Bittersweet and Salty
By
Kelsey
Disclaimer: Not mine. Though as I've said before, you'd think with all the "Law and Order"s out there, they could spare one.
Author's Note: Thank you to all the reviewers-- they make me love doing this. Don't expect the frenetic pace of new chapters to continue, but enjoy while they do!
Summary: Someone comes back into Olivia's life, but someone else is already there. Will old love prevail, or does new love run stronger? Femslash, O/A, O/C.
Rating: PG-13 this chapter
Chapter Two
There is no one waiting when Olivia gets home that night. She turns on the light, hangs up her coat, kicks off her boots and heads for the fridge to get a soda. She's relieved but a little surprised that neither the familiar redhead nor her blonde ex is here to greet her. Both have keys-- at least she assumes Alex still has hers.
More importantly, they are both stubborn as hell and not prone to pussyfooting around the subject. She assumed that at least one of them would be here when she got back, determined to hash everything over and get to the point. It's struck Olivia before just how similar her ex-lover and her current one are.
But the peace and quiet of the apartment gives her a little time to think, and as much as she doesn't really want to dwell on the issue at hand, it is necessary. "After all, you got yourself into this mess," Olivia mutters as she clicks on the television and flops back onto her couch. She could have waited. Her libido would have been satisfied with the occasional trip to a bar and night out. But no. She had to take up with someone she works with, and not only that, but the new ADA. It was no wonder Alex was feeling more than a little jilted.
Casey's odd comment comes back to her now, and she mulls it over. The fact of the matter is that every time the thought of what she was going to do if Alex came back crossed her mind, Olivia pushed it away. So she wasn't lying to Elliot when she told him that she hadn't considered it. But Casey apparently had. And Olivia could see the affection in her eyes-- it wouldn't be without pain that Casey would leave her to be with Alex.
Casey has never seemed the sort to be self-sacrificing, so this willingness to leave Olivia and let her be with Alex makes old insecurities raise their ugly heads. Perhaps Casey was the one waiting, only using Olivia as a bed warmer and break from awkward one night stands. Maybe she is grateful that Alex is back, and now she can leave Olivia without guilt or explanations.
Olivia shakes her head and tries to clear it of these thoughts. Whatever else it might have been, she and Casey have been good together these last months. They've become friends, and between the sex, there have been long evenings of movie-viewing and mutual work in comfortable silence. Whether there has been a real spark, there has been genuine affection.
But is that all?
Olivia gives up on the diet soda, and goes for something harder.
There isn't much sleep happening that night, and Olivia wakes thoroughly unrested. But apparently she slept deeply enough that Casey has snuck into her kitchen and brought designer coffee.
"God, you're an angel," she groans as she sinks into one of her well-worn dining room chairs and swallows the hot coffee. Casey smiles and offers her a donut. She shakes her head. "Have to lose a few pounds to be as skinny as you, counselor."
Casey shakes her head ruefully. "I carry it all on my hips. C'mon."
Olivia relents, takes a donut, and is struck for a moment with the beauty of this young woman, who, for some inexplicable reason, wants her. With all the baggage, and the painful job, and the awful stories from the past. Despite all the crap, Casey wants her.She knows she is staring, but she can't help it.
Cocking her head, Casey peers at her curiously. "What?"
"You're beautiful," Olivia says softly. She wants to say 'I love you,' because she does, but she isn't sure if she's in love with Casey, and she doesn't want to give her the wrong idea.
The redhead ducks her head and blushes. Olivia thinks it's unbearably cute-- this bashfulness is where Casey most differs from Alex. Both are strong, determined, confident personalities, but where Alex would have just tilted her head and accepted the compliment with a twinkle in her eye, Casey blushes and looks away.
Chewing, Olivia grins contentedly.
As the flush starts to fade from her cheeks, Casey looks up and hurriedly grabs for a donut herself, more to busy her hands and mouth than because she actually wants it, Olivia is sure. It serves the purpose, and the rest of the impromptu breakfast is conducted in silence.
As they pull together greasy paper bags and cold-coffee-filled cups for the garbage, Olivia asks if Casey needs a ride. Sometimes it's too cold for the bike, or she's running late, and Olivia sometimes has a car from the precinct, like she does this morning.
Casey shakes her head. "Nope. I've got my wheels."
"Case, it's freezing."
Casey points to the thermometer in Olivia's window and shakes her head. "Look. Not below thirty-two degrees," she says, grinning cheekily.
They haven't touched yet this morning, but Olivia can't resist leaning over and kissing her softly. "Smart aleck," she says fondly.
"You know it," is Casey's only response as she wheels her bike out of Olivia's front hallway and down towards the elevator.
Alex is sitting in the squad room when Olivia shows up, the first detective there after Munch, who never seems to sleep. She rises and smiles a little hesitantly, and Olivia smiles back, trying to put everything aside and just be glad that Alex is back, safe and sound.
