PART XXX: DEEP SPACE BALLADE

ABOARD THE U.S.A. EUWESSAE…

The main thrusters were now powered up at maximum potential output, and were ready to fire. Yaito and Shuuko looked at each other and gulped, before pushing the thrust lever to full power. All three of them (including Netto, much to his displeasure) were cast into a frightening rush of velocity as the Euwessae once again attempted to reach the menacing yet oddly cute Adver Satellite.

"Great balls of fire!" screamed Netto, wishing there was a camera in the generator room so he could give his ignorant crew the middle finger, but then deciding against it for obi

"Generator nearing half power…Gods, this is efficient!" Yaito called as she watched an energy readout bar on the main cockpit's central control console continuing to climb at an alarming rate. Netto Hikari had single-handedly unloaded enough energy to power Densan City for an entire year, enough to make an energy company stop worrying about finding cheaper sources of power and start worrying about sewage waste control.

"Keep it going, Netto!" Yaito cried over the intercom.

"I don't know how much longer I can go on!" whined Netto as he continued to force more power into the generator. "I'm losing my endurance!"

"Do you need to eat more, Netto?" Shuuko asked frantically. "We have a few emergency digestive pills that General Broad gave us just in case…"

"It's not that!" Netto groaned. "I'm almost done with the entire newspaper and I don't have anything else to read while I'm stuck here! I've read and re-read the business columns, the editorials, front page stories, home and garden makeovers, entertainment news, classifieds…and by the way, Yaito, are you really selling a 3-D monitor at that price listed on page C19?"

"Of course!" Yaito replied. "Free shipping to anywhere in Japan or continental Asia!"

"I'll have to buy it once we destroy the satellite and end this thing! Oh wait…here it comes…"

"Oh no…" Shuuko groaned. "The big one…"

"You know, under conventional wisdom," Yaito wondered aloud, "I would think that the big ones are usually the most compressed as they lie at the bottom of the digestive tract, and therefore logic dictates that they would be the first to come out."

"Go figure!" Netto cried, rolling his eyes, and then cringing in excruciating pain as his face tightened. "Oh no…it's coming…THE BIG ONE! UUURRRRGGGHHHH!"

PLOOSH!

The energy readout bar nearly flew off the charts as Yaito and Shuuko looked at it in wonderment. Netto's last desperate unleashing produced so much energy that it nearly threatened to overheat the Euwessae's energy reserve. A matter of minutes later, Netto was again suited up for deep space and joined the other two members of his crew in the cockpit.

"Did you make a big mess in there?" Yaito asked disappointedly as she raised an eyebrow. "I hope that nothing splattered around the rim, Netto. I don't want NASA having to clean it up and thinking it was me or Shuuko…"

"Of course I didn't make a mess!" Netto huffed as he then thought to himself, "Not a BIG one, at least…"

"Did you turn the ventilator fan on?" Shuuko asked, also with a raised eyebrow. "I don't want any of that getting in here."

"Don't worry. I used the fan…and I even sprayed the generator room with odorized disinfectant spray! Spring Flower scent, even!"

"H-how…much…did you use?"

Netto raised his head with impressive cockiness at his own lack of physical limitation, and replied with a stupid grin: "I used…THE ENTIRE CAN!"

Yaito's and Shuuko's mouths flew completely open, stupefied by this amazing and astounding biological discovery. They stared at Netto Hikari as though they were watching someone climbing Mount Everest, although in this case "climbing" might not have been the appropriate word.

"We should have enough power to reach the satellite now," Netto said with a determined tone as he sat down in his bucket seat to continue their business of destroying the satellite. "Command, do you read me?"

"Which part of you do you need us to read?" General Broad responded. "We can write or draw too, if you want."

"Eh, right," Yaito responded, rolling her eyes yet again. "We've just completed powering up the backup generator and are at full power. Somehow we're able to evade the Adver Satellite's electromag field. We somehow pulled it through in record time…but as to how we did it, we'd rather not say."

"Works for me, because I'd rather not know," General Broad murmured as he shuddered and shook his head. "Anyway, the Code Destroyer module should be ready to deploy now. Listen carefully."

