Chapter 4: Guilt

About three months had passed since that fateful day when Hermione had made Harry and Ron start revising, and Harry had got to the point where he would have started revising even if Hermione wasn't on his back. Ron had even started finishing the books that he was reading without falling asleep, Hermione had never been so proud, that is until she discovered that he hadn't absorbed a word when she tested him. However, as he told her in the inevitable argument, "You can't have everything in life."

Harry was heading to the library on a Saturday morning about a week before the exams were due to start to meet Ron and Hermione for some more revision after breakfast when…

"Harry." Ginny had just come out of the great hall, she looked rather nervous, Harry felt his scar twinge, but it happened so often these days that he just ignored it.

"What is it Ginny, are you ok?" she looked rather pale, like when she was going to tell Harry about the Chamber of Secrets, in his second year.

"I need to tell you something."

"Ok." Harry was bewildered, was this something to do with Ron?

"You know that we've been mates for a while." Ginny started

"Yes." Harry replied slowly, however his mind was in hyperdrive, it sounded like Ginny was asking him out, god did he love her. He had only just been prepared to admit it to himself, but he had been in love with her for years, he just hadn't realised what he was feeling. Suddenly everything began to make sense, the strange happy feeling when he found out that she had dumped Dean, the strange swooping sensation in his stomach that felt so similar to flying, whenever she spoke to him. He couldn't go out with her, she would be prime target for Voldemort. However, he couldn't tell her the truth, she would think that Harry thought her as a little girl who cant look after herself, but how would he be able to live with himself when he will inevitably hurt her?

"Well Harry, this is probably going to ruin everything, so I'm very sorry, but you have to know." then she stood on tiptoes and kissed Harry on the lips. Not a peck but a kiss that was full of love that made Harry feel sick, because he knew that for Ginny's own safety he would have to upset her. Subconsciously Harry slid his arms around her waist, and kissed her back, all the time feeling more and more guilty, because he knew that he was giving her a false hope and it would be even more painful when he had to let her go. Reluctantly, he pulled away, Ginny looked him in his eyes questioning.

"Harry?"

Unable to meet Ginny's eyes, Harry, tears in his own eyes, looked at his feet, his throat too tight to speak, he slowly shook his head, Ginny stepped backwards, clearly hurt.

"It's to do with Ron isn't it? I thought you were decent, I thought you liked me, until now. Why did you kiss me back if you don't like me? You're just like the rest of them!"

Still feeling sick, eyes blurred with tears, Harry found his voice, looked into Ginny's eyes and said

"I'm so sorry Ginny, there is a good reason, nothing to do with Ron, I will tell you why, but I cant tell you now, but I will tell you someday."

Ginny, unable to find words let out a small sob and ran towards the common room. Harry decided not to mention this little meeting to Ron and Hermione, rubbed rears out of his eye, and carried on towards the library.

Harry was amazed how he managed to get through his exams and final stages of revision, while being tortured by his own guilt and self conscience, without going insane. He assumed that the extra revision and pressure took his mind off it, which was probably why Ron and Hermione hadn't noticed a thing. Harry's self-conscience wasn't the only thing giving him grief during NEWTs his scar had been throbbing almost continuously since he had spoken to Ginny all those weeks ago. The constant pain in his head gave Harry a very foreboding feeling, he was getting worried about Ginny, he was certain that something was going to happen to her if he didn't do anything about it, but what could he do when he doesn't know what is going to happen?

The final exam had been that afternoon, and Harry hadn't spoken to Ginny since the kiss, but he couldn't get the memory out of his mind. He was silently suffering the fate of his own conscience, in the absence of exams to try and occupy his mind, he and Ron had tried to get Hermione to stop going through her exam papers to join the end-of-exams common room party. After a good deal of persuasion from Harry and Ron, Hermione agreed to put down her exam paper and join in on the fun. Harry and Ron hadn't seen Hermione look so happy in weeks, she was actually smiling which had been a rare sight once they'd started revision. Harry tried to enjoy himself, but out of a corner of his eye he saw Ginny sitting quietly in a corner watching Harry with a tear in her eye. Trying hard to ignore her mates giving Harry dirty looks by the food table, Harry turned his attention to Ron and Hermione, but they were slow dancing in the middle of the room. Every couple seemed to be up there, trying to ignore the voice in his head telling him that he and Ginny could be up there if he had only told her the truth. Desperately wishing the empty feeling in his stomach would go away, Harry turned and walked up to his dormitory.

