Chapter Five. The Donny Llama.

Harry Potter awoke to the sound of Neville getting dressed rather clumsily. He pulled back his curtain to see the boy hopping on one foot while trying to pull on a shoe and yank on a shirt at the same time. Seamus threw back the curtain only enough to expose his head, and glared at Neville.

"Some of us are trying to sleep," he snapped angrily.

"Aughh!" Dean moaned groggily; looking at his watch as he yanked open his curtain. "It's not even five thirty!"

"What time is it?"

"Five twenty-two," Dean replied softly in a yawn, only able to open one eye.

"Whose voice was that?" Harry asked suspiciously, staring at Seamus, whose lips had not moved.

"Mind your own business, Potter," Seamus replied, his Irish accent thick with annoyance. "Everybody just go back to sleep."

Dean moaned and flopped back into his bed as Neville won the battle with his shirt and began tying his shoe. Ron, who grew up in a house of people and knew to ignore certain sounds, slept on, mumbling something like 'Mum! We just won the World Series; must you hug me in front or everyone!' Harry, who was being stared at by Seamus, drew his curtain shut, but stayed awake while Neville tottered out the door as silently as he could. Within half an hour, there came movement from Seamus's bed.

"Well, for the most part you were quiet," he was whispering.

Soft, hushed laughter sounded followed by a whisper of, "Sorry about that."

Harry did not dare move, though his curiosity was flaring and the absence of snoring told him that Ron knew when to wake up. The door opened and they knew it was now or never. Harry shifted one of his curtains to give him just enough room to see the door. There was a girl standing in the doorway next to Seamus, who was only dressed in his Alan Whickers. The girl leaned forward and kissed Seamus passionately on the lips. He leaned into it, bringing his arms up around her.

Harry wondered if this would just lead into them both getting right back into bed. The girl, however, pushed away and was gone in mere seconds; leaving Seamus to sigh, grab his robe, and head toward the showers in desperate need of a cold one. Ron, Harry, and Dean let out choked laughter and yanked back their own curtains.

"Blinking heck!" Ron yelled, laughing hard.

"Chaps, I think we've had a visit from the beast-with-two-backs," Dean announced, his face red with suppressed laughter.

"He boned in the room and no body heard a thing from either of them!" gaped Ron. "Blimey, that's… that's…"

"Disturbing?" Harry filled in. "She must have been the one to ask what time it was."

"….Someone gets bonked in this room and nobody even heard," said Dean, shaking his head. "Are we deaf?"

"Maybe nothing happened," Harry suggested. "I mean, she was fully dressed upon leaving and I didn't hear her get dressed."

"She had her shirt unbuttoned," proclaimed Dean. "I saw that… She was still wearing a bra though."

"So what, he barely got second," muttered Ron.

Harry grinned and looked at Dean before turning a menacing stare upon Ron. "Yeah," he said casually. "And you've gotten farther than that with Hermione."

"Well we-…. SHUT UP!" Ron ordered, leaping out of his own bed with his pillow gripped tightly in his hand as if brandishing a weapon.

This produced the effect of making Harry and Dean laugh louder and eventually Ron was laughing with them. When Seamus re-entered the room, however, he was greeted with silence as the three boys had leapt back into their beds upon hearing the door. He looked suspiciously around, his skin twitching in the cold, and then crept soundlessly to his bed where he yanked the curtain shut, but did not go to sleep.

"Why are you grinning?" Hermione asked Harry and Ron over the breakfast table as she read her newspaper.

"Nothing, Hermione," Ron lied, his eyes traveling over to Seamus.

Neville entered the hall and sat down at the table looking tired. He provided a necessary distraction as Ron's ears had turned bright red and it was obvious to Hermione that she wasn't being told something.

"Where'd you escape to this morning, Neville?" Harry asked, tipping bacon onto a plate.

"Oh, um, I was just in the green house," replied Neville his face reddening.

"Well, that's obvious," stated Hermione, lifting up the side of Neville's cloak to point out all the soil on it. "What were you doing?"

"Desdemona is in Herbology club, but since she's patrolling at night she asked if I'd help her this morning," Neville replied, avoiding eye contact as he focused on breakfast.

Sure enough, Desdemona walked in soon after, brushing soil off, though she hardly looked as bad as Neville. Harry assumed all the Herbology club members looked like that in the morning as another girl, he recognized as Rosemary Sunrays, came in looking like a dirt mound. Harry chanced a look up to the staff table, but it seemed the teachers still did not trust the coffee as they all looked older and worn. The owls flew in and Harry searched for a flash of white, though he wasn't really expecting to get anything.

