1Title: Fumbling Through Darkness
Author: Elena Wolf
Rating: T (just to be safe)
Summary: Nick struggles to come to terms with his abduction, and finds only an old friend can help.
Characters: Nick/OC
Spoilers: post "Grave Danger"
Disclaimer: I don't own any part of CSI or its characters. I own Kayla Biggs, but that's about it. All rights belong to CBS, Jerry Bruckheimer, Alliance Atlantic and everyone else making money. I'm just happy to borrow them for a little bit.
Author's Note: This is a first for me...first time on first CSI fic. I haven't written FF in a long time, so be kind. I'm not sure if this piece is finished or not, but I'll judge from feedback if people want me to continue. Also, I'm a Snickers at heart, but I just couldn't work Sara into this one. Maybe next time...
Feedback: Yes, please!
Kayla stood at the counter and methodically cut the carrots for her soup. Slicing them evenly, she used the edge of the blade to wipe the pile into the pot, along with the celery and other vegetables that were already simmering. Stretching her neck, she picked up another carrot and began to peel the skin into the sink in quick, sharp movements. When it was just her, soup came from a can and took about 2 minutes in the microwave. But her domestic instincts had kicked in when she moved in with Nick, and soup became an all-day ordeal.
At about four in the afternoon, Nick was asleep. Despite entering his fourth month of leave from work, he had refused to get back on a normal schedule. At first he said that it was the feeling of routine and normalcy that he craved. However, Kayla suspected it was a suffocating fear of the dark that caused him to sleep during the day with the blinds open. She didn't mind. Her schedule was never routine, so it had been fairly easy to fall into step with him.
She was just starting on her third carrot when she heard a soft moan coming from the bedroom. She paused, her ears pricked, listening carefully. She'd slipped half a sedative into Nick's drink during dinner. He refused to take them, hating they way they would make him feel when he woke up. She knew that she couldn't get away with slipping a whole pill into his drink, but sometimes she cut her hidden stash in half. It was enough to help him drift off into a normally dreamless sleep. Those were the best nights. Tonight, however, the dreams broke through the drug-induced fog of Nick's night. The memories surfaced and pierced through his subconscious. All of a sudden, he was back in that box.
His moans grew louder and quickly turned to sobs. Putting her carrots aside and dropping the lid on the pot, Kayla wiped her hands on her jeans and made her way into the bedroom they shared. She sighed inwardly, resigned, steeling herself for the battle ahead. The walk to the room took forever, and by the time she reached his bedside, he was thrashing and kicking at the sheets that confined him.
"Nick." She said, sternly. She lowered herself to the bed and began stroking his face. She knew from past experience that her first instinct to grab him in her arms only caused him to struggle more. The nightmare was confinement, so she needed to give him space.
"Nick, baby, wake up." She stroked his face, wiping off the sweat that had formed. She continued to call his name, reassuring him that he was okay. He slowly stopped thrashing, and she could tell he was awake but struggling to remember where he was. He opened his eyes and looked around the room. "Its okay, its just a dream. You're here with me, and you're fine. You're okay, Nick."
He pulled himself into a sitting position, breathing starting to slow. Kayla tucked one foot underneath her body and pressed herself against his side. He needed the human contact.
Turning to look at her finally, Kayla saw unshed tears in his eyes. He grabbed her, pulling her body close with one hand, and holding her head with the other. He shuddered once, but didn't cry. "Its okay, Nicky."
"I'm so sorry, Kay." He didn't let her go. The shame at having her see him like this crept over him like a shadow. She had helped him through much worse, and for that he always felt guilty. In the beginning, the nightmares came two, three times a day. And that was only when he attempted to sleep. For weeks he would sit in front of the tv, struggling to keep his eyes open. Knowing the second they closed, he would feel the earth cave in on him. See the ants crawling across his vision. He would feel himself nod off. Startled, Nick would sit up straighter on the couch and take the deep breaths his therapist had recommended.
