Special thanks to Elizabeth and Liz for betaing this chapter for me.

Chapter 35: Lost

Lost in the darkness of a land
Memories of being taken by the hand
But I don't have a hold on what is real

What is there to give or to believe?

Sarah McLachlan- Lost

A low masculine moan of pleasure filled Kaitlyn's mouth. Her eyes flew open at the sound, her hands stilled within silky fine hair and for a long moment, she froze. A warm mouth pressed against hers and someone held her tightly to them.

She forgot where she was and who she was with until she saw blond hair and the scent and feel of someone familiar filled her. Kaitlyn broke the embrace with a gasp and took a staggering step back.

Her head swam with uncertainty and disbelief at the fact that it was indeed Legolas who stood before her. The Elf's face was flushed, his lips were swollen from their kisses and his blond hair was disheveled on one side of his golden head from her prying fingers. He was breathing heavily through his mouth just as she was.

Legolas' exhaled loudly and attempted to still his pounding heart. Surprise filled him at her abrupt break of their embrace and his lips parted in confusion. He gazed deeply into Kaitlyn's eyes, hoping to catch a glimpse of what she felt.

Kaitlyn looked away from him, suddenly unable to look into his eyes.

Legolas felt his heart drop into his stomach; worry quickly filled him.

Kaitlyn quickly clamped her eyes shut and ran through the events that had just taken place. They entered her mind backwards, starting when they broke their kiss to when Legolas had first spoken to her. Her brows furrowed as she remembered his words. There was no way… She was dreaming. She had to be dreaming…

She opened her eyes, believing for a moment that when she opened them, she would be in bed with Legolas sleeping beside her. But she was not in bed and Legolas stood beside her, trying to slow his harsh breathing. They had kissed. No, he had kissed her and she had stroked his ears!

"Wha-what did you say to me? Before we…kissed?" she asked timidly for confirmation. She was sure she had heard him incorrectly. Her heart thundered within her, her lips tingled from Legolas' kisses and deep within her an ache had settled.

"Gerich 'uren nin. Gerich veleth nin," Legolas repeated immediately with emotion. His eyes bore into hers; seeking the answers she was not speaking. ( You have my heart. You have my love )

Kaitlyn's mind whirled like a ride at an amusement park. 'You have my love.' Did that mean the same thing as…? It couldn't…yet the look that was upon Legolas' face. She saw the look in his eyes. The revelation hit her hard and for a moment she stopped breathing. Legolas was not telling her she had his love as a friend but the love of so much more.

"My God, you're serious, aren't you?" she gasped. They weren't the words she had meant to speak out loud and guilt struck her when Legolas frowned openly. The Elf had never lied to her why would he start now?

Legolas continued to watch her, his eyes not leaving her form. "Quite serious." It took all his will power to keep from trembling.

The Mirkwood Elf watched her intently and it made Kaitlyn uncomfortable. Did he expect a declaration of love in return? Had he really just told her that he loved her? This was impossible. Her heart raced like a runaway freight train.

"You believe me not." The passion had gone from Legolas' eyes and hurt and fear filled its place.

Kaitlyn shook her head. "No, I didn't say that."

"You did not have to." The Elf's smooth voice was flat and for the first time since she had broken their kiss, Legolas looked away.

Without thinking, Kaitlyn reached for his face and positioned it so she could look into his eyes. The agony was prominent all over his face as was the disappointment.

Legolas did feel disappointment at her and himself. He had been naïve enough to believe that once he told her how he felt, once he kissed her that she would embrace him, telling him she felt the same. He had been so sure of everything and now he felt like a foolish Elfling.

"I do believe you…I…" Kaitlyn paused trying to figure out a way to make him understand how she felt, while trying to discover that herself.

This was surreal. Warrior Legolas who knew so much about weapons and fighting, but was innocent with love had just professed his love for her. Kaitlyn could not fathom it, no matter how many times she heard him repeat the words in her mind.

"It's hard to believe that this is possible. That you would lo- feel so strongly about me." She could not even bring herself to say the world 'love'. She lowered her hand from his face and looked away, hating herself for it. She was a coward and she blamed it on Derrick. He had broken her and had taken away her resolve when it came to matters of the heart.

The situation with Legolas was a frightening concept to her. After Derrick, she was unsure if she would ever love another man. Yet after meeting Legolas, she had longed for someone like him to love her. She desired a person who was genuinely kind and loving and did not have to put on an act. Some selfish part of her had wanted Legolas to love her, but she had given in to the belief that he would never and could never love her. Against the odds Legolas had grown to love her and she did not know what to do. Her insides felt like a ball of her mother's yarn, twisted and knotted but also unraveling feverishly by the second.

"Why is it not possible for me to feel strongly for you?" The Elf's words were soft, but Kaitlyn jumped as if they had been shouted, for they shattered her thoughts. His lips were pressed together in a thin line and his brows were lowered over his eyes.