Desdemona got a letter and bolted from her seat, this time though, she wasn't alone. Harry, unaware at first that he was moving, leapt away from the table. Malfoy again felt the need to brighten his morning and reached out the grab Desdemona, only to have his wrist snatched away by Harry, who only released him once Desdemona was past. He then continued his way down the table and out a door as if he'd been intending to just leave. He felt the steaming eyes of the blond burning into the back of his head as he escaped into the hall.

Harry headed down to the grounds and hoped Ron and Hermione wouldn't take forever this morning. The quest for the Donny Llama was supposed to commence. The strange thing was that while he wanted them to hurry up and come, he also hoped they didn't. Over the summer he'd been the most solitary kind of alone there was. His window was closed and locked, his family pretended he wasn't alive, and there was no magic word he could use to make them treat him as a human being because the only magic word that had ever truly worked for him was the word,

"Sirius."

POOF! In a cloud of plum colored smoke a figure appeared before Harry, standing in the shadow of the castle. Harry promptly did the adult slash hero thing to do… Well, he screamed and jumped behind a bush, but he did so with oddly cat-like reflexes. The cloak around the figure was positioned on the arm, covering everything below the piecing eyes. With a twirl, the figure threw back the cape to reveal-

"ERIC!" Harry snapped, leaping out from behind the bush, in a brave way of course.

"Greetings, professor," Eric smiled a fanged grin. Harry noticed he was dressed, as usual, in an outfit that vampire movie costume designers would have loved, and a black cape with red lining.

"You scared the hell out of me!" accused Harry angrily, brandishing his fist.

Eric backed away in an overdramatic cowering motion. "Out of you?" he questioned, peering at Harry from behind his cape.

Harry sighed/growled and collected himself as his mind reminded him that he WAS yelling at a teacher. Eric stood up straight again and leaned against the wall.

"So…," he began, his tone holding more bite than usual. "Enjoying the sun?" he spat.

"Erm," Harry fidgeted uncomfortably. "…No?"

"Shame," Eric sighed, a small sneer spreading across his face that told Harry it was an act.

"Couldn't find Snape?" he asked, figuring the situation out.

"No, he's hiding," Eric laughed evilly. "I'm so bored. Mortimer is asleep- he ran into a wall this morning- and none of the other teachers seem to want to do anything. They're all huddling in groups and hissing about the coffee."

Eric shook his head, though Harry again saw through the act. Eric was perfectly capable of acting like an adult, so when he lowered himself to a pouting child it was usually an attempt to amuse someone. When he saw that Harry wasn't buying it, he shrugged and asked,

"What are you off to do today?"

Harry decided the best course of action was to tell the truth. "Nothing," erm… never mind, heh heh… Oh leave me alone, I have about as much control over this story as you do! I am but the writer, hostage to the plot.

"Nothing?" Eric questioned, looking rather disgusted. "If it's nothing then you best be planning your first class, which is on Monday, remember?"

"…erm, right," mumbled Harry.

"Well, then off you go," Eric jerked his head back towards the school and waited.

Feeling no other option, Harry turned solemnly and re-entered the school. Ron and Hermione found him in the library two hours later, still planning the week's lessons. Their window of time was depleted as Katie bounded in to announce that she was calling a Quidditch meeting. Ron and Harry shuffled off to that, leaving Hermione alone as Desdemona entered the library and asked her something in a whisper.

"Alright, first order of business," Katie announced as they all settled themselves in a crescent around her. "Chase, excellent flying!" Chase grinned and stood up to take a bow as his teammates applauded. "Next, practices have been going well but I think we can stop practicing in that room. That way our new players can adjust to the weather. Now, as my last note.

"Ron, you do not favor your friends or family when it comes to the game and I've been watching you for a while. A captain's job is to do what is best for the team. Ron, you'll be here another year, you know the players, and have a zest as strong as Oliver's is. I want you to be captain."

Everyone was as silent as the dead, their eyes traveling to Ron and their heads slowly following. Ron looked like Hermione had just thrown down her bag and said 'what the hell, let's fuck!' His eyes were wide and shinny as tears welled up in them and his mouth was open in a startled smile. Without much hesitation he let out a blissful.

"I accept," and promptly fainted.

"Right, well…" Katie began, shaking her head and giggling among the rest of them. "I guess we'll just run drills till he wakes up."

