Hey guys… only one more chapter after this!

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Oh my God.

What had I done?

Gone to second base with my ex boyfriend, while STILL technically going out with Jesse.

Oh my God.

I felt horrible. I wanted to throw up and pass out and die all at once. How could I be so stupid to trust Paul again? After he hurt me so badly last time?

He took advantages of my weaknesses. That boy must be psychic or something. I mean, I was insecure about Jesse being attracted to me. He kept calling me beautiful. I was struggling with our past, so he took me to the places where I had the best memories of him—his house, the deli…

His bedroom. His bed.

He didn't come after me after I left the house. I just ran down his driveway, and down his road, tears streaming down my face. I felt like so dirty. Grade A Whore, that's me.

I was so confused. Not about Paul, though. Not anymore. If I hadn't known he was a jerk before, I did now. And I knew going back to him at all was the biggest mistake of my life.

No, I was confused about what to do now. It was about 4 in the afternoon, and I was stranded in the middle of the Upper Class neighborhood.

I pulled out my cell phone, but saw that the battery was almost dead, and I didn't have any service. So I kept walking.

As I neared one of the main roads, I realized I was only about half a mile from Jesse's house. And I knew I needed to talk to him. I had to tell him.

Because even if he thinks I'm ugly, he actually seems to care about me. Paul seems to just be after my looks, or something.

Ha. I wish I realized this a few days ago.

As I got closer to his house, I realized that I must look like crap. I had been walking for almost half an hour in the cold and crying… I probably looked like someone hit me in the face with a baseball bat. I almost considered stopping at a gas station to hose off my face in the bathroom, but then I remembered something in a movie I had watched—ironically, with Jesse. "You need a hose, but there's no time. Besides, it shows sincerity." That's what the cheating wife's mom said to her.

Oh God. Cheating wife.

I did stop quickly, though, just in case it was really horrible. Jesse already thought I was ugly. I didn't want to make it any worse. I dabbed my cheeks a bit quickly, and then kept on shivering and crying and walking through the cold.

By the time I got to his house, any repairs I had done at the gas station were gone, I'm sure. However terrible I looked, though, I summoned up all the bravery I had, and knocked on the door.

I heard footsteps. I took a deep breath. The doorknob began to twist… the door was opening…

"Jesse, I--" Oh. Not Jesse.

It was a woman. She was pretty, with dark brown shoulder length layered hair, big brown eyes framed by black glasses, and a beautiful tan skin.

I immediately recognized her from the wedding photo in the hallway as Jesse's Aunt Elena.

She looked at me, startled, for a moment. Then she must have recognized me from the picture of Jesse and I on his dresser.

Don't see how, though, considering I probably had the reddest and wettest face imaginable, between the cold and the crying.

"You're Susannah," she said. "Come in. Do you, er, want a tissue?" I accepted, and blew my nose a few times and did what I could to dry my cheeks and eyes. Even though she seemed a bit curious about why I was sobbing, she quickly brought me to Jesse's room. "He's in here." Then she opened the door a bit, and peeked her head in. "Jesse," I heard her say. "Someone's here to see you."

"Can you tell them I'm busy? I'm not up to seeing anyone now," he was saying, but then Elena pushed open the door the rest of the way.

Jesse was lying on his bed, not doing anything. Just staring at the ceiling. But when he heard the door creak, he looked up, and saw me.

"Susannah!" he said, shocked, and sat up. "Uh… come in." Elena looked at him, then me, then him again, and must have picked up on the vibes between us.

"Jesse, voy a ir a la tienda, tengo que comprar, ah, papas, y… helado."

Jesse raised his eyebrows at her, but answered with a, "Sí, gracias."

After she left, Jesse got up off the bed, and led me to sit down next to him. "What did she say?" I sniffed. Okay, I was stalling. But also curious.

He gave me a half smile. "She's going to the store. She needs to buy potatoes and ice cream." Despite my complete depression and guilt about what I'd done, I laughed a bit at her obvious excuse to leave us alone. Jesse, however, sobered quickly. "Susannah, what is the matter?"

The moment of truth. Oh God. I don't think I can do it.

"Uh.. well… I…" I stuttered productively, wringing a tissue in my hands. "Is that a new shirt?" Jesse continued looking at me seriously.

"Susannah, what is it?" I bit my lip.

"Jesse… I did a bad thing," I said, and started to cry again.

"What is it, Susannah?" he repeated gently. He took the shredded tissue from me, and held them gently in his hands, which only made me cry harder.

I am such a horrible person. I'm going to hell.

But I needed to tell him. I needed him to forgive me.

Because, even though I was completely stupid and hypnotized by Paul the past few days, I knew that I needed Jesse.

And straying from him only made me realize that I really did love him.

I took a deep, shuddering breath, and decided to start from the beginning.

"At the deli," I whispered. "I was with Paul." He looked at me disbelievingly.

"Paul? Your ex-boyfriend?" I nodded. He exploded. "Susannah, are you stupid? That—" insert nasty sounding Spanish word "—hit you!"

