Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or anything else I mention that we all know I don't own.
Author's Notes: Well, I didn't want to write this chapter. In fact, I put it off all of last week, and if it wasn't for having to work today, it wouldn't have been completed, since I had to stay in the building for my lunch hour because Sam (a.k.a. The Root of All Evil) decided to split (again) after an (yet another) argument. Emmithar: Every time I saw his smarmy little face today, I thought about your review, which was the only reason I was able to bite my tongue and focus on the positive, instead of blowing up at him and storming out too (again), because the more I think about what you said in your review, the more I realized you were right. Does that mean there's hope for Sam and I?
I got an interesting review, saying that I could please all shippers by killing off Sara, and I laughed for awhile, because I had actually considered killing her. I then changed my mind. And changed it back. And back. And so on...I guess you'll have to read to find out what I decided... I always appreciate feedback, and suggestions, because they really do help when I get into a pinch.
As always, let me know what you think! I love feedback!
Jenny
Seven:
Greg sat on the roof of his apartment complex, his body tense and slightly shaking. The rest of the team was, no doubt, at the hospital waiting to hear about Sara, but he couldn't bring himself to be there, it would only make what happened a reality.
Sure, the throbbing cuts on his face, arms, and hands reminded him of the situation constantly, but it wasn't the same as waiting on news on his girlfriend. He wouldn't be able to handle seeing Catherine cry, Warrick and Grissom anxiously watch the doors, waiting on a sign of the doctor. By now, Nick was probably on his way back, and he certainly didn't want to see him in his present frame of mind.
He felt so damn guilty for this whole mess, he couldn't help it. If he wouldn't have kissed her, she wouldn't have ran out, she wouldn't have gotten hit by a car. Even after the kiss, even in the road, he could have done something differently, something to change the outcome of the night. What if he would have pushed her out of the way? Could he have gotten to her before they were both hit? What if he hadn't called her name, and she hadn't stopped, could she have made it to the curb?
There were so many possibilities, all leading to places other than the trauma ward of Desert Palm Hospital.
His hands shook as he wiped away angry tears, resisting the urge to slap himself for being so weak. Sara was in the hospital, probably in tremendous pain, and he was going to sit here and cry like a baby? How would that help anything? He hated himself for not being there with her, although he knew he wouldn't be able to bring himself to drive to the hospital, to sit in the waiting room with baited breath and hope for the best.
His cell phone rang, but he pushed it away, the ringing of the phone causing his head to throb harder, and resisted the urge to toss it off of the six-floor building. He pulled his knees to his chest, holding himself tightly, trying to stop the flood of guilt that kept showering down over him.
His phone continued to ring, and Greg could feel the panic building up inside of his chest. They would only call relentlessly if it was bad news, something he had to hear right then, wouldn't they? He knew that his coworkers, no, his friends, cared more than that, they would call him with any news, or even if they hadn't heard anything and were just concerned about him. Knowing this for a fact, though, was different than feeling it in his heart. His and Sara's lives had been like a roller coaster for the past year or so, and he wasn't ready to deal with another sudden plunge into darkness.
No, he wouldn't answer. While alone, he could pretend she was okay, that she was working and he was off for the night. He could act like nothing had happened, and put off dealing with the inevitable emotions that would explode if the call was about bad news. That way, if the call was, in fact, good news, he wouldn't be missing out on anything, because in his mind, she was still okay. His logic had never been simple, and the older he got, the more he realized how crooked it was.
The sun was shining brightly, it's rays beating on Greg's skin relentlessly as he sat on the black rooftop, although Greg chose not to feel the burning heat. So many people went through life not feeling every little thing, and it seemed like they were the more stable of the population.
His team, for instance, was made up of many types of people. Nick, Catherine, and Sara (although she'd never admit it) were feelers, they sympathized with the victims, they were disgusted and outraged by the injustice of the world and the sick individuals that lived in it. They took cases personally, on more than one occasion, and once shift was over after a particularly bad case they could all be found mourning the victim of that particular case, along with all the ones they had worked previously. Grissom and Warrick rarely got emotionally involved in cases, both stuck to the science and the job, instead of the motivations and feelings behind it. Not to say that they didn't mourn their victims as well, although, for them it wasn't the victim being mourned as much as the knowledge of the crime that had taken place, the insane things people did to other people.
Greg was a feeler, as well, which he had never thought to be a negative quality. Sure, he tried to hide it, just like Nick, Sara, and Catherine did, not because he was ashamed to feel how he felt, but because he admired his other two coworkers so much that he didn't want to disappoint them.