Nodding, the Gryffindor Quidditch Team stepped over the corpse and headed out to practice. It was half an hour by the time Ron woke up. He sat bolt upright, marched out and began barking out orders. Harry found his suggestions strange and watched the chasers try to figure out his new instructions. Chase was forced to do multiple stunts at Ron's command, finally being faced with a captain who knew his potential. Ron left Harry alone for the most part, but made him catch the snitch while trying to avoid Mike and Sara, who'd been told to attack him.

Four hours later, Ron decided his practice had ran a little long, much to the moaned agreement of his teammates. They all slithered their way towards the common room, some eventually crawling. When Harry and Ron got back to the common room, Hermione was waiting.

"Don't" Harry stopped her, holding up his hand before she could speak. He managed to reach the dorm room door and stumbled inside where he collapsed onto his bed and was asleep immediately. Again, poor Harry dreamt of that horrible day in the Ministry, and again he wanted his soul just slide out of his body so he could die in peace.

"Harry, get up!" Ron whispered, shaking Harry awake.

"Wha?" Harry replied groggily.

"Hermione sent me to get you. It's after dark; if we're going to go we got to go now," Ron urged. Being already dressed, Harry snuck out of the room behind Ron, knuckling his eye as he walked.

The grogginess did not pass quickly and Harry discovered a wonderful device for finding furniture in the dark. He called it his shin and it seemed attracted to things so much that it would ram into them at random moments. Out the portrait they traveled, the Fat Lady being in a deep sleep, down the hallway and to the portrait he'd hidden his cloak behind. Ron and Hermione kept look out as Harry crept to the portrait and reached behind it, but… his cloak wasn't there!

Just kidding, heh heh… sorry. They pulled the cloak on (insert witty threesome joke as you please.) and traveled through the halls. Flitch was making his own theme music as he flitted from wall to wall like he was in mission impossible. He looked very much like some kind of rabid squirrel as he darted around, peering around corners and making loud sniffing noises. There was a loud clang from another hallway and the nocturnal Flitch let out a strange hiss and loped off towards it like some deranged creature of the night.

The trio decided not to question it and continued on their journey. Desdemona was dancing around on the next floor, having borrowed Mike's invisible music player. She seemed bored out of her skull and her sketchbook lay forgotten. While having the grace to rival a giraffe on ice-skates during the day, she seemed slightly more coordinated now. A feral howl resounded from the floor above and Desdemona was instantly still, waiting to hear more. Mike walked by her, waved, and continued on his journey. He looked towards Harry and group, waved, and kept walking. The trio froze, until Mike looked the other direction and again waved… to nothing.

Mike's usual plea for reasons he was out of dorm past midnight was that he had a chronic disease which made it impossible for him to be alone for long hours without going mildly insane. No one really believed it, but they'd speak volumes in support of it whenever Flitch was around. Chase's excuse had come when he was caught, but instead of running or giving in, he kept walking around with his eyes closed. Flitch yelled for Dumbledore and ran in pursuit of Chase, who 'woke up' when the headmaster arrived and pretended he had absolutely no idea how he got to where he was. Mike and Sara, who'd been hiding, came out and pretended they'd been looking for him, and Desdemona piped up that they'd asked her to help look.

Albus decided it was a good lie and that he and his bunny slippers were going back to bed. Course that was the night they'd learned that Albus slept in Phoenix print footy pajamas. Mike left, heading up to the common room, and the trio headed to the forest. (There was a long and mostly uneventful trip through the halls and across the grounds, in which the characters learned that Snape, who did NOT seem to wash his hair, DID pluck his eyebrows, some of the house-elves were holding illegal poker tournaments, and Hagrid had taken up ballroom dancing… with his mop.)

They reached the edge of the forest and traveled along the trail, keeping the cloak on even though they knew the animals could probably smell and hear them. The forest at night was like walking through a horror movie. The twigs snapped beneath their feet and a strange mist had traveled out from the lake. Eyes watched them from every angle, waiting to see if they'd fall or drop their wands.

Harry kept a firm grip on his wand, casting lumos for them to see the map Sara had given him. Hermione had a tight grip on her wand and kept muttering which spells worked on which creatures. Ron was too busy watching for spiders to do much else. Harry stepped off the path and, following the map, plunged deeper into the forest. Their arms and faces were covered in scratches when-

"Stop!" Hermione hissed. "What's that?"

