PART XII: DOPEY, ULTIMATE METOOL OF DIVERSION

Adver Man stood side by side with his Metool partner and made some odd martial arts stance, shouting in a chivalrous tone: "We will be your opponents!"

"Their combined stupidity…it's just too repulsive for words…" Roll cringed.

"You'll see just how powerful using the right tools for the job can be!" Kenishiro said with a devilish grin adorning his face. "You see…he was forged within the crucibles of fear! Dopey is more than just stupid. He's…SMART!"

"Do tell," Enzan replied with a raise of his eyebrow.

"Dopey has more attacks up his sleeve than you can imagine. You'll soon see what my personal favorites are!"

"That helps us in absolutely no way at all…" Slur muttered while closing her eyes.

"Of course not! It isn't even supposed to! I'm not telling any of my secrets…after all, for goodness sake, you'd destroy us in an instant! I may be stupid…but I'm not an outright IDIOT!"

"Are you quite so sure about that?" Kristen thought to herself.

"I'll show all of you meddlesome kids the real power of an advertising program!" Kenishiro shouted proudly while laughing maniacally, which somehow didn't quite suit his character at all. "But…in my enthusiasm about discovering Adver Man's ultimate power, I forgot to learn about how he has to command them in combat. So…well, um, do whatever, you guys. And to all of YOU…prepare for the Stupidity of Damnation!"

"We're ready!" Ciel cried, pointing at Adver Man dramatically. "Bring it on, ya wimps! We'll kick your little heinies!"

"DUH-HUH-HUH! SHE SAID HEINIES!" laughed Dopey as he stood at Ciel's side, laughing at Adver Man.

"What are you doing, Dopey? Get back over to Adver Man! You're on HIS side!" Kenishiro scolded angrily.

"Kristen is a bad influence on this Ciel," Blues shuddered.

The heroes prepared themselves for a deadly first strike as Dopey made his first move: "D'uh! Big Wooden Hammer!"

A wooden hammer of immense proportions suddenly materialized in Adver Man's hands as he rushed to attack the gang with a look of immense joy on his face. Meanwhile, Dopey had other plans; by now, he was walking around, doing the Chicken Dance and shouting some odd utterances: "I love you! You love me! We're a happy family…"

"His dopiness is…almost hypnotizing…" Slur observed passively. "The way he moves his body randomly, with seemingly no discernible pattern whatsoever…"

"Indeed," Searchman continued, scratching his chin in wonderment. "The utter nuances of his body, combined with the rhythmic, almost hypnotizing movements resemblant of a barnyard fowl…"

"And perhaps most intriguing of all," Roll said with a hypnotized, glazed-over look in her emerald eyes, "is the way his meaningful song collides with the meaningless aura of his perpetual and nonsensical body motions."

"Intriguing indeed!" Glyde sighed, taking in the sheer nonsense of the situation. "The deep lyrics and random yet rhythmic contortions of his body provide a poetic backdrop to the limitless stupidity that is Dopey."

"Looks dumb, too," Blues, Ciel, and Rockman murmured simultaneously.

Suddenly, all of them remembered one thing: Dopey's power was named DISTRACTION. Looking back toward Adver Man, they realized it was too late. The head of his enormous wooden hammer descended like the wrath of the heavens upon the tragically distracted group, clashing with their noggins like a hellish Whack-a-Mole web of deception.

"Owww…" Ciel cried, clutching her head. "So this…is the power of distraction…"

"HYUK YUK YUK!" cried Dopey, assisted by another one of Adver Man's even more ludicrous laughs: "HOY-YOY-YOY-YOY!"

"Now do you see the power of an Adver Met?" laughed Kenishiro, with an evil gaze that would have made even Dr. Regal feel intimidated. "You should feel afraid…after all, that was only a feat to test your worthiness in battle! Now that we know all of your weaknesses…Dopey will now reveal his ultimate power! Dopey! USE IT NOW!"

"KAITEN KENBU KAWARIMI!" shouted Dopey in surprisingly good Japanese for someone of his intelligence. Instantly, a handful of clones resembling Dopey's exact mirror image manifested at his side, and Kenishiro's grin opened into a heinous cackle.

