PART XIX: DIAPER TROUBLE
Netto turned the corner into a dark alley. Hopefully, no one would see him on his way to school…but tragically, he was wrong. A tall and masculine figure dressed in a trench coat approached him slowly, and he wasn't quite sure what to make of the situation.
"Young man!" shouted the figure as he reached out his right hand.
"What…what is it?" Netto asked, understandably nervous.
"I am a legal representative of Snuggles Corporation!" he continued in a deep and authoritative voice. "We understand you know what has happened. A few hours ago…"
"Please don't remind me…"
"…We received your photograph and exclusive rights by an unknown virus named Happy to market our products with your image. We would be interested in knowing if you would like to continue your long-term relationship by signing…er…are you listening?"
"Zzzzzz…er, what?"
"Anyway, please step into my limousine. We will discuss all the details of your contract with our corporation as we ride to our headquarters."
Netto had been told by his father never to trust anyone, and so was understandably shaken when asked to accompany someone he'd never met to a company he knew only indirectly. Being of the polite nature, he replied, "I have too many obligations and promises to keep to even think about doing an ad campaign. I'm sorry…just too many promises at this point."
"Did I mention…" the man continued, "…that this contract will involve upper-five-figure sums of money, paid semi-annually as an annuity?"
"…But aren't promises made to be broken?" Netto replied, perking up and rushing into the man's limousine as soon as the word "annuity" had been uttered. A sweat drop manifested on the shadowed man's head as he thought to himself, "What a cute child…"
And then, as the street lights suddenly came on for the evening hours, his face was revealed, and he continued to think to himself: "I raised him well."
The shadowed figure having revealed itself, Netto's father stepped into the limousine and prepared to head off.
SNUGGLES DIAPERS, A.K.A. SECRET BASE OF THE NET SAVIORS…
"Is Netto ready yet?" Yuuichirou Hikari asked while glancing at his watch. "Here I told him who I was on the way here, and he was more excited about the ad campaign alibi than he was to see me or even wonder what we were doing…"
"AND he's been in the bathroom for a half hour!" Meijin continued, joining in the questioning of Netto's whereabouts. "I wonder what he's doing in there. He knows we're all here…you told him, right?"
At that moment, Netto Hikari emerged from the bathroom. Every female Net Savior who saw him squealed and covered their eyes. The men looked, gave a slight smirk, and giggled softly. Mr. Hikari made a disgusted expression and slapped his forehead. Meijin thought about uttering "San wa iranai" for an umpteenth time, but decided the situation was too ridiculous to comprehend. For there Netto was, wearing nothing but his forehead bandanna, bath slippers, and a Snuggles diaper.
"Sorry I'm late!" shouted Netto, his fleshy body caressed by the howling wind of the air conditioning system. "I haven't used a diaper in such a long time…I forgot how to put them on! So where's the camera, huh? Let's make an ADVERTISEMENT!"
"Ummm…Netto…" Yuuichirou muttered, "there is no continuing ad campaign…and the Net Savior Wages Payable department already pays you a semi-annual five-figure salary."
"Then how come I never get the money?" Netto replied, asking quite the obvious question.
"TAXES!" everyone in the building responded in unison.
"Yeah right…" Meijin muttered, wondering where HIS paycheck went every year. "Anyway, Netto, I have new information about Happy the Metool…and his weakness."
"You do?" cried Netto, limping forward as the sheer fluffiness of the diaper made it difficult for him to move his legs.
"Indeed," Yuuichirou replied. "We've discovered that Happy functions primarily through the Internet. Namely, he concentrates most of his efforts on humiliating his enemies through psychological warfare, mostly by spreading messages, videos, and photos which are easily sent through the Web."
"So…" Meijin continued, "what we have to do is seal him inside the real world. By sealing doing so, he will no longer be able to connect to the Internet, and therefore will be rendered completely helpless without his ability to transmit data. He may be the leader of the Adver Metools, but he is also the most vulnerable and has the least power or health stats of the others. We have the Lockable Dimensional Code ready to initiate. All you have to do is find Happy and persuade him to come into reality, where we will seal him."
"All right!" Netto cried as he started running out of the building. "I'll go right now and tell the others!"
"No, Netto!" Yuuichirou shouted. "Not yet!"
"Your father's right, Netto!" Meijin agreed. "You can't do it now!"
"And why not?" Netto responded angrily. "Why don't you want me to fight Happy?"
"Who's stopping you from fighting Happy?" Yuuichirou asked, raising an eyebrow. "You forget, Netto. You can't possibly look tough, much less go outside. Not while you're wearing THAT."
"Cute, though," Meijin wondered as he scratched his chin.
