PART IV: ACTION IS THE BEST POLICY

LOCATION: GABCOM World Headquarters, Japan.

The early morning began for GABCOM's staff as just another mundane business day. Accountants were spending long hours balding their scalps while examining tedious financial records to find a missing six yen. Dekao had been cordially invited into the Product Testing Lab to try out the company's latest fighting games; in exchange, he could eat all the food he wanted in the employee lounge. The janitors were busy in the bathroom, cleaning what Dekao usually left in the toilet after said eating of lounge food. And on every desk in the building, Yaito had left a memo with her exact instructions, as provided by Enzan:

MEMO FROM YAITO-CHAN TO ALL GABCOM STAFF/EXECUTIVES

To whom it may concern, and that's pretty much everybody:

We have recently received reports of a Navi operated by a member of Enzan's staff, who is still affiliated with that anal-retentive idiot's company IPC. The employee's name is Kenishiro, and his Navi is known as Adver Man. The two have been spreading malicious spyware, disguised as advertisements for IPC's products.

Enzan has sent your Board of Directors a notice designating the collective staff body of GABCOM as (direct quote) "stupid." In addition, Sir Enzan wishes to state that we have limited intelligence, and will have to do whatever we can with our miniscule brainpower. The employees of GABCOM should know that no member of the staff throughout this company endorses these remarks.

Yaito-chan wishes to let it be known that Enzan is a stupid moron who has no business insulting GABCOM. The CEO's daughter has expressed great discontent with said Enzan and would like to (direct quote) "yank his dangly." The Board of Directors offers no comment on this matter, and leaves it up to the staff's imagination as to what this phrase truly implies.

In other companywide affairs, let it be known that Product Testing Intern Dekao has eaten a three-day-old steak that was left uncovered in the employee lounge. Said steak had a significant amount of mildew collected on its surface. For the next three weeks, the Men's Bathrooms will be inoperable, and employees will be advised not to enter, as the area has been dubbed a Hazardous Waste Zone.

Yaito-Chan sends hugs and kisses for all except that stupid Enzan. Enjoy your workday, and remember: We Are All a Great Asset! (Repeat nine times for motivation.)

SINCERELY, Yaito-chan

Suddenly, everyone knew that this business day would certainly not turn out as mundane as originally thought. Granted, Enzan insulting Yaito-chan was still business as usual, perhaps even true love, according to the staff psychiatrists.

LOCATION: Densan City Middle School, still in Japan.

Sixth-grader Meiru Sakurai never had to struggle with overpowering crowd noise in order to announce something. Every fellow sixth-grader, even the teachers, knew she would beat them senseless if they were caught letting their attention wander, so listening to her spout whatever she had to say just came naturally to everyone.

"Everybody, I'd like to educate you about the valuable merits of computer safety. And when I mean safety, I do NOT mean making sure no one is below when you toss your computer out the window after it didn't download a Naruto episode properly! Heehee!"

Nobody else laughed; everyone frowned angrily and nodded their heads, looking at Meiru as though she had mentioned the second most evil thing next to advertising. Apparently, they had all downloaded Naruto incorrectly before, and were not at all happy about it. Meiru learned a valuable lesson: Want to make a good joke? Make sure it's not a tragedy that everyone relates to.

She continued after clearing her throat, "…I'm talking about ergonomics and protecting your computer from spam."

"HAHA! ATTACKING SPAM! HAHAHA! HOSTILE LUNCH MEAT! GYAW HAW HAW!" Everyone listening emitted a raucous laugh, and Meiru gave up all hope of ever making sense out of this crowd.

"Anyway," she continued with a puzzled expression denoting the expression of whatever, "I'll have you know that there is a Navi called Adver Man running amok on the Net. He's planning to sell you all goods…and waste your hard-earned money!"

"You mean, my parents' money!" shouted a gleeful voice in the audience.

"Whatever, you freeloader. Anyway, I'm part of an elite band of Net Battlers that is getting together to fight against Adver Man, and we'll all need your help!"

"Band? As in a singing band?" shouted another voice.

"Ummm…yes. Of course. Anyway, while you're deleting these ads, you'll probably risk getting carpal tunnel syndrome or ruining your back sitting there and going through all of them, right? That's why you all need ergonomic keyboards and chairs."

"We're too young to think about that!" shouted the collective voices of the audience.

"We're too old to prevent that!" shouted a wave of hunched-over teachers in the back.

"Well, buy them! For the sake of your own comfort as you sit at the computer, do it before your wrists go bad and you pass out!"

"We'll do that! Wheeeee!"

Meiru shuddered, recognizing that familiar expression. "Umm, have you all followed Adver Man's example and started mindlessly repeating his quotes?"

"Heck no!" shouted the sixth-graders. "We learn everything we can from our role model!"

"And…who is that?"

"NETTO HIKARI!"

Meiru felt a sudden stab of panic and fainted. She had come to the horrific realization that, thanks to this new generation of blissfully flawed sixth-graders, the world really was going to end.

LOCATION: The deep confines of the Internet, still in Japan, but in another dimension.

"Netto-kun…it's been three hours already, and I'm getting very bored of this! Can't we just stop now?"

"No way, Rockman! I've finally put this chip to good use! Crud…how could I miss such a huge target? Hold it…there he is! Rockman, stop him!"

Rockman, dressed in a uniform closely resembling Zero, aimed his fully charged Rock Buster at a sprite resembling a huge, angel-like rendition of Rockman X. Having gotten his bearings on the impossible-to-miss target, he fired a blast that not only completely annihilated it, but also formed a crater nearly 100 feet wide. A very cute blonde girl dressed in pink ran to him and thanked him for his help, going on to say he had defeated an extremely powerful army. Once this ordeal was over, his cool Zero uniform disappeared, and his surroundings transformed back into the normal Internet realm.

"YEAH! We did it!" cried Netto. "After so many hours of play time…we finally beat Rockman Zero!"

"Netto, we have business to take care of. Every second we delay, Adver Man uses another second to move closer to his goals…come to think of it, a second's not much. But we should still hurry!"

"Well, you're no fun," Netto sulked as he shuffled his feet with a defeated facial expression. "You've gotta at least admit it, though. Ciel and Leviathan are cute and sexy dynamite!"

Rockman.exe truly did feel like expressing his agreement, but remembered that anything on the Internet is open to the public. Knowing that Roll was the jealous type and would soon come after him with intense resolve, he decided to answer another burning theory: "You know, for a longest time I never figured out Harpuia's gender until I heard him talk. This new Audio-Visual Link System Public Beta rules! However, we're missing the point."

Netto's tendency to get distracted was rubbing off on Rockman, but at least Rockman still knew how to get back on track…at least, in a shorter time than Netto could. His distraction didn't last long, however, for suddenly he heard a shrill exclamation from behind him:

"Missing who? Me?"

When he turned around, facing him was the ultimate embodiment of evil. A Navi so powerful it could annoy humans relentlessly and destroy entire networks with its unstoppable array of heinous deeds.

Adver Man.

END PART IV