You Can Find Anything.... 7/?
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EARLY THE FOLLOWING MORNING
Breathing heavily, Peter swiped at his sweaty brow with his sleeve and paused to lean against a tree.
"Look... can we stop a minute? I'm ready for a cold beer an' a twelve hour nap, not in that order."
/// I could do with some rest myself, but you're not done yet. Until you are neither am I, so get to work . Do well and I'll see you when you get where you're going. \\\ the panda told him, turning away and moving back toward the stand of trees they'd just emerged from.
"Huh? Translation please."
/// I'll use small words this time. Move your ass. Use your gifts. Go find her. \\\
"Find who? Hey, wait, where do you think... get back here!"
/// I can't tell you anything else and I can't go any further. From here on in, all the decisions are yours. Move, damn it! She's still waiting for you, but she won't hang around forever. It could be too late already. \\\
"Too late? For what?" Peter shouted as his escort disappeared back into the foliage. "No! Damn.... don't leave me alone. Not again...."
As Peter stood, locked in his despair and hesitation, a few final words resounded quietly in his brain, sparking a memory from early in his childhood.
/// Your first lesson.... go back... remember...\\\
% You must understand how to be at peace, my son.
I want to fight like the others do.
In time. Master this first. Knowledge, wisdom, direction, all will flow to you as easily and swiftly as water, if you are at peace.
It's too hard.
You are reaching for what you desire. This only makes the goal seem farther and farther away. Simply quiet your mind.... be calm and relaxed. Open yourself completely and what you seek will come to you. Open to the wider world.... see what it has to show you.... hear what it has to say.
Father.... I feel it.... I do.
I see this. Good, Peter. Very good.... %
Though he still struggled to understand what had happened to him, Peter clearly got the message his memory was trying to send. Pushing aside the distraction of his agitated emotions, he dropped to the ground, crossed his legs and closed his eyes, slowing his breathing and hoping against all hope that the first meditation his father had ever taught him would still be effective.
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"You've been Jim's guide for over two years, Blair. I'm not asking for specifics of your relationship. Just tell me how to start. What am I supposed to do?"
"Mom.... God, I don't know. Even if you're right and you are a Guide, and this Peter is a Sentinel, and even if he's *your* Sentinel.... it's different for every pair bond. What I experienced won't be what you experience. You already know the basics. The Guide's job is to support his or her Sentinel and help them learn to accept and use their powers for the good of the people in whatever their territory is. All I can suggest is that you get back in touch with Peter... and do it soon."
"I... I've tried. The sensation... it scared me so much the first time. It was like losing myself..... being... blended somehow with that silver mare. I don't know if I can do that again."
Jim, standing a few feet away, suddenly decided to add his two cents to the discussion, whether or not it was wanted. He had a vague sense that Peter, or at the very least his soul, was in real danger, and the Sentinel instinct to defend and protect would not be denied.
"I know, Naomi. Every time my panther shows up, he pulls me in a little. I feel his power. I have to fight not to get lost in the urge to run and hunt and just... live. No rules, no restrictions. Pure existence. Scares the hell out of me."
"How do you cope with that fear? How do you not end up hiding in a corner, shaking and catatonic?"
"I remember that these animals are with us for a reason. When I need that strength to save somebody, I don't hesitate to call on it.... to just let my spirit animal take over. Sometimes, it's the only way to get the job done."
"Blair?" Naomi questioned, turning her gaze on her son once again.
"He's right, mom. Becoming your spirit animal is terrifying the first few times. It took me a while to understand that I was still me. I like the way you phrased it. It's a blending, but the two elements sort of stay separate at the same time. You get the use of the best qualities of the animal for a while, but it's still your mind. You stay in control and you can break the connection whenever you need to."
Having heard very little about Blair's journeys with his wolf spirit, Jim shot Blair a curious look that said the younger man was in for a long, in depth discussion when they got back to their hotel. Blair caught the look, read the message easily and turned away to hide the sudden rush of color in his face. Jim turned back to Naomi.
"You may be this kid's only chance, Naomi. I think Blair's right. You have to go back in. Blair and I.... we put each other first. We don't even think about it anymore, we just do it. If you're not sure you can do that.... maybe you aren't meant to be Peter's Guide."