"Well, not really… he only shoved me…" I argued feebly, trying to make myself not sound like such an idiot loser for going back to him. I stopped, though, at Jesse's dark glare. "He said he didn't mean it. That he was confused because he thought he cared about me too much, and was so upset for hurting me." Jesse's look darkened, and I took a gasping, sobbing breath, but I continued.

"And… he kissed me. On Saturday." Jesse stood up angrily, and walked across the room, cursing in Spanish. At least I think it was cursing.

Seeing him so upset hurt me. "I didn't kiss him back, though," I added in a hurry, before mumbling, "Not then, at least…"

"What happened next?" he demanded. I sniffed, and wiped away a few stray tears, before pressing on.

"I went home. But then today…" I began sobbing again, remembering what a horrible person I'd been.

"What happened today?" he asked, a bit calmer, but the angry edge to his voice still sliced my heart.

"He told me he had some interesting information… about our shifting powers."

"Shifting powers?" he asked, confused.

"Paul says that we're more than mediators… we can do things. Like, the stuff he showed me, we can put a ghost into another's body and bring them back to life—"

"Susannah," he said.

"Right." I sniffed again, grabbed a tissue from the box on his bedside table, and quickly wiped my nose. "He told me he had some information, so I went back to his house with him after school… and… he said that he loved me."

I started sobbing again, thinking about how stupid I was. Jesse couldn't look at me. He knew.

"Did you…" he began, but couldn't finish. He had sunk into his futon, and his elbow was on the table next to it, his arm supporting his head.

I knew exactly what he meant though.

"No! No, Jesse… we just kissed." Not true, my conscience said. Don't lie. Don't make it worse by lying even more. "And… touched." But then it sounded like I had given him a hand job, or something, so I corrected myself again. "Not, like… below the belt, or anything."

"But below the shirt," he said. He sounded dead. Like I'd killed him.

And that was killing me.

"Yes," I whispered, unable to bear the pain of my swollen heart.

"Have you… ended whatever you have with him?" Jesse asked, in the same toneless voice.

"Of course, Jesse," I said meaningfully. "I realized how stupid I was being. I was a complete idiot. And I'm more sorry than I could ever express in words." I bravely stood up, and went over to him. I sat down next to him, and tried to touch his arm, but he jerked it away. However stung, I remained next to him.

"Why?" He asked. His voice was strange and shaky, like he was holding back something, or there was something in his throat. "Do I not compare to him? Am I not good enough for you?" Each word drove a knife deeper into my heart, for him thinking that.

"No, Jesse! Of course not. You are so much better than him." I sighed. "It's just that… he kept telling me I'm beautiful. And you don't think so. I just…" His head snapped up, and looked at me in surprise. His eyes looked dead, but they were still really, really, shiny.

"You think I don't find you beautiful?" he asked incredulously. Huh…?

"Well… on my birthday. You just shoved me away and said you didn't want me." Jesse's confusion disappeared, but he shut his eyes and groaned.

"Oh, Susannah… I never meant it like that." He sighed, and rubbed his eyes. "It's just…" he sighed again. Whatever he wanted to say was clearly difficult. "Susannah, I'm not ready… for that. I can't go to that level. Not yet."

"Then why didn't you just say so, Jesse?" I asked. This time when I touched his arm, he didn't push me away.

"I know that you… have done that already," he said diplomatically. "And you were obviously ready. I just… was too embarrassed to say that I'm not ready. Paul was willing to give you what you wanted… but I couldn't." He groaned again. "I'm so sorry you took it the wrong way… I just was afraid to tell you the truth. I was afraid you would compare me to that bastard and see me as lesser than him."

"So you don't think I'm ugly?" I sniffed.

"Dios, of course not. Susannah, I have never been more attracted to anyone else, ever. You are the most beautiful girl I've ever met… and don't ever think otherwise." We just looked into each others eyes, until we both remembered what was going on between us. He sighed.

"Did we screw everything up?" I asked helplessly.

"I don't want it to be," Jesse said. "Susannah, even with what you did… I love you."

Those three words. Finally.

If they came from his mouth first today, things might be very different.

I gave him a watery smile. "I love you too, Jesse."

He leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips. Oh, so different than Paul…

And so much better.

It ended, though, when he pulled away. We both looked at each other for about a minute before either of us said anything. I eventually broke the silence. "Jesse… I really am sorry. What I did today was the worst thing I've ever done in my life. I just hope you can forgive me," I said.

"I hope so too…I know you're sorry, and I trust you not to do it again. I don't want to give up on us, Querida."

"I don't either… I love you," I repeated. He wrapped his arms around me, and kissed the top of my head.

And I knew in my heart, that things are going to work out. Jesse was still pissed at me, though he had certainly calmed down. And I don't think he'd quite forgiven me.

But everything was going to be okay.

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The movie I mentioned was "Spanglish" by the way. Great movie.

Anyway, review… one more chapter, sort of an epilogue… just to tie all the strings up (particularly with Jesse and his not being ready for sex… lol).