PART XXIX: COUNTDOWN

U.S.S. ESSESS MISSILE BAY…

General Specific paced back and forth nervously, pondering the hopeless uncertainty of the situation. Two conflicts on land and in space, and here he was completely out of the loop, fifteen thousand feet below sea level, doing nothing but waiting for the President to make a decision.

"With all due respect, Specific," lieutenant Smiley said as he raised his hand formally, "we really should be more patient. Keep in mind that the Net Saviors are capable of handling this matter…and should they not be, there's still a significant delay before Adver Man's attack reaches us here. We have a window of success, here."

"I don't believe they can handle it," Specific murmured in a somewhat disturbed tone. "Those Net Saviors make me angry anyway. So stuck up, and always fooling around with the latest toys."

"Your point of view is understood, sir," Smiley said softly as he lowered his head, "but perhaps you should clear your mind first. We have our orders to stand by, and so there's really nothing we can do. We cannot deploy IT…not until the President, and that girl, give us the say-so."

Realizing that this was all that could really be done, Specific heaved a deep sigh, walked toward the exit door, and replied grudgingly, "…Then wait we shall. But if they don't do anything to solve this…"

He clenched his teeth as he continued with a tight fist and icy glare, "…I'll take the matter into my own hands!"

MEANWHILE, IN A LOW SLINGSHOT ORBIT AROUND THE EARTH…

"Are we there yet?" Netto groaned as the U.S.A. Euwessae continued to speed toward the Adver Satellite's path of orbit.

"For the billionth time, NOT YET!" Yaito and Shuuko shrieked.

"Are we there yet?" Netto continued to moan. "I'm dead tired. My legs are hurting. I have to go to the bathroom. Badly! Meiru, your sweaty space outfit smells like hummus."

Meiru blushed madly and sniffed her suit as Shuuko could do nothing but smirk.

"I really have to go to the bathroom!" Netto cried. "OH, I REALLY DO! Where in the world ARE we? Can we please turn on the radio? I'm so incredibly indescribably bored."

"NETTO!" the two women screamed at the top of their lungs, as Netto became silenced…at least for the moment. It was rather unfortunate for them that he had beaten the Elite Four on Indigo Plateau, and was therefore left with nothing to do.

"Could you please be quiet?" Shuuko asked, more than somewhat irritated. "You are NOT making this boring trip any easier on us!"

"I'm bored…" Netto moaned with the cutest puppy-dog expression they ever did see.

"Are you still with us up there?" General Broad's voice crackled over the intercom system.

"Well, we're not AGAINST you, if that's what you mean," Yaito shrugged.

"Eh, right," Broad muttered as he cleared his throat. "Listen, we've just gotten word from your friends here on Earth that Adver Man has planned a trap for every one of you, one that will activate as soon as you come within PET connection range of the satellite."

"What kind of trap?" all three of them asked, a little surprised, although they had to admit that at this point a dramatic trap was pretty much expected anyway.

"An electromagnetic deactivation field," Broad replied grimly. "As soon as you approach the satellite, it will activate a defense mechanism, generating an energy field that will disable all the Euwessae's systems…except for atmospheric regulation, as well as independent devices like your PETs…and Netto's Game Boy."

"So as soon as we're within range," Netto deduced, "we're practically sitting ducks."

"Not really" Broad replied. "I should tell you this quickly, while our communications are still active. The way to stop Adver Man's satellite is through the use of the high-efficiency, manually powered backup generator."

"Where is that?" asked Yaito, leaning forward desperately.

"In the back of the shuttle bay, in a small closet near the thrust turbines. However, I should warn you that there are certain…ahem…digestive requirements to use it…"

"Digestive?" Shuuko asked with one eyebrow raised in puzzlement. "What do you mean by that? Does it have something to do with the Euwessae's power source?"

"As you may know already, power generation has come a long way. We've discovered a high energy, high-efficiency power source that yields nearly five times the energy of a coal-fired plant, and around 1.5 times the power of a nukular one."

"Heh…nukular…" Netto smirked. "So, if I understand you correctly, the power source for this ship is…"

"Indeed, that's it precisely," General Broad replied, somewhat smirking himself.

"Eeeewwww…" Yaito and Shuuko murmured as their faces twisted in disgust.

"We're losing communications…you're now within connection range!" Broad's voice shouted as the crackles of the intercom grew louder. Knowing that the Adver Satellite's defenses had been activated, Broad left the crew with his final words for the moment:

"Godspeed, and good luck to you!"

A deep, circuit-frying sizzle.

A slight crackle.

And then…complete darkness.

"So who's gonna do it?" Yaito asked, smirking with a raised eyebrow. "MY stomach isn't up to this."

Shuuko looked down at her waistline and said unsurely, "MY diet doesn't allow me to do something like this…"

Both of them looked at Netto. Understanding what he had to do, Netto said with an incredibly determined tone, "It's up to me then! Get me all the food you can! For the sake of this planet…I MUST EAT!"

And so Yaito and Shuuko gathered up all the food they could manage to feed Netto without starving themselves, all the while thinking, "Like THIS is anything out of the ordinary…"

SAN CONSTANTINOPLE BEACH…

"Your friends are helpless in space now!" Adver Man giggled. "My satellite has already activated its defenses!"

"So what?" Enzan replied, somewhat shaken yet still attempting to remain cocky. "All that means is that we'll have to try just a little harder to defeat you!"

"I do not think that will be the case," hissed the sadistic voice of Lovely-Lovely-Cutey-Honey Adult Ring-chan as she came up from behind the group and made preparations for another Furious Ring Sword. Blues did not groan impatiently this time; at least Adver Man was there to keep them occupied while she prepared it.

