The Secret Past of Raven

By IvyCatGirl

All right. I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been somewhat mind-blocked and haven't been able to sit down and just write. So, finally I'm over that. After much waiting on your part, I present to you Chapter 5 of The Secret Past of Raven! And now I definitely know where I'm going with this! So. Here you go. I'll try and update more often! Again, I'm really sorry!

Chapter 5—Denial

As the other Titans lay sleeping, Raven and Beast Boy were wide awake. They sat together, a little ways off from the others. For the moment, Raven's mind was calm—but for how long? Raven wished with all her heart that the others hadn't come in.

Raven: Why did you come after me?

Beast Boy: Well…uh…we were worried about you I guess…we're your friends. That's the main reason.

Raven: You didn't have to come after me. I can handle this myself.

Beast Boy: So, when you were knocked out and fell off the path you were taking care of it?

Raven: Ok. I get it. But you still didn't have to come check up on me.

Beast Boy: Maybe we wanted to. Ever think about that? We care about you. We worry about you. We look after you as best we can. You don't notice it though. You never notice anything anymore…

Raven: I notice. I notice a lot of things you guys do for me. I just don't acknowledge them as I should.

Beast Boy: You know Rae…you don't have to hide your feelings. Especially from us.

Raven: I do Beast Boy. I do have to hide my feelings, but it's not just from you guys—it's from everybody. It's not a choice. I have to. You wouldn't understand.

Beast Boy: Try me.

Raven: I want to let my feelings out. Especially to you…see, I care about you guys…and…I…

What was Raven doing? She was spilling everything to Beast Boy! Why? What if this made her mind start to act up…especially if she told him that she…Raven sighed and looked away from Beast Boy, a strange feeling coming over her. What was wrong with her? Why did she suddenly feel so strange? It was nice sitting next to Beast Boy. She always liked Beast Boy. She always looked after him…even if she brushed it off and made a nasty comment to him. She was always making nasty comments to him. Why? She liked Beast Boy, he was her friend, and she shouldn't be putting him down. Why was she? It dawned on her. The thing she had been denying all this time. She liked him…more than just a friend. She was denying it to protect herself—and him. Protect herself from what? From her emotions…she couldn't let the emotions get in the way. Beast Boy's voice shattered her thoughts.

Beast Boy: Raven? Are you okay? What's wrong?

Raven: I—I'm—fine. Just fine.

Raven stuttered, she got up and shakily made her way back over to the little camp they had made and sat, staring at the embers that were once a fire. Beast Boy stood up, walked over, and sat once more next to her.

Beast Boy: You sure you're all right? Nothing you want to talk about?

Raven: I—I—

She couldn't think of words. She stared into Beast Boy's eyes and felt as though she was drowning. The emotions swept over her with such ferocity that she felt like screaming, crying, laughing, shouting, all at the same time. All she could do was sit there as a few tears slowly inched down her cheek, followed by another, and another, and another until it was a waterfall of tears as she put her head on her knees and sobbed. She felt Beast Boy's arms around her in a comforting hug and she welcomed it. She welcomed all of the pain and sadness. She welcomed the laughter and joy. She welcomed the love and heartache. She welcomed the anger and humiliation. She welcomed everything--and her mind went crazy. The ground started to shake violently, and things fell from above them. The others woke up with a start and Raven's head shot up as she opened her mouth and screamed, "RUN!" They ran like hell. Raven realized that the only way she could stop it was to calm down. But she couldn't, the tears still came. And all the emotions whirled about her in a frenzy that wouldn't cease. Her mind started to cave in. And she felt a physical pain go tearing through her body. She let out a cry and collapsed on the ground.

Robin: RAVEN!

Raven: Keep going. I'm fine. Go!

Robin hesitated as Starfire and Cyborg looked nervously about and Beast Boy started to pick Raven up.

Raven: Just go! Don't worry about me.

The pain tore through her body again. All she could do was point towards the exit and Robin, Starfire and Cyborg regrettably did as Raven had told them to. Beast Boy refused to leave, he picked her up, against Raven's wishes and started to carry her after them. Raven fought.

Raven: No, put me down. I'm what it wants. Just let it have me.

Beast Boy: I'm not going to leave you alone. If you stay, I stay.

Raven gave up. She didn't want to loose Beast Boy, but at the moment she really had no choice but to allow herself to become a puppet. So she allowed herself to be carried like a rag doll further up the path. And the pain seared through her again. This time she doubled over and Beast Boy had to stop. She lay there wondering how she would get out of this one. She closed her eyes as the tears gushed out again. In her mind she chanted: Azarath Metrion Zinthos. The shaking eased up, but it wouldn't stop. Then she heard a voice calling her name. Her eyes flew open as she looked in front of her. Standing there was a woman, draped in a cloak with glowing eyes. Raven attempted to stand, but didn't have the strength to.

