PART XXIII: THE SEARCH FOR THE CHIBI-NEKO
By the time its presence was realized, it was already far too late. Rockman, Slur, Aquaman, and Forte had all succumbed to the Extreme Virus Chibi Neko. With no end in sight to the horrors of this powerful virus, they were forced to exist as mere shadows of their former selves…as Chibis. Deep in the heart of Beijing, Netto and Shuuko pondered the fate of their Navis. However, all tragedy was not to end here, for the virus had a very unfortunate side effect…
SNUGGLES DIAPERS…
Yuuichirou Hikari banged his fist on his desk, spilling his coffee and making a terrible mess on a stack of papers he had been sorting through that morning. Realizing that he had just spilled coffee all over a report he was assigned to print out for that afternoon, he threw caution to his wind and banged his desk again in sheer frustration. Two tragedies in a row was clearly not the way to begin a Monday workday.
"The virus Chibi Neko…" he murmured between clenched teeth, "…how could we let it get so out-of-control?"
Meijin looked down towards the ground and moaned, "And now that the virus has fully evolved…its tragic side effect will become apparent!"
"You're…you're right!" Yuuichirou gasped, turning to face Meijin. "The most tragic side effect of this technique is…zzzzzzz…"
"Yuuichirou?" Meijin muttered, "You've clearly been working too hard…zzzzzz…"
Meijin and Yuuichirou fell face-forward on their desks as a feminine figure dressed in a brand-new red suit emerged from the shadows, armed with a sleeping dart gun. Lowering her head with determination, the figure growled, "The Chibi-Neko virus…its power will be…MINE!"
And with that, Tesla ran out of the building to prepare for the next phase of her mission to capture the Chibi-Neko virus.
A SUNNY BEACH NEAR MAGNETS INC…
"You know…" Sunayama murmured, "we really should start looking for Tesla. It's pretty obvious that without a leader, we're like chickens without heads."
"I dunno, I like chicken," Rei sighed as he lay tanning in his swimshorts on a beach chair. "Besides, I feel rather relaxed now that Tesla's gone. For once, we have no one to order us around. It's as though we're all free to do what we want…instead of having that dragon woman gnashing her teeth around us all the time."
Needless to say, if Tesla were present, she would have shown Rei the true meaning of Dragon Woman.
"Much agreed!" Takeo nodded his concurment as he watched a new episode of his soap opera on his PET, downloaded by torrent courtesy of Beastman, while his lion Monosuke looked on with an amused grin. Turning to the others, he called out, "And would you two mind keeping it down a little? I'm watching my favorite soap…Achy Breaky Heart! This is a brand-new episode, and Brad is cheating on Susan with Devon again!"
"I thought they broke up in episode nine! Since when did they get back together?" Sunayama said, suddenly perking up with interest, followed by Rei, who approached Takeo and continued, "Yeah…and isn't Susan the half-sister of David's evil dominatrix sister Nancy?"
"Oh, hohoho! No, that's not true!" Takeo replied while rolling his eyes and making a limp motion with his left wrist. "Nancy is the cousin of Susan, and she was thought to have died after choking on a moldy piece of leftover pizza, left near the sink for two days by her lazy brother Kevin! Brad stopped seeing her in episode six, and whenever he sees her now, he completely forgets her name."
"Of course…" Sunayama continued, further elaborating the soap opera's plotline with color commentary, "…and Brad got together with Susan again in Episode Ten, after he talked to her seventeen cousins to persuade her to get back together with him! And then Devon won Brad's affection with an offering of twelve creamy pink jelly donuts…so now she's taking Brad to Krispy Kreme behind Susan's back, all to eat more pink donuts!"
"Speaking of certain pink things…" Rei inquired as he looked around quizzically, "…where in the world is Narcy Hide?"
"You know…" Sunayama wondered aloud, "…the last I saw of him was when he told us all he'd be going to find a cute little cat virus or something."
"Why didn't you tell us?" Rei asked, stating quite the obvious question.
"You know that guy. I don't think anything he ever does is actually SERIOUS," Sunayama muttered while his colleagues nodded in agreement. "But…for some reason, he looked pretty determined. Even so, I didn't take him TOO seriously…"
"HEY YOU TWO!" Takeo shouted. "Come quickly! Susan discovered Brad and Devon…at Krispy Kreme! And even worse…she's brought TWELVE OF HER SEVENTEEN COUSINS! The most ever featured in a single episode!"
" OMFG!" With light speed, Sunayama and Rei sped back to Takeo and watched his soap opera on his PET, eyes widened with incredibly nervous anticipation. Who knew what devastating revenge Susan and her twelve cousins would wreck on Brad and Devon?
A DARK ALLEY SOMEWHERE IN DENSAN CITY…
Wily grudgingly pushed his garbage cart around the streets of Densan City. How humiliating…for an evil genius of his stature to be demoted to a civil servant, working almost eternal graveyard shifts as a garbage collector. The only thing he had going for him now was the fact that government jobs gave the best employment pensions…and even then, he felt not nearly as satisfied as he did when he led the World Three. Empty PET in hand, he wandered the streets in helpless and pitiful delusion.
