Schwarz Switch
(Chapter 1: Schwarz's Extreme Makeover?)
Disclaimer: No, this still isn't mine. You have no idea how many changes I would have made to the Weiss storyline if it were mine.
Thanks to everyone who reviewed the first chapter. This next one is dedicated to Pocky King Windy because it's his birthday! Happy birthday!
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While 'Crawford' and 'Schuldig' (In reality, the real Nagi and Crawford) were stressing over their new change, 'Farfarello' and 'Nagi' (the real Schuldig and Farfarello) were watching the latest edition of Makeovers Extreme. It was a secret tradition among Schwarz to watch every episode that came out. Even when they went out at night, they set the VCR so the episode would be taped and they could watch it later. Of course, neither the real Schuldig nor the real Farfarello knew what was going on. In fact, Schuldig thought he was looking at Nagi. He had no idea who was really inside that mind.
The only thing Schuldig was wondering was where Farfarello and Crawford were. Both of them were major fans of this show too. He just remembered Nagi shoving them into a bathroom together and that was it. Then Nagi led away to the living room and turned the TV on. They fell quiet and ignored the other two in the bathroom because this was Makeovers Extreme! This was the best show in all of Japan and they would not miss a minute of it. Tough luck for Crawford and Farfarello. As they waited for the show to start, however, Schuldig kept thinking about Crawford. The two of them were having an affair behind everyone's back (except for Farfarello and Nagi) and the fact that his Crawford was stuck with crazy Farfarello made him feel uneasy. What was going on?
Maybe I am going crazy. What would my Braddy see in Farfie anyway? Schuldig wondered. I clearly have the better goods! Ha ha!
"Where did Farf and Braddy Daddy go, Naggles?" Schuldig asked, using the nicknames that Crawford and Nagi hated. That's when he started to realize something was different. His voice sounded strange. Instead of a German accent, he sounded Irish. Then he shook his head and forgot about it. Considering all the mind tricks he played on other people, it wouldn't be a surprise if his mind was playing a trick on him. Or perhaps he was being paranoid.
"In the bathroom." Nagi smirked. But it wasn't a usual smirk. Nagi looked almost psychotic with that smile and he wasn't angry about being called 'Naggles' either. "They're making God suffer."
Schuldig looked at Nagi strangely. Then he shook his head. Someone was hanging around Farfarello too much. But are you serious about them making God suffer? And how are they making him suffer, may I ask?
If Nagi heard him, he made no indication of listening. Again, it was not a surprise because Makeovers Extreme had just started. Nagi began humming the theme song and watching as hoards of ugly people were turned into beautiful models. Then the announcer came on.
"Today on Makeovers Extreme, the breast reduction special! Watch as one woman goes from double D to single B! But first, remember our friend Junko from last month?" A picture of a rather plump woman with a sagging chest and dark spots all over her body came up. Schuldig almost gagged at the sight of her. "Well, she's returned and we're going to show you her new look! She lived for weeks with no mirror and she never went outside to do anything! Well, we'll see her now! She did it all, from the facelift to the tummy tuck! Not to mention we added some juice to her caboose and collagen to her lips! We'll reveal the new Junko after a commercial break."
"Finally!" Schuldig exclaimed as the TV went into commercials. He still sounded rather strange saying that word but it didn't bother him right away. "They can't make her worse than what she already is!"
"It was God's fault." Nagi muttered. "He does this to his people. He makes them unattractive and unwilling to accept themselves. He doesn't care that they suffer because of their bad looks. He punishes them for no reason. He makes them fat, ugly, and out of proportion. He is responsible for their unhappiness."
Schuldig stared at Nagi for a long time. "You okay, chibi?"
"I'm fine. I'm just angry at God! Look at all these victims! I know they loathe God too! He did this to them!" Nagi shrieked. "So they're resisting him by changing what God gave them!" Then Nagi began to laugh but it didn't sound normal. He was almost acting like Farfarello with all the talk about God being unfair. Schuldig just shrugged.