Netto, Yaito, and Shuuko leaned in closer to do just that.

"The Code Destroyer is a compact mobile network destruction tool developed especially for use against the Adver Satellite. What you must do is open the main shuttle bay and travel by zero gravity to the satellite's main body, where you will attach the Code Destroyer to its main terminal. It should be concealed beneath a panel of glass somewhere behind the satellite's solar panel array. Once the panel is removed and/or broken, you'll attach the Code Destroyer to the manual input terminal, activate using the On Button, and the device will be automatically programmed to take care of itself."

"Gotcha!" Netto replied. "Although…can't we just blow it up?"

General Broad paused and scratched his chin before responding, "I feel your pain, Netto. I'd have loved to do that myself. Truth is, the Adver Satellite has a destruct mechanism that automatically disperses the Adver Man virus throughout the world if the satellite is completely destroyed. So blowing the darned thing up is actually more harmful than just letting it be in the first place. So now it's up to you to use the Code Destroyer on that satellite!"

"I guess we're up to the challenge, then!" Netto, Yaito, and Shuuko replied, making one of those incredibly acrobatic Team Rocket poses. Considering the circumstances and the fact that they were on an actual rocket, this was a rather appropriate name.

"Understood, Rocket Team," Broad nodded, confirming the previously mentioned analogy to a certain cartoon series by continuing: "Protect the world from devastation, destroy all evils within our nation. Fight at the speed of light!"

With the Adver Satellite now within close range, the shuttle bay doors opened, releasing a glistening mechanical arm holding onto a strange metallic cylinder, antennae protruding from the tip of its bulk. The Code Destroyer ready for deployment, Netto and Shuuko suited up for deep space, standing inside the air pressurizing room in their specially made space suits. It had been agreed that Yaito, being the most egotistical, and therefore the most competent, would stay behind to monitor the mission's progress.

"Air depressurization initiating," the Euwessae's monotone robotic voice uttered as an elongated hissing noise signaled the room was now being deprived of atmosphere. As soon as the process was complete, the system continued, "Disengaging gravitational field. All crew members prepare for zero gravity."

"Zero gravity…we're all starting to float!" Yaito cried in wonderment, a statement soon confirmed as she started to float. "Netto, Shuuko, remember that it'll be more difficult to control your movements in Zero G. You have to move slower to maximize your control, and…NETTO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Netto was now gleefully spinning Shuuko around in circles and watching her spin around helplessly, something she herself did not appreciate. "This is fun!" Netto squealed, waving his hands and continuing to spin around a very nauseous Shuuko.

"Make him stop!" she cried, almost pathetically. "I'm gonna BARF!"

"Netto! Get serious!" Yaito shouted as she slammed her hands down on the console.

"Sorry," Netto murmured sheepishly as he stopped spinning Shuuko…and then started pushing the walls so he could spin himself. "Wheeee!"

"Dear, he's worse than you!" Shuuko murmured to Aquaman as he huffed and folded his arms cutely in response.

SAN CONSTANTINOPLE BEACH…

"This is the easiest target I have ever picked off," Searchman thought to himself as he focused his rifle arm on Lovely-Lovely-Cutey-Honey Adult Ring-chan. "She's so big and sexy, and she's just…standing there…this is so easy it's almost pathetic."

Everyone had grown slightly worn out from heavy combat, except for Ciel and Adult Ring-chan, who were busy energizing their swords. Taking a break to relax, Adver Man lay down to take a breather as the other Net Savior Navis (Searchman excluded) took a break to talk about what they would do after Adver Man's defeat. Apparently they had found some way to cope with the boredom of waiting around for Ciel and Ring to energize their ungodly huge weapons.

Laika, in the meantime, was becoming quite irritated, something which could easily be visible when he then shouted: "Searchman! Why haven't you eliminated the secondary target, hmm?"

"Er, give me a moment," Searchman replied sheepishly. "I am trying to recalibrate my aim and take wind speed into account."

"What aim do you need?" Laika responded disappointedly. "For goodness sake…you're FIVE INCHES from her!"

"I am easily distracted by her…ahem…proportions…" Searchman murmured as he began to sweat profusely for some odd reason.