After tonight, though, he was sure he'd start trying to be less emotional and more cold and calm. He never wanted to feel raw emotional pain again, as he felt over the last 12 hours. At that moment, sun burning and blinding him, he vowed to take a step back from his feelings and move on.
It was that decision, alone, that enabled him to finally answer his cell phone, convincing himself that whether or not the news was good or bad, he would not fall apart.
"Sanders." He hoarsely whispered, before clearing his throat and saying a bit stronger, "Sanders."
"Greg, it's Warrick. Where are you, man?"
Greg forced himself to remain calm, noticing that Warrick's voice gave away no signals of what he was feeling, what he was thinking. That was probably the reason he had been elected to call him. "I had some things to do," He sounded like such a jerk, he couldn't do this...but he had to. "What's up?"
Tears burned in his eyes, but he clenched his fist and hit it against the ground, the stinging in his hand forcing the tears from his eyes, the sadness forgotten as a stab of pain shot up his arm.
"Sara's out of surgery."
Greg hadn't known she needed surgery. He was officially the world's worst boyfriend.
"She's stable, for now, in ICU though. There was a lot of internal damage, a punctured lung, broken ribs, internal bleeding, spinal swelling. They are going to have to take her back and do further surgery for her knee, she messed it up pretty badly, but it wasn't life threatening, so they are going to wait until her body's a little stronger."
Greg hit the ground again, angry that tears were now starting to pool in his eyes, despite his strongest effort to keep them away. Hearing a tremble in Warrick's voice only fueled the fire burning inside of Greg.
"They are allowing visitors, one at a time, for now. They are hoping to remove the respirator later this afternoon. They think that if they can get the swelling to go down a bit, she may wake up as early as tomorrow."
Tomorrow. That's just great, he walked away with a few bumps and bruises, a few cuts and scrapes, and she's going to be unconscious at least another day. Just great. Life was so unfair.
"We're all worried about you, Greg. We expected you to come sit with us at the hospital, the whole team's here...Gris, Catherine, Nick. Brass and Hodges stopped by for a little while. Even Ecklie showed up. We know you and Sara are close, we all just want to make sure you're taking this okay."
Okay? How could he be taking this okay? He should be in that bed, hooked up to machines, fighting for his life. Sara should not be going through this, it was all his fault. How could he be okay knowing that his best friend, the woman he loved, could die? And if the guilt over the accident wasn't bad enough, now he was plagued with the knowledge that everyone stopped by to check on her, even Ecklie, and he had been sitting on his roof like a pouting child, totally consumed with his own feelings, ignoring everyone else around him. What kind of person did that make him? What kind of friend?
His voice was hoarse again as he replied, "Yeah, I'm going to be okay. I'm just really sore," His mind was screaming the word 'Lie' over and over as he continued, "I didn't think I could sit in those awful plastic chairs all night, but I'm glad you called."
"Grissom wants to talk to you."
The line was silent as the phone was transferred to his supervisor.
"Greg, it's Grissom. How are you feeling? Catherine said the paramedics discharged you at the scene..did you get some rest?"
Greg could hear the concern in his voice, which just made Greg feel a little crazier. Grissom and Warrick were not supposed to be showing emotions, how could he shut his off if they couldn't even control theirs, when they had tons more experience? Why were they doing this to him?
"I'm a little sore, but I'll live." Greg shook his head sadly, hoping Sara would be able to say the same in a few days.
"I want you to take a few days off of work, as long as you need, actually. I do need you to come in for a bit this afternoon though...I know it's not good timing, none of us think so, but we need to have a shift-meeting. It doesn't come from me, but straight from the sheriff. We'll start at 9:00, which is after visiting hours, if you want to stop by and see Sara."
Leave it to Grissom to bring up work. How did he expect to have a meeting with the entire shift if Sara was going to be unable to attend? Was it about Sara? Was it to discuss a replacement in case she didn't make it? Did Grissom know something he didn't know? The questions were driving him crazy, and he found himself regretting answering the phone call more and more as the time passed by.
"Greggo, you, of all people, should be down here."
Nick's voice flowed through the phone line, and Greg's heart sank. Had Sara told him that they were together? Had he figured it out? Did everyone know? He could feel the blood pounding in his ears as he waiting for Nick to continue.
"I'm not criticizing you, you know me better than that, but I do know that you'd never forgive yourself if she didn't pull through and you hadn't made the effort to at least see her."
Didn't Nick realize that Greg already knew that? But if they only knew how close he and Sara were, they wouldn't be speaking to him for being such a lousy, cowardly boyfriend.