"Sure, chibi." Schuldig looked down at his hands and caught the second wrong thing with this picture. His hands were horribly scarred like the ones on some Makeovers Extreme people. They were cut and bruised and badly shaped. He tried to remember the last hand injury he had. It was a bad moment.
Did I put my hand in a blender or something? He wondered. He wasn't stupid enough to do something like that. He couldn't remember the last time he cooked or cut up something. And the wounds certainly didn't come from fighting Weiss. If anything, it looked like he had cut himself.
Impossible! I'm not crazy like Farf. I wouldn't do something like that. Don't you agree, Nagi-wagi? Schuldig asked telepathically. Nagi didn't answer. And that became the third wrong thing with the whole picture. He couldn't hear Nagi's thoughts no matter how hard he tried to tap into his mind. All he got was silence. Nagi made no motion of hearing Schuldig. He just sat and watched Makeovers Extreme come back on. When it did, he jumped up and down.
"Junko will get her revenge!" He exclaimed with glee, rubbing his hands. "Take that, God! I knew you couldn't win in the end!"
"Um, Naggles?"
"Not now, evil twin of mine! God will suffer for this first!" Nagi stared at the TV screen and watched as a beautiful woman walked on screen. He whistled and cheered with delight. "Yes! God is crying for his evil plan to make Junko ugly has failed!"
Huh? Evil twin? What was Nagi rambling about now? Schuldig looked down at himself. And that's when he knew something was very wrong indeed! He was wearing all of Farfarello's clothes! In fact, this body appeared to be Farfarello's instead of his. But this can't be! I'm Schuldig! I have to be Schuldig! Why am I wearing Farf's outfit?! Why can't I listen to anyone's thoughts? Am I going crazy?!
Then he began to put everything together. His voice didn't sound familiar because it wasn't his. It was Farfarello's. The hands also belonged to Farfarello and he must have cut them when he was 'hurting God' again. The clothes belonged to Farfarello. It was almost as if he was_
"Stop everything!" Crawford yelled, bursting into the room. And behind him was another Schuldig, which caused the real one to gasp. This other Schuldig gasped as well when he saw who was in the living room. He nearly collapsed to the floor but was able to deliver himself in an armchair. "We managed to break out of the bathroom in time! You will not believe what has happened!"
"About time you came." Nagi said, ignoring everything. "You missed Junko's new look. Oh well, you're in time for the breast reduction."
"I don't care about that! Something strange is going on!"
"No, really." Schuldig in Farfarello's clothes asked, crossing his arms. "I've already figured something strange was going on. You tell me what I'm doing in Farf's clothes, who that imposter is behind my Brad, and why I sound like Farf. The last time I checked, I had my own outfit. There was only one Schuldig in this house. And I sounded like myself. I have that beautiful German accent instead of this strange Irish one."
"You want answers? Look at this!" The other Schuldig held up a small mirror. 'Schuldig' gasped when saw who stared back at him. It was Farfarello! He began to make all kinds of faces. Farfarello's reflection began making those same faces.
"You're kidding me." 'Farfarello', formally Schuldig, said. "Come on! This has got to be a bad dream that we're all having!"
"I wish it was." 'Schuldig' sighed. "But I know it isn't. I'm in your body, Schu. You're in Farfarello. Nagi is in my body. And Farfarello is in Nagi's."
"Farfarello is in my body?!" 'Crawford' squeaked in a voice no one, not even the real Crawford, knew he had. "Oh no! This is bad! This is very bad!" He began to tear out his hair.
"Watch it!" 'Schuldig' yelled. "I just dyed it this morning!"
"I don't care!" 'Crawford' shouted. "This is wrong! This is wrong! How am I going to explain this?!"
"Is something wrong?" 'Nagi' asked innocently. He said that only to make God suffer by watching 'Crawford' go crazy. Makeovers Extreme wasn't the only way to hurt God, after all.
"Of course something's wrong!" 'Crawford' shouted. Then he pulled down his pants and underwear so that everyone could see his bare behind. 'Schuldig' cringed as 'Farfarello' and 'Nagi' gasped. "Does this look like it belongs to me?"