"Why in…oh, I get it," Laika muttered as he rolled his eyes. "Listen Searchman. As well-developed as the target may be, you must see the mission through!"

"Indeed," Searchman huffed while fixating his eyes on Adult Ring's body, "I am seeing the mission."

"Just finish the job already…" Laika grunted, with an understandable amount of impatience.

"Very well…Target Lockon!" Searchman brought his rifle up towards Ring's head and shouted while his eyes fixated on her waistline, firing a brilliant blast of purple energy as he shouted:

"H34DSH0T!"

"Erm, what are you doing?" Ring asked quizzically as Searchman looked up toward her face.

"Weren't you supposed to be destroyed?" he asked as he raised an eyebrow.

Ring pointed in Ciel's direction and Searchman turned to look, seeing Ciel lying on the floor, missing her left leg and mumbling various inaudible curses, supposedly directed at him. Clearly the distractive power of Lovely-Lovely-Cutey-Honey Adult Ring-chan's fully matured body had completely distracted his aim…and mistakenly, he had shot Ciel's left leg off. The Cyber Elves that had formed her sword dispelled and rushed to the aid of their Navi master.

"Er…Ciel…I'm darned sorry…" Searchman murmured sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his head.

"Gods, Ciel, are you still alive?" Roll cried.

As soon as Ciel directed a very angry, anime-vein-laced middle finger at him, Searchman turned to the others and called out, "She'll live."

The other Net Savior Navis heaved a sigh of relief that Ciel was alive, while Kristen raised an eyebrow at Laika as if to say "Well?" and received an oblivious shrug in response.

"You know what?" Ring murmured. "Maybe the world is better off without pervs. FURIOUS RING SWORD!"

Ring prepared to bring down her nearly completed glowing sword, but suddenly Searchman had gotten serious. Carefully directing his aim with all the precision that was required to destroy a huge target five inches away, he aimed at Ring's elbow…

…and fired.

Adult Ring's right arm flew off and dissipated into data, as she reverted back into her child form and squealed, "Not fair! How did you…"

"It's simple," Blues replied stoically. "The minute you threatened to kill us, we got serious. Now that we're once again ready to fight…this is the end for you!"

Manifesting his right arm into an awesomely intimidating Paladin Sword that was so unlike its pink blurred Kids WB version, Blues prepared to delete Ring once and for all, until she bowed down before them with tears in her eyes, and cried, "Please don't do it! I surrender! All I wanted to do was make friends…please don't delete me! I can't afford the humiliation!"

"Making friends? You know, that's what forums are for!" Meiru said happily as the others looked at her with sweat drops on their foreheads.

"Forums aren't the only way to meet people, you know," Enzan muttered with a raised eyebrow. "You could have an enlightening conversation with other people you happen to meet randomly."

"This has gone far enough! I'm not Maury over here!" Kenishiro shouted. "Look…is Ring on our side or not?"

"She isn't!" Mary huffed as she walked over and glomped a madly blushing Enzan as Kristen's face grew a bright firey red. "I'm on THIS side! I don't have to use money to make friends anymore! I want to be on the good side for once!"

"So it's mutiny, then?" Kenishiro hissed angrily. "You've just made the biggest mistake of your life, Mary. No one double-crosses the main man!"

"Whatever you say…Lobo," Enzan murmured inaudibly.

"Adver Man!" Kenishiro shouted. "Prepare for combat!"

The chubby little blue advertising horror jumped to his stubby feet and shouted his signature childish squeal: "I can do that! Wheeee!"

As Adver Man rushed to meet Mary and the Net Saviors in combat, Mary continued to glomp Enzan as Kristen continued to attempt to pry her off.

MEANWHILE, ON DUO'S COMET…

"And so another human has joined the fray," Duo stated softly, in a slightly worried tone. "A young French girl and her mysterious Navi that randomly transforms into an adult version of herself…indeed, I have a bad feeling about this."

"And that bad feeling…" Slur murmured, "…is that this will turn out to be…"

That said, the two continued ominously and dramatically:

"…the stupidest battle ever."

END PART XXX