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!" Kenishiro cackled, displaying the ultimate laugh of evil. "Can you get by these clones…and find the TRUE Dopey?" He then looked down at his watch, and with a disappointed expression suddenly taking the place of his evil grin, continued: "Oh, wait a minute…now that my lunch break is over…I must leave you all. Good day."

"Wait!" cried Ciel as Adver Man logged out. "I haven't even finished glomping that little cutie yet! Argh, I've got such a throbbing headache…"

"You're hopeless," Slur muttered to Ciel with a sweat drop adorning the tip of her helmet. "Oh…my head…"

"This one's mine!" shouted Netto Hikari. "In all my experience as a Net Battler…I'm the only one experienced in dealing with clones!"

"You're right…" Enzan said, acknowledging a fact that seemed seemed impossible to comprehend, considering Netto was hardly ever "right" about anything. "Besides...the others are still recovering from that earlier attack by Adver Man. Good luck."

"Rockman! Battle Chip, Double Slot-In! Multiple Effect! Kawarimi!"

Rockman himself manifested into a bunch of clones and clashed with the cornucopia of Dopeys. For what seemed like an eternity, the cloud of fighting loomed over their bodies and nothing could be seen except blaster flashes, the tips of wooden hammers, and the frantic random pounding of fists. The other Navis awaited the clearing of the Fog of War, but didn't have to wait long. When it was all over, the clones had been completely destroyed, and only Rockman and Dopey remained.

"Now, all I have to do is destroy the real one, now that I've found you!" Rockman grinned. "Netto!"

"Gotcha, Rockman!" Netto winked back before slotting in yet another flurry of chips: "Battle Chip! Long Sword! Wide Sword! Program Advance…BETA SWORD!"

A long, brilliant flash of light manifested in Rockman's arms, continuing skyward into the heavens and materializing into a blade of incredible intensity, which Rockman then brought down upon Dopey like a vengeful blast of thunder from the angered heavens. Sadly, Dopey had other plans.

"Secret Technique! Clone Displacement!" In a puff of smoke, another Dopey appeared to the side and Rockman's blade still made contact with a deafening concussive explosion…but when the blast cleared, the real Dopey still remained.

"I've been duh…defensive long enough!" said Dopey, now grinning like a maniac…or even worse, Kenishiro. "I CAN ALSO BE OFFENSIVE!"

"Not as offensive as me! Netto! Use it again!"

"Battle Chip, Mimic Technique!" Netto cried, slotting in a newly purchased Giga Class Chip with an expression of dramatic determination plastered into his otherwise innocent face.

"Duh-eee! Not so fast!" Dopey replied with an icy glare. "KAITEN KENBU KAWARIMI!"

THREE HOURS LATER…

"Rockman…full power…" Netto panted exhaustedly.

"K-Kaiten…Ken-b-bu…Kawa-ri-mi-mi…" Dopey murmured as he generated another handful of Dopeys.

"B-Beta…S-Sword…" Rockman wheezed as he performed the legendary Program Advance for the umpteenth time.

"They've been attacking each other's clones for HOURS," Roll groaned impatiently as she sipped away at a digital glass of fruit punch and relaxed on a lounge chair.

"Indeed," Blues replied as he adjusted his tanning mirror to get an equal skin tone beneath the cleft of his chin. "I'm quite dissatisfied with the way this is going."

"Don't they know I have appointments to keep?" Glyde muttered as he relaxed on the ground, his eyes turned dreamily towards the sky.

"You must say, this is quite entertaining," Searchman said excitedly while holding up one of those foam hands that sports fans wave around to cheer for their home teams. "I can discern many exciting things from this battle!"

"You're absolutely right!" Roll cried, perking up. "It's so exciting to see what move my dear Rock-kun will bust out next!"

"It is as I suspected!" Slur shouted into an announcer's microphone. "Yes…yes! Both of them are evenly matched! They can fight each other and predict moves…as complete equals!"

"Indeed," Searchman agreed, perking up and nodding excitedly. "Both of them are…"

Everyone waited until the two clashed again to simultaneously shout the great truth:

"…EQUALLY STUPID!"