Everyone from the lab looked in on him. Warrick came by for ball games, bringing a twelve pack of beer and stories of his latest conquests. He tried to keep things light, like they had been before. But every once in a while, Nick would catch Warrick staring at him, and he knew what he was thinking. He hated pity. But more than anything, he hated being pitied by his friends. He'd been in the business long enough to know exactly what could have happened to him. He also knew it was just dumb luck that it had been him in that box. It could have easily been any one of his friends.
Grissom came by and sat quietly with Nick while he watched old National Geographic specials on the migratory patterns of exotic birds. He sometimes offered quips about life at the lab. Things Greg did to break the lingering tension, or his growing feelings for Sophia. But mostly he just sat. Grissom knew if Nick wanted to talk about it, he would.
Catherine came by a few times before bringing Lindsey. She wasn't sure if Nick would be up for the company, so she felt him out a few times before asking. His first instinct was to say no, that he wasn't ready. But something made him ask her one day to bring Lindsey by. It had turned out to be one of his better decisions. Her idle conversation and meaningless gossip was soothing to Nick. Lindsey was someone who knew him only as Nicky. The guy she'd always known from her mother's work. She didn't look at him with pity or questions in her eyes. She didn't think of him as the Nick Stokes who had been kidnaped and buried alive. He was just Nick.
Sara had been a different story. She had been there in the hospital with him, holding his hand as he fought through a fog of sedatives, painkillers and nightmares. But once he emerged and began to recover, she disappeared. She began taking double shifts at the lab and had always had an excuse as to why she never came by. But Nick understood. He knew it was hard for his friends to see him this way, and some dealt with it better than others. It had been just over a month before she came by for the first time. And when she did, she had Greg in tow, knowing he would do all the talking and she wouldn't have to deal with the uncomfortable silence. The first time they came, she sat quietly while Greg babbled. Nick nodded and commented politely, but he couldn't keep himself from stealing long glances at his former partner. When they left an hour later, Sara hung back and hesitated. She stood, staring at his driveway through the open door. "Sara?" He asked, unsure if she was about to run or break down.
She turned in one movement, face down, tears streaming. She covered the few feet between them and grabbed Nick roughly. Hugging him as tightly as he would allow, she held onto him for what seemed like hours. He stroked her back and whispered to her that he was fine. He would be okay.
They spoke in murmurs and Sara finally lifted her head and looked Nick straight in his eyes. For a moment, it seemed like she was about to say something. But she knew the words would be pointless. Nick knew how she felt. He knew how much she cared about him, even if she wasn't able to put it into so many words. "You okay?" He asked.
She nodded and cleared her throat. "Let me know if you need anything, okay Nick? You can always call me." She searched his face for understanding and nodded at his tight smile. Offering one of her own, Sara turned and strode quickly out of his house and up to the car where Greg was waiting quietly.
And then he was alone. Again. As much as he sometimes dreaded the forced visits from his colleagues, he mostly dreaded when they left. The sudden quiet of the rooms. The emptiness. He'd always been partial to living alone...having his independence, his privacy. But Nick was starting to re-think that. He almost always had the radio or television on, unable to stand the
sometimes deafening silence.
It was Grissom who first suggested he talk to Kayla. Nick had met her a few years ago. She had just moved to Las Vegas, relocated through her company. She was in the lab that day looking for Gil. Nick happened to be walking with him through the hallway, discussing a partial print he'd lifted off the doorway at a crime scene. He thought this might be the big break for the case, the kidnaping of a six-year old girl, and had been sharing it with his boss and mentor. Neither man noticed the slight woman standing in the middle of the hallway until she spoke.
"Dr. Grissom?" She asked with hope in her eyes and a growing smile on her face.
Grissom slowed, cocking his head to one side and narrowing his eyes, searching his memory. She looked vaguely familiar, but he met so many people over the years, it was sometimes impossible to remember one face.