"I am!" Naomi retorted, jumping to her feet. "Haven't either of you been listening at all? I feel it, I know it.... I'm supposed to be here! He needs me and Peter is what I've been searching for all my life! If you can't be as positive as I am about this, then you can both just go home, because I don't need you or your... your doubting Thomas attitudes!"
Glancing at Jim, Blair grinned broadly. Jim returned it then both men looked back to Naomi, who glared at them intently. "What? What are you smiling about?"
Walking to where his mother stood, Blair embraced her fiercely. Though she tried to stay angry, being held in her son's arms dissolved every ounce of her sudden burst of fury.
"I never really doubted you, mom. I was just waiting for some sign. When you defended Peter and yourself like that.... when you defended your right to your bond, I knew. I'm so happy for you, I hope you know that. Even if it means we'll see each other less than we do now...." he told her joyfully, belying the tears spilling down his cheeks.
"Blair.... at least I'll only be down the coast instead of eight-thousand miles away..." Naomi reminded him, crying as well.
"True.... Mom, you have to do this. You have to go back into that world and find Peter. He may not wake up if you don't." Blair said, pulling away slightly to gaze into his mother's face. Naomi nodded and completed the separation.
"I know. Will you both stay? I still have so many questions. And Peter... he has no idea about any of this. He'll need someone who understands..."
"Don't worry. We'll be here, Naomi." Jim reassured. "Go to him."
"Thank you.... both of you."
Blair touched Naomi's face softly, then gripped her by the shoulders, turned her around and gave her a gentle shove in the direction of the back room where Peter lay waiting for her. She laughed, but didn't turn back to look at either man. Instead she strode forward, praying the delay hadn't cost her the new life she now desired more than anything.
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In the forest of his childhood, Peter sat quietly, employing his father's techniques to expand the boundaries of thought and of the physical senses. After what seemed like hours, he'd begun to worry that he had forgotten some vital step or simply wasn't doing something right, because nothing was happening. Soon, however, the status quo changed abruptly. Between one moment and the next, his environment utterly transformed, throwing him violently out of his peaceful, meditative state and into chaos. When he opened his eyes, the warm, humid, sunlit forest he'd been moving through was suddenly dark and bitterly cold, with infrequent snowflakes drifting in the air. Standing slowly, he stared around him incredulously, anger bubbling up to the surface and demanding to be expressed.
"What the hell.... great. What now? Siberia? China, so I can meet up with a few more smart-ass pandas?" he asked indignantly, addressing his question to the sky as he wrapped his arms around himself for warmth. Ineffectual as the move was, he could think of nothing else to do. When a gentle, obviously feminine voice spoke in his mind, he considered banging his head on a nearby tree to get it to stop, but decided he didn't need a real headache to go with the emotional and psychological ones he already had.
{Peter? Can you hear me? Please, I need you to hear me....}
"I hear. Not that I want to, but I hear. Are you gonna tell me how to get out of this?"
The voice continued on as if his response had not been received. To his dismay, he didn't get the answer he wanted, but, strangely, the words still brought him comfort, bolstering his strength and lightening his mood a little.
{I pray you can understand me. Even if you can't, I have to try anyway. I'm so sorry. I never meant to lose track of you. It was an accident. None of us really understood.... Peter, don't give up, do you hear me? No matter what, don't you dare give up because I'm not giving up on you. You need to keep moving forward. You'll know when you're getting close. Your heart and your ears will tell you. Just don't give up... not when we're both so close. Please, Peter....}
"Keep moving.... yeah, like I'd stop. I'd freeze to death in about five minutes. Don't worry, whoever you are. I'm not givin' up just yet." Peter declared as he moved off through the brush again, more cautious now due to lessened visibility. "I want a steak smothered in mushrooms and onions, the world's biggest potato drowning in sour cream and two six packs of light beer. If schizophrenia's what it takes to get me fed and bombed beyond recognition, that's okay with me.... The guys in the white coats can slip the straightjacket on *after* I pass out. I won't be arguin', that's for damn sure. Probably won't even feel the needle when the shoot me up with the anti-psychotic..."
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TBC......