They both pointed at Netto's outfit…he was still wearing nothing but a baby diaper. As Netto realized this, he blushed madly, rushed into the bathroom, and spent another half hour changing back.
IPC CORPORATION, THE NEXT DAY…
"So you're saying that the only way we can destroy him…is to make him real?" Enzan asked uncertainly.
"Indeed," Netto replied, closing his eyes and nodding his head. "And why are you hiding beneath your desk?"
"Netto…before I tell you this…you must promise you will not be shocked, and that you will never tell anyone what Happy did to me."
"I promise…now spill it!"
Enzan leaned in close to Netto's ear, and then remained quiet for a matter of seconds. Netto wasn't exactly sure what was going on, and was about to fall asleep, when Enzan suddenly screamed in his ear: "GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"
"Waaaggghhh!" Netto cried as he jumped up, breathing extremely heavily. "What in the world was THAT for, Enzan?"
"It appears I cannot tell you what Happy did to me," Enzan replied straightforwardly. "You are too easily shocked."
"Y-you know…" Netto forced himself to say between clenched teeth as his body became enveloped in flames, before beating Enzan into a steaming heap and storming out of the building. It was pretty obvious that Enzan had been humiliated beyond comprehension, as had every other member of his social circle he had already tried to contact. It was time to seek help elsewhere, from the most powerful woman available at that time who had not yet been embarrassed…
HIGURE'S RARE CHIP SHOP…
Netto twiddled his thumbs in front of Shuuko Kido as he recited the events of the day long past, as she looked from side to side with uncertainty, giving only a slight giggle at Netto's mention of the release of his "crappy" picture. Once it was all done, there was a moment of silence as Shuuko processed all this…but mostly that picture.
"I see," Shuuko Kido said solemnly. "So you need my help to defeat Happy?"
"You're the one of the only ones left who haven't been humiliated yet!" Netto stated while pointing at Shuuko. "Everyone else is sulking in bed or hiding away since they're too ashamed of what Happy did to them to even go outside…and I'm only coming after him because I'm being paid to fight him!"
"Very well, I'll help. But tell me one thing, because I'm curious. Do I get paid some reward as compensation for assisting a Net Savior?"
"You get a nice fake check from the Mayor, but you never get any REAL money."
"What happens to it?"
Netto looked down on the floor with a solemn expression as he muttered, "TAXES!" He then thought to himself, "Waitaminnit…come to think of it…do I actually EVER get paid? Ah well. A fight's a fight."
"Umm…okay," Shuuko replied, while thinking exactly the same thing. "So can we at least go out on a date?"
Netto blushed wildly as Meiru-chan spontaneously appeared out of nowhere and screamed, "NOOOOO!"
"Fine, sheesh."
THE URA INTERNET …
"Wheeee!" squealed Aquaman, maintaining a death glomp on Rockman's shoulder blades. "We're off to see the wizard…the wonderful wizard of…"
"…WRONG MOVIE!" shouted Rockman angrily as he limped toward an uncertain goal. They had been searching the URA for several minutes already, and still no sign of Happy. Then suddenly, from behind them, there came the sound of multiple roars of raucous laughter as Serenade ran into them, crying.
"Uhhhh…Serenade-chan?" Aquaman inquired, understandably quite puzzled. "WTF happened?"
After giving Aquaman a swift slap for employing such a vile acronym, Serenade sobbed, "The picture…Happy showed it…of me teaching Slappy…how to belly dance!"
"Ummm…okay," Rockman said with his eyebrow raised, a flight of wild images racing through his head at the mention of this event. "So any idea where he is now?"
"He's…showing it to everybody!" she cried while holding a large brown sheet to her face and blowing her nose in it, pointing back to the URA Internet Plaza with her right hand.
"Then there we go!" shouted Rockman. "And by the way…what's with the sheet?"
"This? It's Forte's. He loaned it to me to cover my face after the picture got out."
"And where's Forte?"
"He's hiding away in a private area, after Happy showed everyone in the world a video of him squeezing his cloak and singing the 'I Love My Little Blankie' song."
"Oooohhhh," Aquaman uttered in wonderment. "I know how that one goes! I Love My Little Blankie, Blah Blah Yadda Yadda, I Love My…"
Before Aquaman could finish the first chorus, Rockman rushed off into the distance, both to destroy Happy and to avoid any further stupidity.
A BIT LATER AND A BIT FARTHER FROM THE LAST PLACE WE LEFT OFF…
"You will all love this pic!" Happy cried. "Serenade in her belly dancer outfit!" The crowd oohed, ahhed, and then giggled at the picture as they realized she was teaching a Metool to dance. Fortunately, this moment of humiliation would not last long, for in burst Aqua Soul Rockman in full synchronization.
