PART XXII: BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHOINA
Netto and Shuuko slowly made their way through Beijing International Airport's Central Terminal, looking around in awe as though they were honeymooning tourists. Shuuko seemed to be quite calm about visiting another land, but Netto, on the other hand, seemed rather afraid. He clutched a nearby roof support pillar in fear as his eyes widened and snot flowed from his nose in nervous apprehension of goodness knows what.
Gripping Netto's arm but not embracing him again (lest she incur the wrath of Dark Meiru), Shuuko whispered, "Netto…you're making a scene. People are starting to stare! Why are you so afraid, anyway?"
"I…I…" Netto murmured nervously as he began sucking his thumb, "I don't…"
"You don't…what?"
As Netto turned to look at Shuuko, a random lightning bolt struck in the distance as he cried, "…I DON'T SPEAK ONE WORD OF CHINESE!"
"Oh come on," Shuuko said reassuringly as she gave Netto a slight hug. "All we have to do is find an interpreter!"
"And where shall we do that?"
"Well, if we look over HERE…" Shuuko stated while pointing at a multilingual airport map, "…we should be able to find out where the Information Desk is! Let's see…WOW! I had no idea the airport was this big! Okay, let's see…"
Her eyes glazed over the map, and suddenly her face became pale as Netto's. She huffed and puffed angrily as a random lightning bolt struck again in the far distance. The dramatic backdrop complete, she cried, "…THE OTHER SIDE OF THE AIRPORT? Are you (blanking) kidding me? That's like, TWO (blanking) MILES! WHY DO YOU (blanking) PEOPLE DO THIS TO US?"
Everyone in the airport looked at Shuuko and Netto then quickly glanced away; because they did not understand much Japanese, they believed she was calling for her mother. And to this day, no one knows what the (blanks) meant. Unusually, this display of cultural misunderstanding paid off, as a Chinese security official approached them and said in very broken Japanese: "I…speak…a little piece o'…Japaneesey. You need much…er…happy super duper help talking Choina's talk and walking Choina's walk. Am I right…or left?"
"ARGH!" Netto screamed in very broken English. "This be getting nowhere at all! Me is super happy mad guy at not being able to talk Choina talk and whatnot!"
"Hold it…" the guard said as he suddenly perked up, "…you know how to be speakin'…"
"Yes!" cried Shuuko. "We all making glorious happy sense now-uh!"
"Yes-uh!" shouted Netto. "We all speak in same language what we be understanding each other in! Mmm!"
"Indeed! We all speak-a…" continued the security guard, after which the three of them danced around stupidly and shouted in unison:
"…VELLY BROKEN ENGRISH!"
To illustrate the seriousness of this new discovery, another random lightning bolt struck off in the distance. Apparently, this was getting out of hand, as the air traffic controller shouted over the intercom, "Due to random lightning storms in area, we forced to shut down all flights for half hour! Thank you very much and have nice day! You all know where Food Court is, buy yourself snack in meantime."
"Well…THAT was a shocking culture clash," Neko-Rockman moaned, attempting to pry his helmet off of his head. Apparently Aquaman has found a use for it; he was now sitting in Rockman's helmet, causing a great deal of neck strain at Rockman's expense.
"Indeed…" Neko-Slur continued. "This reminds me of the last time I would've given a Chinese man an Asteroid Navi but didn't understand a word he said…it's a good thing they can still communicate in Broken Engrish, which reminds me of that same time where I had to have his daughter interpret what I was saying."
"Flush again!" Neko-Aquaman squealed gleefully, obviously too preoccupied to even care as he pulled his head lever repeatedly. "And again! And again! Bllleeeaaaahhh! This is fun no matter HOW many times I do it!"
As for Forte, he continued to wander around the Internet realm, drawing happy faces on everything and building up a vast army to attack them all…
JASMINE AND CARDAMOM'S HOUSE…
"A…a CURE?" shouted Cardamom in Japanese. "F-for…THE ULTIMATE VIRUS BAKA-NEKO?"
"Better known as the Idiot Cat, Grandpa," Jasmine continued while pointing upwards intellectually.
"If his reaction to the mere mention of it was THAT strong…" Shuuko murmured.
"…then the Baka-Neko must be even more powerful…than, say, Gospel!" Netto continued, his face full of nervous tension as he leaned in toward Cardamom…only to find the sheer energy required for such a reaction had caused him to fall asleep with exhaustion, snore bubble and everything.
"Zzzzzzz…"
"He reminds me of an old man I once met," Neko-Slur wondered aloud while scratching her chin.
"Hey, you…" Netto muttered impatiently while popping Cardamom's snore bubble.
"Aaaiiiiyyyaaaaa…" Cardamom murmured while shaking his head, "…we must get them cured before Stage Three!"
"The third stage?" Netto cried nervously. "Wha…what is the THIRD stage?"
"The third stage is…Zzzzzzz…"
"Grandpa, you sleep way too much…" Jasmine murmured while approaching her grandfather…and being shocked to find a sleeping dart in his back. "What is this…someone put my grandfather to sleep!"
"And you're absolutely sure that he didn't do it on his own this time?" Netto shouted, after which everyone turned to look at him and rolled their eyes.