The next voice was Catherine's tired, teary one.
"Greg, hon, don't listen to him. You do what you feel you're up to doing, and don't ever feel guilty about it. Sara knows you're thinking of her, and she's going to make it. Nick's just really worked up. And believe me, I know you're not okay, but please remember that we all love you very much. If you need anything, call me, okay hon?"
Catherine understood, because she was in the same situation. If something happened to Warrick on the job, right in front of her, she'd feel the same way. She knew that he and Sara were practically living together, and although she never came out and admitted it, he was pretty sure Sara had told Catherine that they were dating.
Catherine had been in an accident the year before, and while she had been pretty badly injured, she had to watch as Sara was injured as well. It was the reason they had bonded, the reason everything had progressed as it had. If they hadn't been in the accident, Catherine wouldn't have been dependent on Warrick for months, Sara wouldn't have lived with Greg while she healed, Greg wouldn't have taken the leap from the lab to the field. With that said, Catherine and Warrick wouldn't have spent enough time together to realize they liked each other in a romantic way, and wouldn't be living together. Greg wouldn't have been working the hotel shooting, and wouldn't have been taken at gunpoint, Sara wouldn't have rescued them, they wouldn't have gotten so close. If they hadn't been barred from that case, they wouldn't have been free to work the case with Nick's brother-in-law, they wouldn't have gone to Dallas, and they wouldn't have decided to work on a relationship. If they hadn't been dating, there would have been no accident.
Catherine knew how something like this could complete change a life, and somehow she knew he was on the edge of insanity. Suddenly, he felt warm inside and managed a soft smile as he said, "Are you guys staying at the hospital?"
"Grissom is going to go sit with Sara for a few minutes, and then Warrick and I will take turns. After we're done, we're heading home...we're both about to pass out from exhaustion. Come see Sara, they say she can hear us talking to her, even though she's unconscious, it may do you some good to get some things off your chest."
Wasn't that the truth?
"And call us if you need anything, honestly, anything at all. I'll keep my cell phone on even when I'm in the shower, okay? I'll see you at the meeting tonight."
"Bye Catherine." Greg said, shutting his phone off and letting his head fall back, the sunlight beaming on his face, his vision red behind his closed eyelids. He just might go visit Sara today...after all, talking to her while she was unconscious just meant she couldn't argue back, right?
Looking down at his now-pink skin, he decided it was time to get out of the sun, and with creaking bones and sore muscles, he rose to his feet and walked back down to his apartment. Now that he made the decision to go visit Sara, he just had to find the courage to push aside the guilt and follow through.
Catherine pulled the covers up around her, rolling onto her side and looking at Lindsey with an apologetic gaze, "Baby, I'm sorry, but I am so exhausted. You know I love you, I really do, but I need to get some sleep. I can't keep my eyes open anymore."
"But Mom!" Lindsey whined, her hands on her hips, "You said that we'd go buy new shoes today. And you said we could get the PS2 today, too. I was looking forward to playing with Warrick."
Catherine let one eye close while she let out a heavy sigh, "Lindsey, I'm just getting home, I am way past exhausted, and I really don't feel well. I have to go into work early for a meeting, I just spent the last 12 hours in the hospital waiting on news about Sara, and I've got to be back at work in just a few hours. I offered to let you use my credit card and have your grandmother take you shopping, you can even buy a new outfit, okay?"
"Why is Miss Sara in the hospital?" Lindsey asked, her face crinkling with worry, sitting down next to Catherine, "I thought you were working, I didn't know something had happened. Is she okay? Is that where Warrick is? You didn't get hurt too, did you?"
Catherine shook her head, squeezing Lindsey's hand gently, "Sara was walking across the street and was hit by a car. She's going to be okay, but she had to have surgery. Warrick had to run by the store to buy a few groceries and stuff, he'll be here any minute. Greg was with Sara when it happened, but he's okay. Why don't you take a nap with me?"
"Mom, I'm not a baby anymore." Lindsey said, rolling her eyes, but laughing when Catherine pulled her down onto the bed, tickling her relentlessly.
Catherine smiled softly, "You'll always be my little girl, and believe me, in 15 years or so you'll be wishing you could take a nap in the afternoon."
"I don't think so, Mom. But if you want me to take a nap with you, I will." Lindsey said with a smile, "That way we can at least spend some time together."
Catherine moved over so Lindsey could get comfortable, and by the time Warrick arrived home twenty minutes later, both were asleep, Catherine on her back, with Lindsey cuddled at her side. With a smile, he climbed in beside them, imagining what it would be like with the three of them, plus a baby.