"Curse it all," Netto muttered between clenched teeth and heavy breaths, not a good combination at all. "Every time I use a technique…he just nullifies it! Could this be…my ultimate foe? Is there no way to…"

Suddenly, during a rare brief hiatus in the battle in which Rockman and Dopey attempted to catch their respective breaths, he remembered a not-so-recent flashback where he and his father had discussed the merits of a new, very special chip he had received as a birthday gift long ago, and thought to himself: "Should I use it?"

Netto slowly and dramatically brought out a brand-new, strange chip made of pure gold that Yuuichiro had given to him, and segued into a flashback.

THE HIKARI HOUSEHOLD, NETTO'S BIRTHDAY, 20XX MINUS A COUPLA YEARS

"Netto…" Yuuichiro said while looking grimly at his son and clutching his chest, "on this day…your birthday, I must remind you of a great truth…that with great power…comes great responsibility."

"You've been watching way too much of that Spider-Man DVD," Netto groaned. "And another thing…what's that in your hand?"

"I do not have much time before I must leave on a scientific research excursion again. What I am about to give you is one of the Great Legendary Giga Chips…an Ultimate Battle Chip," Yuuichiro said, maintaining a grave and serious tone. "Up until now, you have been the victim of numerous attacks, and the reason I've denied myself the right to give this to you is because I felt you weren't experienced or intelligent enough to recognize enough attacks when you saw them…much less be able to use it…"

"GEE, THANKS, DAD!" Netto shouted sarcastically. "Really…telling me that on my own birthday!"

"…You're welcome! Now that you've grown so much…I have a great power to bestow upon you. I've never had to resort to using this before, and considering you're now a Net Savior…I don't want to see you hurt, as your father, so here."

Netto put out his hand, receiving a golden Battle Chip with a "No Smoking" style insignia (minus the cigarette) imprinted on it. Instantly, he realized the context behind it, and the great power he held…the Hikari Family Treasure.

"THIS…THIS IS…!" Netto stammered.

"My time as a Net Battler is over," Yuuichiro uttered his last words (for now) before leaving off on his excursion. "It is time you inherited my legacy and the great secret technique passed down through our generations, the Ultimate Chip you hold in your hand…"

Netto stared dramatically at the golden Battle Chip he held, attempting to fathom its indescribable power, as his father continued:

"…The Hikari Family Sacred Treasure."

RETURNING TO MODERN JAPAN

"D'uh-eee…are you quite finished yet?" Dopey shouted impatiently. Obviously, this time-consuming strain of flashbacks was excellent for plot development, but did nothing to aid the flow of a battle scene.

"I'm finished," Netto murmured gravely. "Dopey…my worthy adversary…have you ever known the pain of having to do something impossible?"

Enzan and the others perked up and stepped back. Netto was going to use IT…the Sacred Treasure of the Hikari Family.

"Of course, all the time!" Dopey the Adver Met replied as he jumped around gleefully. "Like answering some hard test questions on a kindergarten math tests…screwing in a light bulb I couldn't reach…trying to draw fan art using a computer mouse alone…"

"But never a truly impossible attack you were almost certain you couldn't handle?"

"…D'uhhh…no."

"Dopey…I have absolutely no regrets about this. I'll now reveal…"

Netto dramatically closed his eyes and raised his golden Ultimate Chip, preparing to slot in the ultimate weapon of electronic destruction.

"…the Ultimate Battle Chip…"

The other Navis hid themselves behind a hospital wall, peeking around the corner to witness Rockman at his absolute limit. Netto opened his eyes, and with a determined expression that intimidated even the mighty Slur, slotted in perhaps the most powerful Battle Chip ever made:

"SLOT-IN! ULTIMATE CHIP…GIGAS THE NULLIFIER!"

Something followed that truly had to be seen to be believed. An aura of unrestrained menace surrounded Rockman as a golden hand lifted itself from beneath the ground, gripping Dopey's entire body.

"D'uhh-huh huh! This is all you're capable of?" Dopey laughed. "A little hand trick? Well, it's time to end this…duh…stupidity! Program Advance! KAITEN KENBU KAWARIMI! GOLDEN DESTROYER HAMMER! D'uh…HUH? I can't use it!"