"Ho ho ho! Now you'll remain little Nekos forever!" shouted a voice from behind them, a shrill, incredibly glass-shattering laugh that could only belong to…
"…TESLA MAGNETS?" cried Shuuko. Looking around, everyone could see that Tesla stood proudly, armed with a sleeping dart gun, accompanied by Forte's real-life persona: the robotic body of GOSPEL.
"What're GOSPEL and the CEO of Magnets, Inc. doing here? Don't you have better things to do than pester us?" Netto yelled in a rather annoyed demeanor, but soon his voice became a cocky and condescending tone as he continued: "And shouldn't you be flirting with Meijin?"
Tesla rubbed her facial beauty mole and said, "You know, boy, that might be nice, but for today…"
"GYAW HAW HAW!" cackled Forte's voice from GOSPEL's body.
"Will you SHUT UP?" Tesla screamed at Forte in her terminal's audio/visual link. "I told you the deal was that we would work together only if you didn't do that stupid evil laugh!"
"NO ONE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO! GYAHAHAHA!" He then used a Magic Marker to draw happy faces all over Tesla's outfit. "That is punishment for your insolence! Your clothes have betrayed you! They have become MY minions now! The next time, I won't be so forgiving…I'll make an evil minion out of your UNDERWEAR!"
"Grrrrr…" Tesla murmured, but sadly her humiliation would not end there. GOSPEL tore Tesla's suit off, leaving her in nothing but her underwear, after which everyone except GOSPEL covered their eyes. It was a good thing Cardamom was asleep…goodness knows what would happen if he saw this. His minions in hand, GOSPEL threw Tesla's happy-faced business suit at Netto, Jasmine, and Shuuko. As her suit flew towards their bodies, he shouted maniacally, "GAAAHAHAHA! Attack them, my minions! Press on to glorious victory and entangle them…with an Invincible Fishnet Attack!"
Tesla's skirt fell on a very madly blushing Shuuko Kido, and her blazer engulfed a more than slightly disturbed Netto Hikari, after which GOSPEL shouted, "And now you will NEVER escape the trap I have set for you all! The Fishnet Attack is foolproof…and will destroy you all! WITHER IN PAIN, NEKO-INFESTED WRETCHES!"
"Hmm…this reminds me of the time I had to help Duo try on a new skin I downloaded for him…" Neko-Slur wondered aloud.
"Would you SAVE IT ALREADY?" Rockman cried, struggling to balance himself as Aquaman sat in his upside-down helmet and continuously flushed his own easily amused little head.
"AAAIIIIEEEEEE!" Tesla cried while sobbing uncontrollably, emulating the response that most logically followed having been derobed by a psychotic robot possessed by a Navi who was even more psychotic than usual. "What…what do you think you're doing with my Armani suit? Miss Millionaire even had it designed and custom-tailored for me!"
"You mean…" GOSPEL replied while cackling stupidly, "…what are my MINIONS doing! And after this is over, you must get another suit! I need new minions!"
Netto and Shuuko whipped Tesla's suit pieces off their respective bodies, and with their eyes shut, they shouted simultaneously, "Wake Cardamom or else!"
"Curses!" GOSPEL said while folding his arms and snapping a finger. "Foiled again! Oh well…there's always next time!"
He picked up Tesla's clothes and ran off with Tesla in her underwear chasing after him and blushing madly, crying: "Give me back my suit!"
"NEVER!" GOSPEL cackled. "Your minions don't trust you anymore! I have made them see the light of darkness! Or the darkness of light…Anyway, I will rest today, plan tomorrow, and destroy you all the day after tomorrow! GAHAHAHA!"
And with that, GOSPEL and Tesla ran off into the horizon in an incredibly disturbing way.
"Zzzz….wha-wha-WHA?" Cardamom muttered as he once again joined the waking world. Staring at Shuuko's and Netto's PETs, he cried, "AAAIIIIIYAAAAA! I've woken too late! The third and final stage begins already!"
"Third stage?" Netto wondered aloud as he stared at his PET. His face twisted into an expression of confusion as the bodies of Rockman, Slur, and Aquaman suddenly started to shrink and become chubbier.
"Argh! My body!" cried Rockman. "My beautiful fangirl-attracting, fan art-worthy body!"
"What's happening to us?" cried Neko-Slur. "This reminds me of that diet plan I tried that never really worked out!"
"My…er…body?" Aquaman cried in confusion. "Can my little body even be CALLED a real body?" And then he flushed his head again, just for the heck of it.
"The Third Stage…" Jasmine moaned. "I thought it was an urban legend…no one has ever dealt with it…and escaped its fate!"
"Wha…what's the third stage?" Shuuko asked in nervous apprehension.
"The Virus Baka-Neko is an evolutionary virus," Cardamom stated intellectually but understandably nervously. "As you already know, at the first stage, your Navi becomes a Neko. At the second stage, a catalyst arrives to give your Navi a curse. But the most feared power of all the time-released evolution, which develops its onset at the final level…the Third Stage! Where the Ultimate Virus Baka-Neko evolves into…"
The Navis' transformations complete, he continued:
"…THE EXTREME VIRUS CHIBI-NEKO!"
END PART XXII