Until that one fateful moment, that is. While lost in his reverie, garbage collector Wily could have sworn that he saw a brilliant light, and cried to himself: "OH PLEASE, UNDERTAKER! DON'T TAKE ME YET!"
A sultry female voice emanated from his PET: "Ummm…I'm sorry?"
"SO AM I!" Wily shouted, sobbing his heart out. "Look! Just give me another chance!"
The female voice continued, "Ooooookaaaayyyy…you remind me of a dropout college student I once granted a Navi to. Anyway, another chance at what?"
"It's just that without the World Three…" Wily sniffed, "…I just don't feel useful anymore! I've just been drinking day and night because of my sorry excuse for a life…look, just please don't take me to the afterlife yet! I promise I won't drink next time! At least…er…not as much!"
The voice paused to sort out these thoughts, and then inquired quizzically, "And how much did you have to drink?"
"One bottle!"
"Well…um…THAT isn't so bad…you remind me of a best-case Alcoholics Anonymous scenario."
"EVERY THREE SECONDS FOR THE PAST HALF HOUR!"
"Okay, now you remind me of a WORST-case Alcoholics Anonymous scenario! You DEFINITELY need a new Asteroid Navi!" the voice shouted impatiently. Wily recognized the words Asteroid Navi; he may have turned out to be a hopeless worst-case portrayal of the human condition, but at least he kept up with current events.
"You must be…er…Sally? Susan?"
"DAMMIT, I AM SLUR! You remind me of something that is not easily reminded of because its name is constantly forgotten or altered by morons!"
"So then. Nice to meet you…Slurp."
"If only I could create wires in REAL life…" Chibi-Neko-Slur thought angrily to herself while slapping her forehead, before composing her mind and remembering that, old as Wily was, SHE was the more mature one here. "Wily…I assume you, as an evil genius, know of the Extreme Virus, Chibi-Neko."
"Did you say…" Wily perked up.
"Of course…and you do know what its side effects are. Now that we're on the same page…I've decided to grant you the power to destroy it. You see, we are all infected with the Chibi-Neko, which reminds me of the last time I had to visit this boy who wished he no longer had the flu. You must stop the strain by eliminating the virus with the Navi I am about to give you, which reminds me of the time…"
"SO…THE CHIBI-NEKO EXISTS!" Wily cried excitedly, pulling into his trash bin and getting out his old robe, tossing away his garbage collector clothes to become…LORD WILY! "I will once again attempt to rule the world by the Internet…starting with gaining absolute control of the Chibi Neko!"
"Wait…" Chibi-Neko-Slur shouted, "…you remind me of someone who forgot something important!"
"Yes!" Wily cried while shutting off his PET, mostly to conserve the batteries, as he did not make enough on his current salary to afford new ones. "And that important thing is…TO CONTROL THE CHIBI-NEKO! Thank you for all your help, Suzie-Blue! LOOK OUT WORLD!"
In the Internet Realm, Chibi-Neko-Slur sighed and turned to an Asteroid Navi anxiously waiting behind her, moaning disappointedly, "He reminds me of someone who forgot to collect his new Asteroid Navi. Looks like you'll have to wait for the next potentially evil human to come along, which reminds me of people who have to spend hours waiting for their turn to be treated in the hospital."
"FREAKIN' DAMMIT!" Asteroid Burnerman screamed like a rabid cupcake.
SNUGGLES DIAPERS…
As Meijin and Yuuichirou woke up, they both emitted utterly satisfying yawns…that is, before remembering what they were talking about.
"My goodness…" Yuuichirou cried, "…now, if I'm reading this Events Bulletin monitor correctly, Narcy Hide and Lord Wily have even joined in the search for the Chibi Neko!"
"Right…" Meijin wondered while scratching his chin. "Wily…Tesla…Narcy Hide…this is completely consistent with the effects of the Chibi Neko Virus! For all those who seek the power of the virus are…"
Images of Lord Wily, Tesla Magnets, and Narcy Hide flashed in their heads as they both shouted simultaneously:
"Everyone who seeks the power of the Chibi Neko is…EITHER UNBELIEVABLY WEIRD OR REPULSIVELY UGLY!"
"So then…" Meijin murmured, "…the Chibi Neko, the final stage of the Ultimate Virus Baka-Neko…"
Yuuichirou paused dramatically before shouting, "…makes people CUTE!"
CHOINA'S INTERNET REALM…
"…We're becoming cuter and cuter!" cried Chibi-Neko-Rockman as he continued to shrink and become chubbier.
"…And it just won't STOP!" screamed Chibi-Neko-Slur. "This reminds me of all those little cartoons in Sanrio Surprises!"
"Flush…BLLLEEEEAAAAHHHHH!" By now, everyone knew who THIS was.
As for Forte, he continued to build his ever-increasing army, but now a little slower. His shrinking size and increasingly chubby body clearly made it difficult for him to draw happy faces on larger objects.
END PART XXIII
