone! We're going to need all the help we can get to fight this Adver Man! I'll do whatever I can, but I need you to help in the meantime!"
Meiru, Netto, and Yaito all stood at attention as Enzan delegated orders. "Meiru! Use your popularity at school to convince all of your classmates to buy ergonomic keyboards and chairs! If we're gonna stop Adver Man, we may as well be comfortable while we're waiting for ourselves to stop him!"
"Uh…sure, whatever," Meiru replied, rolling her eyes and running out of the office.
"Yaito! Go back to your GABCOM company and tell all of your employees that I think they are stupid! Then tell them to do whatever they can to stop Adver Man with their extremely limited intelligence! Make sure EVERYONE hears you!"
"Of course, Enzan!" Yaito was about to leave, when she stopped, turned, and shot Enzan an icy glare that would certainly have murdered him if looks could kill. "Wait a minute…WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY I SHOULD SAY?"
"Time is of the essence! Just go tell everyone at your company! Hurry!"
Yaito pulled down her eyelid and stuck out her tongue at Enzan, then ran out of the office. Enzan then turned to Netto and said, "Netto…do what you can."
"I will do that! Wheeee!" shouted Netto as he ran out of the office. "What? OH NO! HE'S TRAPPED ME ALREADY!"
"Netto?"
"What, Enzan?"
"You're in my wardrobe closet."
"Oh, so that's what these bunny slippers are doing here!"
Enzan blushed madly and continued, "Go, Netto! Not a second to waste! Especially for someone who's as late as you always are!" Netto ran out of the office, but Enzan had one more order: "Sexy secretary!"
"Yes, Enzan-sama?"
"Get me two grilled cheese sandwiches and a soda, and give me a deep back massage!"
"O-of course…Enzan-sama…heeheehee…"
Enzan took a brief moment to blush and make a perverted expression, then muttered out of his window, "Kenishiro…what exactly are you up to?"
END PART II