"No FBI detail today?" she asks.
"I convinced them that I didn't really need them in the middle of a police station," Alex replies. "I'm supposed to call them before I leave the building."
Olivia nods. "Sticking around again this morning?"
"You mind?"
"Of course not." There is a pause. "Alex, no matter what, you're my friend," Olivia says awkwardly, her voice pitched low to keep it from Munch's overly-interested ears.
Alex smiles softly, and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. "You too," she says.
"Want to get lunch later?" Olivia offers, the atmosphere somewhat less tense.
Alex nods, and is about to reply when Elliot walks through the doors, looking more than a little bleary-eyed. "Good morning all," he says, heading straight for the coffee.
"Don't have coffee at your house, Elliot?" Olivia teases him, leaning on her desk and watching him burn his tongue on the first sip.
He grimaces. "Coffeemaker busted," he says. "I thought about getting Starbucks or something, but it was easier to just come here." He glances at his cup. "Even if the coffee does suck. Who made this, anyway?"
Munch raises his hand distractedly as he paws through the piles of paperwork common to all their desks. "That would be the fine cuisine de Munch," he replies.
"You need some coffee-making lessons," Elliot says, and ignores Munch when he flips the other detective off without once looking up.
Olivia turns and starts poking through her own stack of paperwork. "Hey," she says, waving a small piece of paper at Elliot, "Warner's looking for us."
"What's she doing in at this hour?" Elliot asks.
Olivia shrugs. "No idea, but she wants to talk to us. Let's get going." Grabbing her jacket, Olivia's eyes fall on the former ADA, watching them leave and making no move to join them. "Alex? Coming?"
A smile spreads across Alex's face as she rises. "Sure you want me tagging along?" she asks.
"Definitely," Elliot says, laying a friendly arm over her shoulder, and Olivia nods, grabbing the keys to the car she drove in this morning, following them out of the station.
Halfway to the car, Elliot asks about the bodyguards, and Alex grimaces. "I'd rather leave them behind," she says. "I'm with the two of you, anyway."
Olivia turns to look at Alex before pushing open the door to the outdoors. "Are you sure?" She looks away. "We weren't really enough last time."
A hand falls gently on her shoulder, and she turns to find herself heart-wrenchingly close to those piercing blue eyes that have haunted her dreams for so long. "It wasn't your fault, Liv."
The nickname tears a little shudder from her body, and Olivia feels her eyes getting wet. This is ridiculous, she tells herself. I know it wasn't my fault.
Yes, a voice in her brain argues back, but that's not the same as having Alex here, alive and well and telling you that, is it?
Olivia reaches up and closes her hand over Alex's briefly. "Thanks," she says softly. Composing herself, she lets go, and Alex lets her hand drop away. "But you're sure you don't want to call them?"
She nods. "I'm tired of having them on my heels all the time. Just don't tell them I left without calling?"
Olivia smiles. "I promise."
Elliot, trying to lighten the atmosphere, shakes his head. "I don't know… disobeying orders from a federal agent… I might have to report you, Cabot."
Alex laughs lightly, and Olivia's eyes follow her as she climbs into the car with more poise and grace than any normal person would be able to manage. Elliot catches his her staring, shakes his head and gently nudges her towards the door to the backseat, grinning.
Warner greets them at the door to the morgue, and then promptly takes a step back in shock as Alex rounds the corner and smiles at her. "Alex?" she says in a whisper-thin voice very different from her usual confident tones.
"Hi," Alex replies gently, apparently used to this reaction by now. "Sorry to shock you, but I just didn't know how else to tell you."
Olivia, who never even thought about all these people whom Alex was dead to meeting her again, wants to kick herself. There are so many… judges and other lawyers, the whole DA's office… dozens of people who remember Alex with varying degrees of fondness and never knew she wasn't dead.
"Wha…" Warner has taken a seat rather quickly at the nearest desk, and Alex looks a little pained as she steps closer and starts to explain.
"Witness protection," she says. "Velez was too powerful, and I was too stubborn… he knew I would never stop hunting him."
A little shocked laugh escapes Warner, and she looks up at the former ADA. "You never did know when to give up," she says. "You were like a bulldog in that courtroom." She rises, steadies herself with a hand on the desk, and then steps forward to embrace Alex. Never a tactile person, Alex stiffens a little, but allows it. Olivia remembers when she was dating the former ADA, Alex had once told her that the only people with business touching her were her doctor, her mother and her girlfriend. Later, that had been amended to include most of the SVU squad, whom she had grown exceedingly fond of, but other people touching her was still not up there on Alex's list of favorite things to do.
Warner steps back, her eyes a little shiny, and shakes her head in disbelief. Ever the consummate professional, though, she picks up a report on the desk she was just sitting at, and hands it to Olivia. "Your victim was sodomized and raped with an object covered in a mix of animal hair," she says. "Some kind of deer, but not anything native, as well as goat hair, and sheep's wool."