"Um, Nagi?" The other Schuldig tried to say. But it was no use. 'Farfarello' and 'Nagi' were just staring at 'Crawford'. They looked at each other. And then shook their heads.
"Nope, Naggles, that definitely isn't yours." 'Farfarello' said. "I should know. I've seen it a million times before. I'm shocked on one thing though. There's no stick up that butt anymore. Did you take out the stick in my Braddy's butt, Nagi-wagi? That's not right because only I'm allowed to touch it." Farfarello smirked.
"Ugh, no!" 'Crawford' looked disgusted. "Why would I do that? Keep all the sticks to yourself!"
"Schu! Nagi!" 'Schuldig' hissed. "Can't you see we're in the middle of a crisis here?"
"I can only see out of one eye, darling." 'Farfarello' said. It felt strange but he suddenly knew why his vision was somewhat impaired. It hadn't hit him until now. "And yes, I know we're in the middle of a crisis. What are you doing with my sexy body, may I ask?"
"That's what I want to know! I want to know how I got in your body and why Nagi is in mine! And why are you in Farfarello's body?"
"Beats me. Anyway, all that does explain why Nagi was so excited about cutting his arms tonight."
"Cutting my
arms?" 'Crawford' looked pale. "But I'm not immune to pain!"
"I know." 'Nagi' held up his arm, which had a long red scratch across it. "I ran it through water and almost howled. I thought God was playing a trick on me like he has done in the past."
"Well, I don't know if it's God but someone did play a trick on us!" 'Schuldig' fumed. "It must be Esset or Weiss! They are probably laughing at us now as we speak!"
"How can they be laughing at us?" 'Crawford' asked. "They probably don't know what happened either! No one knows what happened!"
"I'm not sure but I feel like they are to blame!" 'Schuldig' snapped. "Wait till I get my hands on them! I am going to make them pay for this torture! Do you know that Nagi and I were in a bathroom together and couldn't get out, no thanks to Farfarello? And you didn't help either, Schu! Where is my boyfriend when I need him?"
"Well, I thought you wanted to be there to do_" 'Farfarello' blushed. "I thought you were doing the number 1 or 2."
"Not when Nagi is in the bathroom with me! And besides", 'Schuldig's' voice grew soft, "the only one I want to spend time in the bathroom with is you."
'Farfarello' blushed again. "Aw, Braddy, you romantic!"
"This is terrible!" 'Crawford' ignored them and moaned. "What else can go wrong?!"
"Look at what I can do!" 'Nagi' laughed maniacally. Everyone turned to see that 'Nagi' was making the table float in the air. 'Crawford' looked horrified. "This is so much fun! Oh, think of the damage I can do to God with this power! The possibilities are infinite!"
"Oh no." 'Farfarello' said. "Tell me we did not also switch powers. Tell me we did not switch powers!"
"Farfarello has my telekinesis?!" 'Crawford' gasped. "No! He'll abuse that power!"
"Oh, I do not want to know what other people are thinking!" 'Schuldig' groaned. "I refuse to use this telepathy! What am I going to do with it anyway?"
There was crash from behind them. The three of them turned around to see that 'Nagi' had lost control of the table and let it fall to the ground. It was now broken in half. 'Nagi' could only shrug sheepishly.
"Sorry." He said, not sounding sorry at all. "But you must admit that it made God jump."
'Crawford' groaned. "This is going to be a very bad week for us."
"I didn't even need to read your mind to know that." 'Schuldig' added.
TBC…
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(I apologize for the shortness of this chapter but seeing that Windy's birthday is today, I had to hurry. Please forgive any mistakes you find. Thanks. Next chapter will be up soon. Here's a chart of who's inside whom.)
BODY MIND
Crawford Nagi
Schuldig Crawford
Nagi Farfarello
Farfarello Schuldig
Did that confuse you more or does it make sense? The name with 'this' around it's someone's mind. Like if it says 'Schuldig', it is actually Crawford talking. Capisce? Good, explain it to me.
Read, review, be respectful, be true!
