Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ. Don't sue me.
Saiyans and the internet don't mix
Part 3 – Enter Turles … and his fan club!
Peace once again reigned over the Earth. It had been only a fortnight since Raditz had extracted his revenge upon his brother. Unfortunately this had lead to the humiliation of the saiyan Prince also, which resulted in a few broken bones for the eldest saiyan. Vegeta was sick of the lack of respect from the two brothers. Yesterday he'd summoned Shenron to his bidding and had restored the life of a saiyan called Turles (it was the only name that Goku could come up with other than Nappa and well, we ALL know what happened to him.)
"Turles! Bring me lemonade now!" The prince barked from his gravity room. A rather peeved, tanned Goku-clone sauntered out from the back entrance of Capsule Corporation carrying a chilled can of the desired fluid. He paused outside the gravity room door, pulling the evilest glare he could muster across his features. The door swung open, launching the poor saiyan part – way across the Brief's garden. Turles slowly stood up, rubbing the bruise on his forehead. Miraculously, the can of lemonade was in mint condition.
"I'll have you know I'm NOT your personal servant." He muttered as the can was snatched from his grasp. He wiggled his fingers for a few seconds wondering what had happened. A quick glance in Vegeta's direction brought a new frown to the Goku-esque saiyan's face.
"Oh Turles, I don't know about that." Vegeta snickered, pointing to the taller saiyan.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK!" Turles let out a girlish scream. Over his regular training gi (That Goku had provided) was a frilly pink apron with the words "Vegeta's personal servant" printed on the front in fluffy white letters. A vein bulged on the side of his head as he ripped the offensive piece of clothing from his body.
"Heheheehhee…." Vegeta chuckled quietly between slurps from the can. He was obviously enjoying the situation, which only infuriated Turles that much more. The taller saiyan promptly stalked off into the house, sulking to himself. It was going to be one of those days where the slightest thing would set him off.
Elsewhere…
"Ahaahaahaaa….BWAAHAAHAAAHAAA!" A huge figure stood in front of a large computer terminal, watching two almost identical figures go about their business. He growled at the one in bright orange, before a cruel smirk tightened his features.
"No matter… I shall get my revenge… I am cleverer than even my father expected… now that the infernal device was sent to the next dimension… and after extensive therapy!" The figure turns toward the imaginary audience, flashing a brief, but very Goku-esque grin.
The figure drew up a screen of HTML rubbing his hands together with delight. The final stages of his plan had been set into motion. Now all he had to do was sit back, relax and enjoy the show.
One week after the "Vegeta's personal servant" Incident Turles had been reluctant to remain in the same room as the saiyan prince. Weird things always seemed to happen, completely random in nature which naturally caused the taller saiyan to panic.
This was nothing compared to the events that would follow. That fateful day, a letter arrived in the Capsule Corporation mail, addressed to Turles. He lifted a brow sleepily as he sifted through the rest of the mail finding nothing else other queries to the company itself. Turles plopped himself down on the sofa with a glass of orange juice. He'd refused to drink the slop that they called coffee since it made him feel like someone had just forced a whole cup of sugar down his throat.
His fingers worked clumsily at the seal of the envelope, all the training he'd been doing recently really started to take its toll on his body. It didn't help that Trunks had decided it was fun to wake the tired full blood up early. Turles finally managed to free the letter from the envelope, the page was covered in what seemed to be a teenage girl's handwriting, small and neat. His eyes popped open as his brain finally started decoding the meaning of the squiggles into recognisable words.
'Dear Turles-sama
I wrote this letter just to express how wonderful you are. We have been plagued by that moron Hercule and as the club site states, your clone! Insert picture of a goofy looking Goku here
We all adore you Turles-sama!
(Insert random female name here)'
"What the?" Turles scratched his head at the odd letter "A letter of admiration…How did they even know where I live let alone who I am?" He looked over the sheet of paper for another address that he could reply to the rather strange girl that decided to write to him. After reading the letter again, a thought slammed into his brain like a ten ton truck.
"'We'? Oh no…" Turles pondered "Does this mean that MORE people might have heard about this 'site'?"
"You should go see a doctor, Turles." A voice cut through the panicked Saiyan's thoughts. Turles' head whipped up in the direction of the voice, only to pout a little at the owner.
"I don't need to see any baka doctor, Vegeta."