Elliot glances at Olivia, who nods as she understands his thought. "Sounds like a petting zoo."
Alex shakes her head. "So what was the object, doctor?"
Warner shakes her head. "Something wider than it was tall, and with some kind of bristles that ripped the hell out of her insides. I wouldn't testify to it, but I'd say probably a hairbrush."
"So someone with access to a petting zoo hairbrush used it to rape and sodomize her," Elliot summarizes.
Nodding, Warner returns to the body on the slab, which is not that of their victim. "That's about right, Detective."
"Anything else?" Olivia asks.
"Just a bit of lubricant from a common brand of condoms," Warner says, not looking at them as she works. "It was on the inside of her thigh. My guess? Perp tried to rape her the conventional way, couldn't for some reason, and then used whatever was nearby."
"Which begs the question of why the hell he was carrying around a hairbrush from a petting zoo," Alex adds.
Elliot grins. "We'll make a detective out of you yet, Cabot."
"Thanks," Alex replies dryly. "I'll think about it. You probably make more money than I did, all that overtime."
Olivia wants to ask what Alex is planning on doing now that she's back and her job's been filled, but she senses that now isn't the time. "That's it, doc?" she asks instead.
"That's it," Warner confirms, looking up from her dead body once more before the door swings shut behind them. "Good to see you, Alex."
Alex smiles, though it looks a little forced. "You too." As soon as the door falls shut behind them, the smile falls off her face, and she looks tired. "I hate this," she says. "All the greetings and shock and surprise and smiling and being happy to be back is getting really tiring."
Olivia lays a hand on her arm in concern. "You want to go somewhere quieter, then?" she asks.
"No." Alex shakes her head. "I'm bored of sitting still, and I'm tired of being alone. I'll be fine."
Elliot leads them all back to the car, and they head off to begin the most painstaking part of their job-- interviewing the victims friends, family and acquaintances.
The parents are the first on the list of people to interview, and Olivia is sure that Alex being there is probably highly unorthodox, but neither she nor Elliot is about to leave her alone. And Alex was an ADA for SVU for nearly four years-- surely Cragen and the DA's office will cover her ass if it gets out that Olivia and Elliot were carting her around to interviews.
The girl that died was barely eighteen, and had just moved out on her own. The way she died represents her parents' worst fears for what could happen to a young girl living in a city like New York all alone. The parents had been sufficiently moneyed that a roommate wasn't necessary, but they had begged her to consider having one, anyway. She had refused, and they had settled for calling her every morning and evening to assuage their fears.
Olivia feels as bad for them as she feels for the victims of every case. Here, the girl is the real victim, but she isn't alive, so the impact is next most felt by the people she left behind. "Did your daughter work with animals regularly?" she asks, when the general questions --did she have any enemies, boyfriends, etc-- have been asked and answered.
Her mother gives her an odd look, but nods slowly from within the confines of her husband's strong arms. "Tanya worked at a petting zoo in the park," she said. "She wanted to be a vet, and it was good experience." She dissolves into tears, and the husband, who doesn't look much better, does his best to console her with pats on the back and whispered platitudes.
"We're so sorry for your loss," Elliot says, and Olivia knows that despite the amount of times a week he says that, he always means it. Sex crimes is not a job a detective can be good at if they don't feel passionately for the victims.
Alex, who has been quiet all this time, rises with them as they go to leave. "We'll call you when we get some leads," Olivia says, handing the husband her card. "Give us a call if you think of anything out of the ordinary that happened to Tanya recently, alright?"
As the two detectives and one ex-ADA clear the walk of the little house, Olivia's attention turns to Alex. "Are you okay?" she asks.
"Huh?" Alex's head snaps around. "Oh. Yeah, I'm fine."
"Missing being the ADA, huh?" Elliot asks with a knowing smile.
"That obvious?" A wry smile crosses Alex's face. "Yeah, I'm missing being the person responsible for putting away the scum that devastated that family."
"Have you given any thought to what you want to do now that you're back?" Olivia asks cautiously, not sure if Alex is ready or willing to talk about this particular subject.
But Alex doesn't appear upset. She just shakes her head slowly. "I don't know. I thought about maybe going into private practice, but I'm not sure it would feel right."
"I'm sure the DA's office would have you back," Elliot offers. "Despite all his whining, Branch was fond of you."
"Serena Southerlyn's replacement isn't working out as well as she might," Olivia says. "You could apply."
Alex's face crinkles in mild distaste. "Grunt work for Jack McCoy and always sitting second chair? I don't think it would be for me."
Elliot laughs. "Probably not. You never were good with taking orders."
"I'm still not," Alex retorts.
Olivia laughs, and luxuriates in the simple pleasure of having Alex back to tease and laugh with.
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