"Perhaps because of that," Rockman murmured grimly, pointing at the huge golden hand that prevented him not only from moving, but also from using any technique whatsoever.

"D'uhh…that'd explain it," Dopey said gleefully. "Waitaminnit…that means…"

"…it is time for you…to DIE."

Netto knew what he had to do. In a last desperate maneuver, he slotted the last of his chips that would seal Dopey's ultimate fate:

"Battle chip…slot-in…MIMIC EFFECT!"

Rockman materialized into a hundred versions of himself, each wielding a legendary golden hammer. The Rockmans surrounded Dopey in an inescapable circle. The power of Gigas the Nullifier became apparent to Dopey as the Rockmans closed in. Realizing that this was truly the end, he uttered the final words of his ill-fated existence:

"D'uhhh…at last…a worthy…foe…"

"Dopey…I'm so sorry for being forced to do this!" Netto cried with a tear in his eye as Meiru sorrowfully placed his hand on his shoulder. The others stood back and awaited Dopey's ultimate doom.

"Mimic Technique! Kaiten Kenbu Kawarimi! Golden Destroyer Hammer!" And then…Rockman and Netto shouted simultaneously:

"PROGRAM ADVANCE! THUNDEROUS REIGN OF THOR!"

The brilliant sun shone brightly in the deep blue sky. The beauty of its lavish rays played a final glorious soliloquy and a light dance of sorrow and tragedy as the flurry of golden hammers closed in on Dopey the Adver Metool. At that moment, he realized what it was that truly made Rockman and Netto strong. Was it physical strength? Endurance? Speed? No. What made Rockman and Netto strong was a bond of inseparable friendship. A willingness to give everything up for the sake of family and friends…closely cherished people who would gladly do the same in return.

"D'uhhh….thank you…Rockman…for one last great battle…" he uttered while closing his eyes.

At that moment, Dopey's life flashed before his eyes. He remembered his life before the coming of the Ultimate Evil. He remembered everything he had ever experienced, all the friends he had ever made, the great things he was able to do while he still acted of his own free will. At that point, Dopey remembered a time when, even for a fleeting moment, he was truly and utterly…

CRRRRAAAAAASSSSSSHHHHHHH…!

…satisfied.

"What a battle," Slur whispered as Rockman dispelled his technique, then collapsed from the sheer effort required to produce such a dramatic technique. Turning to the sky, she said with a tear in her eye: "Netto. You have done more than enough. Let Rockman rest for now…this is where I come in to cleanse Dopey's soul."

"Cleanse…his soul?" Netto asked, an inquisitive and tragic look on his face as he pondered the fate of the tragic Dopey the Metool. "As in…purifying his data?"

Slur nodded, closing her eyes in sorrow.

"…I understand now."

Slur waved her fins in a delicately poised display, murmuring softly as Dopey's data continued to dissipate: "O Spirit of Evil…this great light will purify!"

This time, it was not wires that entangled Dopey, but golden ropes that exuded a gentle and almost divine aura.

"Purification Technique: Cleansing Data! Now, great and corrupting evil, be gone from this world and infest it no longer! DOPEY THE ADVER METOOL…LIVE ON IN PEACE…IN THE URA INTERNET!"

The golden ropes tightened and integrated themselves into Dopey's data, which then ceased to dissipate…and re-materialized into Dopey the Metool.

"D'uh…where am I?" moaned Dopey as Slur embraced him.

"Don't worry," she said solemnly, "everything's all right now. You don't have any more reason to be evil. Live on in peace…friend of the Metools."

"Wh-who is that?" Dopey asked as he tilted his head toward Rockman.

"He is Rockman…your worthiest adversary."

"D'uhhh-eeee…Rockman?" Dopey said with a slight giggle, then murmured before falling asleep and disappearing into the URA Internet: "That's…heehee…a funny name…"

Dopey's data dissipated as he bid everyone farewell, forever. The aura surrounding Netto and his friends was one of gloom, despair, and in the midst of it all, a newfound hope. Realizing the seriousness of their mission, they walked towards the horizon as Laika moaned between tears of sorrow: "Mission…complete."

"Everyone…" Netto said as he turned to the others, with an expression of determination on his face, "…let's go home."

END PART XII