Disclaimer: zomg I don't own TLOZ but I own Rafaj he is mine get it ok? Sry I'm just so god damn hyper omg lol rofl. I know Link is probably straight and possibly homophobic but I'm making him gay for my character. ALSO, RAFAJ IS NOTTT A GARY-STU HE HAS LOTS OF FAULTS!111111

The dazzling sun sparkled (lol the sun sparkles now rofl) over the shining blue sky. Wait a minute. It was not, it was a horrible, cloudy day with rain and pours. The sky was gross and brown (lol) and acid rain was falling….

"AUGH NO." A million peasants screamed all at once.

Ok, no acid rain. Regular rain (lol that sounds like a crappy chick band), but the sky was still cloudy and miserable. Soft subtle breezes slipped by, and if you even cared you would see the sufferings of an undeserving man…

Yes, Rafaj.

His parents named him Rafaj because they really hated him, and his brothers Lamo, Rofol and Lol, and you couldn't forget their little sister Omofog. Unfortunately time and fate was against the Atherton family (lol their last name is Atherton but I forgot to mention it), for Rafaj was the only one left.

His parents died in a fire, certainly a fire he knew nothing about except that someone very evil and powerful was behind it. He miraculously survived and managed to get his siblings out. Oh yes, and it was only his house that burned down, despite that all the houses in his village were very close together and made of wood and straw.

His oldest brother, Lamo (who could tragically only say "lmao") got sold into slavery while Rofol (who could tragically only say rofl) died of starvation. Lol and Omofog ran away and Rafaj never saw them again. All Rafaj had left was his cat Ogai. Until, of course, his cat Ogai died in a freak peasant accident.

Rafaj had nothing left. He was now on the streets and homeless, scraping for food and money. He'd manage to get three Rupees a day, on a good day. Somehow, though, he looked perfectly clean, had perfectly combed hair and managed to dress in expensive black leather and vinyl.

He had a perfect complexion, his perfect shiny black hair framed his perfectly sculpted face and he had these DAZZLING sparkly eyes that changed colors with the seasons. Oh, and he had perfectly applied makeup to his flawless skin, I don't know how he afforded makeup, but his little sister Omofog often asked him to put on her makeup so he got really good at it himself.

Rafaj let out a heavy, exaggerated sigh that was supposed to sound depressed but really sounded like bad acting. The castle market was so busy and happy and here he was scraping for food and money and failing miserably. He should have died of starvation or at least look anorexic but he managed a perfect figure. He was easily the most attractive guy in ALL of Hyrule, but he still got tortured and harassed, maybe because everyone was jealous of his looks lol probably.

Suddenly, Link (how do we know his name yet? Augh no.) Walked by and spotted the poor tortured soul and thought "Who is that sexy beast?" But he didn't say anything; Rafaj's beauty was far too intimidating for him.

Finally he couldn't take it anymore and ran up to him and screamed "OMFG UR TEH HOT!1111111" REALLY loud but nobody noticed because people in Hyrule never care. Have you noticed that Link can go around slashing everything to bits and no one even MOVES?

Rafaj looked up with his sad, teary season-color-changing eyes. Then he stood up and said "I know."

Link clasped his hands together and his eyes got all sparkly like in Sailor Moon or some other chick anime. "What's your name?"

Rafaj threw his hand up into the air in a stylish way and said with a graceful, beautiful voice "Rafaj." Then he lowered his hand, looked back at Link and struck a pose. "I'm the gothiest goth person to ever goth out ever."

"…Huh?"

"Is that an earring?"

"Yes."

"Poser."

"What?"

"Piercings are for goths. Like me. You're such a poser. You're the poseriest poser to ever pose as a posery poser ever to pose."

"I never said I was goth-…"

"Am I the only gothy goth person in Hyrule? Oh, the angst." Then Rafaj looked back at Link. "Poser."

"You're still damn sexy." Link said not caring a thing about what Rafaj just said about posing. "Wanna come with me?"

"Yes."

BWAHAHA CLIFFHANGER.