"Happy!" shouted Rockman with a very angry and/or irritated expression, "Your reign of terror will come to an end!"
"Good job, Aqua Man and Rockman!" Netto cried. "Meijin-san, we've found him! Send us a Lockable Dimensional Area now!"
"Not until you say it!" Meijin replied, making a quite irritated facial expression as he folded his arms.
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry I called you Meijin-san. San wa iranai. NOW can you do it?"
"That's right, dammit! San wa iranai! Anyway, Lockable Dimensional Area! INITIATE PROGRAM NOW!"
An array of radar antennae mounted on the roof of Snuggles Diapers aligned themselves toward the sky and emitted a dazzling array of light that manifested into a single multicolored aura that fell towards the earth, finally solidifying itself on the ground and disappearing. Aqua Soul Rockman and Happy the Metool had finally entered the real world.
"Wow…this is so COOL!" Happy shouted in wonderment, but then as he looked at the humans, he muttered, "But what kinds of Net Navis are THESE? They don't even wear jumpsuits!"
Stopping a random woman, he asked, "Can you do a Shark Soul for me? I PROMISE no one will see it…" She rolled her eyes, but then took a second look and realized it was the now infamous Happy the Metool. She obviously had something to hide, as she ran away screaming, along with every other person in sight. Now the only ones left were Aqua Soul Rockman and Happy the Adver Metool.
"This ends NOW!" Aqua Soul Rockman shouted as his right arm became an Aqua Sword. He rushed toward Happy to end his reign of terror in a single decisive blow.
But suddenly, Happy revealed a rather gratuitous photograph…
"HUMILIATING PHOTO TECHNIQUE! ROCKMAN ATTEMPTS TO WOO ROLL-CHAN BY PUSHING THE BUTTON ON HER BUTT, STICKING OUT HIS TONGUE, AND POINTING AT HIS CROTCH!"
"Whaaa?" Aquaman's voice protruded from Rockman. "Rockman…YOU DAWG!"
"What…the…WTF…" Rockman murmured. "How is it that he's still able to humiliate me?" And then he thought to himself, "…and I was told that photo would be taken only for PRIVATE use…"
"How is that possible?" Meijin shouted. "Our plan was foolproof! Unless…oh NO…"
"That's right," Yuuichirou Hikari murmured. "Happy possesses an experimental type of program created specifically for a virus of his architecture…"
The two of them shouted in unison, "…THE MOBILE AUDITORY REDUNDANT BACKUP LATENT ECHELON DRIVE!"
"…Otherwise known as MARBLED," Manabe continued in a boring and matter-of-fact tone. "Just so you don't have to say all that."
"And so…" Mr. Hikari shuddered, "MARBLED is an experimental code that allows a Navi to even drag external Internet files not saved in its own integrated hard drive into the real world. It is a code created specifically for the use of a Lockable Dimensional Area. That Kenishiro is more brilliant than I suspected!"
"Except now that he's in the real world, we still have a chance!" Meijin continued, somewhat but not completely relieved. "He now has to edit and send his pictures manually. So that means…as long as he's in the real world, Rockman is vulnerable to nothing but his own humiliation!"
That said, Meijin turned to his intercom and shouted, "Netto! You understand now?"
"Gotcha, Meijin…but Rockman's not moving."
"WHAAATTTT!"
"Well, he's sorta kneeling down and crying, screaming ROLL-CHAN! I don't think he'll move for a while!"
Happy grinned menacingly, then used the MARBLED to initiate a Battle Chip data code as he squealed, "Battle Chip! LIGHT SPEED!" With that, he proceeded to run throughout the town at astonishing velocity with a sonic boom in his wake, distributing copies of Rockman's picture to everyone in Densan City. Soon, he had completed the entire neighborhood and every citizen was roaring with uncontrollable laughter. His work complete, Happy stopped in front of Rockman in a manner consistent with his Light Speed behavior:
"IHAVEGOTTAGONOWBECAUSEMYWORKHEREISDONEYESITISYOUHAVENOCHANCETOSURVIVEMAKEYOURTIMESEEYOULATERBYEBYEHASTALAVISTABABY!"
And with this, Happy was gone. Adding to the horror of the matter, all electricity in Snuggles Diapers wore off…and Meijin and Dr. Hikari were left in almost pitch darkness, and therefore could not gather enough power to maintain an audio connection with Netto or Shuuko.
"Dr. Hikari…" Meijin moaned. "…were you ever able to pay the electricity bills?"
"No," Mr. Hikari replied.
"…And why not?"
"…TAXES!"
END PART XIX