She inhaled and exhaled deeply. "Well, the obvious…because…" She glanced at him and then down at herself.

Legolas' brows rose above his eyes, and he immediately understood. "Because you are mortal and I am elf-kind," he answered for her.

"No…yes…I don't know." She turned away from him, lowered her head and then ran her fingers through her unruly hair.

Legolas desired to reach out and comfort her, but he feared at this point in time his comfort would only push her away.

When she slowly turned around to face him, Legolas saw the honest confusion in her eyes as well as the anxiety. He realized he should have expected this. Kaitlyn had been in love in the past and she had been betrayed in the worst way possible. It was naïve of him to believe she would jump into his waiting arms.

Legolas, too, had been confused about his own feelings toward her. He had fought inwardly about what he should do, with what his father and others would say, but Legolas had only to look at Kaitlyn and he knew what path to take.

"Mortal or immortal, you are a female and I am a male," he explained simply. He slowly placed a hand on each of her shoulders.

Kaitlyn could not help but tremble as he touched her. She felt the warmth of his hands through the fabric of her sleeping gown and the memory of him against her as they kissed rushed into her mind.

Legolas frowned at her reaction, but he did not remove his hands since she did not pull away. "The heart knows nothing of one's life span in relation to another. It knows nothing of race or time. Love has no boundaries."

She swallowed hard hearing his words, but she did not truly hear them. "That might be true, but how can you love me?" She quivered as the words left her lips.

Legolas frowned and his brows drew over his pale eyes. "I understand not what you are saying."

Kaitlyn exhaled loudly. "You are nearly three thousand years old and you have never loved a woman. How can you love me? You don't know a lot about me. You don't know my favorite color or food. You don't know the names of…my parents." Her voice cracked.

Legolas stepped closer and placed his palm over Kaitlyn's heart.

She blinked at the action and swallowed hard at the feel of his warm hand resting just above her breasts.

"I know what is in here," he whispered. He gazed down at his hand over her heart and then slowly into her eyes. " The remainder I can learn with time. I know that you are kind and sensitive. I know that you love and hurt easily. You are brave and willing to fight for those you love even when you have been ordered otherwise."

A few tears escaped Kaitlyn's eyes.

Legolas tilted his head and gazed deeply into her green eyes. "How can I love you not? You are beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. You are everything I could have hoped for in a woman."

A few more tears escaped and Kaitlyn put her hand over her mouth in an effort to gain some composure. He was breaking her just as Derrick had; yet Legolas did it in another way entirely.

"You have forgotten something so important, Legolas. I am not elvish," she managed softly.

"I have forgotten not. You are a mortal woman who I will lose one day." Pain washed over the Elf so strongly he gripped her sleeping gown in an attempt to keep it reined. "But that does not change how I feel," he told her firmly, his voice low and strangled with emotion.

"You're a prince; you could have any Elf you wanted," she continued stubbornly.

Legolas shook his head and moved his thumb over Kaitlyn's racing heart. The frantic beating matched his own. "I have lived among Elves my entire life and never have I felt anything more than friendship for any female I knew. I love not an elleth, nor do I desire to. I love you." ( Elf Maiden )

Kaitlyn inhaled sharply. It was the first time he had told her he loved her in the common tongue. She lowered her head and began to cry, her chin falling to rest on Legolas' hand, which still clutched her gown.

Legolas felt his heartache and it begin to crack and splinter as Kaitlyn fell apart before his eyes. He realized suddenly that she was not ready for this. She had been through much in the past as well as the last several days. He released his grip on her clothing and pulled his hand away, which caused her to look up at him.

The mortal woman's lower lip was trembling, tears were streaming down her face and the Elf could feel the apprehension and confusion around her.

"I have frightened you," he whispered regretfully.

Legolas took a deep breath and exhaled. He took her hand and placed it over his chest, pressing her palm to the silk of his shirt so she could feel how hard his heart was pounding. Her eyes widened at the feel of his heart.

"I am afraid as well, melethril," he informed her. (Beloved )

His eyes met hers and she froze. That strange emotion was present again in his blue orbs, but this time she recognized it. His eyes positively shone with his love for her.

"This is all new to me, but I embrace it fully, because I trust what my heart tells me," he told her honestly.

Kaitlyn lowered her head. She felt his heart beating hard and steady beneath her palm and realized it must have been difficult for him to tell her how he felt. Despite the fact that she was not from Middle Earth, she knew that by loving her he was breaching cultural boundaries.

"You need time," Legolas told her softly. She looked up at him and he continued. "To understand what you may feel or not feel." Legolas lowered his head. "To sort through what I have wrongfully thrust upon you in such a difficult time."

Her eyes widened. Legolas opened his mouth to speak and she cut him off. She shook her head. "No, I'm glad you told me. Don't beat yourself up for telling me the truth. I wouldn't want you to keep that in. It could have done more harm than good. I…I'm sorry, too, with how I reacted." She lowered her head when she felt herself blush at the memory of their kiss. "Pulling away like I did. I wasn't expecting what happened."

