PART X: HISTORIES REVEALED
"They're pretty much pushovers, aren't they?" Rockman asked with a quizzical tilt of his head. "The Metools, I mean. They're practically programmed to be expendable."
"Do not get your hopes up," Slur shuddered. "I remember the last time I fought a group of Metools…"
"Are you going to have a flashback?" asked Rockman with narrowed eyes and a tired expression, knowing that a boring, long-winded story was ahead.
"…Yes."
Slur had a flashback where a chibi version of herself slapped her fins all over a bunch of Metools during her training under Duo's supervision. Tears flowed like fountains from their squinted little eyes as they received a bunch of merciless whoopings from Slur's fins, all the while wondering who had the nerve to give her such big sleeves to slap with anyway. Then, just when Slur was convinced she had won the battle, the Metools suddenly gathered to unleash their ultimate attack:
"SUPER REFLECTIVE ARMADILLO WALL!"
"…Super Reflective Armadillo Wall!" cried Roll. "I've heard of that attack! It's…" She became quiet as soon as wires began entangling her body.
"With all due respect, little pink one," Slur said while directing a stern expression at Roll, "this is my story and not yours. Therefore, it would be wise of you to let me have my moment."
"Little…pink…one?" Roll showed signs of becoming the terrible Devil Roll again, but decided to let Slur have her moment and finish her flashback anyway.
The flashback continued as the group of Mets huddled up into one huge pile and encased themselves in their helmets. The pile of Metools began to shine brightly, creating what looked like an enormous heap of radioactive excrement. Thinking something terrible would follow, Chibi Slur prepared herself for the worst. However, nothing happened for an incredibly long time. She waited as nothing continued to happen, almost indefinitely. Time seemed to stand still, yet continue flowing as a great river ebbs in the winds of despair and impatience. Day and night soon became one inseparable blur as the Mets became the only discernible light in…
"JUST GET TO THE POINT ALREADY! Did they attack you or not?" cried the almost completely transformed Devil Roll. "Good grief, do you have to be so poetic about everything?"
Chibi Slur had become impatient as a bear waiting for bees to produce honey before it would steal the fruits of their hard labor, and decided to attack. Surprisingly, her attack was reflected back at her, and she slapped herself on her cheek with her own right fin. Wondering what just happened, she tested her curiosity by slapping the glowing pile of Mets again and again, only to slap herself repeatedly and painfully in her own face. She finally ran to Duo, crying and shouting like the infant she was back then, her cute face turned completely red from taking the beating of her own slaps. Duo had then become very enraged, thinking Chibi Slur must have been hit on and kissed repeatedly on the cheek by an excited man wearing too much lipstick.
"And so," Slur said, continuing to flip through a slideshow she just conveniently happened to have for just such an explanation, "you can see from this series of slides that the Super Armadillo Wall could cause immense trouble for all of us."
"Question…and I won't ask to see THAT PICTURE again," Searchman asked in his usual monotone while raising his hand (that WASN'T a rifle, anyway), "why is it called the Armadillo Wall? Why not, say, the Invincible Mirror of the White Phoenix?"
Taking a moment to appreciate the sheer coolness of Searchman's name for the technique, and the horror that her "Posing with Sailors" picture was becoming a running gag, Slur replied, "It was named after a legendary golden armadillo of Japanese legend that fell from a cliff after stumbling on a banana peel, during a fight with the legendary Komodo Dragon over the last piece of day-old sashimi in their dinner leftovers. The golden armadillo thought it would die at the bottom of the cliff…that is, until it had the idea to roll itself into a ball, so that it would bounce back onto the top of the cliff and continue fighting for the sashimi."
"And did it work?" Blues asked, leaning in much closer in wonderment.
"Yes it did, but ultimately, not in the way it was meant to. The armadillo's protective ball of gold armor generated so much reflective power that he bounced from the bottom of the cliff into the endless heavens. He became an intense golden star, which then became known as the North Star, and the Komodo Dragon gorged himself on the leftovers. To this day, the North Star curses the Komodo Dragon for taking the last of the sashimi."
"Does this eventually tie back into the Metools?" asked Glyde, raising his right eyebrow and wondering if Slur had gone off on an irreverent tangent.
"Of course. Wily was a big fan of Japanese legends, so he named the technique for the reflective power of the armadillo. Since the armadillo was also quite stupid, especially to almost get itself killed over leftover day-old sashimi, Wily thought the name to be all the more appropriate for the Metools, who are essentially stupid and oblivious without someone to give them orders."
"Wow, she talks way too much," Blues said, while turning to Glyde. "That last comment just sounded a lot like what my operator Enzan says about your Yaito's employees. Everyone at Gabcom, in fact."
"Every single day, you now know what I deal with when your operator insults mine," Glyde murmured while rolling his eyes. "Anyway, Slur, does this technique have any other effects we should know about?"
"Yes," Slur nodded. "Here is me getting blasted away by the after-effect of the wall: the Armadillo Explosion of Sashimi Anger."