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EARLY THE FOLLOWING MORNING
Breathing heavily, Peter swiped at his sweaty brow with his sleeve and paused to lean against a tree.
"Look... can we stop a minute? I'm ready for a cold beer an' a twelve hour nap, not in that order."
/// I could do with some rest myself, but you're not done yet. Until you are neither am I, so get to work . Do well and I'll see you when you get where you're going. \\\ the panda told him, turning away and moving back toward the stand of trees they'd just emerged from.
"Huh? Translation please."
/// I'll use small words this time. Move your ass. Use your gifts. Go find her. \\\
"Find who? Hey, wait, where do you think... get back here!"
/// I can't tell you anything else and I can't go any further. From here on in, all the decisions are yours. Move, damn it! She's still waiting for you, but she won't hang around forever. It could be too late already. \\\
"Too late? For what?" Peter shouted as his escort disappeared back into the foliage. "No! Damn.... don't leave me alone. Not again...."
As Peter stood, locked in his despair and hesitation, a few final words resounded quietly in his brain, sparking a memory from early in his childhood.
/// Your first lesson.... go back... remember...\\\
% You must understand how to be at peace, my son.
I want to fight like the others do.
In time. Master this first. Knowledge, wisdom, direction, all will flow to you as easily and swiftly as water, if you are at peace.
It's too hard.
You are reaching for what you desire. This only makes the goal seem farther and farther away. Simply quiet your mind.... be calm and relaxed. Open yourself completely and what you seek will come to you. Open to the wider world.... see what it has to show you.... hear what it has to say.
Father.... I feel it.... I do.
I see this. Good, Peter. Very good.... %
Though he still struggled to understand what had happened to him, Peter clearly got the message his memory was trying to send. Pushing aside the distraction of his agitated emotions, he dropped to the ground, crossed his legs and closed his eyes, slowing his breathing and hoping against all hope that the first meditation his father had ever taught him would still be effective.
---------------------------
"You've been Jim's guide for over two years, Blair. I'm not asking for specifics of your relationship. Just tell me how to start. What am I supposed to do?"
"Mom.... God, I don't know. Even if you're right and you are a Guide, and this Peter is a Sentinel, and even if he's *your* Sentinel.... it's different for every pair bond. What I experienced won't be what you experience. You already know the basics. The Guide's job is to support his or her Sentinel and help them learn to accept and use their powers for the good of the people in whatever their territory is. All I can suggest is that you get back in touch with Peter... and do it soon."
"I... I've tried. The sensation... it scared me so much the first time. It was like losing myself..... being... blended somehow with that silver mare. I don't know if I can do that again."
Jim, standing a few feet away, suddenly decided to add his two cents to the discussion, whether or not it was wanted. He had a vague sense that Peter, or at the very least his soul, was in real danger, and the Sentinel instinct to defend and protect would not be denied.
"I know, Naomi. Every time my panther shows up, he pulls me in a little. I feel his power. I have to fight not to get lost in the urge to run and hunt and just... live. No rules, no restrictions. Pure existence. Scares the hell out of me."
"How do you cope with that fear? How do you not end up hiding in a corner, shaking and catatonic?"
"I remember that these animals are with us for a reason. When I need that strength to save somebody, I don't hesitate to call on it.... to just let my spirit animal take over. Sometimes, it's the only way to get the job done."
"Blair?" Naomi questioned, turning her gaze on her son once again.
"He's right, mom. Becoming your spirit animal is terrifying the first few times. It took me a while to understand that I was still me. I like the way you phrased it. It's a blending, but the two elements sort of stay separate at the same time. You get the use of the best qualities of the animal for a while, but it's still your mind. You stay in control and you can break the connection whenever you need to."
Having heard very little about Blair's journeys with his wolf spirit, Jim shot Blair a curious look that said the younger man was in for a long, in depth discussion when they got back to their hotel. Blair caught the look, read the message easily and turned away to hide the sudden rush of color in his face. Jim turned back to Naomi.
"You may be this kid's only chance, Naomi. I think Blair's right. You have to go back in. Blair and I.... we put each other first. We don't even think about it anymore, we just do it. If you're not sure you can do that.... maybe you aren't meant to be Peter's Guide."