Harry and Ron's eyes traveled across her pointing arm and horizontally followed the path. Tree. Tree. Moss. Vines. Tree. Bush. Tree. Rock. Squirrel wearing a tie-dyed head band, tree- The hamster in each of their skulls suddenly hit it into reverse and their eyes shot back to the squirrel. It stared at them for a long time, its tinny paws clasped around an equally tinny spear. It stared, one eye oddly bigger than the other and then one paw slip off the spear; and the tinny creature of tinny tinnyness stared suspiciously, held its paw out and asked,

"You guys cool?"

"Erm… yeah," said Harry, his mind overlooking the fact that a squirrel just asked him a question.

"Who sent you?" asked the squirrel (Never though I'd be typing that sentence.)

"Erm… Bob?" Harry took a shot in the dark. (Yes, Bob from accounting made it into the story.)

"Oh! Bob!" The squirrel leapt out of the way. "Why didn't you say so, go in, go in!"

Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked past the squirrel, who then jumped down to lead the way. The forest changed as they walked. It looked less dark and there were brightly colored mushrooms with rainbow frogs hopping all around. Harry saw a group of pixis with brightly colored hair and outfits staggering towards an opening in a tree while singing a dizzy song.

The squirrel stopped in front of a curtain of neon colored flowers and looked around in an overly paranoid fashion. He sniffed the air and seemed suspicious of his own tail. When he was quite through with his silly antics, the squirrel pulled back the curtain and waved them inside. Though considering he was a squirrel, they had to crouch and pull the curtain themselves, even with the squirrel still attached to it.

Harry entered first, of course, and was amazed by the sight before his eyes. It was a strange clearing in the forest that looked strangely like a temple. There was a bolder in the center with different levels carved into it. On the level nearest the top was a cute little bunny rabbit who was meditating. The squirrel loped over to the boulder and said something to a nervous looking albino ferret with scary red eyes.

"Ah!" Shrieked the ferret. He circled his way up the bounder so fast it made the teenagers sick just watching him, and jumped on top. "Master! Master! People, humans are here!" he announced, starting to foam at the mouth.

"Calm yourself," said a voice from behind two palm fronds. The palm fronds fanned apart to reveal a majestic and god-like…. LLAMA! Sitting cross-legged (I'm not sure how!) with his front legs out as if measuring the fate of the world versus eating a spam sandwich. There was a horn in the center of his forehead and he was dressed in a robe of brownish orange. There was a big shinny medallion handing from his neck.

"Are- are you… uh… the… Donny Llama?" Ron asked doubtfully.

"Come, children," the Llama invited, turning his head and spitting. The ferret circled back down the boulder, then up again, then down, then-

"Knock it off!" the bunny growled, mouth open to display rows of big-sharp-pointy-teeth.

The ferret stopped, wringing its paws together and twitching. He was gone in the blink of an eye and popped up on Harry's shoulder, only to make a goofy face and be gone again. Weirded out, the teens stepped forward and began to make their way up the boulder. The ferret popped around, giggling insanely and making odd KWORK! Sounds, when not muttering about Fritos and Cheese doodles.

"Welcome, children, make yourselves comfortable," the llama invited, clicking his cloven hooves and making three pillows appear. "Would you like some green tea?"

"Err, sure," said Harry as they all sat on the pillows, weary of the bunny.

"…Okay," nodded Hermione.

"Sure, but what is up with that ferret?" asked Ron. The ferret danced on his head, told him the relationship was over, and poofed away.

"He has taken to snorting large amounts of fairy dust into his left nostril, but that is not what you traveled here to ask, my young friend," said the llama, turning his head to spit. He clicked his cloven hooves together and the bunny hopped up. "Go and get our new friends some tea," ordered the llama. (Who ordered the llama? Got an order of llama here, who wants it?… sorry! . )

"Sure thing, Donny!" said the bunny, hopping away.

"…You already know why we are here," Harry said, feeling that was obvious.

"Ah, the power to know requires first an understanding of choice," replied the llama in a mystical voice of completely unnecessary wonder. "You are here because you made a choice."

'Duh,' thought the three teens.

"Please, um… sir, we were wondering if you could tell us what is happening at the school?" Hermione piped in, accepting the tea as the bunny hopped back in, the tea cups floating in front of her.

"Albus Dumbledore and a few members of the staff are in a congo line. Severus Snape is storming away from Eric Draven and Mortimer. Minerva McGonagall is wearing a green mudmask and laying with cucumbers over her eyes while muttering 'students.' There are three students sneaking around, Flitch doesn't seem to know his fly is down and Desdemona Embers can see his pink underwear-"

"No, not that" Hermione interrupted.

"Though we can always get back to that later," Ron stated.