As if to illustrate her point, a huge explosion rocked the Metool hospital and a large division of Attacker-type Metools rushed to defend their home. Out of the chaos, Blues could have sworn he heard a familiar female voice shouting:
"CYBER ELF! MILITIA THE MASS DESTROYER! Hang on, my dear Blues-kun! I'm coming!"
"Dear…Blues…KUN?" asked all Navis simultaneously, including Slur, as they raised their collective eyebrows at the shrugging and oblivious yet nervous Blues. Roll danced around quite stupidly, singing, "Blues has a girlfriend! Blues has a girlfriend!"
In a brilliant flash and concussive explosion, the Metools were knocked into a huge pile, burned to a crisp with those cute spiral eyes that anime characters make when they get knocked out. A tall, slender female figure with a very cute face dressed in brilliant red, purple, and pink hues walked casually into the building, winking at Rockman and the gang. A long blonde ponytail flowed gently from the back of her helmet while the wind caressed it as if to enhance her cuteness. Then she saw Blues, and her face lit up as though she found the man of her dreams…which, as everyone would see, she ultimately did.
"Blues-kun? Is that you?" The odd female Navi approached Blues, who was now cowering nervously in the corner of the hospital room like a cornered kitten that had just been told it needed a bath. She then continued, "Oh, it IS! I've finally come to rescue you, my adorable little darling Blues-kun! It's been such a long time, hasn't it?"
Rockman blushed madly at the steamy and gushy romance that had just presented itself. He wondered aloud, "Why don't I have a girlfriend?"
He turned his head to look at Roll, who met his gaze with an icy glare, and added, "…er, yet?" Roll's glare turned to a satisfied smile that seemed to say, "Yeah! I've still got a chance with this guy!"
The mysterious blonde Navi tightly glomped Blues, who suddenly cringed as he realized who the voice belonged to. Meanwhile, in the real world, Enzan felt a sudden chill run up his spine as he, too, realized who had suddenly appeared on the scene. Out of nowhere, he felt a slender female arm secure a grip around his neck and a sharp pain at the peak of his silvery hair. It was a pain that Enzan had never forgotten: the sharp cerebral sting of an American-style noogie. He turned his head and there before him was a beautiful blonde foreigner scantily clad in red, white, and blue colors, wearing a bandanna with a Red Cross emblem on her head and carrying a slightly used skateboard. There was no doubt in his mind as to who she was now.
"Enzan! So I've finally found you! Prepare to get noogied, you jerk!" she cried mercilessly as she dug her knuckles into Enzan's defenseless scalp.
It was…HER. The tender young girl who had paid for Enzan's McMuffins during his trip to America. The very woman who touched his delicate eleven-year-old heart during a time when cooties were the biggest of his worries. And, as the other members of Enzan's social circle were about to find out, more than just a casual acquaintance.
"Everyone…there's someone I'd like to introduce you to," Blues murmured as he lowered his head. "This is a friend of mine from a long time ago…Ciel.EXE."
"I believe this introduction should have occurred when she blasted her way into this hospital and said, 'It's been a long time, Blues-kun.' But do spill any other details you may have anyway," Searchman replied, taking a sudden interest in this awkward situation.
"I'll hand it over to you, Enzan," Blues muttered while looking into the sky. In the real world, Enzan nodded with an ominous expression, knowing he was going to reveal something shocking, but a truth that needed to be told for the sake of mindless gossip.
"Yeah, who is this cutie?" Netto Hikari asked while staring at the blonde girl giving Enzan's scalp a thorough noogie work-over.
"I must say, with those clothes, or lack thereof, she is quite alluring," Laika said while raising an eyebrow and straightening his collar, making it obvious that he was excited to meet her, or at least stare at the rest of her.
"Ummm…yeah…" Meiru murmured with a disappointed yet anxious expression that seemed to say, "Netto, I think you'd better not think what I think you are thinking…"
"Speak up, Enzan. At this point, I could use the gossip," Yaito said with a devilish grin that said, "I'll tell everyone at Gabcom about this…oh man, what a juicy story!"
Enzan lowered his head dramatically and closed his eyes, as if in deep thought. "Everyone…this is Kristen, a Net Battler I met in America when I was eleven."
"Pleased to meet y'all!" Kristen said enthusiastically as she winked her left eye and made a peace sign with her right hand. Everyone (at least the guys) met her with a very nervous wave. But Kristen was not done yet. Turning to Enzan and continuing the noogie assault, she continued, "Aren't you forgetting to tell them something, twerp?"
"Urghhh…fine, I'm getting to that! Just please, for the sake of my fangirls, SPARE THE SCALP!"
Kristen gingerly let go of Enzan as he continued: "All right then…everyone…there's more I have to tell you. I don't blame you for thinking any less of me after this, but this is something I feel all of you must know."
At this point, everyone took a sudden interest in the situation; there was no doubt this was going to be good.
"This American Net Battler Kristen…she is…"
Enzan raised his head and opened his eyes while making a slightly disturbed facial expression, and the other members of his social circle leaned in to prepare themselves for a shocking truth that would alter his life forever:
"Kristen is…my fiancée."
END PART X