"Then how do you explain talking to yourself?"
"I'm having a moment of paranoia." Turles replied coolly. He casually screwed up the letter, tossing it into the waste basket. The strange letter was soon forgotten after hours of training and the prospect of food.
Three days later, Bulma Briefs was out colleting the mail. She simply opened the letter box, when a fountain of mail erupted from the deceptively small looking mailbox. A blue head popped out of the mound of mail, looking rather exasperated. She picked up several of the letters, on close inspection, they were addressed to Turles. In fact ninety percent of the mail that morning was addressed to the Goku-esque saiyan.
Bulma sighed as a couple of servant robots helped her carry the mountain of mail into the kitchen. The stack was left on the kitchen table, causing Trunks and Goten to gawk at the sheer volume of paper sitting in front of them.
"Mom!" Trunks exclaimed.
Vegeta chose that moment in time to sleepily waddle into the kitchen. He grunted at the demi- saiyans before settling at the table. It took the saiyan prince a full minute to register that he was unable to see Bulma on the other side of the kitchen, who was currently sorting out the mail. Vegeta's eyes popped open, staring at the mountain of mail blocking his vision.
"Onna! What's all this junk!" He extended his index finger, prodding the pile – which quivered a little as if it was ready to fall apart. The short saiyan twitched moving his hand away from the mail.
"Well… it seems most of it is addressed to Turles… I don't know how or why anyone would send him mail…" Bulma shrugged, returning to sorting everyone else's mail from Turles'
Meanwhile…
Turles stretched, arching his back off the bed while his limbs splayed out in all directions. He'd had a peaceful night's sleep and no brats waking him up at all hours. The lanky saiyan rolled out of bed, scratching his head sleepily with one hand, while scratching his stomach with the other. Unfortunately, he wasn't paying attention to the duvet which was tangled up around his legs. Turles stood up, intent on opening the blinds; he didn't make it that far. He hit the ground with a sickening thud, managing to tear the blind from its bracket above the window.
"Ouch…" He muttered
"OH MY GOD THERE HE IS!" An excited female voice chirped from outside
"Eh?" Turles stood up, fighting off the offensive duvet. His eyes nearly popped out of his skull when he spotted a dozen people camped out near his window. There was a small news crew with them, as well as some photographers. The group burst into life, taking footage and snapping pictures.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK!" Turles screamed in a rather feminine tone. He looked down at his current state of undress.
"IIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
He paled, picking up the offensive duvet. Turles cocooned himself in the plush material, fleeing the room like he was being attacked by a swarm of killer bees. The saiyan bounced down the stairs in groups of five, literally falling into the kitchen. Four heads turned toward the lump that was now quivering on the floor. Trunks slid from his seat, gently nudging the large saiyan with a foot.
"I wonder what got into him…" Bulma raised a brow as Vegeta managed to wrestle the larger saiyan from the duvet.
"Cameras….people… don't let them take more…" Turles was curled up on the kitchen floor, shaking his head back and forth while shivering. Vegeta twitched in annoyance, slapping some sense into the Goku-esque saiyan – quite literally!
"Pull yourself together, you're a disgrace!" Vegeta shook Turles "Now what the heck is going on!"
"There were people camping outside my window…" Turles started "They had cameras, and there was even a news crew there…" The larger saiyan stared off into space, occasionally twitching at some horrific visions flowing through his over – active imagination.
Bulma cocked her head to one side looking thoughtful. After a few moments, the blue haired scientist turned towards the living area.
"I say we see what the news has to say." For a moment she looked lost, then snapped her fingers "Oh yeah, there's some mail for you Turles."
"Huh?" He glanced around, spotting Goten pointing to a large heap of letters on the kitchen table, all addressed to him. "Haahaaa… I'm… going to see what's on the news…" He zipped into the living room after Bulma.
Flashback
Turles finally managed to free the letter from the envelope, the page was covered in what seemed to be a teenage girl's handwriting, small and neat. His eyes popped open as his brain finally started decoding the meaning of the squiggles into recognisable words.
'Dear Turles-sama
I wrote this letter just to express how wonderful you are. We have been plagued by that moron Hercule and as the club site states, your clone! Insert picture of a goofy looking Goku here
We all adore you Turles-sama!