"But that was your question," said the llama, turning his head and spitting, this time on the ferret, who announced he now had magical powers.

"We want to know what is happening to the teachers that is making them… Well, we want to know what has been afflicting the teachers lately," said Harry, trying to make his question clear.

"Yes, that's what you came here to ask," nodded the llama, with the ferret on his head.

"Damn weasel!" Hissed the bunny, shaking a tinny paw.

"The teachers are having their knowledge copied and condensed," said the llama. "Salazar made an item after he left the castle, as a kind of joke. He worked on it with Ravenclaw in secret. They decided not to mention it very much and Ravenclaw never even knew it was finished. When someone opens the item, the first sentence they say will put a horrible curse on the school or area that person is around. Who ever says the sentence will be doomed to witness the fourth person in the room… strip. Salazar had a large sense of humor, usually only funny to himself and his followers."

"Like a Pandora's box," nodded Hermione, knocking the ferret off the rock. "What is the item? A locket? A box? A book? A vial?"

"You have already asked your question," the llama informed her, bowing.

"Yeah, but the answer you gave me wasn't right," Hermione shot back.

"I said I had all the answers, I never said they were right… in fact I never said I had all the answers," replied the llama. "Besides that IS what you asked and my answer was accurate."

"Okay, then tell me what the object is," smiled Ron.

"You have already asked your question," smiled the llama.

"Yeah, but it's obvious that he's on crack!" Ron yelped, holding the ferret by the neck.

"Then why did you ask?" replied the llama.

"You never said we only got one question each!" growled Ron.

"You never asked," grinned the llama. "Besides, I find that the all knowing can continue to know all if the amount of questions they have to answer is limited."

"Oh, so you don't know what the object it," nodded Harry, standing up. "Thanks anyway."

"Are you questioning my logic?" the llama asked.

"To do that I would have to be asking a question," replied Harry with a shrug as his two companions stood up. "I can answer more than one question."

"That WAS one question," the llama stated, as if he knew Harry's trick.

"No, you asked if we wanted tea," grinned Harry. "That makes two questions, so you owe me another question. That's your rule, as far as I can tell. You asked us if we wanted tea, and only then did you answer any questions."

"Ah, yes," the llama nodded. "Ask me your question."

"What is the object?" Harry asked.

"A book," the llama replied.

"I have a question," Hermione announced.

"You only get one question, weren't you listening?"

Hermione grinned and, sighing, the llama motioned for her to ask the question.

"What more can you tell us about the book?"

"The book appears in many myths, but only in passing as no one except its creator ever seems to have been able to touch it. The book absorbs the knowledge of anyone who touches it. It seems to have AI, but that is really just a curse that can be controlled."

"Whose got the book?" Ron asked.

"No more questions," said the llama. And so, the teens were forced to head back to the school; though, admittedly it was not without duplicity and multiple attempts to cheat their way into more questions. In the end the llama answered Hermione's question of "would it hurt to just let us have another question," and informed them that they now OWED him a question. He asked them to describe the laws of quantum physics, so they decided to leave. The trip back to the school was silent, each member trying to think up even the most bull shit laws… but alas, there was nothing.

Again, Neville beat an early retreat from the dorm and headed down to the greenhouse. Harry, Dean, and Ron waited for a girl, but alas, there was nothing. So, having nothing better to do, they fell back into their comas.

"Hey, umm…Wait!"

Neville Longbottom turned as he heard someone running down the hall. His eyes took in Desdemona, who was trotting down the stairs, waving for him to wait. She stumbled as her foot slipped into a trick step and took a graceful face dive to the bottom.

"Er, are you okay?" Neville asked as he grabbed her arm and pulled her to her feet.

Desdemona shook her head dismissively and brushed herself off with her free hand. Her other hand, Neville noticed, was clutching a leather book. "I'm okay," she said, blushing slightly. "I actually have to go make up a test but I wanted to give this to you and I was afraid…" she stopped and Neville nodded that he knew she meant she was afraid one of the Slytherins would take it. "Right," she blushed again, staring off to the side. "Well, here." She gave a slight bow and extended the book to Neville.

He stared at it in surprise and had taken it from her before he'd realized that he'd even moved; remembering that she'd promised to do something nice for him in exchange for his help with her dying Herbology plants, although he hadn't really expected her to do anything. He looked down at the cover and saw the word 'Potions' had been burned into it. He opened up book and looked to the inside cover where a single phrase had been written.

'It's mostly psychological, if you can learn to take the edge off then anything can be easy.'

