PART XVII: MY WORLD HAS ENDED
ONE DAY, AT HIGURE'S RARE CHIP SHOP…
"Aaarrrgghh, de masu!" shouted Higure, clutching his thick mane of hair as he knelt to the ground. "Another battle…lost! To…some odd little HAT!"
"I beat you! Heeheehee!" squealed a small Adver Metool as it stood across from a very battle-worn Number Man. "Now tell me where I can find Netto and his friends!"
"I'll never tell you as long as I'm alive!" Higure forced himself to say between clenched teeth.
"Then you will DIE!" the Metool shouted as it materialized a powerful sword to its right, preparing to filet Number Man like a fish. Obviously, squealing was a better alternative considering Higure's personality, and so Number Man replied:
"TheyarecurrentlyattendingDensanCityMiddleSchooltakingclassestogetherinthesixthgradeblahblahblahblahblahblah…"
"Densan City Network, huh?" the Adver Metool hissed ominously. "Then get ready, Rockman and Hikari Netto…for now you face the wrath of…"
A lightning bolt echoed in the distance as the Metool uttered his final words:
"…HAPPY THE METOOL!"
NETTO'S HOUSE…
The sun rose brightly, welcoming the beginning of a new and beautiful day. Birds chirped their melodious soliloquy as the fog of night made way for the glorious sunrise of the early hours of morning. On this glorious day, every sight, sound, and smell conveyed an aura of such tranquility and relaxation…
…BBBRRREEEEEEEEP!
"Unnhhh…just a couple more minutes…" Netto groaned as his alarm clock coaxed him into consciousness.
"Umm…Netto-kun," Rockman murmured nervously, fearing Netto's reaction to his next statement: "…look at the time."
"AAARRRGGHHH!" Netto cried as he stared at his alarm clock. Once again, he had failed to wake up on time. School started in five minutes. He opened his closet…and revealed a mungogagillion copies of the same outfit.
"Do you ever wear anything else?" Rockman murmured, a sweat drop gradually drawling down his helmet.
"Tell that to everyone else," Netto replied as he cynically rolled his eyes during a frantic changing of clothes. "You don't see THEM wearing anything different, do you? All their Navis probably ask them the same thing!"
"Point taken, but they have nothing to do with you, Nett…ACK!"
"WEHAVENOTIMEGOTTAGONOW!" screamed Netto as he grabbed his PET and made a mad rush for the door. Obviously, Mrs. Hikari was familiar with this routine, for there she stood at the front door, waiting for Netto with his backpack, roller skates, and lunchbox.
"HaveagooddayatschoolandgiveMommyakiss!"
"HEREYOUAREMOMLOVEYOUBYEBYE!" Netto gave his mom a millisecond peck on her left cheek and put on his roller skates, a trail of flame in his wake. Back at the Hikari home, Mrs. Hikari collapsed from the sheer strain of having to keep up with such a hyperactive son.
DENSAN CITY MIDDLE SCHOOL…
Netto nearly caused the collapse of the time-space continuum as he shuttled himself toward his school like a starship on full warp drive. Finally, he had arrived in class…with one minute to spare. Out of the corner of his ear, he heard Rockman moan…and then regurgitate messily. Fortunately, a maintenance virus came to clean up the mess.
"Rockmanwhatareyou…er, I mean, what are you doing?" Netto inquired quizzically.
"Don't…think…I've ever got so nautious…following you…before…" Rockman huffed as he attempted to stand up straight. "Scenery…all…one big blur…BLEEAAACH!"
The maintenance virus returned, slightly annoyed. At this point the clock had reached the exact time for class to begin, and Mariko decided it was an appropriate time to start class.
"Welcome, everybody," Mariko sang happily. "Did you all remember to do your homework? I expect everybody here to be able to interpret Shakespeare's Hamlet, to the letter!"
"YES MISS MARIKO," the class groaned mundanely, as they continued their lessons. Fortunately for Netto, and unfortunately for Mariko, he was busy discussing a new threat with Rockman: the coming of the final Metool.
"So his name is…Happy," Netto whispered.
"Indeed," Rockman replied softly, his right hand cupped slightly over his mouth to keep himself unheard, lest they both incur the Wrath of Mariko. "Rumor has it that a virus has been making its way into the Densan City network. But Netto…this virus is…STRANGE."
"What do you mean by that?"
"It likes to make everyone…HAPPY."
"NETTO HIKARI!" shouted Mariko. "If you're going to chat, do it outside class hours!"
And for the billionth time, Netto's antics attracted the laughter of the entire classroom.
DENSAN CITY MIDDLE SCHOOL, LUNCH HOURS…
"…So, what you're telling me is that this new Adver Metool causes suffering to others by making them overly happy?" Netto whispered, as talking any louder about the issue would have made a scene.
"Strangely enough…yes. It seems that the virus operates by making others happy through telling a joke or singing a jingle, then wearing it into the ground until everyone becomes severely irritated. Supposedly, it operates by annoying others. Considering the purpose of Adver Man, it looks as though this is very much in his context."
