PART XI (SIDE STORY): ENZAN'S WIFE
CALIFORNIA, A FEW YEARS AGO
A blonde adult American man twiddled his thumbs, waiting for his next customer to come along. Business was slow at the Adams Rare Chip Shop, as Higure was around stealing most of the rarest ones for himself, with his partner in crime: a slightly older marketing associate named Kenishiro. The American didn't have to wait long, however, for around the bend came a tall, very anal-looking Japanese man with a very bratty offspring in tow.
"Daddy! I wanna Battle Chip!" cried the child as he passed by the shop. "Gimme a rare one like Higure and Kenishiro have…OW! Why did you hit me?"
"You mentioned those two swine! I told you…NEVER mention the four-letter words, nor that six-lettered or nine-lettered ones!"
"You mean…Higure…and Kenishiro? OW!"
"What did I just say to you? Worthless swine! Here. Have another whack on the head…JUST IN CASE!"
"OWWWW!"
The blonde man cringed; that silver-and-black-haired child had just mentioned his most feared rival. An illegitimate one, but a rival nonetheless. That father was quite a ferocious animal as well. However, in America, any customer was a respected customer no matter what, and so he decided he would grant the child his wish. After all, the father looked like he needed a miracle to make him seem less temperamental than he already was, and a miracle bargain would be just the ticket.
"Perhaps you'd like to see some chips from my collection? I can give them to you…for the right price, of course," he said to the little two-tone-headed boy. "What are your names, kind customers?"
"I am Mister Ijuin, the owner of IPC Company and currently on executive leave," said the tall Japanese man, and then continuing while dragging his son in front of him, "…and this is my useless and bratty ten-year-old son. His name is Enzan Ijuin. Pleased to meet you. Now sell me a chip so I can get him back home to waste away like the worthless brat that he is!"
The blonde man cringed at the thought of ever being raised by someone like this, then said, "My name is Mr. Adams, the owner of this shop. Kristen, come out now. Don't be shy."
"But Dad…" squealed a cute feminine voice from behind Mr. Adams, "…I can never talk to strangers."
"Well, for today, you can make an exception. I would like you to meet somebody."
"Can I have a lolly first? He looks like a meanie!"
Cursed varicose veins popped up all over Mr. Ijuin's forehead, but for the sake of his own morals, he decided not to beat anyone today. That is, except Enzan, whom he then smacked over the back of his head.
"What was that for? I didn't even do anything!" cried little Enzan.
"Just in case! Now be quiet and behave!" Enzan cowered and lowered his head.
"My name's Kristen! I'm eleven! Nice to meet you!" squealed a young girl dressed in a shirt that said, "I (Heart) San Francisco."
"Your boyfriend's name is San Francisco?" Enzan asked with a tilt of his head, after which Kristen giggled uncontrollably.
In the back room, Enzan's father and Adam Adams were busy discussing business. "You know…it looks like you've got a nice business here."
"Indeed," replied Mr. Adams with an enthusiastic nod of his head. "You wouldn't believe how much demand there is here for Japanese goods…have you ever heard of AnimeNation? Well…anyway…getting back to the point…what did you want to speak to me privately about?"
"I would like to buy your business."
"This is all so sudden…why is that?"
"With my empire and your…er…what business were you in again?"
"Rare chips," Mr. Adams sighed, pointing to his sign: "Adams Rare Chip Shop."
"…Right," Mr. Ijuin murmured, rubbing the back of his head. "Anyway, with our combined partnership, we could make BILLIONS…maybe even MILLIONS!"
"I'll think about it," Adams replied, insecurely twiddling his thumbs while considering all he was about to give up.
A RESTAURANT IN CALIFORNIA, A LITTLE LESS THAN A FEW YEARS AGO
"Man, your dad is so RETARDED," Kristen said as she sat across the table from Enzan, dressed in her now famous skimpy red-white-and-blue color scheme, a brand-new skateboard in tow. "He never even gives you a break, does he?"
"He's never even home to take care of me anyway…not even for my eleventh birthday. When he is home, he beats me every time he sees me. Says it's all part of training me to inherit the company."
