PART III: HOLDING DOWN THE FORTE
The URA Internet. A deeply hidden subset of the normal Internet, it exists at the border between raw source code and sorted data. It is the filter zone that processes data into information which can then be materialized into Internet material, rumored to be ruled over by Serenade.exe, the perfect Navi.
Of course, to the Dark Navi known as Forte.exe, none of this information mattered. All that mattered to him was that Slur had knocked him through a floor and somehow he had ended up there. This would have been just fine, except that Netto, Enzan, and practically everyone in the Net Savior agency was watching Slur knocking the stuffing out of him, making the whole ordeal that much more humiliating.
"I must escape from here…I will prove that I'm the strongest in the universe!" Forte exclaimed, using a very tired and overused fighting game quote. "I will have that power! I…I must have it!"
"POWER! Yay!" shouted a squeaky and cute voice from behind him.
"YAAAHHHHH!" screamed Forte as he turned around to find none other than Adver Man standing behind him. It was fairly obvious by looking at this odd yet annoyingly adorable Navi that he knew nothing of power or strength. As far as Forte was concerned, Adver Man probably didn't even know what the word "power" meant. "Why did you sneak up on me like that?"
"I'm an advertising program!" Adver Man relied happily. "It's my job to sneak up on unsuspecting Web surfers and infest their hard drives with ads!"
"And what do YOU know about power?" Forte asked, deciding to try out his previously mentioned theory.
Adver Man confirmed his stupidity: "Power! I know that my operator's PET runs on it! And if the batteries run out," he continued in a gloomy tone, "then…I will go to sleep."
"As in…death?"
"No, as in going to sleep! And when I'm asleep, I can't sell anything! Not until Kenishiro-sama gives me new batteries!"
"Oh crap!" shouted a human's voice. "I almost forgot! My power is running low! Thanks for reminding me…Adver Man, hang on!"
"Hurry, Kenishiro! I want to sell something to him!"
Adver Man suddenly fell asleep standing up, with a little anime snore bubble coming out of his left eye. As for Forte, the whole sight constituted a slight giggle and a huge sweat drop. In the background, he could have sworn he heard the clickety-clack sound of a human frantically exchanging his PET's batteries.
Forte slowly approached Adver Man and decided to poke him to make sure he was actually alive. Just as he was about to get poked, Kenishiro finished installing some new batteries. Adver Man jumped up and stated in robotic monotone: "CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE ACTIVATED ADVER MAN!"
"I didn't even DO anything yet!" shouted Forte. "Anyway, what was this about selling…"
"Adver Man is compliant with regulations set by the Japanese Administration of Marketing, or JAM. Adver Man and owner Kenishiro are not responsible for any legal or emotional difficulty caused to opponents. Restrictions apply, rates and results may vary. How may I exploit you today? First, what is your name?" Adver Man had returned to his normal, ironically evil self.
"Exploit me? Why you little…" Forte ground his teeth and veins pulsated all over his body.
"Your teeth are yellow!" shouted Adver Man, pointing at Forte's teeth, which were widely exposed by aforementioned grinding. Forte replied with a sucker punch to Adver Man's crotch, to which Adver Man did not react, but instead tilted his head to his left with a puzzled look on his face. It is a historic fact that Navis, by nature, do not possess private parts to exploit in battle.
"Well, if you're still okay after that, you really ARE the ultimate villain," Forte said, raising an eyebrow. "Very well, you are worthy of fighting me."
Kenishiro searched his briefcase and found a case of brand-new Giga Class chips he bought using bets he won from all his recent battles. "Bring it on, punk!" he shouted as he made one of those two-fingered peace signs.
Forte's left eye twitched as he thought to himself: "Bring…it…on…PUNK? How dare you annoy me with your outdated euphemisms! Not only are you corrupt…you're actually lame. All the more reason to destroy you! DARK SWORD!"
"Battle chip!" Kenishiro shouted as he slotted in his first chip. "Sales technique! RESULTS MAY VARY!"
Forte's Dark Sword became a plastic squeak hammer that caused Adver Man to giggle when it made contact with a rhythmic, high-pitched noise. Forte was completely taken by surprise, as it became apparent when he started speaking again: "Well, you've certainly surprised me. What was that move?"
Kenishiro pointed upward in an intellectual fashion as he said, "The Results May Vary chip will render any of your attacks into harmless comic relief."
"Urgghhh! DARKNESS OVERLOAD!" With this, Forte shot an intense purple aura of dark energy at Adver Man. Kenishiro, however, would not give in so easily.
"Sales technique! FOOT IN THE DOOR!"
Forte's attack turned back against him, and the moment it made contact, he screamed louder than he ever had in his life, causing Kenishiro to think to himself: "So I am fighting a girl after all."
"It appears I'm not yet powerful enough to defeat you," Forte murmured as he struggled to bring himself to stand. "I'll rest until tomorrow, then fight you again."
Not in a mood to be pestered by a persistent villain, Kenishiro decided to unleash Adver Man's ultimate attack, the one he used to defeat all of his previous opponents. Adver Man ran up to Forte and stood in one place, staring at him emptily.
"So…what are you going to do now?" Forte wondered, staring back at Adver Man's empty expression.
"…WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY SOME IPC PROCESSOR CHIPS? YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED!"
Forte ran off into the distant horizon, screaming.
END PART III
