Even though Alex thought it wouldn't be for long, they were that way for awhile. Him with his arms around her, murmuring to just let it all out, that he was sorry….but he knew that sorry didn't cut it. Sorry never had, not with what he had done to her, and certainly not with what had just happened. He just held her, she needed him, so he held her. They had ended up sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, as he stroked her hair and just let her cry.
They were brought back into reality, into carrying on a conversation again when she said into his chest, "I wish I had just died with them."
Jay let her go enough so he could look at her face, "Alex, don't ever say that, you don't want to die."
Alex wiped at her eyes roughly with one hand, her eyes taking on the protective and hard look again, "What do you know about what I want? You never did know." She pulled herself away from the warm and comforting arms of him as she got up. "Jay, just stay out of it."
Jay got up as well, "Hey. I knew sometimes and I'm not going to stay out of it! I'm going to help you get through this!"
Alex grabbed the shirt off the floor, "I knew I shouldn't have gotten in that car with you! Why do you care so much now? Isn't it too late for that?"
Jay ran a hand through his hair, "Alex, I've always cared, okay?" he said, looking uncomfortable about saying those feelings out loud. To Jay, it always seemed like it showed your weakness, telling someone you cared, that you loved them.
"I've you'd always cared you wouldn't have went to the ravine, Jay! You wouldn't have cheated on me with my best friend!" she said coldly, yelling now as more tears fell. Once they had started, it was too hard to get them to stop. "You were everything to me and then you did that." She spat, going over to the dryer to take clothes out. "You are a sorry excuse for a man, Jay. I shouldn't have ever came back here and I shouldn't have ever gone out with you."
Jay couldn't hide the hurt this time, it was evident in his face and his eyes. "Alex…." He then looked away and sighed heavily, "Nevermind…"
"No, Jay! Go right ahead and say it! I got to tear you apart, so how about you try to make me feel like it was my fault you gave me and STD." Alex said bitterly, turning around to face him, crossing her arms over her chest.
He took a deep breath, before he met her eyes with his own, "Alex, I'm not going to shift the blame to you. I know it was my fault and I've been living with it every damn day since." He paused, hating how he was turning into a sap and despising how he could care so damn much about one person when no one seemed to care about him. "Seeing you…..every day….and not being able to touch you, hold you….it's hell. I never knew what I had until I lost it…since then, I haven't really been living. Now, I'm not saying this shit because I want you. Hell, if it's better for you…then don't see me again, but I just need to say it. I need to say it for myself and for you because…..because loving someone like I love you scares me because I don't love. I hate. We both know that, but not you, not now. Hate me if you need to, but hate me knowing that I love you." He said it softly, and as simple as he could, his eyes only wavering a few times with the uncomfortable awkwardness of saying those feelings out loud, of showing he had a heart.
Alex's eyes had softened, as she wiped more tears away from her face. "I could never hate you, Jay. I've tried….but I could never." She said as she went over to him and wrapped her arms around him, putting her head against his chest. "I love you too." She whispered, and Jay smiled, and kissed the top of her head gently as he wrapped his arms around her, "We'll get through this…and we'll get through it together."
Fin
A/N: Well, there you have it folks. The last chapter. Sorry it took me so long, and I hope it wasn't a disappoint me. If you had asked me how I wanted it to end, I would have certainly said that I didn't think it would end this way, but I think I like it this way. It does seem a bit rushed to me though, and that bothers me but I can't really see how I can split it up with out butchering it to bits. Thank you for all the reviews and I may make a sequel some night when I'm bored. :) Either way, I'm sure I'll make another Jalex story soon! Hope you enjoyed!