(Insert random female name here)'
"What the?" Turles scratched his head at the odd letter "A letter of admiration…
End flashback
"This is not funny any more." Turles whined, curling up on the sofa quietly. The TV flickered into life as everyone intently waited for the latest headlines on the news. Ten minutes passed until the headlines were repeated.
"The latest craze. Many people remember Son Goku from the World Martial arts tournaments in the past. Recently, a website appeared containing information on a person known as Turles, rumoured to be a relation to this competitor. This website promoted the disclosure of personal information against Son Goku and in favour of this 'Turles' character. Riots have been breaking out all over the country as young women and some young men have been inspired by this website. With us today is the creator of the site, Mr. Broly." The TV announcer turned to his left to show a rather large figure with a tail dressed in a clean navy suit.
"BROLY!" Vegeta hissed, immediately jumping up on the sofa with a hiss.
"It's good to be here…" Broly squinted at the man's name tag "Bob."
"Is there any particular reason why you created such an influential website? Many parents across the country are complaining of the new craze."
"Why yes I do, Bob." Broly folded his arms "You see, this 'Son Goku', also known as Kakarotto by a few people, caused me great mental damage. As a young child, I went insane with anger. It has taken a long time to undo the damage inflicted on my innocent mind. It's also been very expensive. The person that caused this is none other than Son Goku. I feel that he was praised way too much on this planet and I thought the earthlings might appreciate the appearance of someone like him, but with better qualities."
Turles started to twitch "So the reason he did this was to get back at Kakarotto… but what about the mental trauma its going to leave ME with!" He exclaimed, putting his head under a cushion. Goten gently patted the large saiyan on the back, reassuringly.
"It's ok Uncle Turles. We'll help you through it." The chibi announced confidently.
"Mr.Broly thank you. In other news-" The TV was cut off by Bulma hitting standby.
"Well at least he isn't trying to blow up the planet…" She said optimistically. Turles just groaned, sinking into the sofa. His life had just got a heck of a lot worse than it already had been.
Three weeks later…
"I don't see why I have to come..." Raditz whined, glaring at the shorter saiyan. The other was constantly glancing around, nervously. It had been three weeks since the latest 'Turles' craze went nationwide on national television. The Z- fighters had decided not to fight Broly, seen as he was taking peaceful methods to extract his revenge on Goku.
"You're here, in case some of those damn fan girls turn up." Turles growled at the larger saiyan, sticking close to his side. Bulma had decided that the Goku-esque saiyan needed to get out more since the scare. Unfortunately no one believed him when he complained about people sleeping outside his window, randomly appearing and snapping pictures while he was doing regular every-day things. His current mission was to pick up a few groceries for the barbeque that evening.
The two saiyans turned the corner, now close to their destination. Turles started to hop from foot to foot, wishing that Raditz would walk a little faster. He was nervous about being in public.
"OH MY GOSH THERE HE IS! IT'S TURLES!" A loud feminine voice pierced the air, causing an ice wave of dread to break down his spine. Turles slowly turned around, spotting a large crowd of girls, all wearing or carrying Turles memorabilia.
"What… the? Oh yeah! I remember hearing about that on TV!" Raditz' tail wagged as he remembered the numerous reports covered by the national news since the whole Turles fan club started. The larger saiyan paused, noticing the girls starting to eye him, as well as the frozen Turles.
"I wonder who that is?" said one
"He kind of looks like Turles-sama… but he has more hair." Another mused
"They're probably related… Oh yeah! I remember, the latest update was that this 'Radish' guy is related to that other Turles –clone." A third bounced up and down excitedly. There was the synchronous sound of camera's being prepared. Both saiyans started to twitch.
"I'd love to stay, but it seems you have company." Raditz grinned sheepishly. He blasted into super saiyan, hurridly flying off to Mt. Paozu. Turles paled, looking back at the group of girls.
"GET HIM!" one yelled, charging toward the scared saiyan.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Turles scampered off down the road with his arms flailing.
A large dust cloud of screaming fan girls followed him off into the distance, his screams echoing off the tall buildings as he made his escape. Raditz sat on top of a skyscraper, shaking his head as he watched the tiny dust cloud in the distance.
"That poor poor man. I feel his pain." The saiyan commented. He then flew off into the fluffy clouds toward Mt. Paozu having experienced another day of the strange life on Earth.
END.
Well, that's it. I hope you all liked this fic. Look out for my next one. That involves poptarts. )