Giving a quick and awkward laugh as he remembered saying that to her, Neville flipped through the pages to find many pictures of different potions ingredients.

"I asked Hermione to write the descriptions and uses for you on the back," Desdemona explained, turning a page on stink weed and pointing to the description. "And, um, if you tap them and say- Mimbulus Mimbletonia... well, just trust me."

Neville tapped the page with his wand, saying "Mimbulus Mimbletonia." The picture melted into another and Neville grinned. "Thanks!"

"Thought it'd help," Desdemona replied, smiling.

"What's this?" came a slow, sneering voice from down the hall. "You two decide to hook up and compare failures?"

Slowly, Neville and Desdemona turned to watch Snape approach with horrified looks upon their faces.

"Hand it over, Longbottom," ordered Snape.

Neville was pale as a ghost, but Desdemona simply winked. "It's just a study book, Professor," she stated lightly, still maintaining her uncharacteristically happy smile.

"From you?" Snape let out a disdainful laugh. "You might be better off asking your toad," he sneered to Neville.

Desdemona stared at the floor, letting her hair fall down and hide her charcoal smudged face. "I'm sorry, but I should go," she said softly, turning away and walking down the hallway towards her make up test in Charms. Snape watched with an amused sneer and yanked the book from Neville's hands as he had turned to watch the tragic figure. Snape opened it and saw the ingredients drawings and descriptions. With a grunt of disappointment he shoved the book back at Neville, who was staring back at him with a look Severus had never seen him express before. Snape turned to walk away when-

"She was trying to help," said Neville, a note of defiance in his voice. He wanted to say more, but found doing so to be difficult so he settled for a stare he hoped showed his anger. Snape glared back at him dangerously and took a few steps closer.

"She should be worrying about her own failing grades," he hissed.

Neville found his voice even as his mind screamed of detention. He was tired of being trampled on by Snape, tired of watching Desdemona become the new victim of all the pranks, tired of watching people walk all over those who were struggling and so he found the urge to speak to the beast that had tormented him since first year.

"She cares about people other than herself, professor. I understand that may be hard for you to grasp, sir."

Snape opened his mouth to reply, but Professor Sprout exited a nearby classroom at that moment and Snape knew the response in his mind would not go over well.

"Detention, Longbottom," he sneered.

"What for, sir?" Neville asked feebly, feeling his stomach drop. Professor Sprout watched the scene with surprise. Of all students in the school, Neville was the last person she expected to get detention.

"For that," Snape answered, gesturing mildly towards the book.

"I didn't know that study books were not allowed," Neville replied, feeling like he might as well push the limits as detention was already a promise and Snape loved punishing him so the worse it was the happier Snape would be during that week's test.

"Study book?" Sprout asked, interested.

"Yes," Neville nodded, handing over the book and feeling a slight glimmer of hope.

Professor Flitwick soon joined the group, humming happily to himself. "What's going on here?" He asked, noting Snape's aggravated stare.

"Isn't Desdemona taking a test with you?" Neville asked, hoping for any excuse he could think of to get away from Snape.

"She asked to take it later," Flitwick smiled simply. Sprout nodded at the book, it was defiantly Desdemona's drawings. She looked up at Snape, not wanting to say out loud that she found nothing wrong with the book as it wouldn't have been polite towards her fellow staff member, yet she felt a strange protectiveness towards her favorite student and was prepared to do whatever it took to get him out of a detention.

Already her mind raced with thoughts of telling Snape that Neville couldn't have detention as he was already making up work with her as he was taking the advanced class. Snape ignored her stare and excused himself from the group, deciding to handle the matter in class, where he would not be interrupted.

"Well then, I'm off to lunch," Professor Flitwick announced.

"I'll join you," Professor Sprout smiled at Neville and handed the book back to him. "If he gives you trouble-" she began.

"I'm alright," Neville replied, feeling greatly embarrassed. "He's just sour."

Professor Sprout cast a beaming smile to Flitwick and they headed to lunch. Neville, nearly fainting with relief, ran towards the Great Hall to be among his fellow Gryffindor and out of Snape's range. He entered the Great Hall and sat purposefully in between Harry and Hermione.

"Hello, Neville," Harry greeted, piling his plate with the chocolate cake that Dobby had sent up for them.

"You're running a tad behind today, aren't you?" Hermione asked, reading a book that was propped up against the milk jug.