"I"M NOT A LITTLE GIRL HARRY! I THOUGHT YOU KNEW THAT? FOR GODS SAKE, I"M 16! I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AND YOU THINK THAT I DIDN"T KNOW THE RISK I WAS TAKING! I LOVE YOU HARRY, I"M PREPARED TO RISK EVERYTHING FOR YOU AND YOU THINK THAT I"M TOO STUPID TO KNOW WHAT I WAS GETTING MYSELF INTO?" Ginnys yells magnified, echoed around the great hall. Harry shaking looked at Ron, who opened his mouth and spoke with Hermione voice.

"You did break her heart you know Harry." Harry heard footsteps behind him and turned around to find Ginny looking a lot like her mother having discovered more ton tongue toffee.

"Ginny I…" Harry began but Ginny wasn't listening to excuses, she raised her hand and swung it at Harry's face…

Harry sat up suddenly, he was breathing heavily, and his heart was racing. There was movement from Ron's bed and Harry saw Ron's eyes peering at him through the gloomy gap between his curtains.

"Harry are you ok?"

"I'm fine Ron, I just had a nightmare."

"Obviously, but Hermione noticed that things seem a little quiet between you and Ginny, apparently Ginny won't tell Hermione anything, but something must have happened because she seems really jumpy whenever she hears your name, and really snappy at however mentions you. She almost bit Hermione's head off when she asked what was wrong."

Hermione must have been less occupied with revision then Harry had originally thought. Hermione was the cleverest witch in the school, she was bound to realise what was between them soon, she probably already knew that Harry likes Ginny. She probably realised the truth before Harry did. Ron was probably going to find out soon anyway, so better be sooner then later, so Harry told Ron the truth about his sister.

"So," Ron said when Harry had finished "You hurt Ginny more then can be imagined, for her own safety, when she probably already knew what she was risking when she kissed you."

"Yes," Harry said in a hopeless voice, he was bracing himself for the coming storm, he had no idea what Ron's reaction would be, but he was fearing it regardless.

"You can be an idiot sometimes, I'd recommend talking to her about it, but knowing what she inherited from mum, you'd be better off asking Hermione to talk to her." Ron said calmly.

"You're not mad or anything?" Harry asked quietly.

"Mad, why would I? I've been hoping for you two to get together for a long time, it was kind of obvious that it was inevitable." Ron smiled at his best friend through the dark room.

"Thanks Ron, that really means a lot to me, I'll be surprised if shes prepared to talk to me ever again tho-" but Harry's words were cut short by Hermione bursting into their dormitory, fully dressed, her face as white as a sheet.

"Harry, Ron, thank god you're awake! We've got to go!" she gasped.

"Hermione, calm down, sit down, why don't you tell us all what's happened?" Ron managed to calm her down her down slightly, and she sank down silently onto the end of Ron's bed. Within seconds Dean, Seamus, and Neville had been hastily shaken awake and were listening to Hermione with round eyes. When she had finished telling them what had happened, Dean, Seamus, and Neville looked at Ron who in turn glanced at Harry.

"How did they get in Hermione?"

"No idea, it wasn't the fat lady though, I asked her."

"Do you know where they took her?"

"Last we saw she was being dragged into the forbidden forest." deadly silence followed these words, Ron and Harry suddenly stood up simultaneously.

"I'm going after her." Harry said looking at Ron then Hermione.

"Not without me you're not" she said, tears forming in her eyes, Harry could also see fear and love there, she was coming to protect Ron, she obviously didn't want to lose him, not so soon. Seeing the love in his best friends eyes, made Harry think of his love for Ginny. "If I get out of this alive," he thought "I'll tell her the truth." something stirred in the depths of his stomach, a destiny to be fulfilled, and now was the time to do it.