"Any ideas on how to deal with it?"
"None whatsoever. It seems that we have no choice for now…but to be happy."
As if by cue, every one of Netto's classmates uttered a loud and raucous laugh, staring down at their respective PETs. Pointing at Netto, they raised their eyebrows and cackled hysterically. Rockman's voice suddenly echoed loudly from Netto's PET: "Netto-kun…it's more horrifying than I dreamed."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Er…look at this."
With that said, Rockman opened a small .JPG file in Netto's PET, and unleashed the most embarrassing baby photo Netto had ever taken. He was splashing around in his bubble bath as he played with a toy battleship. Floating behind him was a mysterious chunk of brown material.
"WHAT?" Netto cried as his face became completely flushed over with a cherry red hue. "How did this picture get out?"
"It gets worse…" Rockman muttered. "Look at the caption."
Netto stared down at a small quote below the picture, and his face turned a pale blue, his second change in color that day. For below the already humiliating picture was an even more humiliating quote: "NETTO HIKARI, THREE YEARS OLD. DUMPING IN THE BATHTUB. I HAD A LOT OF TROUBLE CLEANING THIS ONE. CLEARLY, I SHOULD NOT HAVE FED HIM BEFORE BATHING. Author: Yuuichirou Hikari."
"YYYEEEAAAAAGGGHHH!" cried Netto as he stuffed his head into his backpack and the laughter continued. At that moment, the Densan City News Team appeared on every television in Japan, showing Netto's picture.
"This is Densan City Reporter Kero," said a sweet and cute-looking young girl, a toad-like Navi in a small screen beside her. "In today's news…giggle…chuckle…Net Savior Netto Hikari…hahaha…has reminded us all…heehee…that laughter is the best medicine. Aw heck! I can't hold it in anymore! BWAHAHAHAHA!"
What began as a single strain of laughter expanded throughout Densan City as the whole of Japan witnessed the disaster, but tragically, it did not end there.
BEIJING, CHOINA…
"Nihao, Yeye!" Jasmine shouted as she returned home from school to find her grandfather, on the floor and laughing uncontrollably as a television reporter delivered the latest news.
"Nihao…J…Jasmine…YOU HAVE GOT TO SEE THIS!" Jasmine's grandfather uttered between flowing tears of laughter. "I…I've never laughed so hard…I feel like a kid again…JUST LIKE HIM! GYAW HAW HAW!"
"Baba…what are you laughing ab…AHAHAHAHA!"
SHARO MILITARY HEADQUARTERS…
"Everyone!" shouted a Sharo military commander as he addressed his troops from a wooden podium, standing before a panoramic, theater-size projector screen. "I call every one of you for an emergency meeting!"
"Yes Sir!" Laika replied mundanely yet subserviently, honoring his superiors with a formal salute.
"You have been called here because of an emergency …to appreciate the seriousness, or lack thereof, of this situation! Behold…giggle…Happy the Adver Metool's…haha…first attack!"
With this said, the officer cued up a projector display, and the resulting image shocked all soldiers and officers present at first.
Laika wasn't sure what to make of this. Tears formed in his eyes. He felt his mouth twisting into a smirk. He found himself bending over as his stomach muscles contracted. His eyes widened, and he clutched his gut with his hands, seeing mild comfort in seeing every one of his comrades, even his officers, doing the same.
Finally, he could not help it anymore. Every one of Sharo's elite had doubled over into a fetal position on the floor, laughing uncontrollably, even a general who had just walked in to deliver a keynote speech. Laika let himself go and joined in the raucous laughter, tears of joy flowing from his eyes like fountains.
THE HEART OF IRELAND…
"Hinoken!" cried Hinoken's father as he pounded his table between hysterical laughter. "You've gotta see this…but ye better button ye kilt first!"
"What is it…OMFG!" shouted Hinoken as a smirk quickly materialized across his face. "That little Net Savior lassie be unloadin' his junk! I…I can't help it…me laughter's startin' up, ol' man!"
"Don't fight it, son! Laugh ye kilt off!"
Staring at the gratuitous photo, the two of them laughed uncontrollably, and every time they stopped laughing, it only started up again every time they gazed back at the television.
BACK IN JAPAN…
Even wearing a bag over his head didn't help. From his standard outfit, everyone knew that this boy was Netto Hikari. The child who accidentally did a Number Two in what was supposed to be the most sanitizing place in his house. Netto's face glowed bright red as a neon light all the way home, surrounded by raucous laughter as though he were reliving the horrific climactic chase scene of an A-list horror film. All the way home, that picture was seared into his mind.
"Netto…you must admit…it's not THAT bad…" Rockman squealed as he attempted to force back a laugh. His efforts were in vain, however. He put himself into Sleep Mode, before his operator went ballistic at the sight of him laughing. Netto sped home and buried himself in bed, but not before his mother looked at him…and blushed. For the rest of the day, all he could think of was one thing.
Happy the Adver Metool would die by his hands…by the most painful means available.
END PART 17