In response, Neville set the study book on the table and opened it to lizard's leg. He held his wand above the page, drawing Ron, Harry, and Hermione's attention, tapped it promptly and muttered,

"Mimbulus Mimbletonia." The picture changed and the four students burst out laughing. The pose was obviously from a fashion magazine displaying rich Muggles as one of the model's hands was positioned behind the head, the other on the hip, which was pivoted towards the front and the knees were bent to one side in mock shyness. The clothes undoubtedly belonged to a flashy woman as it had gloves and a wide brimmed hat with a large feather. The face, however, was unmistakably Severus Snape, matching the same facial expression as the model must have been doing. It looked so strange of an expression to see on his face that it seemed to have relocated the bones in his jaw just to accomplish it. The image faded and Ron began demanding to see another one.

"That's why she wanted me to help put a concealment charm on it!" gasped Hermione, though they could all tell she found it amusing.

Neville turned to Tongue of Snake and tapped the page. A cheerleading pose was revealed. The model leaped into the air with skirt and pompoms, though the smiling face belonged to Draco Malfoy, and to top it off he had been drawn with curly blond pigtails. Again a round of guffaws spread through the group as Seamus and Justin came to see what was up. Lee Jordan and Dean followed, surrounding the book. Hermione's only comfort came when Cheerleader Draco opened his mouth and a low sing-songy voice chanted a little song about Tongue of snake, which everyone was soon singing as they pointed at the real Draco.

"Not here!" Lee warned, motioning them to follow him, having been instructed by Fred and George to keep Ron out of trouble. Neville jumped off the bench, shoving the rest of his cake into his mouth and gulping down the milk. Ron bounded after him, then Dean, Seamus, Ginny, and Justin. Harry, feeling this was a big event for Neville, followed the group as they grinned suspiciously, each with a hand on Neville's shoulders, and headed outside. Hermione waited a few seconds, but sighed despite herself and got up to follow. She hated Snape after all and she had been the one to put the charm onto the book.

"Wait," Harry stopped, looking around the Great Hall. "Where is Desdemona?"

Hermione also looked around, but Ron merely shrugged.

"She's probably taking a make-up test," he said, trotting after Neville.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione caught up with the group outside in time to hear a round of laughter.

"When your anti-cold turns green like the slime from my nose," sang Draco, now dressed as a ballerina. "Just remember to add some mouse toes. Use them also of course if your voice had gone horse and your potion to help has turned blue for all to see. If you want to cheer up your cat, who had gotten too fat, put some toes in your weight loss remedy."

Neville turned the page to reveal Severus again, this time dressed up like a pink bunny and singing about rabbit's feet. The Sunday afternoon was spent with the book, more and more students coming to listen. Neville cut the group short, opting to not show some pages in promise of a new one every day. Harry, who had been feeling almost queasy with nervousness, relaxed and enjoyed his Sunday before having to teach.

By dinner that night students were humming the songs all through the halls and giggles erupted whenever Draco entered a room inhabited by anyone who had seen Neville's book. When Professor Snape sat down at the staff table for dinner his eyes traveled unpleasantly down the Gryffindor table to see that not one person would look him in the eye and seemed to be crying with laughter. Harry told anyone who would listen to avoid eye contact with Snape no matter what, they didn't ask why. Malfoy sealed his fate by coming up with a taunting cheer about how Harry's parents had probably died hiding in a closet.

The Gryffindor table was perfectly silent as Malfoy lead his table in the chant, but the moment he finished a loud burst of laughter erupted from the Gryffindor table and some of them even fell out of their chairs. Hermione, who hadn't been watching, assumed that not one person had been able to focus long enough to hear what Malfoy had said, and she had to admit that all that was running through her mind had been the song about Snake Tongues. The Slytherin bunch looked so confused that their faces looked, if possible, even dimmer than usual. The Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables were silently confused, but the laughter was contagious and soon they were laughing just as well.

The students retreated to their dorms without a care in the world. That was until someone screamed and Professor Flitwick was found lying outside his classroom. He was the next victim and the attack seemed much bolder as it appeared to have happened inside his office, but he had only made it out the door in escape. Harry, Ron, and Hermione cast each other nervous glances, and left the crowd, vowing to look up the legends that the book would be in, and find out how to stop it.

Harry stared forward, his pulse quick and his palms sweaty. He hadn't been prepared for this. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying hopelessly to tame it. He took a breath and tried to calm himself, yet all the while the eyes stared back at him, curios and toned to react to every move he made.

"Well, today we're going to learn about what the Dark Arts are," Harry began. A hand shot up and he was reluctant to call upon it. Yet… "Yes?"

"Tell us about how you first encountered Voldemort!"