He smiled softly and tucked a stray wisp of hair behind her ear. For the most part she had reacted how he hoped she would. She had responded to his kiss and this gave him hope. He realized it was foolish hope, but it could not be helped.

Kaitlyn sighed deeply and chanced a look at him. He was waiting patiently for the next moments of time to unravel before him and she cursed him for looking so beautiful and perfect. He still wore the silver shirt he had worn to bed and the fine Elven fabric nearly glittered in the sunlight that streamed through the window. His hair, half up, was messy because of her wandering hands, but that did not stop her from believing he was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She had never described a man as beautiful before, yet it fit Legolas. And then she remembered he was not a man. He was an Elf with flawless Elven beauty.

She coughed and cleared her throat before she spoke. "I do need some time, because a lot has happened lately and my mind isn't clear," she admitted softly. "But I don't want you to think that I don't care about you, because I do." She nervously toyed with the end of her braid.

"Henian." ( I understand. )

She smiled, though it was forced. "Maer." ( Good )

"I will leave you to your thoughts. Send for me when you desire to speak," he bid her softly.

She nodded and Legolas withdrew his hand from her hair. He gazed at her for a long moment as if memorizing her form in his mind and then he stepped away. He reached for his tunic on the chair and tugged it over his head. His fingers laced the sides with expert accuracy. He buckled his belt at his waist and fastened his quiver strap across his chest.

Kaitlyn stood and watched him as he dressed himself with clothing and weapons. A lump appeared in her throat as she stood idly by. A feeling engulfed her. That lonely horrible feeling of a breakup with someone you cared about yet knew you could not be with. You were forced to watch them pack their things and leave your life and there was nothing you could do to stop it. The world continued to turn no matter how much you willed it to remain still.

She knew there was no breakup and no reason to feel this way. Legolas was only giving her time and space to think about how she felt, but she could not shake the feeling. It was incredibly bittersweet.

Legolas turned to leave the room, but unexpectedly, a hand caught his free hand that did not hold his bow. He stilled and turned to face Kaitlyn. He could only describe the look on her sweet face as lost and he could not help but believe she felt this way because of him.

Kaitlyn stepped forward and her hand reached up to brush back the hair she had messed upon his head. The Elf's eyes closed at the innocent torture.

Kaitlyn did not want Legolas to leave; yet she knew he needed to if she was going to discover how she truly felt about him.

His eyes opened slowly and he smiled in an attempt to comfort her. He squeezed her hand gently.

"No matter what decision you make in the coming days or weeks. Know that I will always be here for you and I…I will always…love you," his voice broke as he finished his sentence. He released Kaitlyn's hand quickly when he saw her lower lip tremble at his words. The kiss came rushing back to him as he gazed at her parted mouth and it stirred frightening warmth within him.

Legolas walked to the doorway, his feet barely making a sound as he went. The Mirkwood Elf turned to the mortal woman once more to cast a lingering glance and then he stepped from the room, leaving Kaitlyn alone with her thoughts.

Kaitlyn stood stationary for a moment and then sat down unceremoniously onto the edge of the bed. The feather mattress and wooden bed frame grunted in disapproval, but she was unaware.

"Oh, Holy Fuck," she let out. Before she could stop them, tears filled her eyes at the shock of what had just taken place.

Legolas loved her. The damn Elf had admitted his love and had practically left his heart unprotected in her lap for her to decide its fate. It was her play on the chessboard of life and love. She feared one wrong move could shatter her brave warrior knight into thousands of tiny pieces. And that, despite all else, frightened her beyond belief.

To be continued…

I know many of you thought some Elf lovin' was going to happen in this chapter and I'm sorry to disappoint you. Kaitlyn and Legolas aren't at that stage yet. They have some things to iron out first.

I'd like to thank everyone for the wonderful reviews. My story has reached over 700 reviews on FanFiction not even including the reviews from other places I post this fic! Thank you all for letting me know what you like and dislike.

Special thanks to "Everywhere yet nowhere" who left me the longest review I have ever received! Points were brought up in that review which I am sure others still think about. How did Kaitlyn arrive on ME? There will be a time and a place for that information, trust me. I have this story planned out to the finish. Also you mentioned about Tammy dying in Moria. That was a dream Kaitlyn had, it didn't truly happen.

A few people have commented that Kaitlyn cries too much. While she can be a strong character she has to have faults and flaws. Hers is that she cries easily and is highly emotional. This is a result of what happened between her and Derrick. So, she breaks down or tears up due to how emotional she has become. I try not to make her cry too much, but when you are an emotional person you can't help it.

I appreciate everyone's patience in waiting for new chapters. I know once a month is a long wait, but I feel my writing has improved because of the extra time as well as because of my wonderful betas.

Thanks to all and Happy New Year!

Cormak