"You don't remember me, do you?" She smiled broader, almost pleased with herself. "Its okay, its been a long time. Thirteen years to be exact."
Quickly doing the mental math, Grissom began to put the pieces together. "Kayla?"
Kayla laughed and nodded. "Its good to see you again, Dr. Grissom."
Grissom was momentarily stunned. He took in the sight of the woman before him and tried to match her to the image of the scared little girl burned in his memory. She had been just a child when he helped solve her case. He had actually been the one to find her. He stood back while the cops broke down the door, but had been one of the first inside once it was clear. He found her exactly where he knew he would, behind the water heater in the corner of the basement. He had lifted her carefully and carried her out of the prison himself.
"My God, how are you? You look...wonderful." He was still getting over the shock. She had grown up to be quite beautiful. Her hair was long and full, the color of honey. Her blue eyes sparkled in a way Gil knew they would if given the chance. She was definitely a grown woman now, business suit and all.
"What brings you to Vegas, and to the crime lab?" He realized that once her case was solved and the media attention died down, Kayla had all but disappeared.
"I'm here on the Kleevman case. Six-year old girl, taken from her home under suspicious circumstances?"
"That's my case." Nick stated, eyeing Kayla curiously. He didn't like when suits interfered with his investigation before he had a chance to process all the evidence. "Who are you here with?"
Sensing his mistrust, Kayla held out her hand to him. "I'm sorry, Kayla Briggs, CMEC. I'm not here to meddle, just provide support for the lab, Mr..."
"Stokes, Nick Stokes. I'm lead CSI on this investigation." Nick and Kayla held each others gaze.
"You're with the Center for Missing and Exploited Children?" Grissom was in awe. Not only had she recovered from her trauma, she seemed to have embraced her past and put it to good use.
"Well, you and your team were so wonderful in finding me, I thought it best if I return the favor. Besides, having someone tell a family that they know what they're going through only helps if they actually do." Grissom smiled at the statement.
"Gentleman, I'm here for the duration of the investigation and would like to help in any way I can. Just let me know." She nodded at Nick and turned to walk the other way, into a suite of administrative offices. Looking back, she added, "It's good to see you again, Dr. Grissom."
"You too," Gil added almost as an afterthought once she had passed through the glass double doors.
"You want to fill me in here, Griss?" Nick turned to his superior, amused at the taken look on Gil's face.
Grissom told him in the story as they continued to make their way down the hall and to the fingerprint lab. Kayla Biggs was twelve-years old when a serial kidnapper abducted her from her home. Her parents had been away and the babysitter had been drugged. She was missing for nearly ten days, long enough that people were starting to give up hope that she would be found alive. A break in the investigation led Grissom and his team to find Cy Meadows' house where he was keeping her. Where he had kept all his victims. Grissom found her inside and reunited her with her family. It was an unusual story, one that caught the media's attention. She was the focus of news stories and magazine articles for months. Once the attention faded however, she slipped quietly from public view.
Nick and Kayla worked side by side on the Kleevman case. The nights were long and the leads were scarce. Only through sheer determination did they find the suspect, a thirty-two year old store clerk. Unfortunately, two weeks later police uncovered the girl's body near Henderson. It hit the lab hard, Nick especially. Over a cup of coffee and some pancakes, Kayla shared her story with him. She told him how lucky she had been that Grissom found her. How she had beaten the odds. Working with CMEC, she saw families every day who weren't as lucky as her own. It only made her more thankful and more determined to stop it from happening to anyone else.
Kayla packed up her makeshift office and moved on a week later. She stayed around Vegas for a few more months before heading upstate. She and Nick kept in contact through emails and occasional phone calls. But over the years, they lost touch. Only a note here and there kept him apprized of her whereabouts. She had taken over the Nevada office and traveled the state extensively. It had been nearly five months since her last letter that she received a phone call.