He had never thought he'd really settle down and have children. He had been a nerd in high school and college, and while he went on a few dates, it wasn't anything serious. Once he became a CSI, he was fairly certain he could never really have a family, with the long and unusual hours. He had always admired Catherine for finding a way to make it work, as well as many of the people on day and swing shifts that had managed to make their families work despite their hectic jobs. Now that he was in the position of having a serious relationship and a child on the way (not to mention a pre-teen at home) he couldn't imagine going back to an empty house at night.
He had been shocked since Catherine told him she suspected she was pregnant, they hadn't planned on having any children together, Catherine always regretted not having enough time with Lindsey, and throwing a baby into the mix would be so stressful and unfair to their current situation. The more he thought about it, and he had certainly thought about it all day, the more excited he grew. A baby. A 8 pound, life-changing miracle. Sure, he didn't know what to do with a baby, besides the basics of giving it a bottle and burping it, but the thought that he and Catherine had created something out of their love made him feel so happy...and it wasn't even born yet. He couldn't wait to see what it felt like to hold him or her in his arms, to see it's little eyes looking back at him, to watch it grow and mold into a little person.
He drifted to sleep, his dreams filled with family picnics and vacations, Catherine by his side, and Lindsey in the back seat, playing with an infant son.
When Catherine awoke, she was surprised to find the bed empty, the clock reading 7:15 p.m. She knew she needed to get up and take a shower, as it was, she'd barely have enough time to grab a bite to eat while walking out the door, but she couldn't summon up the energy to leave her warm bed. She was pleased to noticed she didn't feel nauseated, and even though she was still sleepy, she wasn't still suffering with an all-consuming fatigue as she had been earlier.
She walked into the living room, surprised to see Lindsey and Warrick sitting about a foot back from the TV, black Playstation 2 controllers in their hands, a 18-wheeler truck game on the screen. She stood in the doorway, partly wanting to ask when they had time to go buy their video game system, and partly wishing they'd never notice her presence. It was so nice to watch them interact together, more like friends than a daughter/step-father relationship.
Catherine's smile grew as Lindsey's truck used a turbo-boost to jump off of a ramp, putting herself ahead of Warrick's truck, sending Lindsey into a shriek of laughter. Warrick nudged her with his elbow, whispering for her to be quiet so they didn't wake Catherine up.
After Lindsey's triumphant shout of victory a few minutes later, Catherine decided to make her presence known, "Ah, so you got your games after all?"
"Warrick took me to the store." Lindsey gushed, "We got this trucker game, because Warrick thought it looked cool, and I got a skateboarding game, and a trivia game, and a Tetris game, and a Harry Potter game, and a motorcycle game. Oh, and I also got a Spiderman game, which is really fun, and a baseball game. And Warrick and I have been having so much fun! Warrick says that he'll play with me every night before you two have to go to work, and he's actually good at the games, not like you were when you used to play Nintendo with me."
Catherine smiled, taking a seat on the sofa, "I'm glad the two of you are having fun. Did you eat dinner yet?"
"We stopped at Jack-in-the-Box." Lindsey said excitedly, "And, we even picked you up a salad, it's in the fridge. We figured you'd want to sleep as late as you could."
Warrick nodded, saving the game and switching it off, "I was going to give you until 7:45, then I was going to come wake you up. I called Grissom, to check on Sara, and he says it's still no change. Visiting hours start tomorrow at 8, so we can stop in and sit with her for a bit before we come home in the morning. I made sure I took my shower with plenty of time for the hot water heater to refill, and Lindsey and I even took the clothes out of the dryer and hung them up."
"Except for your beige pants, Mom, and your black button-down shirt. I ironed them both for you and they're hanging up in the bathroom on the door for the linen closet, so you don't have to do anything except take a shower and get dressed." Lindsey said, a proud smile on her face, "And, I did all of my homework and cleaned my room."
Catherine hugged Lindsey tightly, flashing Warrick a huge smile, "I'm so proud of you, Lindsey...you both have done so much to help me out. I love you so much. I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful daughter and boyfriend."
"Warrick!" Lindsey squealed, turning to the man standing a few feet away, "Do it!"
Warrick fished for a box in his pocket, walking over to Catherine and getting down on one knee, box in hand, "Catherine, I love you and I love Lindsey so much. I can't imagine my life without either one of you...you made me so much happier than I ever thought I could be. Will you marry me?"
TBC