"Yeah!" the class chorused, talking excitedly. Harry motioned for them to be quiet, and was ignored.

"People, please, quiet!" he begged, ever aware that there were other classrooms nearby. He shot sparks into the air and the class quieted down. "You need to learn this stuff-"

"Why?" another student asked. "The ministry exists for us! Its job is to protect us."

"Yeah!" piped in another students. "The aurors get paid to watch over us."

"Ah," Harry nodded and walked among them, his arms crossed behind his back. "So tell me. What are you going to do when Voldemort, yes I said it, blows open your door and you are faced with a life or death situation?" He asked evilly. "What are you going to do when the sweet safety of your school is robbed from you and you stand vulnerable before Voldemort and his Death Eaters?" he paused and turned on his heel.

Truth be told he was beginning to enjoy making them squirm, but the thought of people wanting to be sheltered and have people die for them was unnerving. So he continued.

"What are you going to do when the evils of this world are at your doorstep? You're going to hope someone is there to die fighting for you. You want some brave hero when the truth is that dying for someone is supposed to be an extraordinary act of love! If there is one Shepard to every fifteen sheep, and three wolves to every Shepard, what are the odds that the helpless sheep will survive?

"You must learn to defend yourselves because the penalty we pay for having magic, is the misuse of magic," he stopped, letting them reflect on that. "Something is happening to the teachers, what happens when it starts happening to you? You still going to ignore it are you? Then we'll all fail because everyone MUST be able to carry their own weight. So, read chapter one, I want it summarized and on my desk by the end of the week. There will be a test."

Harry ended the class and had an evil thought. He could read their summaries, make a cliff notes version of the text book and become filthy rich! He could assign all his classes to summarize and then he'd be an expert! These thoughts raced through his mind… until the next week when he got them back. They had all basically summed up the same thing and not one of them seemed to have actually grasped the point. The test was an utter failure and Harry was forced to assign the same thing again, give them two weeks, and demand they actually try.

Hermione and Ron were supposed to be looking up the legends surrounding the book, but they were a couple so let's face it, that didn't happen. Neville, however, was doing better in potions, as were all the other Gryffindor students, who told Snape they had a study group and then proceeded to snicker like children.

Harry was exhausted as it seemed every night he was up till one am. Not only did he have to work with McGonagall, and Eric, but he had to grade papers along with his usual homework. Hermione was pleased to see him working so hard, but Ron shared in Harry's suspicion that Dumbledore was just trying to make sure he was too busy to get into trouble. Sadly, Minerva was up to draining five hours out of Harry's life after dinner each night, which was where he was tonight.

"Good!" stated Minerva after the fifth hour. "The books Remus gave you are helping."

"Yeah, sure," sighed Harry, exhausted and about ready to die then and there. Then they both heard it; a loud CLANG that echoed through the hallways. Harry poked his head out the door with Minerva following tensely. Wands at the ready, they peered around the corner and were met with an empty hall. Yet the sound was unmistakable. Before Minerva could instruct him otherwise, Harry slipped on his invisibility cloak and started off along a hallway. Sighing, Minerva took another hallway, mumbling about detention.

Harry rushed around the corner, his eyes darting around for the cause of the disturbance. The hallway was empty of sound until the tat tat tat of boots echoed through it. Harry watched Snape emerge into sight, having also heard the sound. His wand was out and ready and his eyebrows were primped and plucked. Reluctantly, Harry stuck his hand out of the cloak and caught Snape's attention.

"Potter!" he growled in the direction he hoped Harry was still in. "What are you doing sneaking around the halls this late!"

"Nothing wrong, otherwise I wouldn't have let you know I was here, would I?" replied Harry's disembodied voice.

"Go to your dormitory at once!" ordered Snape, facing an empty wall as Harry had moved. Before Harry could reply, another loud sound was heard and Harry bolted for the stairs with Snape at his heels. (That'll be funny later.) The pair leapt around the corner to reveal… yet another empty hallway. Then-

"Flitch!"

He was lying on his back as if he was pushed and never caught himself as his eyes stared up at the ceiling, glazed over. Harry stepped closer to have a better look. Salazar's book seemed to only be targeting staff members anyway so the only one in any danger was Snape; and truth be told Harry liked that… a lot. Then it hit. Harry screamed out in pain and dropped to his knees, his hands pressed firmly against his scar. Voldemort was near! Though he seemed terribly sad. Snape's arm burned and he clutched it tightly while his eyes jumped around in paranoia. That was the last thing Harry saw as his world dissolved into darkness.