Raven: Who are you?

Woman: Raven, don't you know me?

Raven: No, I'm sure I would know if I had put you here.

Woman: But, don't you see. You have put me here. I've been here since you were born. I'm the one giving you power.

Raven: Nothing has ever given me power. I don't remember you at all. How could you have been here when I don't remember you?

Woman: You can't remember yourself as a baby.

Raven: Yes, I do. I grew up with foster parents. My mother died when I was first born and my father was nowhere to be found.

Woman: How did your mother die?

Raven paused at that one. Then she started to wonder why the hell she was having this conversation with this strange woman. Why didn't she just blast her? "Because I don't have enough strength", a voice said. "But I have enough strength to unleash on her", another voice countered. Raven thought it over as the woman stepped closer. Raven realized that for once she had no will to do anything but lay there, on the ground, completely helpless. She had always been able to think up some sort of plan or way out in a matter of minutes. But this time, she couldn't. Her mind was completely numb. The pain that was coursing through her, all of the emotions whirling around. She couldn't think straight. Raven realized that her breathing was becoming shallower as the woman took more and more steps closer. She felt the pain again. And the woman chuckled a bit. It sounded vaguely familiar. But she still couldn't think straight.

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Robin and the others paused, staring behind them. Seeing a woman standing over Raven and Beast Boy. Raven on the ground, for once not being able to get out of the situation. And Beast Boy—just frozen. Unsure of what to do. Of what he should do. Standing there. Not thinking. Just as Raven was doing. Robin hesitated, what was he supposed to do? Should he go back and help them? Or should he do as Raven had insisted and leave? Starfire looked at Raven and then at Robin.

Starfire: Our friend is…in pain.

Cyborg: We need to do something.

Robin: What can we do? If Raven can't do anything, what good are we?

Cyborg: Raven isn't always right you know.

Robin: She's usually right though. She's usually able to get out of something like this!

Cyborg: She's in a delicate state right now! She said so herself: her emotions are unstable.

Starfire: Please, friends, do not fight!

Robin sighed. Star was right; fighting was going to get them anywhere. They stood watching, as the woman surrounded both Raven and Beast Boy in a black ball. Starfire let out a cry, alerting the woman of where they were standing. She smiled and raised a hand, and sent out a power similar to Raven's power, sending them through the portal, and back out into Raven's room.

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Raven felt as though she was suffocating in the darkness. This was an inhuman darkness. A darkness she wasn't used to. It was overpowering and she felt the breath slowly start to leave her body. No! She screamed in her head. She wasn't going to die here. Not in this coffin. There was no way that she was going to leave behind her friends who had become her family. She had no one else, and she wasn't going to loose them. She felt her body being propelled backwards, and then down. She wasn't sure where she was going, but the farther she went, the more air and life she felt being taken away. Raven kept going farther and farther away from the life that she so desperately wanted to hang onto. She felt light-headed as she descended into what she assumed was to become her tomb. The only ray of hope she saw was someone that looked like someone she knew… Beast Boy? But everything went to the darkness and blackness she knew and welcomed.

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Someone whispered her name… and she was jolted awake. She didn't know where she was, but she didn't stop to look around. She just ran. There was a door at the end of the hallway, and with each step it seemed as though it got farther and farther away. She reached her arms out towards it and grabbed onto the door handle as the floor came out from under her feet. She opened the door and there stood the only person she ever loved. She ran towards him, a smile on her face and tears in her eyes, when a woman came out of nowhere and the sound of a gun firing rang through her ears. She felt the pain, even though the bullet was not for her. It was for him. And he was dead. The pain was still there, in her heart and she could feel herself collapse, screaming, crying, yet no sound came out. And the sound of the gun still rang through her ears. And she saw the face of the woman. It was her own face. She saw herself in the woman. The screams came into focus and rang along with the sound of the gun as she felt her body twist and contort in pain and torture. And then silence and the pounding of her heart, the deep breathing as she ran down the hallway, towards the door. She grabbed the doorknob and the floor slid out from under her. She twisted the doorknob and the opened the door…

End Chapter 5

Well, I know it seems kind of weird and confusing, but I definitely am going somewhere with this, so just keep that in mind. I hope this was a good chapter. Please read and review! I would like at least TWO reviews before I put up another chapter, okay? Thank you!