"Oh really?" Kristen raised an eyebrow while resting her chin on both of her arms. "It must be strange to have someone as young as you heading a company of IPC's size. You must feel pretty overwhelmed."
"You're telling me," Enzan said while looking into Kristen's eyes, lost and mesmerized in her hypnotizing and sympathetic gaze. "He's such a…ka-ka-face."
"What did you just say?" Kristen looked as though she was about to break down and laugh uncontrollably.
"Hehe…it's nothing," Enzan laughed. "It's just that…looking at you…I just feel like I'm so much younger…as though I can do anything. I may sound silly…but you just make me feel that way…Kristen?"
Kristen's laugh broke into a slight sob. She leaned in to kiss Enzan, who gladly accepted, all the while wearing a facial expression that read, "Heck fraggin' yes! Sad childhood memories and a stupid father ARE good for something!"
"I…I never knew…y-you felt that way about me…" Kristen murmured while caressing Enzan's face with her hands. At that moment, she looked around at the hundreds of customers leaning in close to listen, and then cleared out the store with a single shout: "WHAT'S EVERYBODY LOOKING AT?"
JAPAN, MODERN 20XX
"…And that's basically how we started liking each other," Kristen said, looking down at the ground."
"What a touching story," Laika replied in monotone, then continuing to flip through the pages of the latest Guns and Ammo.
"Y-yeah, wh-what a juicy set of d-details!" Yaito managed to say between the tears flowing down her face.
"So…how come she's so mean to you now? I mean, what with the noogies and all?" Netto asked, posing a surprisingly intelligent yet obvious question.
"Yeah…why is that?" Enzan asked, looking up at Kristen.
"…AS IF YOU DON'T REMEMBER!" cried Kristen.
Enzan thought for a moment, then slapped his left fist into his right palm as he suddenly remembered that fateful day.
CALIFORNIA, A COUPLA WEEKS AFTER WHERE WE LAST LEFT OFF
"Mr. Ijuin…" Mr. Adams said solemnly, "…thank you for meeting me here. I have something of great importance to discuss with you."
"Fine… but…why are we discussing it here?" Mr. Ijuin replied quizzically as he wrapped a towel around himself. "I mean, of all places…a spa?"
"Dunno," Mr. Adams shrugged. "Just felt like it. Anyway, it appears that your son Enzan, and my daughter Kristen, are deeply in love."
"How do you figure that?"
"Aside from the trips to a certain fast food restaurant…witnessing them kissing a few times…I don't know, just a wild stab in the dark."
"It's too late for that," Mr. Ijuin replied. "I've already agreed with someone else to marry off Enzan. He's already engaged to another girl…I believe her name was ."
"What a shame," Adams replied, shaking his head and closing his eyes. "I was considering offering you a seat on my board and a generous offering of stock options as a wedding blessing."
"…But aren't promises made to be broken?" asked Mr. Ijuin, suddenly perking up and extending his right hand for a handshake.
BACK IN THE ADAMS CHIP SHOP, A LITTLE LATER…
"…and so, my son, I have to ask you a strong burning question. There is no need to think about it; it will only determine the fate of my…er, our…business for the rest of eternity. Now, Enzan…are you prepared to give me your decision?"
"Yes!" little Enzan nodded enthusiastically. "Bring it on, pops!"
Mr. Ijuin cringed; this American lingo was not a good influence on a young Japanese CEO. He decided to pop the question before any more damage was done: "Enzan…"
"I know you care about me, but I already like Kristen. I don't think I can marry you, Dad…"
WHACK-OUCHIES! "That's not the question I was going to pop! Urgh, idiot son! Now listen carefully. Which do you like better? Snobby girls or video games?"
"…Video games!" Enzan cried while jumping up and down.
"That settles it! I always knew you were a good boy!" Mr. Ijuin patted young Enzan on the head, while thinking only one thing:
"SCORE!"
BACK IN MODERN JAPAN…
"…and that rat of a father bought my dad's business and left both of us behind with nothing but a few measly millions of dollars! Enzan deserted us…he deserted me! All because he preferred some video games over a so-called snobby girl!" Kristen shouted angrily, while clenching both her fists as tight as was humanly possible. "Since then, I promised I would never love another man! NOW do you all see why I'm so upset?"