"I am!" Naomi retorted, jumping to her feet. "Haven't either of you been listening at all? I feel it, I know it.... I'm supposed to be here! He needs me and Peter is what I've been searching for all my life! If you can't be as positive as I am about this, then you can both just go home, because I don't need you or your... your doubting Thomas attitudes!"
Glancing at Jim, Blair grinned broadly. Jim returned it then both men looked back to Naomi, who glared at them intently. "What? What are you smiling about?"
Walking to where his mother stood, Blair embraced her fiercely. Though she tried to stay angry, being held in her son's arms dissolved every ounce of her sudden burst of fury.
"I never really doubted you, mom. I was just waiting for some sign. When you defended Peter and yourself like that.... when you defended your right to your bond, I knew. I'm so happy for you, I hope you know that. Even if it means we'll see each other less than we do now...." he told her joyfully, belying the tears spilling down his cheeks.
"Blair.... at least I'll only be down the coast instead of eight-thousand miles away..." Naomi reminded him, crying as well.
"True.... Mom, you have to do this. You have to go back into that world and find Peter. He may not wake up if you don't." Blair said, pulling away slightly to gaze into his mother's face. Naomi nodded and completed the separation.
"I know. Will you both stay? I still have so many questions. And Peter... he has no idea about any of this. He'll need someone who understands..."
"Don't worry. We'll be here, Naomi." Jim reassured. "Go to him."
"Thank you.... both of you."
Blair touched Naomi's face softly, then gripped her by the shoulders, turned her around and gave her a gentle shove in the direction of the back room where Peter lay waiting for her. She laughed, but didn't turn back to look at either man. Instead she strode forward, praying the delay hadn't cost her the new life she now desired more than anything.
--------------------------
In the forest of his childhood, Peter sat quietly, employing his father's techniques to expand the boundaries of thought and of the physical senses. After what seemed like hours, he'd begun to worry that he had forgotten some vital step or simply wasn't doing something right, because nothing was happening. Soon, however, the status quo changed abruptly. Between one moment and the next, his environment utterly transformed, throwing him violently out of his peaceful, meditative state and into chaos. When he opened his eyes, the warm, humid, sunlit forest he'd been moving through was suddenly dark and bitterly cold, with infrequent snowflakes drifting in the air. Standing slowly, he stared around him incredulously, anger bubbling up to the surface and demanding to be expressed.
"What the hell.... great. What now? Siberia? China, so I can meet up with a few more smart-ass pandas?" he asked indignantly, addressing his question to the sky as he wrapped his arms around himself for warmth. Ineffectual as the move was, he could think of nothing else to do. When a gentle, obviously feminine voice spoke in his mind, he considered banging his head on a nearby tree to get it to stop, but decided he didn't need a real headache to go with the emotional and psychological ones he already had.
{Peter? Can you hear me? Please, I need you to hear me....}
"I hear. Not that I want to, but I hear. Are you gonna tell me how to get out of this?"
The voice continued on as if his response had not been received. To his dismay, he didn't get the answer he wanted, but, strangely, the words still brought him comfort, bolstering his strength and lightening his mood a little.
{I pray you can understand me. Even if you can't, I have to try anyway. I'm so sorry. I never meant to lose track of you. It was an accident. None of us really understood.... Peter, don't give up, do you hear me? No matter what, don't you dare give up because I'm not giving up on you. You need to keep moving forward. You'll know when you're getting close. Your heart and your ears will tell you. Just don't give up... not when we're both so close. Please, Peter....}
"Keep moving.... yeah, like I'd stop. I'd freeze to death in about five minutes. Don't worry, whoever you are. I'm not givin' up just yet." Peter declared as he moved off through the brush again, more cautious now due to lessened visibility. "I want a steak smothered in mushrooms and onions, the world's biggest potato drowning in sour cream and two six packs of light beer. If schizophrenia's what it takes to get me fed and bombed beyond recognition, that's okay with me.... The guys in the white coats can slip the straightjacket on *after* I pass out. I won't be arguin', that's for damn sure. Probably won't even feel the needle when the shoot me up with the anti-psychotic..."
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TBC......