"Take this, telemarketing scum!" Tiesel shouted as his right hand morphed into an impressive metallic-hue Breaker Sword. Jumping high into the air, he prepared to end it all with a single blow

"Sales Technique!" Adver Man shouted. "Results May Vary!"

With that, Tiesel's intimidating metallic Breaker Sword transformed into the weakest, most ridiculous weapon in existence…its pink, blurred Kids WB version. When the sword struck Adver Man, all he did was tilt his head obliviously and respond: "What was that? A piece of paper? Someone threw a piece of paper on me?"

"What…what is this madness?" Tiesel shrieked while staring at his just plain ridiculous pink blurry sword.

"That is absolutely cruel," murmured Roll. "Even for him."

"If I had a weapon as thoroughly pathetic as that…" Blues thought to himself as he shuddered, "…I would go into hiding forever…"

"Okay, now we're supposed to be evil, but that's just wrong," Ring muttered as she glared at Adver Man, who gave her a stupid grin and a thumbs-up sign.

"Cyber Elves Summon!" Ciel shouted as a pink aura suddenly surrounded her…and suddenly at least thirty small creatures appeared at her side. "Merge into Cyber Elf Sword!"

"She's got one of those too?" Mary cried. "All right then…Ring! Full power!"

"Yes Mary!" Ring shouted frantically.

"Ciel! More elves!" Kristen shouted.

"I'll do what I can!" cried Kristen excitedly, slotting in a Multiple Effect battle chip. "But we're running out of options here!"

"That much is certain," Enzan muttered between gritted teeth, fixating his glare on Mary and Kenishiro.

"Summoning multiple Cyber Elves to manifest into a single sword, therefore replicating the Furious Sword of Ring?" Kenishiro thought to himself. "Quite the impressive little thing, isn't she? But no matter how many times they attack…we still have the advantage here! Even the Euwessae's backup generator won't help them now…or will it…?"

Kenishiro's eyes narrowed and his grin widened as he thought, "…I'm definitely getting excited!"

DEEP SPACE, LOW ORBIT WITH THE ADVER SATELLITE…

"I've eaten all that I need," Netto groaned with satisfaction as he patted his very expanded gut. "Now all I have to do is suit up and use the backup generator in the shuttle bay."

"You do know how to use such a generator, right?" Yaito and Shuuko smirked.

"Hey, of course I do! I do it all the time at Maha Ichiban."

With that said, Netto put on his space suit as Yaito and Shuuko shuddered, calling back as he left toward the generator: "I'll be back in half an hour!"

"Does a generator like…THIS one…normally take that long?" Yaito murmured.

"Well, he DID eat a lot…" Shuuko cringed. "But if he isn't able to provide us with enough power…we may have to go in after he's done…"

Yaito almost fainted at the thought, her face twisting in sheer disgust.

U.S.A. EUWESSAE ENGINE BAY…

Netto stood before an air-pressurized hydraulic door with red painted lettering above it that read, "BACKUP GENERATOR. Warning. Before generator is used, make sure you absolutely and certainly have to go."

Wondering what this meant, Netto opened the airlock and entered a small area resembling a gym locker room, yet no larger than a closet.

"Netto, are you sure you're up to this?" Rockman asked his operator, an air of uncertainty fogging his voice.

"Absolutely," Netto said, stripping down to his underwear and a T-shirt. "Although…at the rate my digestive system's going now…I'll need at least another fifteen minutes to grind everything down to waste…"

"Netto, there may be a way to speed it up!" Rockman cried. "Look over at that wall!"

Looking over in the direction to which Rockman pointed, Netto saw two red wall-mounted metal boxes, labeled "GENERATOR STAGE 1" and "GENERATOR STAGE 2." Mounted a few inches below was a small plaque reading, "Open only in case of emergency, whether it be certain destruction or the call of the wild."

"Netto, we have to open Generator Stage 1 first," Rockman stated matter-of-factly.

"Roger that!" Netto replied as he opened the first box…and took out a small chewable pill.

"What in the world is that?" Rockman asked as he quizzically tilted his head.

"It's the only way to speed the power generation process…" Netto replied, "…a super-digestive pill!" That said, he chewed the pill thoroughly and gulped down the fine bits his mouth had broken it down into, then stood in place.

For a while, nothing happened. A matter of seconds later, Netto's stomach began to growl. A short series of mumblings later, his gut erupted and fluctuated with the full fury of its powered-up digestive force, growling like an adult Rottweiler hound that had just gotten its rear sniffed the wrong way. And then, one minute later, it stopped. Netto was now ready to operate the backup generator. Proceeding with determination, he found the entryway into the generator closet, opened the door, and there he was greeted with the most advanced power generator ever known to man:

A toilet.

"How ironic that something so disgusting and gratuitous would save the human race," Rockman said poetically to his operator. "Netto, remember Stage Two."

"Roger that," Netto replied, opening the second box and taking out the newspaper inside. Pulling down his underwear and planting himself firmly on the toilet, Netto clenched his fists as fire raged in his eyes, crying out, "This is it then! For the sake of saving the Cyber World and our world from advertising hell, I MUST TAKE A SHI-…"

"…Ship's losing contact with Adver Satellite!" Yaito's voice crackled over the generator's intercom. "Netto, we need that power fast!"

"Don't disturb me on the throne!" Netto screamed.

"Okay, sorry!" Yaito huffed as she deactivated the intercom.

Netto opened the newspaper to the Hollywood Buzz section and bent over so that his generative power could be fully extracted. With reading material set and everything in place, he groaned the words that would save the world:

"Argh! Unnnfff! Urrrgggghhhh…Hey! Tom Cruise seen on a Carnival Cruise Line with Halle Berry and Britney Spears? YEEEAAARRRGGHHH!"

END PART XXIX