"Enzan's dad scammed him. Shouldn't you be angry at the father?" asked Laika, still thumbing through Guns and Ammo.
"Well…come to think of it, yeah. Anyway…" Kristen continued while looking into the sky with her eyes dramatically glazed over, "…I honed my Net Battling skills and practiced my skateboarding, even practiced sharpshooting by the desolate landscape of the Grand Canyon, all the while waiting for the day I would meet up with the man I called my own…the one who tore my dreams apart!"
"Why was she practicing by the Grand Canyon?" Netto whispered to Yaito. "Isn't that kind of pointless?"
"That IS the point!" Yaaito hissed back. "Don't you ever watch Western movies?"
"So…you agreed never to love another man, just because Enzan's father posed an impossible choice, not naming you in particular?" Meiru asked, somewhat disappointed in Kristen's logic.
"Of course! Never again will I risk my fragile heart being broken again!"
"What a waste," Enzan murmured while shaking his head. "I mean…a cute girl like you."
"Wh-what?" Kristen suddenly blushed and perked up, not knowing what to make of this recent plot development.
"I mean…who would have ever thought Krissie-chan would've grown up to be so cute?"
"K-Krissie…chan?" Kristen continued to blush madly, and Enzan was certain he had convinced her to stop her violent string of noogies. Oddly enough, he had been speaking from his heart. However, his hopes were shattered as Kristen gave him a painful, tearful noogie while sobbing, "YOU'RE LYING! Don't you dare flirt with me! Not when you've got that other pigtailed girl there to keep you happy!"
Yaito blinked nervously…this time it was HER turn to blush. "M-me?" she stammered while pointing at herself, not sure what to make of this even more recent plot development.
"DON'T EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!" Enzan cried, breaking free of the noogie. "I don't even know her! I don't have a clue who she is! Seriously, she's a complete stranger to me! She's…"
THWACK-OUCHIES!
"You don't have to rub it in THAT much!" screamed Yaito after giving Enzan a painful whack on the back of his helpless, defenseless, and already badly beaten scalp.
"So then…you two aren't getting along?" Kristen blinked. "Then that means…I've still got a chance, if you still think I'm cute!"
Kristen gave Enzan an intimate peck on his left cheek, resulting in a cherry-red blush on his face, then continued, "Tell you what, dear Enzan. I'll let everything go. For today, let's just forget about the past…and start over as friends."
"Then…you'll quit the noogies?" Enzan asked, then continuing after Kristen advanced to give him one: "Okay, okay! I guess not!"
"My my, how touching!" said a familiar voice, followed by the sound of a nose blowing into a now very soiled Kleenex. "Never in all my years at IPC have I witnessed such a romantic story! But since I'm on my work hours, I'll have to be productive and sell you something."
"Kenishiro…" Meiru managed to force through clenched teeth.
"Adver Man! Say hello…and don't you forget to introduce one of your little friends!"
Adver Man suddenly logged in and appeared before the gang…but the drama of his entrance was ruined as Ciel ran up and squeezed him on the cheeks, crying: "You're Adver Man? Oh, you're so adorable! I could just glomp you all day!"
"Heeheehee!" squealed Adver Man in delight. "Me likies!"
"ADVER MAN! Don't waste my lunch break…a salesman's job is never over!" shouted Kenishiro.
"Touchy!" said Adver Man with a tilt of his head. "Very well…Adver Metool! I summon you!"
The gang of Navis stepped back into battle-ready poses as Adver Man raised his hands into the air and shouted, "All your base are belong to us! You have no chance to survive, make your time! I summon…"
Realizing the homage to a certain gratuitously over-worn pop-culture reference, everyone made a quizzical expression as sweat-drops collected on their foreheads. This moment of insanity would not last long, however, for Adver Man had summoned the first of his filthy five, a huge-eyed and somewhat oblivious-looking resemblance of his master, the evil accomplice known as:
"ADVER METOOL! DOPEY THE DIVERTER!"
END PART XI
